[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

We've been at least passively sui since our 20s. We're 36 now. We had several sui attempts in our 20s and early 30s but those were minor. Last year, in October and December we had serious attempts. Landed us in the ER each time for 24 hrs for the first one and 15 hrs the second. Transported to the psych hospital from there on commitment. They don't even give you a choice here with attempts, they put you on a 72 hr hold.

We've been having strong sui thoughts recently, also. Last couple of weeks... We are in IOP at the moment, the T asked if we need a higher level of care on Thursday. We told her no, mostly because we don't want to back up to PHP or into the hospital again.

Chaos

Respect from here too

[childofchaos831]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hi Chaos,


It's nice to hear from you.

Thanks so much for sharing!


I am sorry for all you suffer. You have so very much on your plate. I do know your chronic pain, alone, is extremely challenging (we used to post in the chronic pain forum together.).


I do understand why you told the therapist what you told her; I am just very concerned about your safety.


Maybe there are some specific signs you might watch for as indicators to get help as soon as possible?


I am hoping there is a way for you to keep yourselves safe?

What's really keeping me going right now is I don't lie... At least, I try not to... I told IOP T that I would be there Tuesday, so I'm going to be there Tuesday. I may be a complete mess but I'll be there...

I know my signs to look out for... It's the reaching out that I have trouble with. I usually just white knuckle it through the struggle.

[childofchaos831]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I admire your strength, Your plate is overflowing and from all angles.


Im glad your still here

Thanks, I do have a lot going on plus this. Luckily spring break is starting. I finished my stuff for class last night around 5 am. I do have to work on one class over spring break though.

[childofchaos831]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Respect from here too

Thanks Fuzzybear

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

What's really keeping me going right now is I don't lie... At least, I try not to... I told IOP T that I would be there Tuesday, so I'm going to be there Tuesday. I may be a complete mess but I'll be there...

I know my signs to look out for... It's the reaching out that I have trouble with. I usually just white knuckle it through the struggle.

Great!

You know, I have found in life that keeping my word helps me as much or more than it helps anyone else.

I have great respect for anyone devoted to keeping their word.

It can be a huge challenge to reach out.
I am so glad you have.
I hope it is helpful to you, very much so.

[bpcyclist]

Thanks so very much to the thread starters and PC staff for making this thread available to us. While I understand some of the concerns, it has always seemed rather odd to me that discussion of one of the most serious, tragic, and devastating features of some of these illnesses was sort of verboten here on the site, which is called Psych Central. Always thought that was kinda weird, to be honest. So, this is great, IMHO.

I guess I have had two of what I would call serious attempts, both in 2007, about a month apart. Wound up committed both times. The first, I survived simply due to a math error. The second, was basically a miracle from above, in my personal opinion. Not throwing my faith on anyone, just sharing my experience. Won't get into details, but I will just say that right as I was about to act, right at the very last possible instant, I glanced to my left at the blue sky and a gigantic image of my beloved, then 6 year-old son appeared, floating in space. Just appeared--out of nowhere. He was smiling at me. I was somehow able to briefly halt what I was doing. A kind couple was walking by. I told them my plan and asked if they thought what I was doing was a good idea. They said "No," and called 911. And I am alive today as a result. I consider that a full attempt because the decision was already made and final. It was Done. Then Jack appeared.

Those attempts were very clearly a direct result of totally out-of-control mania and psychosis. I had no insight and no judgement and so, when I received the commands, I simply moved to carry them out. Zero hesitation. Boom. Like that.

That is one realm in which I, myself, can be at risk. Just super manic and psychotic. And I am unfortunately that way quite a bit these days. The other is simply the recurring SUI, accumulated over the years of doing near-constant battle with this illness. It wears me out, I become discouraged, depression may set in/flare, I become hopeless again, re-live many prior pains and struggles as though they are happening again, and then it may seem like a good idea once again. This latter stuff seems to come in waves. The reason I joined PC last year is because my SUI was just getting worse and worse. I believe that spending time here with all of you, who can relate to many similar struggles personally, really saved me from that bad place. I don't feel like such an outcast and a freak. The "Normal" people in my life can not relate to what it is like to be suicidal. But many of you can. And that really helps. when I have tried to tell them about my SUI, I often get blank expressions. People don't know what to do or say, it appears.

