Wild Coyote, I hope you and everyone else will get a good night's sleep. Just your intent is a helpful step. Though it doesn't always work, sometimes I have good success just turning all lights off (I love total darkness) and saying "You are going to go to sleep now." Then I try to think of nothingness. Not in a bad or scary sense. Just consciously turn my thinking off. I challenge myself to not think. Moments pass, and very often...

Zzzzzzzz

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Wild Coyote, I hope you and everyone else will get a good night's sleep. Just your intent is a helpful step. Though it doesn't always work, sometimes I have good success just turning all lights off (I love total darkness) and saying "You are going to go to sleep now." Then I try to think of nothingness. Not in a bad or scary sense. Just consciously turn my thinking off. I challenge myself to not think. Moments pass, and very often...

Zzzzzzzz

Great suggestion!!!

Yes, I, too, think clear intentions can be helpful. While clear intention is a piece of the puzzle, it may not be adequate for all of the contributing factors, at times. However, I think clear intention(s) can be quite powerful!!!

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Wild Coyote, I hope you and everyone else will get a good night's sleep. Just your intent is a helpful step. Though it doesn't always work, sometimes I have good success just turning all lights off (I love total darkness) and saying "You are going to go to sleep now." Then I try to think of nothingness. Not in a bad or scary sense. Just consciously turn my thinking off. I challenge myself to not think. Moments pass, and very often...

Zzzzzzzz

It took me a long time to be comfortable with nothingness. I read that the western philosophy and lifestyle is very uncomfortable with zen and nothingness. The eastern philosophy is much more comfortable with that state. I don't know if that's true or not for westerners but it was true for me.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Nammu

It took me a long time to be comfortable with nothingness. I read that the western philosophy and lifestyle is very uncomfortable with zen and nothingness. The eastern philosophy is much more comfortable with that state. I don't know if that's true or not for westerners but it was true for me.

I think it takes quite awhile to achieve the state of Nothingness. It feels amazing to feel "chatter free" in the brain!

Just quiet. Peace and quiet.

[TheSeaCat]

Hi all and update from me today. Worked from home today; it was either that or show up to the office in a pair of scrubs and I didn't think my boss would like that to much. So I worked from my couch; and had four worried animals watching over me. R brings over Bear sometimes so he isn't alone in the house and he has other animals to play with. Shep (German Shepherd) would walk beside me if I had to get off the couch for anything; I guess he was worried I was going to fall or something. I appreciated him walking beside me making sure I was okay. I enjoy working from home on occasion; I also talked to my boss and I also get to work from home tomorrow too. The meds are working but it still hurts to put much weight on that knee.

M and I really are a pair with his back and my knee.

[LadyShadow]

I have a plan for a new pdoc in my neighborhood to save me some money in the long run.

New computer came today as well as a laptop from my school which is so amazing. I can't believe how lucky I am.

Decided to just move forward and look to the future and leave all the ugliness behind me. Won't press charges against that company, I will just move forward.

[Wander]

This last few days I have been exhausted. Not a return of bad Fibromyalgia I hope. Along with that I am a little depressed and out of sorts. I feel like I am going nowhere. No job, can't study anymore due to cognitive issues. This leaves me with WAY too much time on my hands. I am wracking my brain trying to think of 'projects' to do but no ideas come. So I watch TV, surf the net, and occasionally interact with other humans. I am way too isolated.

Tiredness and low motivation hold me back. Often I just stare into space. The PTSD is still there but anxiety is under control. The best thing I do is exercise an hour a day, including walks on the beach and connecting with nature. It seems all I can manage is survive. It takes all I have to do that. I want more from life. Tomorrow I start Trauma Focused Yoga. I am hoping that will help me turn things around.

[Jedi67]

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

I have a plan for a new pdoc in my neighborhood to save me some money in the long run.

New computer came today as well as a laptop from my school which is so amazing. I can't believe how lucky I am.

Decided to just move forward and look to the future and leave all the ugliness behind me. Won't press charges against that company, I will just move forward.

glad to see that there are some positive things happening! good for you!

Well, I got a whopping 5 hrs of sleep when I normally get 10. I wish my sleep wasn’t so screwy.

I’m doing pretty well otherwise. I just wish I could sleep because I haven’t been able to these past few days. Oh well. This is expected when going off meds that sedate you.

[Jedi67]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Well, I got a whopping 5 hrs of sleep when I normally get 10. I wish my sleep wasn’t so screwy.

I’m doing pretty well otherwise. I just wish I could sleep because I haven’t been able to these past few days. Oh well. This is expected when going off meds that sedate you.

sorry your sleep is so off, bluebicycle. mine is off as well. I'm wide awake right now all night. I've been drinking tea and taking melatonin. I was prescribed klonopin for sleep but don't want to be too dependent on it. I want to use it only for anxiety and panic as needed. I think I may start using over the counter meds for sleep with melatonin. I do have ambien lined up for sleep only 5mg but it may help if I double up. hope you can get rest soon! all the best!

