Grieving

I also really grieve for that youthful girl who had a future full of promise and hope. I’m trying to have hood out hope for the future.

Yes neurontin and gabapentin is the same.

Since you have finally found stability you might want to ask about Lyrica. My husband has severe neuropathy and he takes it for the nerve pain and it helps him so much, Fibro is just nerve pain so it might be worth a try.

Hi!

You have come a long way since first coming here. I am positive it's been very helpful to get more distance from your GI surgery PTSD for sure. I am also sure it has been helpful to get your med situation squared away.

I would like to mention something out of concern for you. I hope you are not offended.

Many psychiatrists do not pay any/enough attention to the danger of using meds which prolong the QT interval (heart), which can cause sudden death.
In most case, the patient/client MUST watch out for themselves.

Some very astute pharmacists will not allow two drugs with this same potential to be approved. Most pharmacists let this slide, which is insane!

Many psych meds carry this risk.

Tizanidine (muscle relaxant) is a med which carries this risk.
Please be very careful when mixing with psych meds.
It can be important for a PC doc or a pdoc to order an EKG if/when using meds with this potential. If a doctor wants to add another med with this potential, an EKG is a must prior to adding the med. If there are already two meds in your med regime with this potential, please insist upon an EKG in order to check on the current status of your QT interval prolongation.

(I am very aware of the failure of many doctors and many pharmacists just not paying attention to the potential for the prolongation of QT intervals when prescribing/dispensing meds. Many docs also fail to protect their patients by not ordering an EKG when it is clearly indicated in the literature/guidelines.

This issue is something I do write about here sometimes, as I believe we need to have informed consent and we need to know how to look after our own welfare, especially in areas like this, where many of our providers are failing.

I am a bit more aware of this risk with tizanidine because I also use this med when there is not another med on my med regimen which carries this QT interval prolongation potential. If I must take on a med with this same potential, I change the muscle relaxant to a different one(Soma, for example).

( Tizanidine can also cause cardiac arrhthymias, FYI. Be careful these types of potential cardiac effects are not simply chalked up to being "anxiety.")

Again, I hope I am not offending you. You have worked very hard at making your illness a smaller part of your life. I would hate to have something like a QT interval prolongation mishap turnyour world upside down.

I did not check all of your meds re: QT interval prolongation potential and I am not a medical professional. Please do check your meds and/or have your pharmacist/doctor make sure you are safe.

Much Love to You and to Yours!

I had some of the same themes happening during my worst episode though mine were mostly religious based. But, for example, he went to the grocery for me one day and I just wanted him to buy regular groceries but he went to GFS which is a bulk store instead. Well, I was enraged. I started frantically screaming at him and throwing things. This type of thing stands out in my head. However, this isn’t what he had trouble recovering from. He could clearly see that I was sick at that point and understood and just wanted me better. But, when that psychotic mania turned to deep depression that lasted year after year, he started to think that it wasn’t fair for me to sit my “lazy ass” on the chair while he works his butt off every day. He really took it personally and still does whenever I get depressed and can’t maintain my routine. I do get it though, it would be frustrating for anyone.

As for my therapist thinking I should give him an ultimatum, there are other things. Although he has gotten much better, he was and can still occasionally be downright nasty and hateful to me about my weight gain. Despite the fact that I was ALWAYS skinny or average in the 9 years he knew me pre meds, he insists that I should have total control over it. He has outright said I’m fat, and just made lots of fat shaming remarks. He will say things about that and about the laziness in front of my kids. And also, while he’s mostly a loving dad, he can still show that same kind of blunt, almost shocking language to my kids, screaming at them for completely irrational things like messes and total accidents. He can just be nasty as a snake. He gets it honest though because his dad is 100% worse and that’s who raised him. But, it’s like I tell my therapist all of the time, the vast majority of the time he is a goofy, fun loving, big hearted guy. He just has a temper from hell and sometimes irrational expectations.
She thinks I should tell him he needs to go to therapy or I will leave or something of that nature but I can’t make that threat because I don’t think it’s bad enough for me to follow through. I do wish he’d get help though. It would do him so much good.

Yes WC !! I’m very glad you brought up the prolonged QT...... it is something a person needs to be aware of.

Because of having to take so many meds for physical problems I always double check with my Pdoc or GP, I look it all up myself and then discuss it with the pharmacist.

Thank you for this important information

That's a really tough situation. I can imagine it would be really painful to hear those remarks. I can also see how it would wear on your children and potentially set the stage for them to continue the same behaviors when they become adults.

It sounds like he genuinely loves you and he's willing to support you through your worst times. You seem to do the same for him. That's really beautiful and an important aspect to any marriage. It is invaluable actually.

