Bipolar check in #45

all the energy of the most intense calico cat is directed at you........feel better soon

I can imagine how deeply discouraging and stressful such a flare-up in pain and stress must be for you. My heart goes out to you as you suffer so much. I sincerely hope the pain eases soon, and your whole situation begins to turn around. You deserve a break. Be kind to yourself. You are a warrior who needs rest. My thoughts are with you and your husband.

Nammu ! Purple is my favorite color ! My dragonfly Tattoo is a purple Dragonfly Thanks

Rainbow ... Yes Calico cat most certainly will help! Thanks

Wander Thanks , I fully agree I am due for a break !

The last week or so has been awful. Extreme fatigue and pain have left me unable to do most things. It brings a huge mental battle to stay positive and hopeful. Thankfully I have no mood or anxiety symptoms to combat on top of this but I am still being driven to despair and desperation. SI hits me hard at times. Meditation is my lifeline. I meditate two hours a day. During that time I can visualise being active, exploring beautiful places, and experiencing feelings of bliss and peace. It is the only time in the day I get to escape the suffering, although I do process emotions of grief and trauma as it arises. I sense my physical health is directly linked to physical and emotional trauma. It seems to be an injury caused by it. My specialist believes Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue are neurological conditions that effect the nervous system. Medical science knows little about how to treat it so I have to improvise. I eat very well, move around as much as I can bare, rest, and meditate. I sense meditation is helping my body heal. It is just a matter of time. At least there is no pressure for me to do or be anything during this partial lockdown.

Possible trigger - mention of cover-19 stuff.

It is Easter Sunday here. My parents are dropping over for a coffee. I can see them as they are classed as my carers. I wanted to not see them to protect them from the virus, but my Mum would fret so much knowing I am alone all the time it is better for her health to see me. I rarely go out, and am very careful not to bring any germs into my flat after shopping so they should be safe. Yesterday it was my nephew's 14th birthday. I drove over and dropped his present over while keeping my distance. I had quarantined his present for four days to be safe. I only stayed for 10 minutes. It was still great to see my sister and her kids. Sad I couldn't hug them.

You got it!!!!

Yeah, I think a lot of us feel in limbo right now. I have my pdoc next week and it will be by phone. It's fine, but I would much, much rather see him because it calms me and makes me feel better.

I am really glad you are level, LadyShadow!!

Good luck with the claim!!!! I hopt it goes fast!

It breaks my heart to hear you suffering like this, Christina, and at the same time so much is going on with your husband. So difficult. Forgive me for asking as I am sure you have covered this before but, I thought you had started one of those newer biologics not too long ago? Xeljanz? Sure that's prolly wrong. Does it not work? Don't even bother answering if this is at all remotely triggering, sorry--was just sort of trying to recall the overall situation for you.

I have no words. Will certainly pray for you guys tonight. I hope tomorrow is a little better. Sorry if the talk about prayer is offensive, not everyone likes that stuff.

I am so sorry you are struggling with the fatigue and pain. Meditation and prayer are, at the end of the day, really the only things I have when my psychosis and mania get so bad that I really can't go on. It's all I have. I am so glad it is providing you some comfort.

I hope you feel better soon!!!!!!

Hi and many well thoughts to everyone. It's been a while since I checked in, but I'm like that. In late January some odd life things went on, nothing too cray cray but I saw my father after - over a decade for sure. It was a bit chaoticand annoying because of all the news then miraculous recovery... , and somewhere with it all I adopted a puppy ... I've had her for a full 2 months and a little more, she's almost five months now and I've been absorb with her and my home life (I have a cat that is adjusting, but he's been coming out more and sitting near the pup. I tried to teach pup "down" when cat is around which I think has helped).
Anyways, I know the world is a little odd lately and hope the best for all.
I some what feel weird that I don't feel the full effect like more active ppl.
Have continued to see the t I started back in October, though I get annoyed as I do ... but still go. T fully supported the pup addition... even though at times I questioned my m mental state at the time of the decision... but pup has been great, my friend says he's really happy I got a pup because I'm happier and focused on some thing with purpose.
I've been a little off this week but I'm ok.
I've still have had sui thoughts but they've been passing quicker. I had a few weeks with total annoyance with ppl as I get but that's been passing.

Any who thought I drop by, give an update and wish everyone well... because I'm having issues sleeping again

Welcome back!
It's great to have you stop in.

Wow! I think the pup is a wonderful choice!

If not too much to care for, they offer great companionship.

I've had 2 service dogs. I've enjoyed them immensely. It was tough to lose them; however, so many happy memories. I'd have one right now, except my current housing situation isn't ideal.

I am sorry you are dealing with suicidal ideation. Does it help to know you are not alone? We have a "new" Suicide Discussion thread since you were last here, incase you ever need to share and/or need support.

