Bipolar check in #37

Hi Blue, The same commercials can be seen on the televisions here at my house.. They aren't targeted towards you per se. They run whether or not you are watching your tv.

i am glad you are feeling so productive.
Thanks for your advice today! very helpful!
i hope you have a good night!

Ugh!! Sleep during the day. It's like some kind of a curse or something. Even on Provigil, I still find myself super-tired at various times during the day. It may be worth remembering that sleep issues are just a big part of the bipolar spectrum illness for many, many people. You are not the only one dealing with this, so maybe don't give yourself such a hard time about it. It happens. Whether your depressions is beginning to flare (hope not) or you've got a little virus coming on or if there is no obvious reason at all, be easy on yourself. This is, unfortunately, often just part of the deal with these illnesses. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better. Keep us posted.

Is there a way to keep yourself out of bed? Maybe set up a meeting for coffee with one of your friends? Maybe meet for lunch or whenever you feel most tired during the day.

I hope you feel better soon!

Yes, my feet in the dirt!

There is a study somewhere about this small town where they had put people in the town "into" the earth by letting them down into the earth! Some were covered by dirt from feet to knees, etc. Anyway, the study had proven some of the benefits of this type of grounding, things like decreased inflammation, etc.

I think it was this site which had put out a free book on this information.
I also saw a movie on this. .

There are many ways to approach.good health. I was very surprised to learn the importance of this type of "grounding."

Love to All!

Struggling. Saw my T today. We discussed how tapering off Lithium is effecting me, and how I am, and may be like without its help. As I am reacting so badly the taper is going to take months. It is such a pity the side effects are too much for me to deal with long-term as Lithium actually helps me. It calms me down and reigns in my impulsivity. Now I am very anxious, deeply emotional, suicidal at times, and generally spending most of my time reigning in strong impulses. It is painful and exhausting. I am hoping that these bad symptoms will pass as my body adjusts to less Lithium.

I am rambling. Gosh, I am trying so hard to be positive, but right now I am drowning. In an hour I am heading out to dinner with my partner and his friends. I shall give an Oscar winning performance to his friends on how great I am doing - then crash.

My therapist told me I have to change my neuro pathways. She said I am hardwired to believe that I can’t teach and that unless I rewire everything I will continue to suffer. She didn’t say any of this in a mean way, just as a means to help me. I’m going to try the things she suggested and see if it makes any difference.

I’m so ****ed up right now. I’m getting suicidal. Thought about but I obviously didn’t. Because I don’t actually want to die. I just want this to stop. I can’t go IP again. I might be able to do a program but I don’t want to have to. I’m trying so hard but I don’t think I can make it.

My therapist said just try her suggestions until next Friday and then see where we stand. I think I can do that. I’m not sure though. I’m going to try.

I just want to cry.

Sorry you're struggling.

I hope your therapist's suggestions help you. I am glad to hear you are going to give them an honest try. That's what I would do too. Keep doing what you're able to do. You can push through it because you've done it before.

Have you told RS how you've been feeling?

Ugh, I want a new iPad. There's a new one coming out Oct 4th. My iPad Mini is from 2013 and charges slower than a slug crossing a 6 lane highway. I had 2% battery left when I turned it on yesterday around 5pm. I plugged it in, and it FINALLY got to 99% battery charge at 8:57am. So basically 9am it got to full charge. Sixteen hours. SIXTEEN HOURS. That's insane!!

Anyway, having a good day so far today. My 8:30am meeting got cancelled, so I'm free to do what I want for a while -- although I still have to do some work.

I'm planning on doing more cleaning. I'm also afraid there are mice in the walls because I heard scratching all last night and the night before. I need to tell management, but I can't because my apartment is a mess!! (Fortunately there is no food anywhere, but there are boxes and stuff all over the floor and couch.) I don't want them coming in here to see a huge mess, but nor do I want the mice coming here either!! So clean I must do.

Hi guys. I'm new here, sort of. I was a member back in 2015. I'm scared about my med changes - tapering off lithium which I have been on for 5+ years and it's worked really really well for me. Been slightly unstable. Having trouble sleeping most nights. But in general, still able to work and eat and be, so not much to complain about, and I feel pretty okay.

Welcome back! I hope the taper goes smoothly for you.

Hi UnicornLady,
Welcome back!

I hope you find the information and the support you may be seeking!
Keep reaching out!

