Bipolar check-in #43

I've been experiencing some mild "up" mood issues, lately. I know it, but that doesn't push it away. I had to take PRN Ativan last night to sleep. Luckily, it did help.

Yesterday, I decided that I could not handle a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, so I rescheduled it for a month later. I was already fuming about how I didn't want a particular test, that I deem unnecessary. I think they just keep giving it to me to make more $$$$$$$$$$ They're all like that! I do want a mammogram within the next month and a half. I have my psychiatrist appointment tomorrow. I just didn't like the idea of a gyno appointment and pdoc appointment on the same day.

I have my therapist appointment this afternoon and French class this evening. I will go to therapy, but I am feeling reluctant to go to French class. I don't think I'd miss much, but my husband will get on my butt about skipping it. Unless I have 100% attendance, he emphasizes my past unreliability. I'm almost thinking of not going to French, but rather not being home during that time. Maybe go to...somewhere? I don't want it to be a bar, because I'm feeling vulnerable right now to self-medication. Maybe I could go to an AA meeting, instead. I believe there is a 5:30 pm meeting. Then I could just go and sit in a cafe for a while longer. If I can't help but return home early, I'll just say I wasn't well enough to stay the whole time. I'd hope he'd assume I went to the French class. But though I am not a lying type, I am not totally against just not sharing the reality of what I did, as long as it's not hurtful to anyone in any way. I wish it snowed tonight, but it won't. It's going to reach 60 F (over 15 C) today.

Maybe I should go to the French class and see if it's really hot there again. That would be a good excuse to leave.

Update: I just got off the phone with hubby. I told him that I feel like I am experiencing mild derealization. I haven't felt this way for a very long time. Yesterday I was on some mental "speed". Today I just feel so odd. He told me to take extra Seroquel prn. I googled it and it did, indeed, say that quetiapine can help. I just took 50 mg. That shouldn't tire me out that much.

I feel a little afraid to drive right now, but I must see my tdoc. It's not the Seroquel, but this derealization feeling. I am leaving early to take my time.

Birddancer- I understand not wanting two appointments in one day and also the frustration with doctors and unnecessary tests and the money stuff...

But yeah, as for the day, take it one step at a time. Do the therapy and be safe with your driving and then see how you feel about French class later.

Best!

Ok, so my sleep is all goofy. I go to bed late and can manage to wake up early, but when I sleep at an earlier hour, I oversleep. Or is this just my way of compensating? I wish I could just have a normal schedule, but there are just too many variables that happen in a night that determine the amount of sleep I need...or am I just being stubborn? One person has told me I should get up same time every day no matter what (Well, obviously not if I'm very sick or up all night for something). Is that smart? Or do I just have enough of a disturbance on a regular basis that this is just impossible? I really don't know. Feel free to share your two cents or if you have more questions...

I’ve been having lingering symptoms related to a recent episode. I got bloodwork done and my lithium level is 1.0

I emailed my doctor the results (I had emailed him previously about the symptoms and that’s when he ordered another level check)

He said that 1.0 was good and bad. Good because it is at a great therapeutic level. Bad because he didn’t want to increase the lithium any more and risk toxicity. Given that, he said a .”5 mg increase in risperidone would make sense. Let me know what you think”.

I’ve given it some thought, and I’m going to see if the symptoms go away. I really like my doc.

I agree with the others- you are treading a fine line here. You don't want to get fired for punching something. Heck- even speaking with a "nasty tone" could get you fired. I'd tread very lightly here. I really think you should go home- meetings or not. Maybe even go to the psych emergency services. They have to see you there. Then they can see the big picture, hopefully, and you can get help.

If you were to lose control (again) and hurt someone, you could get into trouble with the law. I'm sure that wouldn't make you feel any better.


Be careful!

I voted!

I voted a little while ago. In a couple of hours I'm seeing my pdoc. Still trying to work out the Latuda/tremors situation. As in, Latuda seems to help some symptoms, but also causes tremors in my hands and forearms, jaw, and sometimes legs. It all gets so wearying. Many times I just want to lie down on the floor and be a puddle.

I'm so grateful I seem to have no side effects with the Latuda I'm on 80 once a night

This reminds me of something N2 said when she was about 11: "If you were some floppy puddle, wouldn't you want to be put in something to look better?"


Does you pdoc check you for tremors at each visit? Mine has me stick out my tongue, put my arms out and turn my hands over and sit up straight with legs uncrossed.

Thank you everyone for your birthday greetings

I'm grateful to have everyone here in my life.

Hey there!

I guess I missed it!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO A GOOD FRIEND! I THINK YOU ARE AMAZING!

Seriously, you do a lot with your life and are many things to many people. You love your family and seek to be well for them, as well as for yourself. You've made a wonderful tribute to your sister, proud to tell us about her on each post!

You have to be AMAZING!