I work a lot with teams in regards to helping them recognize issues and addressing them so that they can perform better. Families are teams. I will say this... In my experience, it is important to recognize issues openly and put our best effort forward to try to change them for the better. So in your case that's doing all you can to be proactive with the mania and the depression and maintaining as healthy as possible of a lifestyle as you can. That doesn't mean dropping all the weight. It means recognizing it and making some sort of effort to improve. For him that might be going to therapy, or it might be simply just being open to feedback that his behavior is hurtful. It might be apologizing when it gets out of control. It might even just be admitting to your family that his temper gets the best of him and he doesn't really mean the things he says.

I think the goal is to simply show good faith and effort towards growth. Teammates are able to accept and deal with a wide array of dysfunctional behavior when they feel like everyone is acknowledging the issues and at least doing something to improve. Even if they are angry. Even if they are sad. Even if they know it won't fix everything.

The worst possible outcome occurs when teammates clearly see the problems and they move into acceptance and then ignore them. Their apathy toward growth is like a cancer and it eats away at the goodness of a team from the inside out.

I know that's maybe a lot to process, but I'll wrap it up with this. Ultimatums are harsh and are typically rejected by everyone. Nobody likes being told what to do. However, opening up about how issues make you feel and asking that someone seek to help make things better somehow in their own way usually creates forward motion in a positive direction.

Just my 2 cents. As always, only take whatever resonates and discard anything that feels like it would hinder your situation.

I appreciate your feedback/support.
I'm always reticent to go OT. In some cases, it's well worth it to share some critical information. Blueberrybook has opened the door in this case.

I do care very much about Blueberrybook's welfare. Blueberry may already have this information. It's best to be safe and to offer the info. anyway.

I repeatedly offer this info to the community. Several people have written to me, telling me they have insisted upon an EKG due to this info being offered here. In my case, an EKG had alerted both me and my pdoc that we could not safely add another med holding this potential. An EKG, in these cases, can be life-saving.

The QT interval prolongation post is an educational post for Blueberry, as well as for anyone who reads, including the many who are "lurking."

I have checked with ~Christina re: my having gone OT. I am thankful to have her blessing.

It does take extra time/effort to repeatedly write on this topic; however, I lcare about this community and offer this info with love.

* Standing Ovation*

spot on !!!!

Thank you for your advice! I really enjoy your wisdom!

I was homebound for ten years due to agoraphobia. I did exactly as you are now. I learned I had to grieve and let go of what I couldn’t do anymore. It was either that or go insane. I think it is a healthy coping method. It allowed me to accept things I could not change and focus on the things I could.

Thank you for sharing. Accepting things can really help us grow

Reading this thread has been very moving. So many losses for us all, so many of us had oodles of promise and early success and bright futures but were cut down by bipolar. BethRags' post meant the most to me. I also grieve the loss of my looks before meds. I was thin and fit until i was 29 and went on serious psych meds and almost instantly gained 100 pounds. I was a gymnast and ballet dancer in my teens and an aerobics nut in my twenties.

I miss that girl so much! How i loved being fit and thin and sexy and pretty and active! I grieve that loss, the loss of that girl. After about 40 diets over the past two decades i have to admit, with a heavy heart, that that girl is probably gone forever. She is not coming back.

I'm still making an effort with Overeaters Anonymous (OA) and my Seroquel taper but i doubt i will ever have a waist again. I hope to improve my physical health and have already seen a big change for the better re my digestion but realistically i doubt i'll ever be thin and pretty again. Thru OA i am just trying to improve the quality of my diet, to get off the junk and onto real food to heal my digestive woes.

I'm not actively trying to lose weight yet and may never try again as serial dieting is it's own sort of mild trauma, purposeful, methodical starvation and i can't go thru it one more time and gain it all back and more. As hard as it is to accept "Fat Jane" it may well be easier than trying to change her. Making her healthier but still fat i can get behind but making her thin -- i can't go down that road again.

It's been helpful to have a sense of humor about it. There's a funny song about weight-gain and aging going around Facebook which some of you might have seen:

"I don't look good naked anymore /

I'm a deep-fried double-wide version of the woman i was before /

And i don't look good naked anymore!"

I Grieve the loss of my memory.
And it seems I can't get stuff done like I used to.
My meds stopped working and I was living hypomania as a base line for a long time.
Now am on lithium...I think I am more stable. Have finally been able to be alcohol free for 12 days.
I gained 50 pounds over 4 years.....sigh
My husband is very kind...NEVER says a word about my gain.
I am tired of the weight and have been dieting and lost 3 pounds. It is a start.
bizi

Thank you for sharing. I think most of us have struggled with weight gain from psych meds. I got my metabolic syndrome gold star about a year ago

Thank you for sharing. Yes losing memory is a big deal. Your doing great with weight loss

I’m glad you have a understanding husband. That’s a huge blessing.