[Scooter9]

I started 450mg of Wellbutrin today. So I'm maxed out on that now while maxed on Latuda (I have been for a while).

I hope I don't get kicked into mania again this time. I got my bipolar diagnosis after I went manic on this exact dose years ago. The difference this time is the Latuda. My pdoc feels I'll be ok this time.

I guess I'll find out what happens in a couple of weeks. I hope it works out this time.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

I started 450mg of Wellbutrin today. So I'm maxed out on that now while maxed on Latuda (I have been for a while).

I hope I don't get kicked into mania again this time. I got my bipolar diagnosis after I went manic on this exact dose years ago. The difference this time is the Latuda. My pdoc feels I'll be ok this time.

I guess I'll find out what happens in a couple of weeks. I hope it works out this time.

Wishing you all the best with this Scooter. I know what it feels like to fear a manic relapse. I try to remind myself that I know the symptoms now and I will hopefully catch anything out of the norm before it spirals out of control. My doctor assures me we can manage it with meds if I can see it coming. You know what to look for now. Hopefully you won't have to face mania again, but perhaps it will be an easier experience this time if you do.

Originally Posted by Jedi67

sorry your sleep is so off, bluebicycle. mine is off as well. I'm wide awake right now all night. I've been drinking tea and taking melatonin. I was prescribed klonopin for sleep but don't want to be too dependent on it. I want to use it only for anxiety and panic as needed. I think I may start using over the counter meds for sleep with melatonin. I do have ambien lined up for sleep only 5mg but it may help if I double up. hope you can get rest soon! all the best!

I don’t think I’ll be able to get rest for a while. I’m wide awake. I’m not manic though, or even hypomanic. Just not tired because I’m so used to being sedated.

I’ve heard Benadryl works well for sleep in some people, so you can try asking the pharmacist about that if you don’t want to take more ambien or if it doesn’t work.

I know if I start taking OTC stuff, I’ll grow dependent on it (it’s just how I am), so I’m staying away from that. I used to have a klonopin Rx for sleep, but I lost it because I never use it anyways. But I’m also trying to be on less meds overall, so going back on klonopin would defeat the purpose of what I’m trying to do.

I’m sure I’ll eventually be able to get some rest. I just don’t know when. I have to be tired first.

Checking in. Picked up the meds I'm not taking. Irritable but it's better than the alternative. Maybe I'll start a band like Papa Roach. My brain FEELS f**ked up. Ffs I want to get stoned. I saw a bug that wasn't there on the wall this morning, that means it's working.

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

I have a plan for a new pdoc in my neighborhood to save me some money in the long run.

New computer came today as well as a laptop from my school which is so amazing. I can't believe how lucky I am.

Decided to just move forward and look to the future and leave all the ugliness behind me. Won't press charges against that company, I will just move forward.

Moving forward sounds great! As for your company, if you've made a decision, celebrate that you've made it. I'm sorry that you have been hurt by them. I agree that sometimes some things aren't even worth pressing about, if they continue to hurt us further.

Originally Posted by Wander

This last few days I have been exhausted. Not a return of bad Fibromyalgia I hope. Along with that I am a little depressed and out of sorts. I feel like I am going nowhere. No job, can't study anymore due to cognitive issues. This leaves me with WAY too much time on my hands. I am wracking my brain trying to think of 'projects' to do but no ideas come. So I watch TV, surf the net, and occasionally interact with other humans. I am way too isolated.

Tiredness and low motivation hold me back. Often I just stare into space. The PTSD is still there but anxiety is under control. The best thing I do is exercise an hour a day, including walks on the beach and connecting with nature. It seems all I can manage is survive. It takes all I have to do that. I want more from life. Tomorrow I start Trauma Focused Yoga. I am hoping that will help me turn things around.

I can relate to your current situation with fatigue and low motivation. I'm glad you are at least thinking about projects. I hope you will continue to do so. I know that sometimes inspiration comes hard, but it can come unexpectedly. Of course I can't suggest any projects for you, but have you tried an "I wish this was done" or a "Wouldn't be nice if..." Even doing one teeny thing with any of those answers might help get the ball rolling. As they say, often the hardest part in motivation is the start.

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Well, I got a whopping 5 hrs of sleep when I normally get 10. I wish my sleep wasn’t so screwy.

I’m doing pretty well otherwise. I just wish I could sleep because I haven’t been able to these past few days. Oh well. This is expected when going off meds that sedate you.

