Bipolar check-in #43

Still depressed and oversleeping and no energy. Only walked my dog for a few minutes today. It's not enough and i feel like a bad dogmom. Have an intense stomach ache for the second day in a row. From overeating. Have stomach aches more days than not. Have to get off Coke Zero. Studying Scrabble was interesting but playing was awful. I feel really out-of-control. I want to make healthy changes but i also want to make no effort at all.

A big dump of snow is on the way so Winter is not done with me yet.

I've only made 1500 posts but i've given 4000 hugs. I like that!

@Blue_Bird: Your crisis center sounds nice. Here we call them drop-ins. I spent many years going to one regularly and really enjoyed it.

Feeling pretty good. I’m still experiencing some mania symptoms. I have my second therapy appointment tomorrow morning. I also have to stop in and get my blood drawn for a Lithium level. You know. Typical bipolar s\*t.

I am so glad for you and proud of you that you went to the Crisis Center, Blue_Bird--great job reaching out!!!!!! I wish I had a place like that I could go to when I am really suffering.

It's great that your appt. was moved up. I am sure you guys will come up with a game plan to get you headed in the right direction again soon.

For the first couple of decades of my bipolar experience, I was very depression-dominant. I really, really feel for you. Just do what you can. Try not to set the bar too high right now. Be gentle with yourself. You will get through this. It is just going to take a little time.

Sending you relief and peace and support and love!!!!!!

Yeah, I do think one of the consequences of this illness is that our pharmacists get to know us pretty well...

I'm sorry, Scooter. Hopefully, it will begin to kick in soon!!!!

You're an Olympic-caliber hugger, Whatever. That's a good thing!!

I'm sorry, I can't recall off the top of my head, have you guys made med moves lately? Sorry for asking.

Hang in there. Do what you can do. Don't judge yourself. Your depression is sitting on you right now and expctations must be adjusted.

Sending you support!!!

Any chance this is connected to hormonal changes ? I might be mistaken but I think you had a few low days prior to your period in the last few months ?? I dunno just a thought

Oh lord IRS audit We got audited about 5-6 years ago.. I got that letter and almost passed out I was shaking.. we called and ours just was plucked randomly out of the system. It was cleared up pretty quick I mean we are both on disability there’s no extra money anywhere.

When we were working we had a local accountant do ours.

Hope tomorrow is a better day for you

I’m so sorry your struggling

I’m thinking the stress of moving even tho it’s a good thing could knock anyone sideways.

Glad you have gotten an appt sooner !

That’s really awesome you have a place like that to go...

Go easy on yourself

Snowball fight? You could hit N3 a few times for him being a big jerk??

LOL. that’s funny !

Ohhhhhhh damn 5 weeks ?? Long time, I understand that we get told that and it’s true meds take time but just hearing “5 weeks” would make me nauseous.

Here’s hoping you get relief much much sooner

Good for you !

I’m sorry your feeling rough. Your Doggie will be fine. Think about times it’s pouring down rain for a few days so it’s take doggie out to potty then you both run back inside.

Does your dog like to play fetch or something ? My 2 are mostly sleepy lazy critters, but here and there they will get frisky. Maybe teach yours a neat trick .. thousands of YouTube videos showing easy ways to train your pup , it would be good for you and your baby.

I had a beagle stray we took in years ago, we live way outta town and unfortunately hateful people like to dump dogs , we would wind up taken a few in every year, and find them a home .. But that beagle was goofy, I made a snowball one day and he kept jumping up wanting to play thinking it was a real ball so I threw it and he ran then looked at me in total confusion woof at me and run back I’d make another over and over, I’d make one and hand it to him he would gently take it out of my hand trot a few paces away drop it lean down to I guess bite it and poof gone. He had lots of fun he barked every time he “ list “ his ball

Congrats on your hug count ! Since I use Tapatalk to come on PC only option I have is a thanks lol

I don't know. Maybe I have a case of "Stockholm Syndrome" (if you will) with my pdoc and his assistant.

Like I said, though, I don't want to have to rebuild my history all over again. That's part of what's frustrating me. I mean, I looked around last night and finally found one possible place that accepted my insurance and didn't require seeing a therapist there, but they had pretty bad reviews. I know that a lot of people are mentally unwell when leaving reviews and thus, a lot of the reviews are crap, but these ones said that they had to report their therapists to the state!! (It was a smallish practice with like 3 therapists and 1 pdoc.) I don't know if that problem has been fixed, and I know the complaints were about therapists rather than the pdoc, but that concerns me. People also said they got erroneous charges to their insurance. (So possible insurance fraud?)

I may have to expand my desired proximity, but I really don't want to have to drive 1+ hours each way just to see a pdoc. I hate driving around here as it is since people in MA are the worst drivers. And going to downtown Boston at a place like MGH is a no go because parking is expensive, limited (i.e., I may not be able to find a spot), and it can take me 2+ hours to get there because of dead stop traffic, even though it should only take 30 mins. And public transportation is just as awful. Getting on a bus or train isn't worth it. Firstly, you have to find a parking at the train/bus station. Secondly, you have to hope there is enough room on the bus/train (otherwise you're waiting an hour or more until the next one comes). Thirdly, you are stuck dealing with public transportation schedules. Like, if you have an appt that ends at 2pm and you get to the train/bus station, you may have to wait until like 3:30pm to get a train/bus, assuming others aren't waiting on line!!

