Bipolar check-in #44

Well I made it to waiting 4 weeks more to find out whether the increased dose of Remeron works.

I'm still depressed but, I'm having what I would call positive dreams. I wake up feeling good because of what I dreamt. I don't remember the dreams though. The positive feeling goes away pretty quickly as the depression comes back but I'll take a little positivity however short it is.

So maybe it's starting to work after all these weeks. I dunno.

I'm still pretty depressed though. Negative thoughts about the past and future, and I have body pains. My present isn't all that great but I try hard to enjoy little things even if it lasts only a few moments.

My wife and I helped an elderly acquaintance create an email address, showed her how to use it, signed up for online billing for one of her utilities, and helped her pay the bill. It's all easy stuff for us but this person is in their 70s and has difficulty with it. Kudos to her for wanting to learn.

It did mean that we had to break the social distancing rules because we had to show her how to use her phone etc. Hopefully things will turn out ok.

The plus side to this is that my family is home and we get to see each other more often. My eldest son might come home this weekend to ride out the virus with us instead of being alone. We'll all have to isolate for 2 weeks if he does come but we are prepared for that, we have enough food to keep us going.

We are supporting our friends that are self isolating by buying them groceries. We drop it off at their door and call them to pick it up after we leave.

Interesting times!

Got almost everything on my list. No TP at the grocery store but I had to go to hellmart for my tea and they were stocking TP and paper towels. So I scored! No powered milk tho. So we're gonna have to stretch out the milk to last. Otherwise we're good.

I just purchased an espresso machine. This is an electric, automated device. If I want a latte, I just push one button, and it does the rest, including the steamed milk with froth. However, I cannot control how it does this. So lets see if my new toy works out for me,.Yes, this is more money spent. However, my company gives me a quarterly check as part of their profit sharing plan. This check will pay for most of it.

My body has been fighting off what appears to be some sort of regular flu. The symptoms come and go. No respiratory problems. At first, I thought it may be the coronavirus. I stayed out of work for a couple days. The general manager sent me home. All my symptoms went away. This was a week ago. So this is good news. I really need the money to pay off my credit card, one paycheck at a time.

Now N3 announces to me in the car on the way home from work that he's worked it all out with her parents: He's going to move in with Sharlene and her family! That's all I have to say. I'm too angry to type about it.

Feeling out-of-sorts tonight. Can't stop listening to the same CD. Gonna have dinner soon. Nothing from the liver book because we don't HAVE any fresh fruit or veggies or lentils or whatever else is in the diet. I think I'm just upset because I'm going to die. Like I said before, what's worse- dying in control of it or without control? I'm headed for death earlier than I should be and maybe if I get this virus a LOT earlier than I'd like. I have asthma and a bad liver. Some guy across the street from my mom has stomach cancer and isn't going out of his house at all. I didn't sleep in or take a nap today so
at least I'm doing SOMETHING right. Question is, is it enough? I thought I did nothing on disability before, but now I'm REALLY doing nothing and its wearing on me.

Is this just for now ? or longterm? Or just until the Corona is over with ? If its just for now then he IS doing the right then.. Why put you at risk since you have asthma?

Hey!


It's great to hear from you!


I am sorry to hear the Remeron does not have you dancing in the streets yet. I was hoping!


It's wise to acknowledge the blessed moments and expand upon them.


You and your wife have a history of having been very supportive to people in need. I'm not surprised to learn you both have helped someone out in this crisis, too! I want to thank you both for your service to the world!!!


How is the writing going?


I hope your family does all get together to wait out the storm.


So very happy to hear from you!!!


Much Love to You and to Your Family

Im happy that things are a bit better for you, altho not all the way but no worse, that counts for something.


You are so kind to help that elderly woman , Yes most elderly have no idea how to manage online things, You have given her a gift.


Glad you have family to be with during such a trying times in our lives

Long term indefinitely. I don't know what her mother is thinking! They dont have a car and neither does N3.

Feeling better -- like A LOT better.

I think my AP is helping my mood a lot, even though I didn't really think it would. It is advertised as an adjunct medication to an antidepressant, though, so I guess that's why it's helping with depression? The depression is not 100% gone, but I'd say I feel 80% better.

Oh, and because I was depressed, I really didn't spend any money. Apparently my credit card bill was only approx $150, and that includes going to the pharmacy and going to Wal-Mart to pick up groceries. My meds were $56 alone, and I guess my Wal-Mart items were $56 as well (ironically). The remainder of my money went towards a $35 ish online order from Walgreens to get health necessities.

Foods to help treat the most common liver disease - UChicago Medicine

Liver Disease Diet - American Liver Foundation. Your Liver. Your Life.

Fatty Liver Diet: What Foods to Eat and What Foods to Avoid



I've also been reading "The Liver Cleansing Diet" by Dr. Sandra Cabot Liver Supplements For Sale | Liver Cleansing Diet | Liver Doctor Detailed but good info. Re: the website, I have NOT bought any of her supplements. I'm too afraid they're snake oil. But I've heard good things about the diet and book.

Well, the first online session with my pdoc was a total failure. After half an hour waiting for him to call online this morning my pdoc text me to tell me he was having problems getting the software to work. Not sure why. It seemed fine on my end. After making sure I was ok he rescheduled to Monday morning. With so many things being done online now there are bound to be hiccups.

Tossing up whether to see my sister and kids tomorrow. I miss them and want to support my severely stressed out sister but also know self isolation is recommended where possible. I will call her in the morning and see what I can do to support her if it’s not visiting her. Tough decisions. Love is the key.

I finally got the message from a few people. I will try to restrain myself a bit more. I told my psychiatrist that I should at least stay on my current increased dose of Seroquel XR. He agreed. I definitely don't want to go higher, but it's possible.

I'm doing well with the shelter in place business, but have to admit that I did a little too much reading for my own good tonight, and had a little cry. Ok, still having a bit maybe...

On the up side, I do have access to unlimited virus-free hugs from my teddy bear. I don't care how stupid that may sound. I will take what comfort I can get.

Attended an online MeetUp tonight. It was nice.

Physical therapist called this morning, they are checking in with people. We talked a bit. I took the opportunity to cancel my next appointment (it's the only one I have left on the books at this point.)

Well, I'm going to have a nice bowl of soup now and try to watch something for distraction.

Hugs for everyone who wants one. I appreciate you all.

So happy to hear you’re feeling a lot better. I hope the depression continues to disappear. It took an AP to kill my depression too. Antidepressants never worked for me, and often did harm.

I'm doing well with the shelter in place business, but have to admit that I did a little too much reading for my own good tonight, and had a little cry. Ok, still having a bit maybe...

On the up side, I do have access to unlimited virus-free hugs from my teddy bear. I don't care how stupid that may sound. I will take what comfort I can get.

Attended an online MeetUp tonight. It was nice.

Physical therapist called this morning, they are checking in with people. We talked a bit. I took the opportunity to cancel my next appointment (it's the only one I have left on the books at this point.)

Well, I'm going to have a nice bowl of soup now and try to watch something for distraction.

Hugs for everyone who wants one. I appreciate you all.