This was a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing. If I may, please let me offer that you are Jane and Jane IS all of the things you mentioned. You carry old Jane with you just as you do new Jane. Acceptance comes from loving yourself as the whole package including all of the roads you've traveled. So you're not trying to walk back down the road of thin Jane anymore. It is too painful because you assume the route has to be a certain way. You've traveled it over and over and it is has only brought heartache. You want to give that adventure up. You instead want something new. That makes perfect sense.

You're instead walking a route of healthier and happier Jane. It is a new road for you. You're paving it as you go. You're a collective map though and all of your roads connect eventually. You might find that you're inspired to cross over to active Jane a few times on your way to healthier and happier. You might meet up with a thinner Jane by a chance detour. These are definite possibilities if you remain open to them.

You can greet and remember those versions of yourself and impart to them the updated healthier and happier Jane. The Jane who has lived more and seen more and carries much more wisdom. It is like creating active or thin Jane 2.0 for a while and then you know you'll go on to create the next wonderful and amazing flair of Jane.

Its more fun if we consider ourselves as beings who evolve through stages that sometimes offer us experiences LIKE or similar to what we had before. The goal is not to repeat the past. (How boring!) The new experiences are different and have different variables, but they carry the opportunity to create some of the same feelings in our hearts as we go. Young active Jane was great. A bit older and health conscious Jane can channel the energy of young active Jane when she wants to. She still remembers what it feels like. You can be both simultaneously. Being both is a much fuller and more enriching experience!

You can look great naked if you remember you're evolving. Picture and accept yourself with your past, your current AND your highest possible future and you're always beautiful!

I say all of this as someone who has been though many stages of physical being including many years where I hated and rejected myself including heavy and ugly duckling stages. I enjoy myself much more now that I see myself as a multi-phase, constantly evolving being who can create the feelings of almost any experience I desire. I could mourn the past versions of me. Instead, I connect with them and do it differently and with more flair Keep it fun and funky Jane. You are incredibly beautiful because you 'got naked' here with us for a moment and bared a bit of your soul and it's amazing.

The same goes for the rest of you here! Use more than just your eyes when you look in the mirror

Fern, another wonderful post! I will try to take your words to heart while the New Jane evolves!

I don't want to discount the need to grieve. It is important to process that which we percieve as lost. We just also need to remember nothing is ever truly lost at the same time. Paradoxes are so confusing... And fun

I am sending hugs to all of those who are Grieving the Loss of Someone or Something, whoever he or she is or whatever it may be. You're all important and you're ALL valuable, with no exception. Please NEVER EVER give up hope, ok? You all matter no matter what other people may say! Ok?

Whatever2013,
Your post moved me to tears. In complete honesty, the worst and cruelest discrimination I've ever witnessed is the way people judge overweight people - especially overweight women. Just that term, in fact: Overweight. What does that really mean? Who set the standard, and when? And for what purpose?

I will say that I have been on antipsychotics for a long enough period of time that my A1C (glucose test) is headed toward diabetes, so my GP has prescribed Metformin. I'm on the 3rd day of taking it and so far, it has curbed my appetite dramatically. I no longer have the immense sugar cravings and the feeling that I almost constantly need to eat.

I have no illusions of returning to weighing 110lbs, but if I could drop 20lbs it would be a start.

I realize you have addressed your response to whatever2013 and I hope you will both forgive my strong desire to comfort and to encourage BethRags.

BethRags, I have not tried Metformin myself; however, I have heard/read of many doing very well on this medication. I hope you have similar results.

Another approach to keeping blood glucose stable is to increase the amount of protein you eat. Eating protein throughout the day/evening is one way of stabilizing blood sugar, especially for someone not yet diagnosed with diabetes and possibly considered "pre-diabetic."

You might get some additional ideas/support on the "physical check-in thread? " If you haven't participated on that thread, started by our wise friend, fern46, please do stop by!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote I realize you have addressed your response to whatever2013 and I hope you will both forgive my strong desire to comfort and to encourage BethRags. BethRags, I have not tried Metformin myself; however, I have heard/read of many doing very well on this medication. I hope you have similar results. Another approach to keeping blood glucose stable is to increase the amount of protein you eat. Eating protein throughout the day/evening is one way of stabilizing blood sugar, especially for someone not yet diagnosed with diabetes and possibly considered "pre-diabetic." You might get some additional ideas/support on the "physical check-in thread? " If you haven't participated on that thread, started by our wise friend, fern46, please do stop by!

Dear WC, Thank you so very much! I will certainly check out fern's thread.