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  #676  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 04:45 PM
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~Christina ~Christina is offline
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Originally Posted by Miguel'smom View Post
H is in school and getting more involved. The end goal is for him to freelance. I can't go with him to his freelance meetings. He's getting involved with clubs I'm not a student so some of the meetings I can't nor would I want to go. I end up waiting in the library for his classes/meetings to be done. I'm trying to be souportive but I want to stay home. I need to make it so I can safely be home alone for 8 hrs or more. It's like he's getting so wrapped up in networking he's forgetting I'm stuck riding/ waiting for him. If I can get my paranoia under control maybe I can manage to stay home at least some of the time.


But even now with everyone sleeping I don't feel real and want to "check" to be sure.


Can you focus on your ESA dog? Obviously if something is up s/he would alert you.

Wrote down a list of “ grounding “ questions. Like “ do I actually hear anything out of the ordinary?? Check your heart rate if it’s elevate, start slow even deep breaths. Etc

Maybe set a timer on your phone so if you start to panic you can visually see how long will it be until H or Miguel will be home.

Play with your dog or give a full brush down. Your ESA needs more attention and of course that’s going to be a big distraction for you. Plus that’s why you have s/he of course.

How much coloring are you doing a day ?

How about research some simple recipes that you can make, there are so many super easy meals, that would certainly keep you busy. I’m making baked pasta ,boil pasta add a bottle of whatever brand sauce you like , add in cheese put in oven to melt cheese , 3 item and so easy. Branch out from just having chicken tenders

I think since your struggling getting the help you need from T you really have to buckle down and start making changes and goals on your own

What is your husband in school for ??? Certainly if he can get a job in that field will help your finances.

Are you jealous of him doing these school classes? Maybe it could motivate you to try things to be more independent? Just a thought.
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  #677  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 04:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Nammu View Post
At home. They gave mum a poweder and an antibiotic that won't interfere with her blood clotting meds. Hope it's effective. Got home at 4 and my sister was here. She brought the drapes back. There's nobody in town that does drapes anymore, there's not a single cleaner in town. No fix it shops either. . My sister has a drum washer without that middle agitation pillor. They came out nice. Have to take mum back on Monday for the blood clinic so they can check that the meds aren't interacting.
So glad to hear thing have gone well and were relatively easy!
I hope all goes well for your mum with the antibiotics and her other meds.
Good idea they are checking on her again on Monday!

Hope you are doing okay? It can be taxing to take care of our loved ones, even when we want to do so.
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  #678  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 04:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Wild Coyote View Post
I hope it goes well at church.

The mindfulness is a great idea!
It is akin to a "walking meditation." I have seen a study in which this type of walking mindfully, or a walking meditation, can help to regulate mood. I wish I could recall where I saw the study. If I recall, I will post it here.

It is supposed to be so helpful, the staff at my pdoc's office built a path through the woodlands bordering the office building. Anyone is welcomed to walk there anytime and/or before/after appointments, too. The "out in nature" element is supposed to be most helpful. So many helpful approaches are activities we would be doing daily if we were not so caught up in the more modern lifestyles. Just makes sense.

Thanks for sharing so much! Very helpful!

That's really nice that there's a path they built, I would love that. I think part of my problem is I live in an urban area so there are always lots of people out and it makes me nervous and overwhelmed.

Thank you so much for your support, I hope you're doing well
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  #679  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 04:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic View Post
Hey bluebird, didn’t see you on s and p today so I went to check on you. That sounds reasonable, you can’t always escape negative feelings. Sorry about the agoraphobia too.
Thanks SP, yeah I've been offline most of the day and also reading a lot, I ordered one of those anchor boxes you mentioned
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  #680  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 04:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
That's really nice that there's a path they built, I would love that. I think part of my problem is I live in an urban area so there are always lots of people out and it makes me nervous and overwhelmed.

Thank you so much for your support, I hope you're doing well
I do understand the concerns with living in an urban area in this regard.
I have found it difficult to live in big cities. I feel very ungrounded.

It's always nice having exchanges with you!
Take good care!
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  #681  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 05:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
That's really nice that there's a path they built, I would love that. I think part of my problem is I live in an urban area so there are always lots of people out and it makes me nervous and overwhelmed.

