[Scooter9]

I'm now 6 weeks into taking Wellbutrin at 300mg and my pdoc asked me 2 weeks ago to see how I felt at 6 weeks. I still feel the same as I did 2 weeks ago so I'm thinking of going to 450mg.

I think I had 1 baseline day which is great but nothing since then. I'm still feeling pretty low.

450mg is kind of an important dose because it's what made me hypomanic a number of years ago and what led to my bipolar diagnosis. This time I'm also on latuda so my pdoc feels I'll be ok, plus I know what to look out for on terms of hypomanic symptoms.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am weary. I keep having rough nights. I sleep very little. When I do sleep, I have dreams about an "intruder." The intruder does all kinds of things, from stealing pictures from my laptop, to stealing all of my meds, etc. Quite a nuisance, this intruder! It is rather odd because I have just put in a new security system here. Good luck to any 3D intruder!

In a lot of pain today. Hoping it will calm down so I can get some sleep before the intruder visits again.

I hope everyone has a peaceful night.
Love to all~

How did you sleep last night? I'm sorry you are dealing with feelings of intrusion. That can feel like such an unwelcomed violation.

Are you using intention before rest time to help? Sometimes walking through mentally and visually what you'd prefer to focus on can help steer your subconscious in a more positive direction. Guided sleep meditations helped me recently when I was having nightmares after getting out of the hospital.

I hope you can get a little extra time to lie down and relax today even if it isn't sleep. Your mind has been working overtime for a while now and I'm sure you could use a break. Hugs to you!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by fern46

How did you sleep last night? I'm sorry you are dealing with feelings of intrusion. That can feel like such an unwelcomed violation.

Are you using intention before rest time to help? Sometimes walking through mentally and visually what you'd prefer to focus on can help steer your subconscious in a more positive direction. Guided sleep meditations helped me recently when I was having nightmares after getting out of the hospital.

I hope you can get a little extra time to lie down and relax today even if it isn't sleep. Your mind has been working overtime for a while now and I'm sure you could use a break. Hugs to you!

Thanks, fern!

During the day, I'd been in touch with an old friend I have not seen in 25 years.

I'd had a lot going on last night. Much had occurred just before retiring for the night. My sleep was very erratic. I'd downloaded a book at 3 a.m., hoping reading will help me to sleep.

Yes, using intention might be very helpful. Thanks for the reminder and thanks for caring.

With Love and Gratitude ~

Hi Scooter, I hope a medication adjustment helps out. As meager as it may seem, having at least one baseline day after many less desirable ones is a start. Maybe with a med adjustments you'll soon see at least more than one per week, then most days better, then all. It has worked like that for me, in the past.

Wild Coyote, I'm sorry your sleep has been stressful. I guess it's understandable. I really like fern's suggestion, too. My past therapist used to have me do such a thing even before stressful events. Such a method even helped get me out of a period of agoraphobia, so I know it can work.

I was a little annoyed that my husband put out some things for the Vietnam Vet donation pick up that I had told him I wanted to save. I had specifically walked him through the garage showing him what I wanted to donate. I guess I can't completely blame him, though. If I had really wanted the particular things, I should have removed them from the garage. He put the stuff out late last night, mostly in boxes. I attempted to retrieve the things this morning, but he had duct taped all of the boxes. That made it too difficult. Oh well. The items were vintage Christmas cookie cutters and a vintage cookie press. I likely wouldn't have used them much anyway. I have newer ones, except the cookie press. Otherwise, I don't have trouble giving or throwing things away.

I see my therapist today. I see her every week. I thought she'd be away on vacation, but she apparently only took four days off, which didn't conflict with my appointments. I'm glad. I'm counting down the days until I see my psychiatrist again. It's already been five weeks. I see him next Wednesday. Normally I see him every three weeks, or every two weeks if I'm doing poorly. It's not so much the length of time between seeing him. When he's home, he's always available. Just having him home is a comfort, even if my appointments are many days away.

I'm thinking I'm a little bit hypomanic right now, but not too bad. It's actually pretty good because I'm getting sh** done! I worked out, ate, cleaned, did laundry, and now I'm about to do some writing. I think I'm going to write a book!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by spikes

I'm thinking I'm a little bit hypomanic right now, but not too bad. It's actually pretty good because I'm getting sh** done! I worked out, ate, cleaned, did laundry, and now I'm about to do some writing. I think I'm going to write a book!

Hi spikes,
I am glad to read you are doing well.
Please be careful and reach out for help if you get too high.
I hope you enJOY your day.

