what do I say?

So my pdoc called me about a minute ago (surprise surprise, my therapist told him!). He wants me to come in next Thursday @ 6:15pm for an appt. The assistant was a ***** to me and said, "he has already discussed this with you. You know to take it and why to take it. I will set up an appt for you, but you need to tell us what you expect from us."

First of all, I get talked to for a whole 5 minutes the last time I went off my antipsychotic. Woooow, what a long conversation! I obviously had an eternity to discuss my concerns, didn't I? Shame on me for wasting a whole 5 minutes, 99% of which was him telling me I'm going to die early anyways and not letting me talk.

Second of all, I don't expect anything from either of them, so I don't know why she said, "you need to tell us what you expect from us." I wasn't the one who called or asked for your help! If you want to blame someone, blame my therapist. I never told her to tell anyone. She did it on her own.

I'm going to go to that appt, but I'll probably get told that I'll die before anything bad can happen to me, and then I'll get rushed out the door.

Maybe I'll just print out a bunch of medical research studies showing why I don't want to take an antipsychotic and hand them to my pdoc.

You're welcome! I hope it is a lower stress option for you in the future. I use it every now and again when time is tight or when I just don't want to drag my little ones through the store with me.

Maybe uber eats for now? They use cards, so no cash required and you can tip the same way.

It's hard for them to treat when someone isn't being med compliant, even though your pdoc may seem like the enemy right now they probably have your best interest at heart. How long have you been seeing them? They probably know you well and can spot a pattern of stopping meds then getting unwell and don't want you to have to go through it again. For the short appointment time you could talk to them about it or talk to whoever their supervisor is, if your paying for it you deserve to be seen for longer than 5 minutes. Most med checks are at least 15 minutes

Oooo Blue.

You have steadily declined since you started to drop your dose. This is your standard tumble into a black hole.

Trust me I under stand your worries about long term AP use , but right now I think you need to get back on the prescribed dose. Get back on your feet , sleeping and eating daily.

I understand how grocery shopping is overwhelming, I struggle also. I do agree that you need to give having groceries delivered a try. You MUST have food in your home. Not eating is self harm and its going to cause cognitive problems.

No sleep no food = a huge crash . So eat. Order take out! Feed yourself.

I often do grocery shopping at 2 or 3 am. No crowds of course. It’s much quieter. I get in and get what I need and I’m back home quickly.

Please Blue I’m very worried about you

Hi-I’ve not been on this site for 2.5 years, so I don’t know your situation really. But I agree with Christina above. That said, I had a really ****** pdoc prescribe Rexulti for me. Keep in mind the Rexulti website say this:
REXULTI is indicated for:
Use as an adjunctive therapy to antidepressants in adults with major depressive disorder
Treatment of schizophrenia in adults

Notice there is no mention of bipolar. That’s an off label use and in my case a disastrous one. I had a complete meltdown while taking it. My new pdoc, whom I really like, told me that Rexulti is ineffective for bipolar patients. At least for me, bipolar 1. So maybe you are sliding because Rexulti was not a good fit for you to begin with. Just a possibility. Maybe you could ask to switch. If you are going to take an AP, it might as well be effective.

By the way I am feeling really spoiled and fortunate. My doc spends 1/2 hour with me! May you could find a different doc if this one treats you in only 5 minutes. My first doc did that unless I called in distress, then he’d schedule me for 1/2 hour.

How are you doing tonight, Blue?

I think I need meds, but I'm fine with my current cocktail (if you exclude the rexulti). I don't want an antipsychotic. I suppose keeping the mood stabilizer can't hurt, but I don't like the long term implications of using an antipsychotic. I feel those are the most dangerous class of psych meds, and antipsychotics like seroquel that I took were destroying me from the inside in many different ways.

I wish I could go at 2 or 3am, but nothing is open at that hour.

I didn't place an order on time to go for wal-mart pickup, but I drove to the store @ 6:50am and shopped for I think 10 mins at most. I bought a big container of large croissants form the bakery, some kind of fresh squeezed raspberry lemonade in a BIG bottle, frozen cheese ravioli, some sauce to go with the ravioli, pasta, and pasta sauce. Then I left because I couldn't take it anymore.

I started drinking some of the lemonade when I got home and my stomach started cramping and burning. I forced myself to eat two of those large croissants and now my stomach is dying.

Good morning Blue. How are you doing today? Were you able to eat?

Just read this. Sorry you are hurting. I'm glad you got some food. You may have to do small amounts of bland food for a while.

The sh_tty thing is... I didn't buy any bland food today except plain pasta. So now it looks like I'll be stuck with plain pasta for a while. I suppose it's better than nothing, though. At least it's the Barilla Protein Plus pasta, so there is some nutrition to it. I guess I should've bought the tri color pasta since it's made with veggies.

Oddly, I don't feel like throwing up. My stomach just feels physically painful, but the pain has lessened.

Maybe you can place an order with Wal Mart today and pick it up to give yourself some more options. Going as long as you did without food is a shock to the body and it may take a while to recover. Hopefully you'll be able to tolerate your next meal without pain. If it were me, I'd start with applesauce. I'm sorry you are hurting. Maybe though the memory of this pain will serve you in the future. It might be good motivation to keep more food on hand regularly and not fall behind on that aspect of self care. Silver lining...