Thank you so much for your support, I hope you're doing well
When I was in grad school I went to the neatest urban counseling center. It was built in a pine forest in the middle of the city and all the offices were built so they had huge open windows looking out into the forest. It was a beautiful place. No path though although that would have made it perfect (except for the intern therapist who didn't know what to do with me).
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  #682  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 05:15 PM
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Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow View Post
When I was in grad school I went to the neatest urban counseling center. It was built in a pine forest in the middle of the city and all the offices were built so they had huge open windows looking out into the forest. It was a beautiful place. No path though although that would have made it perfect (except for the intern therapist who didn't know what to do with me).
Sounds very nice!
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  #683  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 05:16 PM
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It looks like there's a lot going on for everybody. I wish I could share with all of you the brightness of my mind post-ECT. I'm quite lucky I'm feeling so good.
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  #684  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 05:57 PM
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Originally Posted by gayleggg View Post
I am definitly manic. This week I have over spent my budget and had sex with a guy I barely know, who is 20 years younger than me. I haven't had an episode this bad since 2009. My psychiatrist is going to be very upset with me. I'm acting like a silly school girl. I'm 67, for God's sake. I thought I had put this all behind me.


Do you see your Pdoc soon?

Don’t beat yourself up.. Bipolar can wreak hell on our lives at times
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  #685  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 05:58 PM
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Originally Posted by De Luca View Post
Thanks, I'm forcing myself to post and participate. I have social anxiety, even when I do post I typically regret it in about 5 minutes. The fear of judgement thing, although rationally I know I'm not being judged. Something I always struggled with and still do.


I think overtime you will see that there is no judgement here. We all “ get it”
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  #686  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 06:03 PM
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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
I laid in bed all afternoon because I was somewhat depressed


I hope tomorrow is a better day for you
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  #687  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 06:06 PM
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Originally Posted by Nammu View Post
Ugh, I'm in the ER. I hate ERs. I took mum in to the clinic for her Mamogram and the war fin blood clinic. The rash she has under her breast has spread and has no skin on it so they wouldn't do the Mamogram and scheduled her at the same day clinic for 5 pm. But then at the blood clinic her blood was very high, indicating an infection. They told her to go to the walk in clinic now,...they said they can't see her till 5 to go to the ER. So here we are in my least favorite place. Ugh, germs! There is a kid here, 4-5 but he's sleeping thank goodness. There's a group of 5 that seem to be having a coffee clutch and the mum with her kid. Pretty quiet for now. There was a construction worker with ice around his ankle, they took him back tho. As far as ERs go this one isn't bad but still. I'd rather go home and come back to the same day clinic at 5. But mum choose the ER, it's gonna be a wait. Some guy was wheeled in and went straight back. Fun times!


I hate having to go to the Er ! Such a long time as the triage patients not by arrival.

Hope things get sorted quickly for your mom.
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  #688  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 06:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Wild Coyote View Post
I am having a bit of a rough day today. I had left my dose of Seroquel at the lower dose. It was the second night of this low dose. I woke up this morning feeling like my brain was out of commission. Every thing was difficult. Noises were LOUD and overwhelming. Lights, too. I am on edge. I cannot recall information very well. I feel off balance in every way.


I had to cancel my day. I am unsure as to the exact cause of my status today. It is likely multi-factorial, in truth.

I had slept fitfully. I keep having ongoing nightmares about an "intruder."


I am feeling like I am right on the edge of having a migraine. In fact, I feel I have been having a "silent" migraine for most of the day.

How many of today's symptoms are due to the Seroquel taper, I just do not know.


The compressed nerve in my spine is still very painful.I missed an appointment for PT for this issue today. I am so light-headed I cannot drive safely today.

I was able to reschedule for Monday, thankfully.


I hope everyone finds something to celebrate this weekend!

Much Love ~


Oh no ! I’m sorry things are just lousy for you today. Of course it’s possible to feel this way due to the decrease. But if I remember right you have done this small change before, could just be a heads up of a mood shift ? Oh I sure hope it’s not.

Will your Pdoc be back next week or the following ?

Take it easy tonight.

Much love
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  #689  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 06:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Nammu View Post
At home. They gave mum a poweder and an antibiotic that won't interfere with her blood clotting meds. Hope it's effective. Got home at 4 and my sister was here. She brought the drapes back. There's nobody in town that does drapes anymore, there's not a single cleaner in town. No fix it shops either. . My sister has a drum washer without that middle agitation pillor. They came out nice. Have to take mum back on Monday for the blood clinic so they can check that the meds aren't interacting.


