Bipolar check-in #48

feels like the clozapine is beginning to click. Symptoms aren't all the way better, but I can notice a difference

@BeyondtheRainbow

feels like the clozapine is beginning to click. Symptoms aren't all the way better, but I can notice a difference

@BeyondtheRainbow

As for me, I went to bed at a normal time last night. I woke up at 8 a.m. and should have gotten up! But I rolled back over. Next thing I know I hear my venmo app chime but I rolled over again. Next thing I know I wake up and its 5:30! The other day I didnt go to sleep until 6 a.m. and then slept til 1- which is bad but not as bad as sleeping till 5:30! I looked at my phone and that chime came in at 3:30. Seemed like only seconds!

thanks for the replies. I am going to try to do some of those things, like talking to my therapist.

Unfortunately, my day just got worse...

It's my grandma's birthday celebration (her birthday was Tuesday). My mom and I wanted to give my grandma a slice of cake to take home along with other leftovers, so I said I would help. Then my sister immediately said, "SHUT UP. NO, I AM DOING IT. IT'S MY JOB," and she became aggressive/hostile even though I did nothing other than offer to help pack up leftovers. She started shooing me away with her hands, too.

To make a long story short, she said I was being "disrespectful" because it's obviously "her job" to do it "and it always has been." What the hell??? (She was texting on her phone and clearly "busy" with Instagram, etc..) Then she took the leftovers and shoved them into one tiny container, after I very gently told her to separate the food into different containers. So what did she do? Italian sausage, peppers, onions, strawberries, blueberries, and gravy, all mixed up into a pile of slop. I said that, if anything, is disrespectful. Then she was like, "Who gives a f***? She will eat it." I said to stop swearing in front of grandma and that that's not the point. Then I got triggered and I asked my sister if she herself would eat it that way. Then she told me to shut up, but i pressed her: "answer my question." She wouldn't answer and then told me to "f*** off" in front of our grandma. (She squishes her food all the time and thinks it's perfectly okay. )

Is it really that hard to be respectful to people and to the food they eat? I mean, the chicken was literally on top of the blueberries and mashed up because the container was small and she squished it shut. Why???

My sister is an incredibly selfish, horrible, disrespectful person. Ughhhh... She is such a b**** toward me. She is such an entitled brat, but my therapist said (in the past) that you typically want to handle the b**chy behavior at a younger age because it's harder to correct when the person is older and used to getting their way and getting everything they want. I think that is very true because my sister has only gotten worse.

Had to come home early from being sick at work. I used up my personal time (which I hated to do) but at least it’s paid so I don’t have to fret about lost money. It’s a combination of a lot of things that sparked this. Not sleeping, not eating enough, adjusting to a new diet, stomach problems, acid reflux, headache and soreness— plus it’s hot in there and I have to wear a mask and I feel like I’m just breathing in the same hot breath. I got very dizzy and lightheaded and felt like I was gonna pass out. I sometimes feel that way at work if I bend down and get up to fast but this was just walking down the aisle. I wasn’t gonna make it to 5am. I came back home. Ate leftovers, and got some good sleep. I have so many chores to do today and so little time. I plan to always eat before I go to work, to help maybe combat this problem.

I’m not intaking enough calories a day. It’s because of my old eating habits, calories were covered. I didn’t eat a lot, just terribly hha. Now I’m doing the same but healthy foods don’t carry that type calorie size. I gotta find a middle ground.

I’m gonna buy some Gatorade and water to take to work . I’m hoping that’ll also help with how I’ve been feeling there. We’ll see. Overall I am OK.

