Bipolar check in #37

You're so lucky! I have gotten a rather large age spot, but it doesn't bother me where it is. Right now I only really have one wrinkle. It's a vertical wrinkle between my eye brows. I've sort of had it even since my late 20s, but it's deeper and more noticeable now. My solution? Bangs.

Feel pretty bad, but I managed not to sleep during the day.

I'm trying to hold out until Friday because that's when I see my therapist. I'm hoping that things improve on their own by then. Maybe the increase in AP dose will help; maybe it will not. I don't know. But I do know I have to give it a chance to work and I have to spend my energy finding a new pdoc in the office instead of spending that energy dwelling on the negative.

That said, I hope everyone had a good day today. Wish I could say mine was "good" even though good things happened. I've just had dark thoughts that have made my otherwise good day a bad one.

On the upside, I did not fall asleep during the day and I got some stuff done.

My daughter is a red head too, she loves her hair color and has never dyed it. Bonus my granddaughter inherited the red hair and blue eyes genes

Christina, my food delivery did arrive, but I didn't make the duck because I realized it needs 6 to 12 hours of marinading. I'll make that tomorrow. We did still have a wonderful meal. I made homemade rice pilaf and veal chops with chantarelle mushrooms (girolles) and a watercress puree sauce. It was delicious! The dang fig tart is out of this world!

On Wednesday, I'll make hubby veal liver in some way. I don't like liver. I'm unsure what I'll eat that night.

I'm so done with everything. I'm so tired.

I am sorry you are feeling this way.
perhaps make a sooner appointment with your therapist?
((((((HUGS))))))
bizi

Her dad and I both have brown boring eyes but she has beautiful blue eyes, both of our grandfathers were gingers with blue eyes.

My daughters hair literally looked just like Shirley Temple , gorgeous curls. It was almost to her waist all through her life and into the first 2 years of college and Bipolar popped up and she went more blond , slowly started getting a bit shorter ,I mean it all looked great on her. I did miss her natural but hey it’s her hair lol

One day she texted me and said , I have a surprise for you later ,I was like Oh boy,.....

Few hours later she sent me a pic of her new hair. Long on top, undercut was a bright teal color , the long top was a beautiful deep blue, my jaw hit the floor , was stunning.

That began her journey of vivid colors. She’s had every color under the sun, she let her natural color grow in for about 6 months , got a bit hypo and within an hour it was a cotton candy pink, she can pull off any colors. God I’m so mad I didn’t have those choices of hair color at her age lol

She’s a copy writer for a company owned by Scientologists LOL .. they could care less what people look like , I think 95% of the company has funky colors.

**** Drool****
My dinner sucked tonight lol

Yeah umm I’d pass on the liver too lol

You made it through the day ! Be proud of that, now get some sleep so you can continue to step outside your comfort zone

Your doing great !

You know Blue ... even when your struggling you have such a wise way of looking at your situation.

Just by accepting things as they are right in the moment and are going to take the steps needed to find yourself a new Pdoc that will actually HELP you is wonderful, being proactive YES!

Not falling asleep during the day is a HUGE deal when you have been struggling to stay out of bed. Pat yourself on the back

Not burdensome!! Not at all. Even when you're struggling. You have been very much missed around here!

I'm glad your appointment got moved up and I hope it helps bunches.

Oh, xRavenx, how I wish I could take those terrible feelings from you! You are not any of those negative things, it's the BP lying to you. Can we help you with any reality checking at all? Do you have any appointments coming up?

And remember, you can ALWAYS talk to us.

That sounds horrible. How slowly did you taper?

I wound up in the Er one night , I was borderline toxic and having my labs checked hourly to see if I might need temporary dialysis. I was done right then .. I was taking 900 mg at the time and had been for close to 2 years.. anyway my labs were always therapeutic levels.

So no taper I just quit it.

Overall I think it’s a good medication for a lot of people. It was the gold standard first medication ever made specifically for Bipolar after all.

The main thing to remember is all meds take time to actually start working and helping , well when the meds stop there’s the half-life issues and then the time your brain needs to revert back to function sans meds..

I truly hope with your taper schedule you will have a much softer landing than my train wreck sick for days and days going cold turkey was.

This is one medication that I will never take again.