Day #2 no antipsychotic. We'll see how this pans out. Ultimate goal is to go off entirely. If I get bad withdrawal symptoms, I will go back on it and slowly reduce the dose.

Also want off lamictal. Just want methylphenidate and sertraline. The other two are destroying my brain! I need a detox of some sort, even though I know it wouldn't be a *complete* detox.

I remember my pdoc said that abilify stays in your system for MONTHS, so I'm guessing the same thing can be said for my rexulti. So it's going to be a loooooooong time before I get it out of my system. But I don't want my brain shrinking! (Well, I'm assuming it already has started to shrink, so that's not good.)

Now back to work.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Hi Scooter, I hope a medication adjustment helps out. As meager as it may seem, having at least one baseline day after many less desirable ones is a start. Maybe with a med adjustments you'll soon see at least more than one per week, then most days better, then all. It has worked like that for me, in the past.

Wild Coyote, I'm sorry your sleep has been stressful. I guess it's understandable. I really like fern's suggestion, too. My past therapist used to have me do such a thing even before stressful events. Such a method even helped get me out of a period of agoraphobia, so I know it can work.

I was a little annoyed that my husband put out some things for the Vietnam Vet donation pick up that I had told him I wanted to save. I had specifically walked him through the garage showing him what I wanted to donate. I guess I can't completely blame him, though. If I had really wanted the particular things, I should have removed them from the garage. He put the stuff out late last night, mostly in boxes. I attempted to retrieve the things this morning, but he had duct taped all of the boxes. That made it too difficult. Oh well. The items were vintage Christmas cookie cutters and a vintage cookie press. I likely wouldn't have used them much anyway. I have newer ones, except the cookie press. Otherwise, I don't have trouble giving or throwing things away.

I see my therapist today. I see her every week. I thought she'd be away on vacation, but she apparently only took four days off, which didn't conflict with my appointments. I'm glad. I'm counting down the days until I see my psychiatrist again. It's already been five weeks. I see him next Wednesday. Normally I see him every three weeks, or every two weeks if I'm doing poorly. It's not so much the length of time between seeing him. When he's home, he's always available. Just having him home is a comfort, even if my appointments are many days away.

I am sorry there was a miscommunication between you and your husband re: what to donate. My H and I used to run into this issue and will again, I am sure. We have 2 storage areas to clean out.

I hope you get something very helpful from your therapy session today.

Yes, I feel much better, too, when my pdoc is in town.

I hope you are having a good day!

Sitting at the eye doctor's. The #%#}}%^%}#%!!!!! came back again!!!!! I can't believe it. So of course I am missing more work, yanno, after being off work for a week just a week ago after the carpal surgery, with ensuing bill to come.

It's a f****** plague. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!

So yeah, I'm NOT a happy camper. Irritability high.

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Sitting at the eye doctor's. The #%#}}%^%}#%!!!!! came back again!!!!! I can't believe it. So of course I am missing more work, yanno, after being off work for a week just a week ago after the carpal surgery, with ensuing bill to come.

It's a f****** plague. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!

So yeah, I'm NOT a happy camper. Irritability high.

Do you know how the pink eye came back? Makeup maybe?

I suppose you could buy some disinfecting wipes and start wiping everything you own. Those lysol ones are pretty good in my experience.

Everyone -- including my therapist and a few psychologists -- says I'm a germaphobe between my disinfecting wipes and 24/7 use of hand sanitizer, but I haven't gotten sick in 3 years. I have hand sanitizer right next to my apartment door and some I keep with me at all times in a little "to go" bottle. I've also been known to put hand sanitizer on napkins and wipe things with the napkins when I'm desperate and have no disinfecting wipes (e.g., wipe pens or pencils)! lol!

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Do you know how the pink eye came back? Makeup maybe?

I suppose you could buy some disinfecting wipes and start wiping everything you own. Those lysol ones are pretty good in my experience.

Everyone -- including my therapist and a few psychologists -- says I'm a germaphobe between my disinfecting wipes and 24/7 use of hand sanitizer, but I haven't gotten sick in 3 years. I have hand sanitizer right next to my apartment door and some I keep with me at all times in a little "to go" bottle. I've also been known to put hand sanitizer on napkins and wipe things with the napkins when I'm desperate and have no disinfecting wipes (e.g., wipe pens or pencils)! lol!

My husband uses hand sanitizer a LOT, too. Maybe not 24/7, but throughout the day, especially in public. He's got many odd habits that most people don't have in terms of sanitation. He's one of the few people that wears a surgical mask when on an airplane.