My stomach is not doing well. It physically hurts (kind of a burning sensation) and I have some discomfort that is making me slightly nauseous. I also had some bad reflux that made me puke in my mouth this morning, even though I hardly ate anything yesterday. In fact, the last thing I ate was a vanilla yogurt cup at 3pm. So in theory, I should not be getting reflux, but I am.

I just don't want to eat anything today -- not with my stomach like this. So, I am sipping water to calm my stomach down.

It's entirely possible that cogentin is doing this to me, but I don't know for sure. The discomfort is making me slightly miserable, though, and it especially sucks since I am at work today.

So sorry Blue. I had hoped it would ease up. Are these know side effects for the med? I am sending well wishes that work will help you keep your mind off the pain and that you'll be able to eat a little.

Yeah it could definitely be hormonal. I don’t remember when I had mine last. Could have been a month ago. I should check my birth control pack. I remember I was about halfway through.

I felt like an absolute trash human being last night. I don’t know where it came from but all of a sudden I was overwhelmed by everything I had done when I was ill, starting from the time I was 14. I remembered ruining my teens, ruining my family’s lives when I was 18-19. I felt like I had messed up my son’s life, I had certainly ruined my husband’s to the point that he became addicted to drugs. I failed with my career. I can’t even use my degree and I wasted so much of my grandmother’s money.

I don’t know why all this stuff came up. I was trying to turn my thoughts but I couldn’t. I stayed up until about 12.30a because I couldn’t stop thinking.

Ugh. I still feel like **** today.

Hi bluebicycle. The cogentin has worsened the gastro issues you had before taking it? If so, I'm sorry to read that. It would be rough if you have to stop it.

wildchildflower, I've had times when I started to harp on the past, but I know that doing so does absolutely no good at all. I hope you can put that behind you quickly.

whatever, I hope your stomach starts to feel better soon. I'm sure your doggy understands. I imagine your doggy is concerned about you. Pets always seem to know.

Scooter, good luck with the Remeron. I hope it starts to help soon.

Daonnachd, bald heads are beautiful! I like men with bald heads. I'm sure you are memorable, but I do think pharmacists have good memories for customers. Mine always remembered me, too. I barely even need to say my name. They often pull my ready medications as they see me coming.

I have nothing on my schedule today, but in an ideal world I should visit my dad. I just don't know if I'm up for that, though he was surprisingly pleasant to visit the last time I saw him. My sister said that he has decided to FINALLY return home from the assisted living place, at the end of March. Since he's been at the assisted living (straight from the hospital) he's had ZERO, yes zero, alcohol counseling. He did see some psychiatrist at the assisted living, but not often. I told my sister that we need a therapist and/or psychiatrist lined up before he comes home. He must see someone. He has a bad attitude about AA. He's already expressed fear of relapsing, and with no support he likely will.

I had another French class last night. It was torture because the room felt like it was 100 degrees F. I could barely concentrate. I was even wearing the thinnest clothes of anyone. I fanned myself the whole time and complained about it to the instructor. I'm sensitive to heat, in general.

Tomorrow we have to go to Philly for my husband's regular eye appointments. Boo! I'll bring my French notebook with me to study.

I am very happy for you, in that your dad has continued to do well.

Oh, wow! I would have to leave any space as warm as you've described!
I am also very heat sensitive. I hope it will be cooler in the future!

Hi Blue, I am sorry you are suffering again today.

I forget, have you had a GI consult?

I had mentioned yogurt yesterday and I can't be sure if this is why you had tried yogurt? I had mentioned yogurt in regards to "hiatal hernias."

if you haven't had a recent GI consult, it might be a good idea to get one.

I'd also like to mention the connection between epigastric pain and heart attacks. I had a very good friend who was experiencing acid reflux and indigestion. This became a bit worse over time. Attempts to treat this were minimally effective. Some symptoms might improve a little. These issues kept bothering her and she'd be up in the night and early mornings, sitting up , hoping to stop the reflux, as well as hoping her upright position might help her stomach. She'd also had bouts of vomiting.

One morning, she was again up and sitting upright in a chair in her bedroom, when she'd had a full-blown heart attack. She made it to the ER. She'd needed stents place in 3 areas.

While some of us may feel we are too young for heart attacks, please do consider the fact that many psych meds bring on aberrations in glucose metabolism, as well as high cholesterol for some of us. Any form of diabetes increases the risk for heart attacks (and stoke). High cholesterol speaks for itself.

Just something to think about.

Love to All

I saw the GI dr a few years ago and had an endoscopy that said I have inflammation of my stomach sphincter that was preventing my stomach sphincter from closing all the way, thus leading to reflux. They wanted me on protonix to help with that. And even the ENT surgeon wanted me on it, as did my GP and the allergist I saw. But idk because there are lots of risks associated with PPIs like protonix.

Thanks for letting me know about the heart attack stuff. I had no idea.

Last night I dreamt of getting ECT done.