Bipolar check-in #42

@bpforever1: I find it is better to be alone than with the wrong person. You deserve someone who will treat you with respect and affection. Stay strong! It's not for everyone, but i find my dog really decreases my longing for a man. Snuggling with her gives some of the sensual pleasure of a man. I still find myself talking to a man in my head, so i'm still wanting a man who would listen. It's beyond all reason. I'm 53. It gets easier with each passing year. PM me anytime if you need a boost re your commitment to resist this bad man!

history can repeat itself......
good luck
bizi

Thank you, I am doing ok and am listening to music. The urge is like a feeling of helplessness that overcomes me at times. I believe, I will survive without him!! I don't want to repeat history! I want to create a future where I learned from my past and am living free from such abuse. I will take baby steps in this direction.

much love and luck to you today.
This is hard work that you are doing.....
you are worthy of this effort.

bizi

Thanks to @Nammu and @BirdDancer for letting me know about taking propranolol 2x a day vs 3x a day.

I have been pacing less and less, but still pacing around nonetheless. I wonder if I need a higher dose of the propranolol, or if I need more time for this drug to build up in my system. I'm going to give it a fair chance at my current dose, though. I'll wait until my next pdoc appt @ the end of this month to decide if I need something stronger. The thing is, though... I am on Lipitor and I'm fairly certain it's messing with my drug metabolism since it affects the liver functioning, and I tend to need higher doses of things to compensate. That's why I'm not going to give up on it quite so soon.

Otherwise, I'm doing pretty well. I have my second guitar lesson tomorrow (yes, already!!). I'm really looking forward to it because I'm struggling a bit with technique. Plus, I'm always excited to learn more and get better.

Also, I'm not sure if I should wear a face mask to Boston (Chinatown) on Tuesday. I'm really tempted to, especially since that kid likely spread the illness to other people. I mean, supposedly you can spread this crap even if you're asymptomatic, so it doesn't matter if he was initially asymptomatic or not. This crap spreads like wildfire in cities, as evidenced by Wuhan itself!!

I'm so glad you are liking your guitar lessons so much, bluebicyle!

As for the face mask, if that sets your mind at ease, wear it. So you know, Chinese often wear face masks in public even just because of the extreme pollution in some cities. Certainly tge Chinese in Chinatown wouldn't find that odd. My Chinese friend and her Chinese friend, both living in the US, have been buying face masks in the US and sending them to China. Apparently there is a shortage of them in China because of the Coronavirus.

I am so happy to hear that you may be feeling a bit better on Latuda. That is fantastic!!

I hope the game is rewarding for you. I'm a Cowboy fan, so...

You will push through it. Rest when you need to. Sleep when you need to. Forget the schedule, if you can. Just do what you can do. And don't judge yourself if what that consists of is sitting on the couch with tea staring emptily at the TV. Just do what you can do.

Sending you strength and energy.

You can do this!!!!

I’m fighting to stay awake at work. 5:00am is a difficult wake up time! I just submitted a paper for school and have an exam this week. There’s so much downtime at work on the weekends!

Completely wiped out and exhausted. Slept all day yesterday, all night, got up at 4, then, immediately went back to bed because I could not stay awake. Maybe I am just getting caught up on the last several months of sleep deprivation. Maybe I am crashing a bit due to the recent addition and big doses of Dpeakote and Thorazine and so forth. I dunno.

Anyway, not judging myself. Wanted to ride this morning but just could not make it happen. I am going to do what I can do. Whatever that is. Hopefully, not as blue and sort of hopeless as yesterday was--it was fairly difficult.

Sending euthymia and peace and love to all!!!!

bpcyclist, I second your sentiments. Hopefully not as blue.
Yesterday my in-laws came for lunch, bringing a bunch of food for us. I very much appreciate the gesture, but my MIL being fanatical about fresh food has given us more than we'll consume. I have no doubt that much of it will go bad before we can eat it. I have past experience to support this. So here I am grateful, yet frustrated. ... and feeling guilt over the frustration.

