Bipolar Check-In #38

Hi Miss Laura,


I am sorry you are feeling so down and so defeated.


In mentioning writing to you, I was only mentioning writing lists, which does not take the ongoing concentration of writing sentences or paragraphs.

You would not have to make a complete list all at once. You could start a list in a notelbook, for instance, and later return to the list and addo to iit?


I am not creative, either. Lol! I am an artistic moron!

Yet, I could find classes in things like "Water Color Painting," "Jewelry Making," etc. It helps me to surround myself with others who are more creative and those who are willing to teach me if I need it.


My grandmother never saw herself as "creative," in any way. I had not known her to be artistic, at all. In her 80's, she took classes on oil painting. She painted truly outstanding paintings immediately! It was amazing! It was something she could have enJOYed her entire life, if she had been open to trying sooner. She had painted a limited number of paintings before she has passed on. It would have been wonderful to have had a painting in each home, which I am sure would have been the case had she lived longer.


I'd wanted to share this story with you, so both you and I might realize we might not know where our talents might flourish until we give it earnest effort. I am guilty of feeling much the way you feel, convincing myself that I have no creative talent at all. This is likely not entirely true. We must try things in order to find our talents.


Volunteering can be a very rewarding activity! you say you like it and also say you are done with it. I find this confuising. Can you clarify?


You mention your anger.

Have you ever been able to take anger management classes?

Is your anger always there and ready to explode or does it change at times?


How does your counselor talk about your anger? Does your counselor help you to identify reasons/triggers for your anger?


What does help, even a little bit when your anger is starting to surface?


Do you know if your anger is related to a change in mood?

Some people with BP almost always feel agitated and , often angry, when they become hypomanc, for instance. Are you usually in a certain place with your mood when you feel the most anger surfacing?


Why can't you work on doing something different, or opposite, when you feel your anger surfacing? I think we can all work on doing the opposite of how we feel. We just need to be willing to try this with the true intention of following through.


When I read your post, I feel like you are giving up. I hope you will be willing to try something (again) to help yourself, out of self-love. I am sure your family does not want you to give up. The PC family wants to see you succeed, too.


I hope both you and I will try to find our creative sides. I also hope you will invest in yourself by simply listing some healthy activities you can do if/when you are feeling self-destructive..


I can only encourage you, You have to be willing to help yourself. I do hope you choose to explore more healthy actions, Miss Laura!


We are here for you!

Very down today. Just got home from the fall festival at the local orchard. It was nice to have a distraction for a couple of hours. It was tough though. Not sure what the rest of the day will bring. I need to go clothes shopping for my son as his pants are too short now. I also need to bring all the winter clothes down from the attic as it is finally cool enough. But for now I’m just going to lay in bed. RS said he wants me to take a nap with him which is perfect for my depressed self.

Three weeks of ECT in a row. I'm feeling noticeably better now.

Even better, my doc was very pleased to receive the box of tea I had gotten her.

Woo it's humid out! Did errands and really worked up a sweat even tho it's only in the 50's. Stopped by the library to update my card, every year or so they want me to stop by and prove I'm a real live person using their resources. They had the friends of the library book sale today, uh oh! But I did good I bought one large print for mum and two coffee table history books for me. One on ancient history the other on history of language in USA. I coulda gotten a sack the brown paper sack and fill it for $5 but I did good and just got three books! Then I went and picked up my meds and mum's meds then picked up super, golash. Was supposed to pick up a rostering chicken but they were out, so golash. What can I say, this is Minnesotaians food.

Have you ever read the mother tongue by bill bryson? It’s the history of the English language around the world. Very interesting. One of my favorite books. I also like made in America by him. That’s the history of the English language in America. Very interesting as well.

Very down today. Just got home from the fall festival at the local orchard. It was nice to have a distraction for a couple of hours. It was tough though. Not sure what the rest of the day will bring. I need to go clothes shopping for my son as his pants are too short now. I also need to bring all the winter clothes down from the attic as it is finally cool enough. But for now I’m just going to lay in bed. RS said he wants me to take a nap with him which is perfect for my depressed self.

