[yellow_fleurs]

Today was mostly spent working on building a shed with other people from my community garden. It was quite a task, we were there all day! It was nice to do something productive and be social, though. Plus the sun was probably good for my mental health. I also had acupuncture and cleaned. I treated myself to a taro bubble tea after the garden. It is one of my favorite types.I am tired now, but my energy levels overall are good. I think the exercise has been helping boost my energy. I feel like the past couple of years I've been in survival mode and I would like to get more involved in things and volunteer for example now that I have a bit of energy and have more "good" days.
Sending compassion to everyone, especially those struggling.

[yellow_fleurs]

TheSeaCat all great news! I am very happy for you and please post any time with positive updates.

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hi Rose,

Sorry you have had a bad night. I think you might well have a few while doing trauma work?

I am also sorry your sister cannot go through some of the family history with you. I do think she may be feeling like she must protect herself from some of the memories. That is not such a "bad" thing. It is her coping mechanism and she feels she needs to take this stance for now. she needs to do whatever she needs to do to be safe.

I am sorry you both have not chosen to address your family trauma at the same time as one another; however, it is rare, in my experience, that sisters do this work within the same exact timing. Often, a sibling will choose to never take the same approach as other siblings.

If you choose this for yourself, then this is your chosen path. Others can assist us on our paths only to the extent that is does not hamper their own path and their own well-being.

I know you want support from your sister. Maybe think of some other ways she lends support without going through the trauma work with you?
I hope there are other ways she does support you. (I think there might be.)

I hope you have a better night tonight!

She will never address the trauma. She lives in la la land. She has really bad tremors and I know partly it's due to all the trauma she went through. Oh well.

I'm really angry at her right now for many reasons. Too many to type out on my phone. Yes she supports me as long as I live in la la land too.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Today was mostly spent working on building a shed with other people from my community garden. It was quite a task, we were there all day! It was nice to do something productive and be social, though. Plus the sun was probably good for my mental health. I also had acupuncture and cleaned. I treated myself to a taro bubble tea after the garden. It is one of my favorite types.I am tired now, but my energy levels overall are good. I think the exercise has been helping boost my energy. I feel like the past couple of years I've been in survival mode and I would like to get more involved in things and volunteer for example now that I have a bit of energy and have more "good" days.
Sending compassion to everyone, especially those struggling.

I am very happy for you!

I admire the spirit of people involved in the community gardening projects.
It's wonderful you could all get together to build the shed! I can recall some community "barn raising(s)" in rural areas of my state when I was a child. it was quite a sight to see and an amazing overall experience as well!

It sounds like you have had a rewarding day!
I am so glad things are going well!
I hope you will keep us posted!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

Hi all, I realize it has been a while since I have checked in. Sorry about that; but life is keeping me busy. Plus, it always feels a little odd posting a happy update when I read that so many of you are struggling. I have been good medication wise and life wise. This Trintellix is just wonderful at keeping my depression away from me; that cloud has left and all that I see is sunshine. I feel much clearer thought wise than I ever did with Seroquel; plus I haven't had one side effect with the Trintellix.


I started a different position in the company almost two months ago; shortly after earning my Bachelor's Degree. I am still with the same great company; but it's a different position working with the CEO of the clinics. It's different, but I really like what I am doing.


M and I are still doing great together. We are living together; we are both still madly in love. He is healed from his back surgery and it's like nothing even happened with his back.


M and I have a vacation coming up and we are both excited to get away from work for a happier occasion than surgery; plus I am just ready to get away for a little while since now I know nothing bad is going to happen to me health wise. I am on medication that works for my depression and a medication that has my heart under control. I typically run in the upper 80's granted pretty recently my Fitbit did show a 75 which is just nice to see.

I love seeing great news !!!

So happy for you

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I'm doing alright. Had better days/weeks, but still not bad.