Every single time we stay in a hotel, he wipes many things down with hand sanitizer, including the TV clicker, door and sink handles, and of course the toilet seat. I'll admit that in the beginning I shook my head, but really it does make sense. I don't do it, but I don't tease him about it anymore.

Oh, if only it were that simple. I'm something of a germaphobe myself, and do all the above. Additionally, after the last clear up, I disinfected the **** out of EVERYTHING (bedside table, garbage can, glasses case, desk, computer, everything.). With commercial quaternary disinfectant (like what they use in healthcare facilities). Multiple times. All makeup and brushes had been tossed.

It's unbelievably frustrating.

Edited to say, all except wearing a mask on airplanes. But neither have I been on a plane in many years...

[yellow_fleurs]

I felt pretty happy yesterday. Then I stayed up too late. My own fault for drinking tea too late in the afternoon. Surprisingly felt pretty chipper on waking anyways. Work was fine, but then I realized during the day I was all distracted and irritable. I guess maybe I overdid the caffeine the past couple of days. Otherwise was feeling happy and social. So, I went to the gym with a friend and the irritability is down a notch. I always get nervous I'll snap at someone who doesn't deserve it when I get too irritable. It doesn't feel like me though, I feel that deep down I tend to be a patient and calm person, but sometimes this just gets me (and it's probably mostly PMDD this time). Still this is better than I've been in the past so I'll take it. About to call a friend I have not spoken to in a couple of months. I am trying to be better about talking to long distance friends.
Sending everyone compassion!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Sitting at the eye doctor's. The #%#}}%^%}#%!!!!! came back again!!!!! I can't believe it. So of course I am missing more work, yanno, after being off work for a week just a week ago after the carpal surgery, with ensuing bill to come.


It's a f****** plague. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!


So yeah, I'm NOT a happy camper. Irritability high.

Oh no !! They need to take a sample and get it tested to find out which specific antibiotic that will k ick it out. Possible you need drops and a oral antibiotic !

Damn I sure hope this will finally get resolved.

So sorry your having to miss so much work and stress of bills from it all

[sadveiledbride]

Irritated with life and the world. I need to learn to let things go and stop pitying myself, it's disgusting and I'm wildly irritated. I can't sleep, I can't eat. Of course, someone who reads this might say, "well, she's just pitying herself" I'm posting a reply to this thread, lol. I'm not pitying myself at all right now.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by sadveiledbride

Irritated with life and the world. I need to learn to let things go and stop pitying myself, it's disgusting and I'm wildly irritated. I can't sleep, I can't eat. Of course, someone who reads this might say, "well, she's just pitying herself" I'm posting a reply to this thread, lol. I'm not pitying myself at all right now.

No one thinks your “ pitying” yourself.

You have been struggling, we have all been there.. I’m glad your posting and not just bottling up everything.

When do you see your treatment team next ?

[sadveiledbride]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

No one thinks your “ pitying” yourself.

You have been struggling, we have all been there.. I’m glad your posting and not just bottling up everything.

When do you see your treatment team next ?

Thanks for the reply, I see one of them within a week.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by sadveiledbride

Thanks for the reply, I see one of them within a week.

Good I hope that it helps.

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

My husband uses hand sanitizer a LOT, too. Maybe not 24/7, but throughout the day, especially in public. He's got many odd habits that most people don't have in terms of sanitation. He's one of the few people that wears a surgical mask when on an airplane.

Every single time we stay in a hotel, he wipes many things down with hand sanitizer, including the TV clicker, door and sink handles, and of course the toilet seat. I'll admit that in the beginning I shook my head, but really it does make sense. I don't do it, but I don't tease him about it anymore.

I’ve never worn a surgical mask on a plane. I really ought to, and I’ve actually thought about it in the past, but I’ve usually been ok on planes. I’m more concerned about people coughing and wiping their germs all over everything than coughing in the air and it spreading to my lungs. I feel that “germ wiping” is what usually gets me sick, not the airborne stuff. There seem to be more germs when someone wipes their runny nose on something than when they cough/exhale. Like, someone’s boogers are a giant yellow BLOB of pure disease, while germs in the air are spread out and not as dense. So I think you intake less disease when you inhale than when you touch someone’s giant booger blob. But I’ve also been known to put blankets over my head on planes when people cough too much. So I guess that’s like a surgical mask in a way?

I don’t do planes nowadays though. They terrify me. I’ve been on one in the past year, but only for my grandmother’s funeral and burial. I’m more afraid of crashing and burning than catching an airborne disease.