Because of the state I was in last Friday when I went in for ECT, my doc suggested I do another treatment again this Friday. I'm not sure I need it though. I don't feel as bad as I did last week, but I am hesitant to say I feel good. I don't know what I should do in terms of this Friday's ECT. Should I go? Should I cancel the upcoming appointment?

What is the minimum cancellation notice (in hours) that the ECT people require? If they require a minimum of a 24 hours cancellation notice, I would wait until tomorrow before deciding. You may have a better idea of how you feel after the ECT treatment has taken more effect.

Wander and Wildflowerchild, I'm sorry to read that you're both struggling. You will feel better with time. Please hang in there.

I'm glad to see you back, unicornlady!

back unicorn lady

bluebicycle's question is a good one. If you can decide tomorrow or even later, that would be great. Perhaps the decision will be easier. I can't tell you what to do. You've had ECT several times in the past, do you recall when you've made such a similar call, and how you felt about it afterwards?

I went out for coffee with N3 this morning. Took a much-needed shower. And now have laundry in the washing machine. Started reading the other book I got along with "Madness"- its not as thrilling as "Madness" though. My other book, which I ordered should be here Tuesday- two whole weeks after I ordered it! Wth? Sometimes Amazon is way too slow!

Had storms last night, just swept the deck off, had every tree in the state represented. Even had pine cones and there's no pine trees close to us. Today is a lovely fall day, cool and breezy. Plan to sit outside and read for a bit,.....grounded in the earth and bathed in vitamin D. Won't take long to read the readers digest.

music stuck in my head all day. had to listen to the songs that I had in my head. seems to have helped. now they are at a dull roar and almost gone. been lazy today. not much accomplished. watching reruns on tv of stuff. but I am not even really watching tv. I am somewhere in between. migraine now, brain zaps, floaters in my eyes, think I might take a little nap. I am going to play the lottery tonight. I have a bunch of numbers already picked out to try and play. hopefully I will win the big prize. its estimated at 40 million, so the cash value is like 23 million. so that gives me something to look forward to. I lost track of time when picking the numbers. think I spent way too long doing it. now im feeling deep depression. its taken me about 40 minutes to type all this. I keep stopping and getting lost. think I will end this now. sorry if I bored anyone.

Nammu, I'm enjoying exactly what you mentioned you plan to enjoy! I highly recommend it!

Today is much more pleasant near the lake than yesterday. It was downright chilly yesterday, and too windy. Today is far less windy and the sun is pleasant, but hubby and I are still wearing hoodies outside.

Last night, a bear overturned the garbage at the house we are staying in, and dragged a couple of bags into the woods. It wasn't our garbage, but the that of the Airbnb people before us. The owner needs to send someone to clean it up. I'm mentioning this specifically because my husband has a stronger than usual fear of bears. I can't understand how/why he developed this fear. He didn't have it in our early marriage. He even once talked about it with a past psychiatrist. Bears are not that common where we live, but definitely common where we're staying this week. I try not to make fun of hubby's fear, but at the same time I try to put the risk into its proper perspective.

Sounds wonderful Birddancer! Growing up my parents had a cabin in the north, in the fall it was too cold to swim but the weather was lovely for being outside and canoeing.

I went to therapy this morning and kind of got a scolding for not doing my therapy homework. I really don`t like therapy. It`s difficult for me to talk to other people about my feelings ect… I don`t enjoy discussing myself. And the bonus is I really don`t feel well today. I `ve got a cold or allergies or something. I just feel unwell today. Hugs to all that are struggling right now.

Thank you for helping me to think about this (both to BirdDancer and bluebicycle). As it turned out, the hospital called today and they want to keep me on the books for Friday. My doc wants to be absolutely certain that I'm not going to slip back into depression.

I met with my T today also. She concurs with regard to treatment so I guess I'm going in on Friday.

I’m feeling a bit better this afternoon. I focused on the small positives as my therapist told me to. It helped a little. The self harm urges are at bay, for now. I am calmer but still depressed. Emotionally exhausted. Still wish I could call out the next two days. But I promised my t I would go to work every day from now until October 4. So I will.

I just want to go to sleep right now. It’s only 7.34p though so a bit too early. Besides I can’t sleep with all the lights on and I can’t turn them off until my son goes to bed and RS comes in the bedroom. Luckily he usually comes in the bedroom as soon as my son Goes to bed at 8.45.

That’s it. I hope I feel like this tomorrow. This depression is manageable. Wanting to rip my skin off is not.