Thanks so much for stopping in!
I hope you'll hang out for awhile
Much love

Hey!

So happy to see you!!!

You've brought great joy to my heart since my very first day of my being here at PC! Whenever I see a post by you, I am filled with joy and with gratitude.

I am sorry you are having to fight your way through the red tape.

Keep on shining!!!

(((((( ~Christina ))))))

What a bummer.
Must be in the stars.

Catch up soon.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Love Ya!!!

Sorry you are having such a terrible time. Sending healing vibes and gentle hugs your way. I hope you feel better soon.

thanks Wild Coyote.
I am sorry for your losses in the past and that in the now situation may not be ideal but I am a strong believer even if I forget, that things work out some how, some way and hope for the best.

The first month with a 2 month old pup was a little tough but I think it was worth it for sure. I am glad pup (she) has settled down a lot, but she is still a puppy for sure.
I had signed up for some puppy classes but due to covid19 they are pushed back till at least May, which pup will be too old for the ones I signed up for, and I'm hoping they can put us in another class.in the meantime I've been reading, watching videos and training pup myself as best as I can. Pup amazes me on how smart she is.

I had been wondering if I could teach her to help me with my anxiety, I know that to have a service dog they need the right temperament and intelligence & training,
which I'm not sure if pup is the right fit or if my budget is. ((she's a pup so she still gets nippy and we are working on that)).there was one day I remembered an article about when your having nervousness ticks to give pup a treat, teach them to nudge, orpaws on , etc... I have issues with what my nervous signs are, but I had started crying as I was overwhelmed with thoughts one morning, and some how I remembered the article and tried it.. she let me pet her and she put her paws on my leg and stayed with me as I gave her treats and was crying... none the less she was a great deal of help to push negative thoughts aside to focus on her.
I think it will be a while with training and her growing up with some things. Even if she is "just a pet" she will be my "pet" that will probably help me out like my cat does ((no joke on that, my cat has helped me for years but pup is more attention grabbing so to speak)).

She's a sweet dog already. She has been a lot of work, but good work for me. I hope I've been on the right track with her but I guess time will tell.

I'm sorry you're in so much pain I hope you get some relief very soon!

I'm sorry you're in so much pain.

much love to you

Thank you for your reply.

I decided to take Rexulti again last night, but I'm especially nervous today after taking it. Even though I didn't feel right yesterday, I was feeling better than I am now. I think Rexulti is really f***ing with me. It's making me revved up and nervous.

Sorry to hear you're struggling so much. Let us know how you're doing today?

I'm happy it's Easter

Happy Easter to all who celebrate

Happy Sunday!

Your cheer is infectious (no pun intended)! Thank you!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear I'm happy it's Easter Happy Easter to all who celebrate Happy Sunday!

I love that amethyst-colored bear.

I'm so sorry to all who are not feeling well today. These times are hard enough without anything extra.

I want to read and sleep. I will do a few chores so I feel like I've accomplished something today.

Hey there! How exciting about the puppy! And a ton of work!! Still considering getting one if I can just get my illness more stable for a bit.

Sorry about the SI, I deal with this, too. How do you manage that? What do you do? I try to reach out top others. It seems to help me the most. Hope the sleep gets better. Keep an eye on it. It can get out of hand before we realize it sometimes...

Boy, it's white out conditions out there. Mum ordered ham dinners from a local diner for our Easter dinner. Just had to drive up and they bring it out. No plows have been out and my little ford escort had a tough time. Saw lots of other cars on the road but they were all bigger, tho some of them hadn't turned their lights on. All the sudden I'd see a lumbering dark shape coming at me. It was very hard to figure out where the lines were on the road.

But the dinner was delicious! Happy Easter!

Not much sleep here. Finally fell asleep at 2 after marathon editing craze. Will need to go through it a couple more times to tidy up. It's going well. Fell right asleep but was repeatedly awakened by those neighbors again. Guess I will just write them a friendly little note and ask if they might be able to possibly lower the decibels a tad between midnight and 6 or so. We shall see.

Found some nice swordfish, which I love, and am going to do that for y non-Easter-y Easter meal. Will eat early and then go for a giant bike ride. Sunny and gorgeous here. Then, back at that book again.


It is interesting when I am working on my book, which contains all this potentially triggering stuff, that I do not seem to be very symptomatic. I don't seem to be very psychotic, say, as long as I am doing that task. Weird. Brain occupied with other things, maybe? Broken threat assessment system diverted onto writing and editing tasks or something? Weird. I do often feel better when I clean or cook or do almost anything. Getting my brain onto other things seems quite helpful for me.

Hope everyone has a great day! !!

Love and hugs to all!!!!!!!!