I kinda want to stop taking my antipsychotic. I only started feeling better/stable when I started taking sertraline recently, so I want to see what I feel like without the antipsychotic. I did take it last night, though. I've just been wondering this for a while now. It's not like the antipsychotic does anything positive for me anymore anyways.


I made myself some waffles from scratch this morning at my parents' house, so that was nice. Everyone enjoyed them.


I'm currently trying to see if I can take some time off from work, because I'm rather stressed atm. That's why I'm only doing "alright" and not good or great. I have sooooo much work to do, though, and it's all piling up on me. I may have to work this weekend, too, just to make up for things. That's the only thing that's holding me back from taking time off from work.

Wish you were doing great but work piling up would start to feel daunting.

My advice would be to just stay on your meds as prescribed, you have been doing really well for a while and I’d hate to see you backslide

Oh my homemade waffles !! Yummm!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

So sorry everyone. I keep seeing posts and intending to go back and answer and I just don't make it. I'm still sick and done with my 2nd round of antibiotics. I assume I'll be sent to a GI doctor this week.

I'm now at 4 weeks and 1 day of being sick. Too long. I know the NP is doing what she can but I want my real doctor. He's doing something for the hospital and only works part-time so I couldn't get in to see him without waiting weeks. So the NP it was. And she seemed great, I just have had my doctor for 15 years and I drive an hour just to see him at that practice. I trust him and he'd know if there was something really exotic going on which is of course a possibility. They tl med students if you hear hoof beats don't think it's a zebra, think it's a horse but this time I think I'm a zebra.

Hmm, a rainbow colored zebra.........

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I'm trying to fight the cravings on seroquel for food when I'm not hungry, it's difficult

One thing that might help, it’s worked a lot for me in the past, is brushing my teeth when I really am dying to eat outside of meal times.

For me it’s a combination of fresh clean teeth and the mint taste, then id often remind myself “ but you just brushed and flossed”

So many people quit meds because of the non stop hunger. Big Pharma needs to do better !!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

Thank you so much Christina for your reply. You're so generous and thoughtful in your replies to people in distress I really admire you...


It actually wasn't the therapist who suggested that he be able to show his anger, such as he does, with those he feels 'safe' with (my mother, me, and his girlfriend), it was his girlfriend. Not only is this patently absurd, but clearly he has behaved this way towards her as well, and she frankly sounds like someone making excuses for an abuser...


My mother can actually get to her appointments, or most of them, without my help. She has a friend who can sometimes take her, one of her homecare attendants, or the home care agency can send someone else. The problem is that, though she is generally still cognitively intact, she does forget what happens at her appointments, and isn't good at giving her medical history (again, because she forgets), and she's not good at advocating for herself. I work in healthcare, and I've seen what poor care people like her can receive when they don't have family helping out. So that's why I feel I need to go.


My brother and I were able to have a long, mature conversation about my mother's care the other day. That was a plus. Generally, when we discuss things, I feel so much control on his part, and him pushing me hard to do one thing over another. His girlfriend said that he has 'no sense of self.' I asked my therapist about this, and she said that he having meltdowns can partly explain this: he takes everything personally, as an assault on a very shaky foundation that is his fragile sense of self. I'm, in fact, discovering more and more, through what his girlfriend has said, what his girlfriend has said the therapist has said (no sense of self came from her), and from his behavior, that he might be suffering from BPD. I wish he would get the proper therapy for that instead of PTSD therapy, and a PTSD therapy that apparently does not encourage him to take responsibility for his behavior or learn healthy ways of expressing his emotions. At least that's my impression of his therapy, and certainly the results from it.

Your so welcome

I so understand about health care, I worked in it all my life and I have seen many people get substandard care without someone to advocate for them, it’s terrible.

I’m glad you were able to have a useful conversation. I hope he does one day press for more appropriate help. It’s hard to watch and very difficult to deal with a person when they always feel attacked when there is no one actually doing it.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by otroo

Doing good on Latuda and have been for the last 2 years. Hot back last weekend from a 2 week trip and I am still doing well I usually get depressed after coming back from a vacation.