Like virtually all other problems, the only way through this crisis is by talking about it and educating as many people as we possibly can, at least, that is my take. Especially, young people, who, at least in the USA right now, are experiencing record levels of mental stress and discomfort, according to the data.

Many thanks to everyone for sharing their experiences. You are all incredibly brave and strong! And you are all my heroes, truly!!!!

I have struggled with these thoughts ever since I can remember (even before being diagnosed)

think it was the abuse from my family that prompted it first off

thanks for the thread

[Nammu]

BcCyclist I do get what your saying. My first attempt was a miraculous intervention too. I was sitting at the desk writing notes ( those turned out to be meaningless scribbles) when a friend called. I automatically picked up the phone. Knew that was a mistake but thought I had convinced her everything was fine. ( she said I sounded like a 78 record played on 33---yeah I'm old) Next ting I knew she and the cops were there. I passed out. Woke up in ICU two days later. If she hadn't called I wouldn't be here. As it was it was touch and go. I'm not religious but I do think fate intervened.

I made two serious attempts to end my life. The first I was still in high school and my dad came home and drove me to the hospital, don't remember much else, and the second was almost two years ago and my employer called for a wellness check when I didn't show up which I'm really lucky the police found me because I was a couple miles in the woods.
I still struggle with thoughts time to time, especially in mixed episodes, but I've been to enough groups that the philosophy of "Embrace all feelings; guide all behaviors" is kinda etched into my brain now.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by spikes

I still struggle with thoughts time to time, especially in mixed episodes, but I've been to enough groups that the philosophy of "Embrace all feelings; guide all behaviors" is kinda etched into my brain now.

[Fuzzybear]

Thinking of everyone

[Moose72]

Was just thinking about how @~Christina said this is a control issue. So it occurred to me that maybe one could pre-empt the virus by

Possible trigger:

killing yourself first

Has this happened in history with other diseases like the black plague or the flu?

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Was just thinking about how @~Christina said this is a control issue. So it occurred to me that maybe one could pre-empt the virus by

Possible trigger:

killing yourself first

Has this happened in history with other diseases like the black plague or the flu?

Hi Moose

I am unclear as to why you are writing this.

Are you suggesting this might be a feasible option in response to the viral epidemic?

I have been concerned about you, Moose, for a couple of days now.
Are you doing okay?

Much Love to you!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Was just thinking about how @~Christina said this is a control issue. So it occurred to me that maybe one could pre-empt the virus by

Possible trigger:

killing yourself first

Has this happened in history with other diseases like the black plague or the flu?

I am also extremely concerned about this post. Do you need to call the crisis line? Your T or pdoc? Do you need someone to PM with? I am totally available.

Please don't hurt yourself. We will all get through this COVID-19 mess. Mostly, it's just inconvenient. We'll make it. Somehow. Some way. One day at a time.

Sending you peace and love.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hi Moose

I am unclear as to why you are writing this.

Are you suggesting this might be a feasible option in response to the viral epidemic?

I have been concerned about you, Moose, for a couple of days now.
Are you doing okay?

Much Love to you!

I'm saying that its not outside the realm of people's thinking. So yes it might be a feasible option. What have you been concerned about exactly?

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I'm saying that its not outside the realm of people's thinking. So yes it might be a feasible option. What have you been concerned about exactly?

Hi Moose,
I can's I can recall specifics, as I read a tremendous number of posts. It has just been a sense that maybe you have been feeling more stressed lately?

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hi Moose,
I can's I can recall specifics, as I read a tremendous number of posts. It has just been a sense that maybe you have been feeling more stressed lately?