My wife is doing psych research today with 4 groups, 3 study groups and the control group. So she's away for the first half of the day. I need to find an activity that doesn't involve throwing things out. On the other hand, getting rid of things could help toward the move. ...

bpcyclist, I hope your mood evens out shortly. Long depressions after manias are not givens. Sometimes the pendulum swings a little the other way before settling in the right place.

Daonnachd, can you freeze some of the food? That's nice that your in-laws were so thoughtful.

Hubby and I went to his barber downtown to get his hair cut. While hubby was getting his cut, a good friend and one of her friends happened to be downtown and spotted him. She's the friend that invited us for Chinese New year dinner. We really like her so much! She's a bundle of positivity and exhuberance.

Upon returning home, we saw that our new neighbors were home. I told hubby that we should stop procrastinating and introduce ourselves. Immediately! I actually made a batch of vanilla crescent cookies just for that purpose. I hope they like them. They're freaking good! We introduced ourselves and gave the lady the cookies and a bottle of wine. Her husband was visible, but didn't come to the door, but her little girl (maybe 4 years old) did, but was clearly shy. The lady seemed happy about our welcome and introduction. I'm almost certain they are Chinese, but I didn't speak any Chinese. I'm wondering if the husband perhaps speaks little English. We'll eventually find out. She didn't invite us in, but I didn't expect that and was even a bit relieved she didn't. I'm glad the first introduction is over with.

Many people in the area I live now barely know their neighbors. That wasn't the case in my childhood hometown, in the same state. Things have changed over the years. We kind of followed my Czech husband's tradition of introduction.

Had a great night last night celebrating my up coming Birthday but have felt really rubbish for roughly 24 hours. Sever neck, skull, head pain. Eyes are killing me. Feeling sick constantly. Have been having a lot of dizzy spells. Generally feeling quite pants. But maintained to enjoy myself last night and I did. I've slept about 4 hours and then slept 2 more in the afternoon as soon as I had lunch. I must peak too early. I felt better after my nap. Fast forward 3 hours and I'm gone. I'm shattered, sore, aching, feeling really icky and dizzy continuously. I hope the docs can sort me out. Seeing the nurse tomorrow to get a home monitoring BP machine. If this is all BP related then fine I can take meds for it. But if this is yo do with the lesion on my brain then I'm unsure what can be done

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Laura Had a great night last night celebrating my up coming Birthday but have felt really rubbish for roughly 24 hours. Sever neck, skull, head pain. Eyes are killing me. Feeling sick constantly. Have been having a lot of dizzy spells. Generally feeling quite pants. But maintained to enjoy myself last night and I did. I've slept about 4 hours and then slept 2 more in the afternoon as soon as I had lunch. I must peak too early. I felt better after my nap. Fast forward 3 hours and I'm gone. I'm shattered, sore, aching, feeling really icky and dizzy continuously. I hope the docs can sort me out. Seeing the nurse tomorrow to get a home monitoring BP machine. If this is all BP related then fine I can take meds for it. But if this is yo do with the lesion on my brain then I'm unsure what can be done

That sounds miserable. I truly hope you're feeling better very soon. It does sound like there could be BP symptoms going on. I had quite high BP, had no idea. Felt odd in my head, many heaches, extremely exhausted, just ill in general. I thought it was psych med side effects. Well, come to find my BP was quite high. I take Amlodipine for the BP and what do you know...all those odd, "sick" feelings went away.`

Quote:

Originally Posted by BirdDancer Hubby and I went to his barber downtown to get his hair cut. While hubby was getting his cut, a good friend and one of her friends happened to be downtown and spotted him. She's the friend that invited us for Chinese New year dinner. We really like her so much! She's a bundle of positivity and exhuberance. Upon returning home, we saw that our new neighbors were home. I told hubby that we should stop procrastinating and introduce ourselves. Immediately! I actually made a batch of vanilla crescent cookies just for that purpose. I hope they like them. They're freaking good! We introduced ourselves and gave the lady the cookies and a bottle of wine. Her husband was visible, but didn't come to the door, but her little girl (maybe 4 years old) did, but was clearly shy. The lady seemed happy about our welcome and introduction. I'm almost certain they are Chinese, but I didn't speak any Chinese. I'm wondering if the husband perhaps speaks little English. We'll eventually find out. She didn't invite us in, but I didn't expect that and was even a bit relieved she didn't. I'm glad the first introduction is over with. Many people in the area I live now barely know their neighbors. That wasn't the case in my childhood hometown, in the same state. Things have changed over the years. We kind of followed my Czech husband's tradition of introduction.