So glad you enjoyed your vacation!!!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Today has been fine. Last night I made an amazing eggplant Parmesan. I also made a fresh cherry almond bread that knocked both hubby's and my socks off. It's probably one of the yummiest sweet breads I've ever made.

I did several chores in and outside of the house. I also created three dried flower arrangements. Flower arranging is a hobby of mine.

I'm procrastinating responding to a blogger that contacted me on Thursday. He wants me to write some posts for a psychology-related website. The fact is, I haven't written much for my own blog in recent months. I know I can type a lot here, but I've struggled to write more formal pieces.

You have been busy busy !!! Eggplant Parm AND cherry almond bread ???? Oh my goodness that sounds delicious!

If you ever invited me to dinner I’d never refuse

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Today was mostly spent working on building a shed with other people from my community garden. It was quite a task, we were there all day! It was nice to do something productive and be social, though. Plus the sun was probably good for my mental health. I also had acupuncture and cleaned. I treated myself to a taro bubble tea after the garden. It is one of my favorite types.I am tired now, but my energy levels overall are good. I think the exercise has been helping boost my energy. I feel like the past couple of years I've been in survival mode and I would like to get more involved in things and volunteer for example now that I have a bit of energy and have more "good" days.

Sending compassion to everyone, especially those struggling.

Sounds like a wonderful day !! I’m so happy your feeling better. Yes exercise is very beneficial !

Taro bubble tea?? Good stuff ?

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

So sorry everyone. I keep seeing posts and intending to go back and answer and I just don't make it. I'm still sick and done with my 2nd round of antibiotics. I assume I'll be sent to a GI doctor this week.

I'm now at 4 weeks and 1 day of being sick. Too long. I know the NP is doing what she can but I want my real doctor. He's doing something for the hospital and only works part-time so I couldn't get in to see him without waiting weeks. So the NP it was. And she seemed great, I just have had my doctor for 15 years and I drive an hour just to see him at that practice. I trust him and he'd know if there was something really exotic going on which is of course a possibility. They tl med students if you hear hoof beats don't think it's a zebra, think it's a horse but this time I think I'm a zebra.

Hmm, a rainbow colored zebra.........

Oh, no need for you to apologize! I am so sorry you are still ill! Yes. absolutely time to see the doctor! I hope the doc brings his "A Game" and figures it out right away. i also hope you heal easily and rapidly.

Yes, a rainbow colored zebra! Cute!!!
I am here for you anytime.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

So sorry everyone. I keep seeing posts and intending to go back and answer and I just don't make it. I'm still sick and done with my 2nd round of antibiotics. I assume I'll be sent to a GI doctor this week.


I'm now at 4 weeks and 1 day of being sick. Too long. I know the NP is doing what she can but I want my real doctor. He's doing something for the hospital and only works part-time so I couldn't get in to see him without waiting weeks. So the NP it was. And she seemed great, I just have had my doctor for 15 years and I drive an hour just to see him at that practice. I trust him and he'd know if there was something really exotic going on which is of course a possibility. They tl med students if you hear hoof beats don't think it's a zebra, think it's a horse but this time I think I'm a zebra.


Hmm, a rainbow colored zebra.........

Yes time to definitely see a GI. You have been sick far to long.

Yes time for Zebra testing

[Wander]

I think I am starting to become depressed. It hurts in some strange way. I have been alone too much as well. Not fun.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Wander

I think I am starting to become depressed. It hurts in some strange way. I have been alone too much as well. Not fun.

It could be that the Med changes are settling in ? Ptsd?

When I have been a hot mess once things start to calm down I get a bit of a depressed feeling but mostly it’s just that my head is no longer screaming loud and I need a bit of time to ease back into my routine.

What type of hurt?

[Wander]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

It could be that the Med changes are settling in ? Ptsd?

When I have been a hot mess once things start to calm down I get a bit of a depressed feeling but mostly it’s just that my head is no longer screaming loud and I need a bit of time to ease back into my routine.