Stressed. Maybe depressed? My sleep is all messed up. If I'm not staying up late, I'm sleeping until 2 p.m. (even if I went to bed at 8). I've lost weight, so says my mom. I told her it was from trying to ration our food. I couldn't afford much Saturday morning. Not that I can't afford to lose weight, of course... Stressed? Maybe about N3 being stupid lately. Maybe about never having enough money? I dunno. That's all I can think of.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Stressed. Maybe depressed? My sleep is all messed up. If I'm not staying up late, I'm sleeping until 2 p.m. (even if I went to bed at 8). I've lost weight, so says my mom. I told her it was from trying to ration our food. I couldn't afford much Saturday morning. Not that I can't afford to lose weight, of course... Stressed? Maybe about N3 being stupid lately. Maybe about never having enough money? I dunno. That's all I can think of.

Well you are overwhelmed , Like I think pretty much everyone is, so dont feel alone in that thinking/feeling.

This whole situation is a freaking mess, New info is hitting us daily, some cities are making big moves to help stop the transmission.

Your Son ?Hes being a freaking jerk, I hope your Mom can make him see that this is indeed something he needs to pay attention.

So what should you do ? Breath, step back from getting over loaded with info coming from every direction. dive into books, your music is a huge coping skill for you, stay busy, Try a set sleep schedule, Get up and do something right away, Make some coffee, Take a walk, watch your favorite tv shows , or dvd sets you have .

We are all going to have to kind of go with the flow with the damn Virus... I think we should all be cautious and do what we can to feel safe..all around me and in Nashville, Churches and food pantries, are pulling together to fill a need.. So keep watch in your area.. resources are going to be coming available.. You are NOT alone in this..

You know I am always around, So reach out when you need to and ill get back to as soon as Im able..

Your not alone

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Well you are overwhelmed , Like I think pretty much everyone is, so dont feel alone in that thinking/feeling.

This whole situation is a freaking mess, New info is hitting us daily, some cities are making big moves to help stop the transmission.

Your Son ?Hes being a freaking jerk, I hope your Mom can make him see that this is indeed something he needs to pay attention.

So what should you do ? Breath, step back from getting over loaded with info coming from every direction. dive into books, your music is a huge coping skill for you, stay busy, Try a set sleep schedule, Get up and do something right away, Make some coffee, Take a walk, watch your favorite tv shows , or dvd sets you have .

We are all going to have to kind of go with the flow with the damn Virus... I think we should all be cautious and do what we can to feel safe..all around me and in Nashville, Churches and food pantries, are pulling together to fill a need.. So keep watch in your area.. resources are going to be coming available.. You are NOT alone in this..

You know I am always around, So reach out when you need to and ill get back to as soon as Im able..

Your not alone

Thanks. i think Im also overwhelmed by trying to keep n3 healthy and he's making all these bad choices. Like he ordered Jimmy Johns tonight AFTER I cooked him chicken for dinner. And not only do I want HIM healthy but I don't want to get sick myself. We live together and that isn't going to change any time soon.

[CANDC]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Was just thinking about how @~Christina said this is a control issue. So it occurred to me that maybe one could pre-empt the virus by

Possible trigger:

killing yourself first

Has this happened in history with other diseases like the black plague or the flu?

Moose, if you are contemplating that Covid19 virus may mean a certain death, let me reassure you that most people that contract the virus recover.

The World Health Organization had said last week that the mortality rate of COVID-19 can differ, ranging from 0.7% to up to 4%, depending on the quality of the health-care system where it’s treated. Early in the outbreak, scientists had concluded the death rate was around 2.3%.

WHO says coronavirus death rate is 3.4% globally, higher than previously thought

So if you live in a country with good medical care, the likelihood of dying from the virus is probably around 1%. That means about 99% of people recover and do not have serious complications.

I have also read that mostly people with breathing and or heart problems succomb to the virus. Most people who are younger may not show symptoms or maybe only mild symptoms.