I grew up in a typical 1970's American suburban neighborhood. There was a group of ladies that were appointed by the neighborhood Association to be the "Welcoming Committee." They'd bring a basket of goodies and such to new neighbors. And, of course, pick up all the latest gossip...

The strawberries and honeydew melon need to be out to mature. The melon will be fine, but the problem with the strawberries is that mold matures at a faster rate than the berries will do. The apples I'll eat pretty quickly. Bananas will go into smoothies in just a couple of days, probably the blueberries, too. The mandarins would burst if frozen. Ah! The mangoes I can freeze. Good idea.

I'm getting rid of books. History books to my best friend who is also a history nerd like me. Science books to a friend who is a biology professor. Religion books to a friend who is purely very spiritual. Lit books will go to one of my former students who now teaches English in secondary school. PURGE!

I am exhausted. I was up very late last night worrying. I even took klonopin and while it calmed my heart rate, it didn’t help me sleep. I was worrying about my debt, how I could make money, etc. it was terrible. I think I finally fell asleep around 2am. At least I got to sleep in today.

My kitty is home from the hospital. He’s still straining to urinate but he’s alert. I hope it’ll go away. I don’t want to have to put him down.

I see my pdoc on Tuesday. I’m not going to tell her I already stopped the haldol; rather I’m going to “ask” her if I can try stopping it because of the jaw twitches. I have not had any twitches since I stopped the haldol. And I have not any psychotic symptoms, which makes sense because I only get psychotic in mood episodes and I haven’t had an episode since September.

Secretly, I am considering weaning off of depakote as well to see if I can manage on lamictal alone. I primarily suffer from depression, and I don’t really do anything dangerous when hypomania except maybe shop a bit more. Which I won’t do, considering how little I make. The depakote didn’t do much to prevent the hypomania episode I had two years ago, either. So I want to see if I can manage on just one med. I know I can’t manage on no meds. I’ve tried that many times and it has been disastrous. But maybe, just maybe, I can do with one. Don’t call me stupid, please.

Sounds like a fruit paradise, to me! The strawberries would only last two or three days max, in my house. Mandarin oranges should last several days in your fridge. It might be a good opportunity to consider following my 2-veggie/fruit per meal policy If you like to bake or make nice meals, I can certainly offer some ideas for how use all of that fruit. My husband is a fruit maniac (excuse the use of this word).

I would greatly appreciate any ideas you've got. We have a lot of fruit to use. I just made smoothies for lunch using some of the bananas and blueberries (with a little honey to sweeten it up). PM would be fine.

I am so sorry, Miss Laura. It is very, very important that at your visit tomorrow, you tell that nurse absolutely everything that has been going on with you. Maybe try to write it down today/tonight/in the morning so you can remember more easily. I have found that when I am really struggling with something, it is more difficut to recall everything.

So, please tell her the entire story. They will take care of you. I am certain of it.

Sending you pain and nausea releif and comfort and peace.

Hey, you guys-- I am transported back to a number of delicious casseroles...

You can use quite a few blueberries making some yummy blueberry/buttermilk pancakes. Yum!!!!

I applaud your stopping the Haldol, given what was going on. But remember, this disease/disorder/whatever it is can change as we get older. In my case, in my younger years (I am now 55), it was depression-centered. In the middle, it was really bad mania. Now, years later, my bipolar 1 is clearly in a major psychotic era. I get psychotic all the time now, depsite being on Abilify and Thorazine and a bunch of other crap. It is not a static process in some folks, so just remember that. The past is not always the best predictor of the future in bipolar disorder.