Bipolar check-in #46

Got a fair amount done on both books yesterday. Sending off the first 10 chapters of the hospital book to a potential editor/well-known author/pal for their initial impressions. Hope they think it is decent. We shall see. Strongly considering just being my own agent and publishing electronically. Ebooks aer so big in the USA now. I would obviously sell more going through an agent, but it is such a hassle. They are so officious, in my opinion. You would think they were LAPD homicide detectives or something, the way they treat potential authors. Meaning, they seem to feel that what they do is much more important than what anyone else in this nation does. So weird. So out of touch wiht reality. So, why even deal with that? I don't need them. If it's good, people will figure that out and it will sell.

As an American, just so extremely proud of all these former military generals and ex-presidents speaking their minds about erosion of Constitutional rights and setting the military against our citizens. So proud of them. Free speech is truly the gift that keeps on giving, century after century. Our founding fathers were absolute freaking GENIUSES!!!!!!!

Love and hugs to all.

p/ a behaviour I still don't think that is me. But it bugs the crap out of me when others do it repeatedly Ouch. I do not like petty sneaky snakes How the hell are we supposed to heal and grow when we are constantly walking on eggshells EVERYWHERE ... its like trying to sleep on a bed of nails. I wish I had a bucket load of that serokill to put me into a nice LONG hibernation. And this is NOT a su post.

I just saw an ad ''therapy - a place to explore your feelings without judgment''

That is what therapy SHOULD be... but isn't always

This crap is not what is on my mind the most

I cannot speak of what is on my mind the most Just very tired.

Grrrrrrr

Respect and love to ALL


(not about anyone on pc)

I have gradually become more and more agitated, lately. Little stuff has also been driving adrenaline rushes. I find myself almost screaming, when I don't really want to. Hubby has been drawing my attention to this frequently throughout the day. I'm in a state of mind where anger expressions are replaced by compulsive humor, and then repeat. It's not a good sign for me. If it continues into tomorrow, I'm going to take some extra Seroquel prn in the morning and/or afternoon.

The rainy spring seems to have caused all plant life to thrive to an extreme. With that has come massive amounts of pollen. Our deck and deck furniture quickly gets coated by yellow powder. We literally have to hose the deck down and clean the furniture every other day. My skin has started to become blotchy for some unknown reason. Maybe the heat? It has started to get hot...and humid. I have a heck of time dealing with such weather. I find myself lounging in the AC a lot, even with fans blowing at my face.

If you feel like you cannot "speak" of what is on your mind, Could you write it out for yourself in a journal? Maybe you have done so?

Maybe g to bed earlier and try to get more hours of sleep?

I got wined!!! apparently it's a thing. Somebody gives you a bunch of art supplies and wine. My daughter gave me a bucket of art supplies and a can of spriser, ,a cute little bottle of wine and one of those miniature bottles of bourbon. Plus a huge pack of canvas and painting supplies. Now I'll have to look up diy painting for ideas!

''stable enough to .......

oh jeeze... yeah ...

(not about anyone on pc)

I might have to .... where the hell do I go? So I probably will not

respect to all

Hey there!

Yes, that was a huge trigger.
Please be careful about how much you get triggered in a day.
There's no prize for exposing yourself beyond what's good for you.
I have to remind myself of this.
Maybe you can do a soothing activity before you turn in tonight?
It might lessen the adrenaline rush from the triggering?

(((((( Fuzzy ))))))

May you feel surrounded by Love!

I got wined!!! apparently it's a thing. Somebody gives you a bunch of art supplies and wine. My daughter gave me a bucket of art supplies and a can of spriser, ,a cute little bottle of wine and one of those miniature bottles of bourbon. Plus a huge pack of canvas and painting supplies. Now I'll have to look up diy painting for ideas!

Trigger

Need to sleep, only 2h in the past two days. The kitten is lovely, she likes me and the dog.

I might have to talk about how so much stuff is triggering me lately I have to keep quiet about it all, and be a nice, peaceful bear

Gonna call my doc tomorrow and try to get an emergency appointment.

Just for me, I have found keeping it in or stuffing to almost always make me sicker and unhappier. Maybe the journal is a nice idea...

You can always PM me, Fuzzy. You alwyas have my love ahd support!!!!!!

Oliver--could you call the crisis line or you rtherapist or pdoc, please, maybe, like, right now?

Sending you love and support and safe hugs!!!!!!!!!! Don't give up. You will get through this. It will pass. It always passes.

Gonna call my doc tomorrow and try to get an emergency appointment.

I got 4h of sleep at nigth and I am feeling better. IDK why those violent thoughts come to me (I feel an enormous urge to SH because It looks like the funniest things to do and almost like a duty. However, I will not do it. I do not want to end up in the hospital!).