[Dysphoria]

I have been having what I guess is a mixed state for a few months now. Decent energy, lack of sleep, but suicidal thoughts pretty much constantly.

Anyway Doc told me to try Rexulti. Anyone tried it? I tried its close cousin Abilify years ago and hated it. Should I expect the same from this? I read it is a very similar molecule and I am just wondering if I should even take it. Abilify made me feel absolutely insane - I felt super jacked up and just weird.

On a side note, part of me wonders whether I am mentally ill at all or if I am just the product of a crappy environment. I have no job, am holed up inside all day, am alone, have no SO, and have very little contact with human beings. I constantly worry about growing old alone, having no direction, no money, nothing at all to live for. Medication cannot fix that.

I feel like even sane people would feel suicidal in such conditions. Perfectly sane people stuck in prison kill themselves because of the stress of 23 hours a day of seclusion. What if this mental illness diagnosis is all a lie and I am just lazy?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Dysphoria

I have been having what I guess is a mixed state for a few months now. Decent energy, lack of sleep, but suicidal thoughts pretty much constantly.


Anyway Doc told me to try Rexulti. Anyone tried it? I tried its close cousin Abilify years ago and hated it. Should I expect the same from this? I read it is a very similar molecule and I am just wondering if I should even take it. Abilify made me feel absolutely insane - I felt super jacked up and just weird.


On a side note, part of me wonders whether I am mentally ill at all or if I am just the product of a crappy environment. I have no job, am holed up inside all day, am alone, have no SO, and have very little contact with human beings. I constantly worry about growing old alone, having no direction, no money, nothing at all to live for. Medication cannot fix that.


I feel like even sane people would feel suicidal in such conditions. Perfectly sane people stuck in prison kill themselves because of the stress of 23 hours a day of seclusion. What if this mental illness diagnosis is all a lie and I am just lazy?

Rexulti for some has been a life saver.

Are you seeing a Therapist?? If not I’d advise you too. It would be a great place to process your life as it is and work towards goals that will improve your life for the future

[BeyondtheRainbow]

My pdoc is also a pharmacist so she gets really excitedd about new meds. She told me she talked to the rep for Rexulti and when they made it they listed things they wished Abilify did and tried to make a pill that did that along with Abilif's good stuff.

I haven't taken it but a lot of people seem toreally like it.

[Wild Coyote]

Hi!

Your description of your life sounds very depressed.

I guess you may be asking: which came first the chicken or the egg?
Is my current life a byproduct of mental illness or is my current lifestyle making me ill?

Either way, it is important to obtain assistance in changing your life so you might feel happier and more fulfilled.

I highly suggest you get involved in therapy , if it is an option for you.

About the meds? I am impressed that Rainbow's pdoc likes Rexulti. Mine does not.
So, it is really a matter of what does work for YOU!
You won't know until you try it for yourself.

My Best to You!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hi!

About the meds? I am impressed that Rainbow's pdoc likes Rexulti. Mine does not.
So, it is really a matter of what does work for YOU!
You won't know until you try it for yourself.

My Best to You!

To be fair I don't know what she thinks about it now that she's used it and I should have said that. I just know she thought it might be a good drug when it came out and we were trying to obtain samples so I could try it (my pdoc works for a hospital that doesn't allow pharma reps to hand things out which is great in principle until you can't afford a new drug and samples aren't possible).
I hope it has stood up to what she hoped for. I wound up on clozapine and haven't discussed it again so it's been 3+ years since I talked to her about it).

[Moose72]

I tried Abilify and didn't get along with it. Some time later, I tried Rexulti and voila! It works and no side effects.

[MickeyCheeky]

I can relate to your struggles, @Dysphoria! It may be BOTH things. You can have MI and still turn out the way you do because of your environment. I agree with ALL the other wise, wonderful posters about seeing a Therapist if you're not seeing one already! That may REALLY help you. Please hang in there. What matters is that you're getting the treatment you need and deserve. Keep us updated on your situation if you want and let us know how your Meds work out! I hope things will work out well for you! Wishing you the BEST and nothing but the BEST of Luck. Feel free to PM me anytime. I'll be here for you when you need Advice and Support. I hope someone is supporting you in real life as well! In any case, we're here for you and I'm sure many others will be glad to help you as well! Please hang in there and please NEVER give up hope! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, Dysphoria, and to ALL the people you Love and who TRULY Love you and Accept you for who you TRULY are! PLEASE KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING!

[*Beth*]

I felt it in my gut when I read your post. I can so well understand the dilemma you're in, Dysphoria. Up until last year I was obsessed with ruminating about whether I really had a mental illness or whether I was showing symptoms I due to the environment in which I grew up. I also kept asking and asking if the so-called "symptoms" could possibly be just me...my specific personality.

A couple of years ago I finally connected with a terrific pdoc and an exceptional therapist. (I will mention, btw, that the medical professionals I see are through a clinic. I am on Medicaid, so don't pay for health care.)

First of all, I was told to keep a mood tracker. Wow, did that piss me off. Total waste of time, I thought. But I wanted to feel better. So I did their stupid mood tracker. Well, guess what...when my pdoc and therapist were genuinely helping me out and following my mood tracker with me, I discovered that I really do have mixed state BD. I can see it, and I have finally accepted it.