What type of hurt?

Could be either. I am hoping it settles down soon. The hurt is like the physical feeling of grief.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Sounds like a wonderful day !! IÂ’m so happy your feeling better. Yes exercise is very beneficial !

Taro bubble tea?? Good stuff ?

Thanks so much Christina!

Yes, taro is one of favorites. My friend introduced me to taro, her family is from the Philippines. Taro is a root common in southeast Asia. For bubble tea they make it into an iced milky drink with tapioca balls. Maybe not for everyone, but I'd recommend trying it out to anyone who is gets the chance.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by Wander

I think I am starting to become depressed. It hurts in some strange way. I have been alone too much as well. Not fun.

Depression really can be quite painful I have found, and sometimes it feels like grief to me, too. Although I guess sometimes when I grieve something it feels like depression, too. I also found I generally felt depressed after having a mixed episode on Lexapro, if that's what it really was. Like my brain and body kind of felt like it had the flu and I was just a little off kilter for a while even though I wasn't in a mixed episode any longer. I however am not dealing with the PTSD you experience so I am sure that affects you in many ways I cannot understand.

I am sorry you are feeling this way. I hope you can spend some time with people soon and not be alone too much. Is the meditation retreat still a plan for the future? If so, how are you feeling about that?

Originally Posted by ~Christina

You have been busy busy !!! Eggplant Parm AND cherry almond bread ???? Oh my goodness that sounds delicious!

If you ever invited me to dinner I’d never refuse

I would love to cook and bake for you, Christina! I enjoy doing so for friends.

Today is lovely in my neck of the woods. We're going to go to Lowe's and pick out a new faucet for our new sink. They measure for our new quartz counter tomorrow. It's about time. I am eager to have a prettier kitchen.

I've been feeling better these last few days. I usually do when hubby is home. We'll be busy this coming week. I'll be putting things out for the Vietnam Vets org to pick up, posting some things on an online yard sale site, and then cleaning up the garage. I can't wait to finally get my car back in there. My car is always cooler when it's in there.

[Jedi67]

woke up after roughly 6 hours of sleep. didn't take a klonopin last night, just some tea and melatonin. slept ok, I think. was having a bunch of weird dreams that would wake me up. I'm a little sluggish and but clear headed. a little bit of anxiety so I may take a .5 of klonopin after I take my daughter to work. just checking in, gang. hope everyone is doing well.

Doing well. Thinking about things I can't say here because I've shared elsewhere and anonymity issues, but I've got BIG things coming up. Very stressful things coming up that last for four years (hint hint). My mind is pretty messy though. But it's all good. I don't know. Big hugs to all

[hopeless2015]

Doing good. Home from our overnight trip to St. Louis. Had fun..we always do. My legs are sore from all the walking though, totally worth it and I sure as hell need the exercise.

Hugs to all

[fern46]

Originally Posted by spikes

Doing well. Thinking about things I can't say here because I've shared elsewhere and anonymity issues, but I've got BIG things coming up. Very stressful things coming up that last for four years (hint hint). My mind is pretty messy though. But it's all good. I don't know. Big hugs to all

I'm so happy to see this update from you. You were brave and stuck through the hard times and now it sounds like things are turning for the better. Good luck to you on your big endeavor. I'm excited for you!

[Daonnachd]

I was feeling low so I decided to go for a descent on my bike, nevermind the problem of getting back to the top of the mountain on which I live. The descent is a hairy one, steep with lots of tight curves, cracks, and potholes. It's a good adrenaline generator. Oh, it felt wonderful. Top to bottom it's about a thousand feet vertical, then I have to climb back up to go home. It was a good exercise in determination. It was exhausting. I don't know what neurotransmitters are released with strenuous physical activity, but I got a fair dose of them in addition to the adrenaline.


Now that I'm home I've read some poetry on gratefulness to my wife as I do every day. Next I'm doing dishes and other chores with my son. Blessings upon the geology which resulted in steep-sided volcanoes.