Bipolar check in #37

Happy belated birthday, TheSeaCat! I'm glad you enjoyed your vacation and have a few more days to resettle at home before a return to work.

Hi Christina. Like childofchaos, and Pookyl, I have also had to wear the holter monitor once in the past. It is indeed annoying. I have had tachycardia. Or specifically, had. I take medication that eases that and it really works, I think I'll take that medication permanently, or a similar one. It doesn't give me side effects. It does only good. I'm not 100% of why I have it. I know that I have mitral valve prolapse, but that doesn't seem to be a big deal for me. I sometimes wonder if stress and my bipolar disorder have contributed, too (anxiety, hypomania/mania, etc.) I hope the solution to your tachycardia is as simple as mine. I really hope your other physical issues are soon resolved. You need a break from them, I know.

Hugs

I think I'm gonna be able to. At the very least, privately.

Omg. I got my new weighted blanket an hour ago and I'm IN LOVE. The one I have now is a plush blanket (super comfy, btw!), but it gets too hot when it’s not winter time. This new one is a "cooling" blanket. I got it from the same company (Gravity Blankets) and it actually does cool you off. I thought it was maybe a gimmick, but I couldn’t stand my current one in the hot weather, so I figured, "why not? It says it isn't a plush blanket like the other one I have, so I don't think it'll be as warm."

Soooo amazing! And it was 25% off. Woohoo!

Also excited for my Roku 4K Ultra coming today. Can't wait to set that up!

Top top it off, I had a WONDERFUL therapy session today. Just got back about an hour ago from it. We talked about all sorts of things and made SERIOUS progress. I am so happy!

The only thing I'm not happy about is spending $1000 in the span of a few days. Not good. But half of these things were planned purchases, so it wasn't like I was impulsive with *everything*. I think the cable was an impulse purchase, but the Roku was thought out because I realized that there was no way in heck I was going to watch cable programs on my new TV if the cable box is hooked up to my other TV, and I don't want to waste my money if I can't view my TV shows because one TV can't view them.

I did... The T wants to check in with me on break or after group... Just before I leave. I'll make sure I update y'all.

Sorry for such a short follow up, but I just got FANTASTIC news!

Omg. I am sooooo excited! I got REJECTED for a conference talk that I was forced to submit a proposal for!! Now I don't have to travel across the country to California!! Yippee!! My boss is kinda disappointed though... but I am so chipper right now!!

Traveling for work ALWAYS triggers me. ALWAYS. I slip into depression or mania (though fortunately never a mixed state for some reason).

I need to celebrate. I kinda wanna buy myself a cake, except I am too anxious to go out anywhere. lol. I sent a frowny face to my boss over google chat saying I was rejected, just so he thinks I am disappointed. lol.

😭😭😢😢

So I'm physically feeling better this week. The body pains from my depression have reduced quite a bit over the past several weeks, which is good news.

The not so good news is that I still don't have motivation and interest in things. As long as I drive things myself I can do things but they don't come naturally like when I was actually interested in them - I don't derive satisfaction by doing things. It's hard to describe.

My sleep has reduced to around 6-7 hours. I got up really early a couple of times this week so I only got about 5 on those nights.

My appetite seems to be coming back.

And I showered 6 out of 7 days this past week. I take put my mind to it. I have been skipping showers a lot and was only taking 1 or 2 a week when it was bad. But I made it to 6 this past week.

I have 2 weeks left in my trial of Wellbutrin. I'm sticking with it but I'm starting to think that I'm only partially responding to it which is pretty much how all of the meds I have tried have been.

So I'm trying to decide whether where I am now is good enough or if I should try for something that might help me more. I haven't made up my mind yet.

Way to go, bluebicycle and Scooter!

bluebicycle, I totally understand about the traveling, especially for work. I have been on disability for a long time now, but I used to travel at least a few times per year for my old job. Sometimes to Taiwan R.O.C., and other times to several cities a pop within the US. The last time I traveled for my old job (years ago) it was a very horrible time. That's an understatement! I won't even go into what happened. When I managed to get home that time I believe I had to go inpatient almost immediately. I believe that period was traumatic for me.

Well, today hasn't been bad. I did a little work on the project I've mentioned lately, and also cleaned and then semi-messed up the kitchen again. I pushed myself to eat a healthful lunch, for a change (veggie burger with salad). Then I made another Czech Christmas cookie (actually balls) that I had not yet made. It was a recipe of a friend of my husband's family. They are OK, but don't even come close to comparing to my mother-in-law's rum balls. The latter are super delicious. They are made with a chocolate walnut dough and are wrapped around rum-soaked dried cherries. The former are just plain chocolate nut balls. They could have rum or other liquor. I made them with Amaretto di Sarona, but I couldn't taste the liquor. Only the chocolate. They look pretty (see below), but don't have the right oomph that my mother-in-law's do. Plus who doesn't like a rum-soaked cherry? I like the photo, so I'll use it for my mother-in-law's rum balls, even though hers are slightly bigger. Otherwise they'd look exactly the same. I won't include the recipe for the ones I made today in my blog post. Only my mother-in-law's.