I can definitely imagine how going off a sedating med would affect your sleep. Honestly, if I went off my Seroquel XR, I'd probably get far fewer hours sleep than 5. Perhaps tonight or tomorrow night you'll get 6 hours. I think 6 hours sleep is even the average amount for most people (without bipolar disorder). I know that my husband thrives on only 5 or 6 hours, though he doesn't have bipolar disorder.

Originally Posted by Scooter9

I started 450mg of Wellbutrin today. So I'm maxed out on that now while maxed on Latuda (I have been for a while).

I hope I don't get kicked into mania again this time. I got my bipolar diagnosis after I went manic on this exact dose years ago. The difference this time is the Latuda. My pdoc feels I'll be ok this time.

I guess I'll find out what happens in a couple of weeks. I hope it works out this time.

Good luck with the Wellbutrin increase, Scooter! I remember you writing that you might have the increase. I will look forward to updates from you about that. I was put on Latuda not too long ago. I'm only on a small dose compared to your larger one, but am curious to see how well it works at preventing hypomania/mania.

Originally Posted by spikes

Checking in. Picked up the meds I'm not taking. Irritable but it's better than the alternative. Maybe I'll start a band like Papa Roach. My brain FEELS f**ked up. Ffs I want to get stoned. I saw a bug that wasn't there on the wall this morning, that means it's working.

I hope things get back on track for you soon, spikes. Starting a band sounds cool to me.

After reading Wander's post, I kind of realized that I have been having some periods of recent days with low/no motivation, and others with incredibly high motivation. It is a bit concerning to me that my moods are fluctuating like that within the same day. That's not usual for me. Then the last week or so of nights, I've had a marked increase in sleep. I'm struggling to get up in the mornings. Poor hubby has been making his breakfast himself, instead of me making it. I've also waged a fatwa against certain breakfast foods that I'd normally eat at 6:45 or 7:00 am. So, I instead skip breakfast at that time other than just coffee and OJ. I've been making myself nicer breakfasts at 10 am. I made a Dutch Baby with berries both this morning and yesterday morning. The day before I went to Burger King for a breakfast. Not a good move!

Today I have to do some stuff to prepare for my brother coming to dinner. My plan is to make a small cake, clean up the kitchen, and then make a nice dinner for him. He's coming at 5:30 pm. I truly need a full shower, too. I'm looking terrible. I WILL make an appointment for a hair cut for perhaps next Tuesday. Yesterday, a young guy (maybe 17 years old) rang my bell. He was promoting a local political candidate. He was pleasant and luckily he promoted candidates I'm sure to vote for. When I closed the door, I looked at a mirror just to my left. I looked like a scary crazy wild woman. I was like "Umm, maybe it's time to do something with yourself!"

[Nammu]

I hear ya on the maybe it's time to do something with yer self. My last hair cut was last year and the grey is taking over. It's just grey in the front tho, not all over. Seriously thought about getting grey dye and going grey all over. I'm the baby in the family and have more grey than either of my sisters.....or mum. She's 92 and still has all dark hair. Doesn't look her age at all. I think BP ages you.

My totally useless trivia quiz book came today! So excited. I'm going to go though it and read it, guess the answers then look them up, put it away and then go though it again testing my memory and marking the answers that time. I love knowing totally useless info!

[Jedi67]

feeling manic today. no sleep. tons of energy. racy thoughts, agitation and everything else but the kitchen sink. took some klonopin and geodon. trying to keep my butt in my chair and watch a movie. My wife wants me to avoid going out anywhere, calling anyone, drinking or making any decisions while like this. She's right. drinking plenty of water and having small meals. also, I think I may be cycling again which is always fun. could be the new meds.

[Sunflower123]

Thank you for the responses on the cataracts. It helped me not freak out and I was able do some research on the subject. I feel much better now and have an appointment for September 9th to get it checked out.

Thanks again. I really appreciate you all.

Warm wishes for a peaceful weekend.

[Nightsong]

Another week at the hospital is over. I've been so drained lately that I'm falling asleep fully clothed at 8:30 or 9.

Realized something big in therapy though. The root of a lot of my depression is this crazy perfectionism I learned from my grandmother. I've been living with the core belief that it's better never to try something at all, than to try and fail ('fail' being anything less than absolute perfection.) Knowing I can't live up to my own impossible standard, I give up before I ever start.

It's leached every bit of joy out of my life for as long as I can remember.

[Jedi67]

my wife bought my some natural sleep aids as well as some nyquil Zzz tabs for later. I may skip the kpin for tonight. still feeling mixed and cycling. ate a light dinner. no appetite to speak of. some anxiety but I'll get thru it eventually. it'll pass. still watching star wars. feel like I'm about to fall asleep but also have a marathon at the same time. ugh. this sucks. please everyone, send good thoughts my way. I want this to be over.