[Merlin]

I really struggle with sui thoughts, though I think I wouldn’t act on them. Right now my dad is working from home due to the Coronavirus so that makes me even more safe. I’ve attempted in the past,

Possible trigger:

but I’ve never been able to use the methods with a higher probability of success because I am afraid of spending my last moments in pain. I live in Canada and I keep hoping they will extend medical aid in dying to mental illness.

I would probably benefit from an IOP or PHP right now, but I’m having problems even getting out of the house. I no-showed to my last pdoc appointment. Right now I have flulike symptoms, so I’m supposed to stay home anyways. I’m restarting my meds, I’d quit them, so hopefully that help, though I feel like I’m just settling myself up for more cycling. The meds only help for a bit, then I crash again.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by CANDC

Moose, if you are contemplating that Covid19 virus may mean a certain death, let me reassure you that most people that contract the virus recover.

WHO says coronavirus death rate is 3.4% globally, higher than previously thought

So if you live in a country with good medical care, the likelihood of dying from the virus is probably around 1%. That means about 99% of people recover and do not have serious complications.

I have also read that mostly people with breathing and or heart problems succomb to the virus. Most people who are younger may not show symptoms or maybe only mild symptoms.

I have mild asthma. Its been bad at times, but mostly I take a preventative inhaler and a rescue inhaler when needed. And I'll be 48 in a couple weeks. I don't want to end up not being able to breathe!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I have mild asthma. Its been bad at times, but mostly I take a preventative inhaler and a rescue inhaler when needed. And I'll be 48 in a couple weeks. I don't want to end up not being able to breathe!

Hey Moose,

I feel your pain...at least some of it. I have moderate to severe asthma and I am older than you.

I'd had the flu very badly approx. 5 years ago. I was taken to the ER by ambulance twice and was driven to the ER 6 more times. I could not be admitted because the hospital was already more than full. I was incredibly ill. I won't forget that anytime soon.

The ER was able to clear up my breathing. Prednisone was prescribed to decrease the inflammation in airways. At home, I'd started with a nebulizer, which was very helpful.

Are your inhalers full and ready?

Do you have a nebulizer? If so, do you have any supplies you may need for the nebulizer?

That experience helps me to be very careful now.

I am being extra careful!

I do feel anxiety and I, too, feel very unsettled if/when I think about experiencing additional difficulties breathing.

I DO think we can make it through this.

Lots of Love

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hey Moose,

I feel your pain...at least some of it. I have moderate to severe asthma and I am older than you.

I'd had the flu very badly approx. 5 years ago. I was taken to the ER by ambulance twice and was driven to the ER 6 more times. I could not be admitted because the hospital was already more than full. I was incredibly ill. I won't forget that anytime soon.

The ER was able to clear up my breathing. Prednisone was prescribed to decrease the inflammation in airways. At home, I'd started with a nebulizer, which was very helpful.

Are your inhalers full and ready?

Do you have a nebulizer? If so, do you have any supplies you may need for the nebulizer?

That experience helps me to be very careful now.

I am being extra careful!

I do feel anxiety and I, too, feel very unsettled if/when I think about experiencing additional difficulties breathing.

I DO think we can make it through this.

Lots of Love

Yes, I've got my inhalers ready to go. No, I don't have a nebulizer. I used to years ago. That really helped.

I'm sorry you had the flu so badly. That sounds really scary.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Yes, I've got my inhalers ready to go. No, I don't have a nebulizer. I used to years ago. That really helped.

I'm sorry you had the flu so badly. That sounds really scary.

Thank you, Moose.

So when the doctors had decided I needed a nebulizer, I had one within 24 hours.

These are some of the things that can help us if we get into trouble.

Inhalers, prednisone, humidifiers, Nebulizers.

If you have a humidifier, it can help to prevent some issues in the very beginning. Generally speaking, people with asthma do much better in the winter when using a humidifier.

I know a few of use here have asthma and have similar concerns, so please do let us know if you need more support. Use any thread.

Stay safe! :