Yeah you were right. I have been manic for about a week. Weird because I haven’t been this manic since I was a teenager. I’m controlling it fairly well. My therapist did mention a partial hospital program since she thinks my anxiety is out of control. But my mood swings are all over the place as well.

I'm happy to read this. We all have to vote. Every single person who may legally do so. Democracy doesn't really serve people properly when they don't vote.

I'm so glad you voted, too, BethRags!

I hope you can find a way to get rid of the tremors. That sounds so uncomfortable!

Happy birthday!!!

Morning all. Happy Wednesday.
Dr managed to speak to my husband this morning and it’s all confirmed for discharge tomorrow.
Yay! I’m so pleased.

Still kicking around...

Hubby is anxious about Covid19, so I humored him a bit. We’re still dealing with the flu that’s way more common now. Staying inside a lot is not helping my mood any, especially when it’s dark and rainy. I just want to get away from the house.

Otherwise I’m okay and doing the usual things.

Love to all!

That sounds very difficult, and potentially dangerous. If your mood is all over the place I would suggest you consider that program to keep you safe, monitored, and to get effective treatment quicker. I am sorry you are going though this.

My parents are being wonderful and driving me to university and appointments to take some of the physical and mental load off so I can keep studying. The Fibromyalgia has been pretty bad. I can grit it through the pain and other awful symptoms, but can't drive when really dizzy. I feel like I am crawling through a haze this week. Pushing on in hope that this flare-up will pass in time for me to continue with both my units at university. So far I am keeping up with the workload, but it is increasing fast now I am in second week of semester. I am loving my units. One should be pretty easy to get good marks in. The other is journalism, which will be much more difficult and time consuming. I will have to do many interviews to write articles. I have a few ideas of topics. I think there are three news articles, weekly quizzes on the news, and a feature article to do in the next 12 weeks. It should be fun if my health plays ball.

I am so thankful for my parents. The whole covid-19 virus thing has me worried for them as they both have health issues. I will do all I can to care for them if things get bad. So far the panic in my city is much more dangerous than the virus. People are already cleaning out shelves in shops. We are heading into our flu season down here in Australia so it's bad timing. I am hoping it will blow over but I can't help but wonder what I will do if things get bad. Our health system is already overwhelmed by standard issues. I have no idea how they play to care for the extra load of patients. My main worry is getting mentally ill and not being able to get hospitalised if I am unsafe. Sigh, I should try and relax. Studying journalism prevents me from avoiding the news.

Wishing you all good health, and sending hugs to those who are hurting.

Fharraige- Hey! Nice to see you again! Sorry that you folks are/have been sick and hopefully that clears up soon. Good to hear you're doing ok otherwise though! <3

If anyone prays Please send some to Nashville ... it was hit by 2 EF3 tornados last night.

Thus far 25 confirmed deaths, a whole family , Mom Dad and 2 young children can’t be found..likely 70 + people are missing

It looks like a war zone, the mass destruction I’m unable to wrap my mind about it. I am constantly nauseous seeing pictures and video. But it’s almost impossible not to watch. So many places I have gone to are literally just gone , wiped off the earth.

In other news. I am dealing with some life altering things in my life in the last few weeks ... My blood pressure is horribly high , heart rate 120+ I have a constant high anxiety running and I’m almost always on the verge of a panic attack.. this is ALL situational.... more medical appts coming up , but hurry and wait. The ground feels like it’s cracking under my feet. I have not been able to take a deep breath in weeks , no amount of breathing or coping skills are helping. My Xanax is doing very little if anything.

I see my T tomorrow thank god. I am visibly shaking.

There is huge amount of unknowns but yet there is some really awful things possibly coming down the road... timing is unknown.

I. am. just. terrified.

Christina, sorry things are so hard right now. I am glad you are seeing your therapist tomorrow.

Situational stuff can be harder than the regular stuff, at least for me. I hope it clears up soon.

Please let us know if we can do anything or how we can be more specifically supportive. I am praying for Nashville and for you as well.

All involved in those horrific tornados are in my thoughts, as are you while you continue to suffer so badly. I am not a person who prays in the exact sense, but I do send comfort and healing vibes as best I can. I hope your T can help you out, and that the future holds some bursts of joy amidst the pain.

I had a great appointment with a therapist today.

I'm sorry I didn't respond last night. I fell asleep and closed the tab accidentally so I just forgot and had no reminder.

Thank you for the support. To be fair I've been a little slower than recommended but I've felt safer giving things 5 days than 3. Sometimes I've been fine until day 4 and then it just turned out to have been my being over-zealous with eating newly added fruits.

But you're right, it is a hard diet and I don't know how many people would willingly do it. I think all the years of trials and errors with meds has made me more patient with such things.

Anyway, I just wanted to answer because I really appreciated this post. You need a lot more than I do right now so thank you for making me happy and I hope that the same happens for you.