Thanks. Going cold turkey must have been tough. It was about 9 days into my taper that the most awful physical symptoms appeared. Now day five of that and it is only slightly abating. I can at least drive today ... in between naps. Just feel like I’m dying. Maybe tapering is dragging the pain out, idk. The horrible thing is after this I have to tackle coming off benzodiazepines. While I’m well with regards to Bipolar I want to cut down on meds. We’ve got robots roaming Mars but cannot come up with a psych pill that ticks all the boxes without this kind of hellish downside.

I am feeling *slightly* better today compared to how I was feeling yesterday, but I am still depressed (unfortunately).

On the upside, I made quite a bit of (noticeable) progress at work yesterday that I think my boss will be happy with, so I hope I will be able to keep up the momentum for the rest of the week, at the bare minimum. (Though of course, I think anyone would prefer to persistently keep up the momentum, but I am just focusing on getting through this week.)

One day down, four more to go.

I hope everyone else has a good day today. I am personally hoping mine will be good and productive.

Feeling tired, apathetic, and like I have no motivation. It's taking me a long time to get going in the mornings. I really can't tell if I am depressed or if this is just more of a physical thing or if this is just me. Ruminating a lot and feeling very guilty over all my past mistakes, like I am not a good person.
I am meeting with my supervisor about job opportunities this week. I was supposed to think about what I wanted to do next with my career, but I feel uncertain. I was so motivated about this new degree, but now I feel I cannot predict what my brain will do and therefore am scared to make a decision. At least my SO is visiting tonight and I am going to see some friends. Maybe that will cheer me up a bit.

bluebicyle, that's good that you stayed awake during the day. I hope that may soon take away some of the daytime drowsiness.

Christina, maybe the pork itself wasn't good. I hope you got some sleep last night.

Was finally able to get some good sleep! I've been eating really healthy. It's hard because of my eating disorder history so I've got to make sure I eat without going too far and restricting. October will mark 6 months of ED recovery , I'm very happy about that. I never thought I'd get this far.

Hoping the weather cools off soon. Not much planned for the day. Might clean some. Will talk to my care manager and schedule a day to go down to my college and get things worked out so I can start classes again in the spring semester (I had to take the past 2 semesters off due to mental health problems)

Thanks for sharing this very positive news, Blue_Bird!

Did get some sleep last night, but it's weird. It's like somebody turned the lights out, I have no awareness that I'm sleeping, I miss my dreams. I want my crazy weird dreams back cause they are entertaining and sometimes enlightening. I did have a bit of a dream, I was part of a weird tribe of people and we were dying out so meeting in secret to move away from human and only marry each other to keep the magic strong.

I felt that way when I was taking ambien, like someone turned the lights out is a perfect description, it didn't feel like sleep

Hope you got some sleep

I've been craving chocolate too lol

I"m a little annoyed at my husband. So often he only tells me "on the day of" when he's going to go out with his buddies for dinner after work. And sometimes when he does tell me he's going out a day or more ahead of time, then only a couple hours before dinner time, on that day, he tells me it is cancelled and that he'll be home for dinner. So I already put a meat in a marinade for tonight's dinner. It was supposed to marinade for 6 to 12 hours. Now, it will marinade for more than 30 hours, unless I remove it from the marinade.

Today is already turning out to be an unhealthy eating day. I ate a sugary brioche for breakfast and then I just couldn't resist a 500 calorie crumb cake piece. I finished the whole thing and it's not even noon.

I see my therapist in a couple hours. For some reason, I've been nervous about my volunteer job. The issue seems, in my view, to be having to answer a phone. I told them that I didn't want to work for their HelpLine (where you answer phone calls and give info). So instead, they put me on receptionist duty (where I would answer and transfer phone calls). I know that it is not exactly a difficult thing to do, but I'm still resistant to doing it. I know I'd be much happier not having to touch a stupid phone. I haven't a clue why I have an issue with phones, but I do. I'm going to talk to my therapist about this odd-ball issue. I do have some mild odd-ball eccentricities.

I'm feeling a little better today than yesterday. It's a nice day so I'm going for a long walk at lunchtime.

I contacted my pdoc and requested that she consider adding something or replacing Wellbutrin with something. What that "something" might be is up to her to decide. I mentioned Mirapex since I have been reading a lot about it.

She's in the office only a couple of days a week so I might not hear from her for a few days. I hope she doesn't want to see me since it's difficult to get an appointment quickly because of her schedule.