It's been a really long day and it's only 5:10 pm.

I had the NAMI Wellness Conference today. My sister was to meet me at my house and then we'd drive, separately, there together. Well, it was about 7:50 am and I was still in bed and the doorbell rings. I'm like "Honey, who in the heck is at the door! You have to get it!" He didn't remember, either.

Well, it was my sister arrived right at the expect time, but of course I was totally clueless until he yelled up that it was my sister. I started rushing to get dressed at like 200 mph. I didn't brush my teeth or bathe/shower, I scrambled to tame my hair, I forgot to take my morning medications, and later in the day I realized I had put my underwear on backwards. Not inside out, but backwards.

Anyway, the conference had its really great moments and some that were not as good as I had hoped. During lunch I finally looked at my phone and saw that my husband texted me and a plumber called me. I mentioned here that we were having plumbing problems lately, some bad ones. However, after my speedy departure, my husband discovered that sewage was seeping through to our basement. Happy joy! He was struggling to call me to get the plumber's number, but I had silenced my phone and put it away the whole time. Hubby called my brother to get the plumber's number and Bro gave the plumber MY cell phone number. The cell phone I hadn't been checking. Long story short, hubby finally reached the plumber and the they came and kinda sorta fixed the issue. Kinda. Apparently some tree roots interfered with piping and they need to be dealt with. Hubby is saying we can shower, use the sinks, washer, and dishwasher, but if we use the toilets, we shouldn't use paper. Or at least...not flush the paper. I know. More than all of you wanted to read, but that's what we're dealing with. I could consider myself the lucky one because hubby dealt with the "mess" in my absence.

I was very tired at the end of the conference, but I promised to help them with the cleanup. It was a lot of work and I finally disappeared and headed home. I think I do feel a bit negatively affected by not having taken my morning medications. I did take an Ativan, at the least. When I dug into my pocketbook for the Ativan, I found that the pill bottle cap had come off and all of my Ativan pills were strewn on the bottom of my dirty pocketbook. I took one anyway. I'll fish them out later.

As written, there were some very nice parts of the conference, but I'm not in the right state to be mentioning them now. I'm thinking of taking my evening meds in an hour and just going to bed early.

Three weeks of ECT in a row. I'm feeling noticeably better now.

Even better, my doc was very pleased to receive the box of tea I had gotten her.

Woo it's humid out! Did errands and really worked up a sweat even tho it's only in the 50's. Stopped by the library to update my card, every year or so they want me to stop by and prove I'm a real live person using their resources. They had the friends of the library book sale today, uh oh! But I did good I bought one large print for mum and two coffee table history books for me. One on ancient history the other on history of language in USA. I coulda gotten a sack the brown paper sack and fill it for $5 but I did good and just got three books! Then I went and picked up my meds and mum's meds then picked up super, golash. Was supposed to pick up a rostering chicken but they were out, so golash. What can I say, this is Minnesotaians food.

So I was scrolling through fb when I came upon a comment that my brother’s wife made on another person’s post. She said they’re going to be moving to the shore as soon as they can to be closer to her mom. And that really got to me. So it’s complete then. My brother will be cutting me out of his life. He’s not going to drive 45 minutes to visit me when he can’t even drive ten minutes now. And if he makes that decision you can bet my *** ain’t driving out there either.


I feel so abandoned. Like I never expected his wife to take him away from me. She was my best friend. But all of a sudden they had my niece and now my family isn’t good enough for them. I’m hurt, but it’s not even worth bringing up. The last time I did she just dismissed me and said I was being too sensitive and that he was perfectly ok with it. So if that’s how they feel then I guess that’s how they feel. It’s a real shame.


Supposedly he’s coming to our mother’s 60th birthday party in a few weeks but we will just see. They always cancel. So I won’t believe it until I see it.

@christina its been low 60s here the last few days. Very Fall-ish. But don't wish you had this weather- you will be in the 60's when we are at 40 below with windchill!