Bipolar check in #45

Well, doing better today, thank you for asking. Last night was VERY rough. It started ramping up and I jumped in the shower and put on "well sufficient" jammies just in case I had to go to the hospital, though I was DETERMINED not to. As long as I could take it, minute by minute. Was working my mind HARD doing my little amateur version of biofeedback. It went on for hours like that. Ugh. Shockingly, eventually I was able to get some sleep, though I couldn't bear laying down. That area still isn't right, but hopefully it won't go nuts again like last night.

I LOVE THIS!! (Black olive fan here...)

Well, the modafinil isn't working anymore... we're falling asleep in IOP again. During check in while people are talking. We try to fight it, and we just can't. We called our neurologist this morning and talked to the medical assistant and she was gonna ask the doctor but we didn't hear back today... they do close at 1 on Friday though. So hopefully Monday. At least it's the weekend and we can sleep if we need to...

Mood wise, we could be a little better but it's not awful. We don't get our Abilify for another week which will be the 5 week mark. A week late. We're a little nervous about that. We're already having some psychosis, hallucinations and delusions. Hoping it doesn't get too bad.

We relapsed over the weekend on alcohol. The PTSD stuff got really bad... We haven't had any since Tuesday.

Well, that's our current life in a nutshell.

@bpcyclist: I was in Corfu in 1987! Just missed you!

In my own news, i got a little boost today when i re-arranged some furniture to get more light in here. I know things are improving when i re-arrange the furniture! It was the third day of my withdrawal from Lamictal yesterday (with doctor's agreement of course) and i was so tired and sleepy i slept for 12 hours. Good times!

The news continues to be troubling. I only watch a national one-hour program on our public broadcaster as it's so well-done. My IRL support group has set up a "warm line." This is a mental health support number you can call to chat for half an hour with a peer-support worker when you need connection but are not in crisis. I really should call. It's got limited hours tho and isn't available statutory holidays which is when i need it most, but i guess they're doing what they can. They've started a Facebook lounge and several online events. It's really a good organization!

I am wondering if COVID-19 will change the world permanently? Like if even after a vaccine is found, we will still continue to conduct more of our lives online? It's fine with me!

I don't feel right today. I'm just hoping today will be an "off day" and that things will return to normal tomorrow because I feel really, really weird right now... I just don't feel right and can't pinpoint what it is.

As far as sleep goes, I fell asleep at 9pm and woke up at 6am, but I had to take a klonopin to make sure I slept. Kinda sucked. Also, I skipped my rexulti because I think it's been f***ing with me as of late. I don't know what to do about it, but I apparently have a pdoc appt on April 16th. I think this will be my last appt because I can't deal with Tweedledumbass and Tweedledee.

A friend (not in this part of the forum) has told me he/she is probably going to leave pc. I am feeling a bit sad and disappointed.

Kind thoughts to all

Hey Blue. I wanted to be honest and say I'm concerned. You've mentioned your therapist didn't understand your special connections to others and that you've been watching tons of YouTube. The feeling of the presence has also returned. You've had these kinds of behaviors in the past and they didn't lead to great places. This seems like a bad time not to take your meds.

You stopped taking the Rexulti a few weeks ago and it got very out of control to the point you were in crisis as recently as last week. These medications take a while to work properly and they wreak havoc on the mind when you suddenly shift the levels. Rebound psychosis is a big concern and it seems like that has happened to you a few times recently.

I'm glad you have an appointment soon, but I think you should continue to take your meds as prescribed until you are able to discuss it with your doctor. You've been on a roller coaster for a while and I suspect tinkering with your meds plays a significant role. Rexulti may not be the right choice forever, but bad things happen when you stop it and your insight devolves.

Almost done cleaning my apartment. Just have to vacuum my room then I'm finished. Have a couple packages arriving today (some food I bought). I ordered a can of mixed nuts and had no idea just how big it would be, look at this picture! 3lbs 8 oz. I've ordered a bunch of non perishables so I don't have to go to the grocery store frequently. I'll just save those trips to get fresh stuff like meat and produce. This way I'll only have to go like 2 times a month.

Anyway, I'm having a gaming day.. playing stuff on my Nintendo Switch. I'm looking forward to Easter tomorrow. Even though it's just me here I'm making a nice dinner and will watch a mass service live-streamed since churches are closed.

Happy Easter, Blue_Bird!

That large can of nuts would last no more than a week, in my husband's hands.

A friend (not in this part of the forum) has told me he/she is probably going to leave pc. I am feeling a bit sad and disappointed.

Kind thoughts to all

Hey, back already.

I just got a call from an elderly friend (and fellow BPer), who landed in the hospital with a broken bone and another more serious problem that will require surgery that's being delayed till the bone heals. (I don't feel is my place to get any more specific). Please keep this person in your thoughts if you could. Thanks!

(P.s. This is NOT covid related, TG.)

Almost done cleaning my apartment. Just have to vacuum my room then I'm finished. Have a couple packages arriving today (some food I bought). I ordered a can of mixed nuts and had no idea just how big it would be, look at this picture! 3lbs 8 oz. I've ordered a bunch of non perishables so I don't have to go to the grocery store frequently. I'll just save those trips to get fresh stuff like meat and produce. This way I'll only have to go like 2 times a month.

Anyway, I'm having a gaming day.. playing stuff on my Nintendo Switch. I'm looking forward to Easter tomorrow. Even though it's just me here I'm making a nice dinner and will watch a mass service live-streamed since churches are closed.

Hi everyone. I am still around, but without my normal schedule am a bit all over the place and forgetting to check in as much. I am also just stressed out and tired from it all. I joined a CSA where I can pick up weekly food without running into people, and am handwashing my laundry so as to avoid the laundromat. I might be a little depressed, but I think that's situationally normal at the moment. I am super lucky considering the state of the world right now and cannot complain, however. I am doing teletherapy every couple of weeks. It's a little weird and I feel a little bit like my mental health treatment is on hold, especially because I haven't heard anything about continuing my OCD treatment, but other than that I am glad I still have that support of my therapist. I am afraid they are getting a little sick of me because outside of the OCD therapy which is with someone else, I don't really even know what to work on right now. However, I do not really want to stop therapy during a stressful time like this.

Anyways I hope everyone and their friends and family are doing well.

I can not even explain the level of pain I am in today.. I have spent most of the day in bed and crying, which is something I rarely do, as it doesnt really help I just get that massive headache crying causes, who needs that? ..

.I have hit that damn wall.. It hurts to breath. My husband is feeling totally helpess.. I have to remind him that this has happened 100's of times, eventually it will ease, tomorrow or in a week.

I'm trying any distraction I can think of.. With all this pain my go to coping skill is impossible, I simple cant clean

Oh sweetie!! I'm so sorry you're hurting so badly!! I'm seriously getting my magic wand out and waving it your way!!
(It's homemade from a Halloween costume, with sparkles -- but it's worth a try!!)

Ok. Back now. Yes, seriously. Oriented myself to face your direction and waved it with intense intention. And look out, 'cause I'm gonna do it a bunch more!!