Glad you got out the Er , such a relief .. when I have to take my husband in I wear a mask. I don’t want to catch anything.

I’m glad your sister was able to get your drapes clean, I would Love to have one of those washers but so expensive.

How have you been sleeping ? Getting any? Fantastical Dreams ?
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  #690  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 06:29 PM
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Originally Posted by ~Christina View Post
Glad you got out the Er , such a relief .. when I have to take my husband in I wear a mask. I don’t want to catch anything.

I’m glad your sister was able to get your drapes clean, I would Love to have one of those washers but so expensive.

How have you been sleeping ? Getting any? Fantastical Dreams ?
I'm getting light very interrupted sleep so no fantastic dreams although this morning between 6am and 9 I had a dream where I seemed to be at an Amish carnival! The rides were all made from wood and hand spun. I left my good black winter coat at one ride and my granddaughter at another ride, very weird
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  #691  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 06:31 PM
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I live around a large Amish community so your dream of them having a carnival got me laughing.

I’m going to cross all my body parts that you get a deeper sleep tonight
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  #692  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 06:37 PM
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Yeah I can't imagine them having a carnival!
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  #693  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 08:32 PM
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]Can you focus on your ESA dog?[ I'm going to have to that and coloring

Wrote down a list of “ grounding “ questions. Like “ do I actually hear anything out of the ordinary?? Check your heart rate if it’s elevate, start slow even deep breaths. Etc I'll need to write and print a list of questions and quick techniques.

Maybe set a timer on your phone so if you start to panic you can visually see how long will it be until H or Miguel will be home. I can do that on short days but I'm unsure about long days.

Play with your dog or give a full brush down. Your ESA needs more attention and of course that’s going to be a big distraction for you. Plus that’s why you have s/he of course. I love playing with her

How much coloring are you doing a day ? I'm trying to color/art at least 3 hrs a day.

How about research some simple recipes That sounds fun. I'll have to feed myself anyway on nights he's gone. 3 ingredients meals sounds not very stressful.

B]What is your husband in school for ??? Certainly if he can get a job in that field will help your finances. computer management

Are you jealous of him doing these school classes? Maybe it could motivate you to try things to be more independent? Just a thoughtI don't think I'm jealous. I'm happy for him. I need to be more independent as it's affecting my quality of life/relationship.

My skills often go out the window when I get scared and I either sit on PC or hide. in bed
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  #694  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 08:32 PM
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Thanks Christina!

I have so much going on, I cannot tell what is causing what.

Rough day with mother. She fell and has injured herself. She was very upset for a few hours.

Then had to deal with H, which was very trying. Same old troubled pattern at work. So very destructive. So simple to omit certain behaviors to begin with.. Tried to help him to realize this. I honestly don't think he cares to know. He is locked into a passive- aggressive pattern, where he has been stuck for many, many years now. He has never wanted to listen or to give it up.

Pdoc is gone for 2 more weeks.

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Last edited by Wild Coyote; Sep 20, 2019 at 08:51 PM.
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  #695  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 08:41 PM
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Sorry about your mother WC. Falling can be traumatic especially if they are older. Mum fell last month and it really scared her. Hope your mum recovers soon.
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  #696  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 08:45 PM
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WC, is she okay now?
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  #697  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 08:51 PM
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I forgot to pick up my scripts! I only have enough through tomorrow. I'll have to skip all my meds Sunday. Except the extra Haldol that's separate.

Watching "The Founder".
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  #698  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 08:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Miguel'smom View Post
WC, is she okay now?
She is sore. It will take time to heal.
Thanks for asking!
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  #699  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 08:56 PM
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Sorry about your mother WC. Falling can be traumatic especially if they are older. Mum fell last month and it really scared her. Hope your mum recovers soon.
Thank you, Nammu!
She was very distressed. She was very subdued for the rest of the day. Seemed to have lost her confidence. Thanks, Nammu!
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  #700  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 09:50 PM
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I hope your mother is ok WC.

Well, I took 6 showers in 7 days which is a really big improvement. I was down to 1 or 2 for a while.

I had a crazy day at work today. I had to talk to a lot of people on a day I was feeling really withdrawn. I'm glad it's over and looking forward to sleeping it off.
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