Bipolar check-in #46

Tbh I probably would have already gone to the hospital if it weren’t for covid. I just know I would be miserable and worried in there though because I wouldn’t be able to have visitors and I would be worried about getting sick. Plus I don’t want my extended family (mom, grandma, brother) to know how bad I’m doing. They have no idea that I’m even sick at all right now. But if I have to I will. I’m not quite as desperate today because I didn’t have graphic dreams.

I'm SOOOO glad you didn't harm yourself yesterday, wild! Please take care. I'm sorry you're feeling so badly. It is good that you recognize that the depression is talking. Tell it to stfu. No, really, it's like there are two little voices, yeah? The one that's trying to drag you down, and the voice of reason, the one that recognizes "this is the depression talking, it lies ". They "talk" back and forth (in my head anyway, do you know what I mean?) It's like this: and trying to really build up the voice of reason. The one that's calling out that ol' liar, depression.

Good on you for reaching out. You're in my thoughts.

Happy birthday, blue.

A'best to you, wildflower.

For myself I wish I could sleep all day.

Happy birthday @bluebicycle

Thanks for the birthday wishes, everyone.

I am so exhausted that I gave up and asked my boss if I could take half a day of PTO. He actually said yes and not to worry about the customer for now! I said it was my birthday and wanted to have the rest of the day to myself. Now I'm just browsing some sites and buying some things with the digital gift cards I got as gifts.

One thing I bought so far was a Garmin GPS watch in a pretty blue color. It doesn't match the color of the bike I'll be getting (as it's orange), but it'll coincidentally match my pretty blue gloves I got yesterday. It also keeps track of heart rate like my old Fitbit.

Oh, and I got some stuff in the mail today gifted from me to me! I got the equivalent of under armour heat gear, but from a local company that makes them for a lot less money, so that's nice. They were on sale and I used a birthday coupon.

Happy birthday blue!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Sounds like you are having some fun!
You chose the Garmin! It's a great choice!

I hope the rest of your day proves to be as much, or more, fun for you!

Much Love ALways!

Happy birthday Bluebicycle!

Haven't checked in here for a few days. I'm doing good, really, really good. One of my medications was increased a week ago and it is helping my mood tremendously. I feel happy and have little anxiety now.

Today I slept half the day though, so that's not good. I'm obviously not depressed so I'm not sure what happened. Anyway, I'm just enjoying my 2nd read through of the Lord of the Rings. Nothing else going on really. I'm trying to take more walks since the weather is really nice. The Xbox One I ordered will be here next week, so I'm super excited about that. In addition to games, I can also play not only DVDs but Blu ray discs as well which is amazing to me, since I've never had a Blu ray player before, now whenever the library opens back up I can check out movies that are available on Blu ray too in addition to the DVDs.

Have phone appointments with my therapist and psychiatrist next week. Will be nice to tell them how well I'm doing.

I hope everyone is doing okay

I am so tired. I've been working my tail off on various projects at home. Only one more kitchen cabinet to line with new contact paper and that's DONE! It was a lot of work. I also sorted out clothes into various categories, including 1) donations, 2) to my closet, 3) consignment shop (when they open again), and 4) trash can. I put the winter stuff I'll keep away and pulled the spring/summer stuff out.

Today Taste Of Home (a cookbook and online recipe outfit) said I won runner-up in a contest. They didn't even say which recipe won. Frankly, I forget what I even submitted. I have submitted many in the past. Unfortunately, the runner-ups only get a free cookbook. I sure wish I'd win a cash prize someday. I have won runner-up for a different recipe in the past. So, two free cookbooks. The other one is collecting dust in my basement.

Both vintage guitar dealers I contacted yesterday responded to me. One even said he'd buy it, and I wrote to him that I'd seen the same guitar sold for over $2,500, but that had the guitar case, too. Mine doesn't. The other dealer, in Philadelphia, wrote that he'd look forward to seeing it when they're open again, and I'm in town. I might just bring the email from the other dealer so that they can see I already have some form of offer. I'll also bring a printout of the one I saw sold online.

Happy birthday!!!

Happy Birthday Blue!

Happy Birthday blue!

Happy birthday @bluebicycle ! How many is this this year- 26?

Aaaand...today I’m fine. Energy, happiness, etc. I cleaned everything top to bottom. I tried to vacuum but I think it’s clogged so I have to wait for RS to get home. Ate waaaay too much today. Boredom. I was reading a book which I haven’t been able to do at all for weeks, and I was reading reddit.

I don’t like how quickly it switched though...doesn’t seem sustainable. Bc this happened last week as well. I started feeling ok Friday and by Saturday I was totally fine. So I am keeping my IOP appt tomorrow, but I am more confident that I can do evening IOP instead of php so I don’t have to miss work, even though work is tortuous. But that’s only because remote learning is so hard for the students and I don’t have the right books so I can’t help. I can help with 4th grade reading and that’s it. We have second, third, and fourth grade at different times.

I hope the depression is over thanks to lamictal but honestly I’m feeling a little TOO happy, if you know what I mean so I’m hoping the haldol will chill me out while the lamictal kicks depression’s ***.

I’m trying desperately not to go buy a pack of cigarettes because I KNOW I will just get addicted again. I already started vaping again but I’m pretty sure my state just banned even menthol flavor so I’m SOL on that one. I hate tobacco flavor. So I’m just going to have to quit nicotine. I’d rather do that than smoke.

I am thinking of you! If you think you need the hospital maybe you should ask your pdoc to set you up for that.

Years ago while waiting on ssdi and my husband had been hurt at work and had to have Bilateral shoulder surgery.. I had to sell some jewlery and There was a few pieces that was from Grandmother and Parents. I just could not sell them... I think there are somethings that are just not disposible no matter how much money you have to scrape together...

I hope there is no rushed need to pack and leave right away. Hopefully your Husband will still have a job. and then you both can start picking ad choosing items to get rid of as it would just makes sense since a move out of the country is in your future at some point.

IM very glad that you were able to stay safe. I think IOP would really help you right now , altho its not in person. But a steady much needed support system you can lean on..

Stay safe

Im so sorry that you self harmed Yes right now you need extra help

Happy Birthday Blue Glad you took half day off !!!