I'm a bit hesitant to go back out today, so maybe tomorrow. My stomach still feels like crap and all I want to do is curl up in my bed. I'm not tired, but laying down is helping me feel a little better. It's when I get up and moving that my stomach feels physically sore. I ate nothing between Wednesday at 9am until today at 7:10am ish, although I did have two hot cocoas in between. I probably won't eat anything for the rest of the day, however, if my stomach continues to feel this way.

I managed to get 6 hours last night, so that's better than the 1 hr the night before. I'm sure that's also why I'm not tired right now.

I just wish my therapist would listen to me when I say that I have sensory issues. I don't think she gets it. She seems to think it's so simple to just go out and get food, or to go in areas where there are lots of people, noises, lights, sounds, smells, odors, textures, etc. around. They bother me. It's to the point I rarely go out in general. If I do go out, I try to go out with someone else so that I can talk to them as a distraction.

Oh, blue! I have major sensory issues, too. It can be so very over whelming.

I don't think anyone can understand it unless they have experienced it. I do think, however, that your therapist is supposed to listen to how it affects you and respond accordingly.

When I start losing sleep. I get worse with sensory issues. I have lost a lot of sleep this week and I thought I was going to die from the noises, the light, the voice of anyone talking to me, the fans, the AC (!!!), even tire noise with the car! I also hear all kinds of music mixed in with ongoing noises. I was ready to crawl out of my skin. It does become overwhelming to go to the stores, especially those with bright overhead lights, lots oof people and with other sources of stimulation. I guess I am trying to say: You are not alone and ... yes,it is horrible!!

I hope you can eat some bland food. If not, please keep yourself hydrated with liquids that give you more than just water. does, even though water is better than nothing.
Maybe get some ginger ale for your stomach to see if it helps? When my stomach gets really bad, I usually eat crackers and try to sip on ginger ale. Sometimes, for me, some of the pain is gas. I then do well with GasX (simethicone), which can be found easily in other products.

I hope you will feel better soon. I will check in again later. I am around. Feel free ot PM me anytime, as well.

Yeah, I'm not sure my therapist was really listening this time. I have also mentioned a couple of times in the past that I often experience sensory issues, but she never really commented on that or offered any guidance on how to deal with that.

Sorry to hear you have sensory issues too. They suck. I mostly "cope" by isolating at home, unless I go outside for a quick walk in my apartment complex when no one is around. I didn't even go into the office this week. Though even when I do go into the office, I find an empty meeting room and work in there the entire day to be away from people. The only time I leave is to get water, go to the bathroom, or meet with my boss.

If I do go out, it's when no one is around and where there aren't excessive stimulations. For example, ice cream stand is okay when no one is there. I can eat the ice cream in my car. The stand is mostly surrounded by nature anyway since it's all outside, and my car acts as a "barrier" between me and the overwhelming stimuli. So that's fine. Though I'll usually just bring it back to my apartment, which is my safe space.

I don't have ginger ale and don't drink soda. I don't like the feeling of bubbles/fizz/carbonation. (Probably another sensory thing.) I can use a spoon or straw to get rid of the bubbles, but I'm still not a fan of soda in general. Ginger ale tastes alright, but I really don't drink more than a few sips before I get tired of the flavor.

I'm just gonna try some raspberry lemonade again later today to see if it burns my stomach or not.

How are things going today bluebicycle?

Not so great. I was feeling fine earlier, but now my stomach is back to being crampy. It also feels like it burns. The only thing that doesn't seem to bother my stomach is water.

I don't know why not eating for a while does this to your stomach. I've never had this before. I might have to go to a doctor if this doesn't resolve on its own.

I also didn't get much sleep last night, so that doesn't help. Mood is fine, however.

Thanks for asking though

Thinking of you! Wishing I could offer something helpful to you.
Keep us updated? Love ya!

You have to ease back into food, few bites every couple hours then try a bite every hour, just go slow.

My last really bad anorexic run.... I was being threatened with a feeding tube, so you know the lil fruit cups ? Well I got a variety, I tried applesauce first, it took me almost 6 hours to finish one. But I was making progress.

Something you might consider is stocking up on Ensure or Boost shakes so if you get in a bind in the future you will at least has something healthy to drink until you can get more food in your fridge. They are a staple in my house if I start to restrict my food intake.

So just go slow over the next few days and you will be back to normal meals soon

I gave up. I took a rexulti because I feel extremely nauseous. I never felt nauseous before going off rexulti, but I’m hoping that’s the case this time so that this nausea can resolve.

I *tried* eating a mouse bite of a croissant, but the second it hit my stomach, I felt a sudden wave of extreme nausea. But I’m STARVING at the same time. It’s a horrible feeling. Thankfully I didn’t throw up.

I’m trying not to eat anything for a while so that my stomach can digest the rexulti. I don’t want to risk throwing it up. The sucky thing is that my stomach is cramping up again.

I’ll try the ensure and boost, but only once this nausea goes away so that I can go to the store.

Blue , I hope your stomach settles down soon

Dramamine help nausea if you can take it with your other meds, try dry toast too. I hope you feel better soon.