As for environment...I believe (and reliable research shows) that environment almost always plays a large part in the development of mental illness. Oftentimes, genetics are a part of it all, too.

Since the bottom line is to feel stable enough to be in far less draining emotional pain, well...you already know about medication. I, too, had a disappointing result from Abilify. Although I haven't been on Rexulti I have heard from others with BD that it is an excellent med.

I'm with Christina regarding therapy. I believe it would help you so much.

Also, I want to say that I am 100% sure that you are not lazy.

[tecomsin]

I am on a low dose of Rexulti. I have been on it for over a year and a half and have been stable during that time. I take it to prevent a return of delusional thoughts and hallucinations.

I had also taken Abilify a while ago and it didn't have any beneficial effect. So even though the drugs are related they can have different effects as well as side effects.

I still have lots of symptoms of depression though. Taking antidepressants doesn't help and can tip me into mania.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

To be fair I don't know what she thinks about it now that she's used it and I should have said that. I just know she thought it might be a good drug when it came out and we were trying to obtain samples so I could try it (my pdoc works for a hospital that doesn't allow pharma reps to hand things out which is great in principle until you can't afford a new drug and samples aren't possible).
I hope it has stood up to what she hoped for. I wound up on clozapine and haven't discussed it again so it's been 3+ years since I talked to her about it).

Just saw this! My apologies! I ran away with what you were saying!
I hope you'll forgive me?

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Just saw this! My apologies! I ran away with what you were saying!
I hope you'll forgive me?

No, I should have said what I meant more clearly. You were right; for all I know she'll NEVER prescribe that drug now.

[Dysphoria]

Going to respond to a few different posters all in one here.

My pdoc is also a pharmacist so she gets really excitedd about new meds. She told me she talked to the rep for Rexulti and when they made it they listed things they wished Abilify did and tried to make a pill that did that along with Abilif's good stuff

Thanks. Yeah I was reading up on it and discovered both are made by the same company. The Rexulti molecule is a slightly modified version of Abilify. Skeptical people claim that once abilify went off patent that they decided to create a close relative in order to keep that $$$ flowing in. (The cost of Rexulti is insane -- over $1k a month. I feel like a criminal when I see what my Medicaid is paying for it). In any case, supposedly the Rexulti molecule is actually improved in some ways over Abilify. Less side-effects. As long as it is somewhat weight neutral and doesn't give me TD I will be happy.

Your description of your life sounds very depressed.

I guess you may be asking: which came first the chicken or the egg?
Is my current life a byproduct of mental illness or is my current lifestyle making me ill?

Yep precisely. I've been told I am just a lazy no good SOB. And I wonder if maybe they're right and I am depressed because of my laziness.

I tried Abilify and didn't get along with it. Some time later, I tried Rexulti and voila! It works and no side effects.

Glad to hear it. Abilify sucked for me. I think I stopped after only a couple days on it.

I can relate to your struggles, @Dysphoria! It may be BOTH things. You can have MI and still turn out the way you do because of your environment. I agree with ALL the other wise, wonderful posters about seeing a Therapist if you're not seeing one already!

Yes, I am starting therapy next month. My therapist is not a PhD because I am going to a free clinic. But I guess I'll take what I can get.

I felt it in my gut when I read your post. I can so well understand the dilemma you're in, Dysphoria. Up until last year I was obsessed with ruminating about whether I really had a mental illness or whether I was showing symptoms I due to the environment in which I grew up. I also kept asking and asking if the so-called "symptoms" could possibly be just me...my specific personality.

Thank you. It is nice to hear I am not alone.

I am on a low dose of Rexulti. I have been on it for over a year and a half and have been stable during that time. I take it to prevent a return of delusional thoughts and hallucinations.

I don't have hallucinations or delusions (well sometimes I wonder if I do have situational delusions). I am taking it mostly to help with my depression. I am hoping it is able to pull me out of it. All I want is for the daily pain and compulsive thoughts to go away. I figure even if my life circumstances suck, I shouldn't be constantly wanting to die. I should be able to find interest in SOMETHING, but I just don't have it right now.

Originally Posted by Dysphoria

Yes, I am starting therapy next month. My therapist is not a PhD because I am going to a free clinic. But I guess I'll take what I can get.

I have to say that I've seen PhDs that were (to be kind), less than impressive. (In fact, downright idiots). Just sayin'. I've been going to a place that the county contracts with (read: free clinic) for a number of years now. I have very much liked all of my Ts there. I'm on #3 at this point. Yes, there does tend to be a bit of turnover for various reasons, but there are good ones out there, fear not. And I hope you get a good one!

[pacman_789]

Thought I'd weigh in here since coincidentally, I just got off a trial of Rexulti and Abilify. I could definitely tell a difference between the two, although they are similar. Rexulti helped more with depression, but made me restless and a bit agitated. Abilify made me feel almost giddy and not agitated at all, but I think it may have even been causing some mania in me. I was super focused at work, but felt like I always had to be doing something.

Between the two, I liked Rexulti better, although neither worked out for me. I would probably have to take a mood stabilizer with either of them in order to stay on them. Everyone has a different reaction, though, so it may be completely different for you.