I don’t do subways/trains either. Those are the worst with people literally breathing directly in your face, unlike on a plane. Basically giving you mouth to mouth at that point! I walk everywhere in the city and stand back from people who are breathing. I try not to inhale air when I walk by someone in general.

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Oh, if only it were that simple. I'm something of a germaphobe myself, and do all the above. Additionally, after the last clear up, I disinfected the **** out of EVERYTHING (bedside table, garbage can, glasses case, desk, computer, everything.). With commercial quaternary disinfectant (like what they use in healthcare facilities). Multiple times. All makeup and brushes had been tossed.

It's unbelievably frustrating.

Edited to say, all except wearing a mask on airplanes. But neither have I been on a plane in many years...

Hmm... I wonder if your pink eye was never cured in the first place. Like, the antibiotics got rid of MOST of the sickness but left a tiny @ss bacterial molecule behind, which meant it “grew back” over time? That’s the only thing I can think of. Maybe you need to be on an antibiotic longer to ensure that it goes away for good. I mean, I’ve had infections in the past that appeared to go away, but I wasn’t on an antibiotic long enough for it to fully go away, so it came back.

Dunno. You did all the right things by disinfecting stuff.

I’ve decided that, instead of going cold turkey off my rexulti, I’ll take half a tablet for 2 weeks. After that, 1/4 of a tablet for 2 weeks. Then off for good! So I took 1/2 a tablet last night.

Doing pretty well. Sleep is a little wonky, but I’m sure it’ll straighten itself out. For example, I went to bed at 11:30pm and woke up at 4am exact.

I’m hoping to go from my current “normal” 10 hrs of sleep back to my 7 hrs of sleep prior to meds. I like when I have more time in my day. Plus, my apartment is atrocious and I need time to clean it.

[Scooter9]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Hi Scooter, I hope a medication adjustment helps out. As meager as it may seem, having at least one baseline day after many less desirable ones is a start. Maybe with a med adjustments you'll soon see at least more than one per week, then most days better, then all. It has worked like that for me, in the past.

Thanks @BirdDancer. Keeping my fingers crossed that it works out that way!

My pdoc increased the dose, just waiting for the pharmacy to fill the prescription now.

[Victoria'smom]

Night 2 with less then 4 hrs sleep. I'm getting concerned I'm going into a mixed episode. My pdoc is only in the office Monday and Wednesday so I don't know whether to call today or wait it out until next Wednesday. Next Monday we'll be out of town.

Good morning, everyone! Or, good afternoon. I hope today is a decent day for most of us. For those struggling, I hope it has some bright spots.

I didn't mention this here before, but I have been trying to get myself to write more. Some may have seen a couple draft attempts. I used to blog daily, but in the recent year and a half, I slowed to a stop. That saddened me. Part of the reason has been my mood, and another was feeling that too many familiar people learned too much about me. My dad shared my blog address with half his town and much of our family. I'd visit him and go to the local cafe, and the owner would say "I really like your blog!" Eek!!! I know my father meant well.

Last week, I discovered a nice professional blog owned by a psychologist. She has a small team of writers who write about psychology-related topics. They're not journal-type entries, and don't focus on any specific type of mental illness. They are mostly articles and reflections. I commented on a post there, and in response, one of the regular contributors read many of my blog posts. He invited me to be a contributor. I confess that I procrastinated getting back to him, despite being flattered. Truth is, I worry about being able to do anything formal, regularly. That is part of the reason I'm on disability. Such responsibilities put extreme pressure on me, which in turn can be destabilizing. Then I have a resulting grief, if I fail.

I told my therapist about the above offer. She was happy for me and encouraged me to discuss if flexibility in providing blog articles was possible. Perhaps I will. She also asked if I told my husband about the invitation. I haven't. I told her that if I do, my husband will predictably scold me that I should be helping him write content for a podcast he's working on with his colleague. Problem is, I've never been excited about the podcast idea, though I know that my contributions would be valuable...if I could get myself to do it. When I'm not "into" something, it's like forcing cod liver oil into the mouth of a child. When passionate, one can't get me to stop, and I truly excel.

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Night 2 with less then 4 hrs sleep. I'm getting concerned I'm going into a mixed episode. My pdoc is only in the office Monday and Wednesday so I don't know whether to call today or wait it out until next Wednesday. Next Monday we'll be out of town.

It never hurts to call. He would hopefully give you some advice. I understand the frustration of feeling very ill on a Friday night, or any night that is days before a doctor can be reached.