Bipolar check-in #47

I called my doctor and asked why I’ve been so dizzy and lethargic. He said I’m dehydrated and I need to be eating more. I haven’t been drinking much water. I just haven’t been thirsty so I forget to drink water. I drank an iced tea today though for the caffeine. I don’t drink much of anything else besides iced tea and soy milk and sometimes a Coke. I told him I have been dieting too. He said I need to up my calories by a lot. Right now I’m just hanging out on the chair trying to get up the energy to do something.

I also forget to drink. I hve found that a water bottle set down next to me all day long helps a lot. If it is there, I will use it.

Hi Mountaindewed. You know, I have seen some of your "dinners" listed on the "Rate your dinner" thread in the Coffeehouse forum. I was quite surprised. Two hard-boiled eggs, one night? A yogurt, another? A soy drink, another? Am I remembering wrong, but was it you that one day listed "watermelon" as your dinner? If so, this is not a healthful way to diet. Please don't abuse yourself by eating like that. You need a well-rounded diet, and even a 900 calorie per day diet would allow for a much more indulgent dinner than the ones I mention above. I'm worried about you, just as your doctor is. Starvation diets can backfire in various ways, including slowing down your metabolism. I think that especially taking psychotropic medications, it's quite important to stay hydrated and have good nutrition.

If you hate plain water, have you considered making iced herbal tea?

Oh fun,fun. They must have found blood cause they just called me to schedule a colostomy! Thankfully my sister can drive me. They're looking for why my hemoglobin is low and suspect that I'm bleeding internally. Oh well, the good part is that they will get me an ASL interpreter. That's a relief. With all the masks I can't read lips. Speaking of terps, my governor has a really good one he uses. A cool woman who has a buzz cut. She's very ASL. Hearing people have taken note of her.

Oh, I did not know--when is this going to happen, Nammu?

Prayers and love...

The 24 of this month. Was a surprise that it is so soon.

I'm just rage today. I wish I wasn't, but everything that is coming out of my mouth is venom. My wife's grandfather passed on overnight on Monday, and my kids are lazy. Just laying around. Not helping. Just constantly sleeping. I want to unleash hellfire. Why am I like this?

Thanks for your concern. I have issues with food and weight that have gone way back since I was about 11. It didn’t become an issue until I got off psych meds 5 years ago, and lost a lot of the weight I gained from them. No ones payed attention until about a year ago when I started with the new therapist. I honestly think right now it’s just the dehydration. So I’m drinking a lot of water.

Sorry, swimming. Remember, though, irritability and agitation are a big part of the illness. They have always been for me. I constantly have to keep an eye on all this stuff, or I will implode on people. I have taught myself to always wait before speaking or sending a text or email if I am relly mad.

Well, I'm feeling even worse now than I was feeling this morning. I am pretty low right now, but I have to wait at least another week for the Trileptal to *possibly* have an effect. *how exciting*...

I'm just going to go to sleep at 7pm... so... in less than 5 minutes. I don't want to be awake right now. I would rather just sleep and not have to deal with negative thought patterns.

Oops. That should read colonoscopy. I don't even know what a colostomy is. Hope it's not a bad word. They're looking for why I'm bleeding.

My state is fairly open although there are things that are not, like my church (which won't open for several months probably). But between my own health issues, living essentially with my mom who is of an age to be at risk and a family member going through aggressive chemo I'm still on lockdown except for medical stuff and will be for a long time in all likeliehood.

I just took a class through my church about what my church believes, how it operates and how I can volunteer. I can't do much now but today the volunteer coordinator came up with a project I can do from home at my own pace. I'm so excited; 3 months and 8 days is a long time for the same routine. Yesterday was the most diverse day I've had in all that time and that was the dentist for a toothache, the lab for my clozaril draw, the pharmacy for my antibiotic for my abscessed tooth and then facetime with my Bible study group. I was exhausted from the stimulation.

I'd much rather do the volunteer project than the dentist or the lab draw (or the antibiotics for that matter). I can't explain how excited I am.

Oh great news , Now you can find out what is going on Im so glad they will be able to provide you with someone, Hopefully it will be a easy fix

I hope Sleep has found you quickly

Im sorry you have things going on that will keep you pretty much as a stay at home order, I am doing it here, and I dont think that is going to change anytime soon..

Im sorry you have a loved one going through chemo and yeah your Mom as risk.

Oh yikes a tooth ache I lump those with ear aches there is just no getting away from the pain. Hope the antibiotics work quickly and you can get it taken care of..

How wonderful you can volunteer to keep busy

Christina, how are YOU doing? You've posted about your husband but how about you? You have to be exhausted. Can we support you in any way?

Oh, good--that is much better, Nammu.

Hi Nammu,
A colonoscopy is a much better thing to have than the other thing you mentioned. I hope you’ll be ok

Well I honestly dont know how I am doing. I'm scared we will have no choice but for him to go in the hospital for IV antibiotics and this damn plague wont allow me to be with him.

I typed up all his medications and physical history, I include this newly found Brain volume lose, and asked whoever to please ask him questions and allow him time to answer , because they rapid fire he wont be able to think of anything.

So Basically I go from scared to angry to sad. My brain just never stops !

Thanks for asking Im trying to take this day by day, but its more hour by hour at this point ..

So yeah ... Lots of tears here

Just checking in. I want to send positive vibes to all and much love to all who are struggling.

(I am “doing ok” )

Much love

Christina

I made another try with Overeaters Anonymous. I attended online chat meetings. I enjoyed myself but then all this anxiety built up about quitting Coke Zero and making other changes and i couldn't stand it anymore and have pretty much abandoned it now. It's nice to feel relaxed again. I sure am really sensitive to anxiety.

I have this feeling of drifting thru life, just one day following another and then i'll die. No real momentum. I'm not even saying it's a bad thing really. I guess it is just the nature of life.

Hugs to all who struggle, especially @~Christina. I've been following your posts and feel for your ordeal and am sending compassion.

Oh, no. I really hope it doesn't come to that. But yeah even for my colonoscopy no one can come with me. I've decided to take a cab so my sister doesn't have to get up early just to drop me off. She'll pick me up tho. But that's a whole different ball game than being in the hospital with memory problems. I know when mum was in the hospital this past November ( and mayo clinic is rated number one) it helped that my daughter and I were there to answer questions. The doctors came when we were there just so they could get answers cause mum was confused. You'd think being a small hospital they'd be able to make exceptions and let you come if you staied in his room and wore ped. I wish nothing but the best for you and hope you get some decent sleep.

Hugs, love, support, prayers.

Thanks for sharing this. I too am very sensitive to anxiety. (It’s one of my worst symptoms)

Hugs