Bipolar check in #37

Still feel like a hot steamy pile of s**t

Thanks. I feel pretty low today, though. Was having some very dark thoughts earlier today, but definitely not the worst I've experienced.

I have to remain positive for my mom because I am seeing her today. I know she has been extremely stressed out over work and has spent quite a bit of time worrying about my grandmother.

My sister, who FINALLY isn't being selfish for once in a blue moon, is going with me to pick up special dinner for my mom. It's going to be a surprise.

I'll probably feel miserable for a while (because I guess that's just how depression works...), and it's going to be painful to fake my happiness this weekend, but I think I have to for the sake of everyone. The mastectomy is hitting my mom hard even though my grandma was obviously the one who underwent that procedure. But if I am a Debbie downer about everything, it'll only hurt my mom, and I don't want that because I know she is hurting quite a bit with all the medical scares my grandma has had this year alone. (Not to be pessimistic, but she's had so many (very serious) scares that I'm afraid any minor medical problem could mean the end. ) I guess this is just a particularly bad time to get depressed, and faking things is going to eat at me.

@yellow_fleurs,

@Moose72, I have intrusive images that go through my mind where for example if

@Moose72, I have intrusive images that go through my mind where for example if

You're a very good daughter for putting your mother's needs in front of your own at a time when she is struggling. I respect that a lot. Maybe you can think of it as rising above your feelings for the greater good as opposed to faking it. It might help the feels feel a bit more genuine. It is your genuine good charater that leads you to know this is the right thing to do. That is a real aspect of yourself. You're just forcing it forward at a time when another aspect wishes to be dominant. We do that all the time for various reasons. It doesn't make you fake. Faking it would be denying yourself the acceptance and understanding that you are feeling low. You aren't doing that. You're aware and dialed in to how you feel. You're simply manifesting something else in its place out of need and love for your mother. That's selfless and beautiful.

Your mother is fortunate to have you!

That's sort of what these are like- I'm not feeling angry or upset at all. The images just play without my control. I'm not wanting to do these things! They just happen.

I'm afraid that I've been having some minor mood issues lately; up and down or just curiously who knows what...but not right. I'm afraid that the NAMI volunteering and project for hubby are partly responsible. So often when I try to take steps forward, it initially seems great, but then I slowly start to stumble.

I'm glad today is Friday, I think. I do tend to do a little bit better when hubby is home. I'm hoping the upcoming vacation will reset my brain.

Well, pdoc appt went pretty bad today. He is seriously deluded. I mean, I don't claim to be a mental health professional by any means, but I do not believe him when he says "it's normal" for people's sleep to suddenly and drastically change. Like, going from 10+ hrs a night to the equivalent of 2 a night for an extended period of time without feeling sleepy. He says "it happens even in normal people" and says that it's a "natural cycle" that people experience. Thus, my mood "couldn't've been elevated" because it is totally "normal" for even healthy people to experience sudden, marked changes in sleep that last for extended periods of time. *major eye roll*

I asked him if my therapist had talked to him, and he said yes. I then asked him what she said. (She told me exactly what she was going to say, so I wanted to see if he was bullsh_tting or lying.) He said that she observed me as being manic and then said that he "still thinks" the change in sleep "is part of a natural, healthy cycle."

I never thought he was an idiot until today. I thought he was an @ss, but not an idiot. I wasn't born yesterday.

I hope you get relief soon.

Yeah that's unfortunate. I agree that people can have naturally occurring shifts in their sleep patterns. However, you had a shift in sleep accompanied by racing thoughts, mood elevation, and reckless driving. Taken altogether you experienced 4 very classicly presented mania symptoms. 3 out of the four are not explained by sleep disturbances and you have a history of mood disorder. The most likely answer is you experienced mania.

I feel like maybe he's covering himself in case you decide to sue his practice for the crap diagnosis the assistant made. He even had a trained professional who witnessed the mania weigh in and is dismissing it. I wonder how your T will react to that. He is being extremely neglectful of your needs. I'd find a new doctor for sure. I think I'd also report him.

. I wasn't born yesterday.