I feel that I'm finally past the hypomanic/manic episode I had been in for quite a while. Hopefully it won't start up again. I'm not usually a hyperspender, but I've realized that I've spent at least $300, in recent weeks, on Christmas cookie related stuff, alone. I even spent over $40 today, again for Christmas cookie related stuff. I don't think that's related to hypomania. I think I just still have a little obsessive focus on that project.

The chocolate nut and liquor balls pictured were rolled either in unsweetened cocoa, finely grated coconut, ground almond flour, or multi-color nonpareils.

The balls look delicious!

Happy birthday! You HAVE had an amazing year! I remember when you first came here. You have braved the challenges and made great strides in personal growth. And your life is so much happier for it! Yea!

Doing better in some ways. I just want to be independent and working.

Chest X-ray was clear as we suspected, just stubborn asthma taking its time to resolve in my left lung.

I’m doing labs Monday or Tuesday , must be off supplements for days so results will be most accurate.

Hugs and cookies to everyone ~

So they are moving me to PHP starting Monday... I'm gonna be busy and life will be hectic for a bit, bit that may actually be a good thing for right now...

Didn't have much going on today. Plan on going to church this weekend though. I just hope I can do the standing/sitting thing (I'm Catholic) without getting too dizzy from one of my meds.

I've been reading a lot because my concentration is much better now, so I'm happy about that

Hope everyone is well

I hope PHP is helpful to you.

Me too...

It's great to read how well you have been doing and how you are enJOYing life!
Belated Happy Birthday!

I'm a liar and just want to disappear. Why is being honest so hard for me? I'm not suicidal but I'm a liar. I haven't lied here but IRL. I'm so ****en Isolated. I isolate my husband and make him a liar. Everyone always thinks things are great here. The only one I'm semi honest with is H. I feel like shouting myself out to my family but that won't help anything.

Thanks! I do have a mountain bike I should try riding again. I might still have some issues, but it is less impact than running so it's a good idea.

It sounds like you are being hard on yourself. You may have lied, but you can choose not to next time if you would like to be more honest. It doesn't mean you're forever "a liar". Are you afraid to be honest about what's going on?

Feeling a bit guilty about writing yet again that I feel well. It’s another beautiful day. DH is home because it’s Saturday. All is right in my world for now. I hope I can stay stable.

I think I'm heading up. I didn't have my summer hypo or mania and I hope I'm not paying now. I was seeing bugs on the wall in my bathroom a little while ago. Yesterday I was sure someone was killing my mom and taking her body to hide. That's the kind of thinking that starts bad things. I feel really wound up.

Tomorrow my nieces are coming. I've not really seen them for a few months because we were afraid my GI issues were contagious so I stayed away. I went to their birthday party but there are too many people there to really see them. So I don't want to be flying high and having to try to control it when they are here.

My thoughts are racing from project to project. My therapist is on vacation next week and I always try to fill that week with activities. But I'm getting to the point I'll have too much to do it all.

I have that nasty antsy feeling too. I want to sleep but that's going to be interesting tonight.
t a minimum I hope I'm not seeing things tomorrow. Seeing bugs is usually in my bathroom. Once there was a lightning bug in there I was terrifed was recording me and sending it to 'them". It took a while to get grounded and convinced by a friend that the lightning bug was just doing his job.

It's a wonderful thing to be able to say! Don't feel guilty I love hearing about people doing well.

I took a few days off from work and managed to do a couple of nice things mixed with just spending quiet time in bed. I desperately needed the break and felt I had to do it for my mental health. I somehow feel unworthy at this job and feel a tremendous amount of anxiety. I've been there since April and never fully adjusted. I need the money badly, but I feel that if I didn't take these few days off, then I would be at my breaking point. So I don't know what's going to happen when I go back. I'm hoping I will be able to hold it together, but I'm questioning a lot of things, like if it is really worth it.

I picked a bad time to get my second shingles shot. Feel like crap and may have to fight with my pnurse to get out of jury duty. My old pdoc had no problem writing the notes, but my pnurse hasn’t seen me having panic attacks before. Plus I don’t know if my agoraphobia is in my records. Will have to drop off paperwork Monday morning and see T in the afternoon. I just need to rest but have things to do. Husband would help but he’s not as good a cook as I am. We’re both having trouble sleeping at the moment. I’ll get through it.