Had to come home early from being sick at work. I used up my personal time (which I hated to do) but at least it’s paid so I don’t have to fret about lost money. It’s a combination of a lot of things that sparked this. Not sleeping, not eating enough, adjusting to a new diet, stomach problems, acid reflux, headache and soreness— plus it’s hot in there and I have to wear a mask and I feel like I’m just breathing in the same hot breath. I got very dizzy and lightheaded and felt like I was gonna pass out. I sometimes feel that way at work if I bend down and get up to fast but this was just walking down the aisle. I wasn’t gonna make it to 5am. I came back home. Ate leftovers, and got some good sleep. I have so many chores to do today and so little time. I plan to always eat before I go to work, to help maybe combat this problem.

I’m not intaking enough calories a day. It’s because of my old eating habits, calories were covered. I didn’t eat a lot, just terribly hha. Now I’m doing the same but healthy foods don’t carry that type calorie size. I gotta find a middle ground.

I’m gonna buy some Gatorade and water to take to work . I’m hoping that’ll also help with how I’ve been feeling there. We’ll see. Overall I am OK.

I’m really down in the dumps today. I don’t know why. I feel alright physically. I just feel moody. I’m trying not to show it but I’m doing a bad job. I did get out of the house today. For some reason I feel like that made things worse. The employee at one of the stores was coughing a lot. We were both wearing masks and I was staying away from him. But it’s just stupid stuff like this that makes leaving the house anxiety provoking. Plus the stares I’ve been getting. Mostly from men, sometimes make me uncomfortable.

Had a Phone session with my T Richard and today has been the first time since February that I was able to report something positive !!! My husband is improving, He still is really physically weak and dealing with more cognitive issues than before he got the lung infection(s) He will have a long road to get back in better physical shape, he walks just to the pasture to let the dogs out, Less than a 2 min slow walk, he has to stop and catch his breath 5-6 mins before he turns to come back in..... Often he needs to get on his oxygen for 5-10 mins to really catch his breath, so physically he can't go take walks to build up strength that way. His COPD is severe. I have gotten his blood sugar numbers down into good levels. I am going to get a referal to a dietitian so I can get further help adjusting the food I make into diabetic friendly things. There are some very healthy foods like Avocado's .. I have tried and tried to like them but NO they belong in the trash next to Kale and we do not eat Salmon.. So I want some more help, My fingers have often googled myself into a confused corner with this site saying A the other saying B

I pray daily that his cognitive function will return to his Pre infection level, if not I will have to get him back in to see Neurologist sooner than our next appt and hope there is something we can do..

I called today to get my Lamictal restart.. Ill probably go out tomorrow to pick that up. Thus far not a single problem hoping back on 80mg Latuda and I did 100mg Doxepin last night,not even a hiccup as I predicted. I am not sedated at all. I didn't take Ambien last night and don't plan to take another until I go 4-5 days with little to no sleep...I need something that will work when push comes to shove. So only a couple very broken hours of sleep last night.. But that's okay.

Mister Summer needs to go the hell away.. Its legit 187 degrees outside today

Cool icy drinks for everyone

I'm at my mom's having just taken care of watering the plants and bringing in the mail and taking out the trash. Going to dinner with a friend. Talk with another friend for 3 hours today! I also did not sleep past noon for once. I know I need to set an alarm! Plus, I was worried that something bad was going to happen re: section 8 but all is good! Plus I got an app for EBT ("foodstamps") on my phone. It tells me when my deposits were how much I spent when and what my balance is. Handy!

Been watching a youtube channel - an OBGyn reacts to medical shows or shows that have any type og obstetrics in it. She's fun and her info seems accurate.

A little time has passed and I see a situation that happened recently in a slightly different way. I recognize that some behavior I exhibited was poorly thought out. Though the concern that sparked it was legitimate, my reaction could have been smarter. If it had been, the result would have been better. For that particular fact, I would want to issue an apology. Unfortunately, it may be the case that there will be no opportunity for it to be heard/read. At least in the end, I am reminded of a common lesson. That is to think a bit longer before I react.

I have a couple tasks on my To Do list today. Nothing difficult. Right now it is not too hot. I wish I could go for a walk, but my walking buddy is not available and I'd rather not do the walk alone. Maybe later. If not, I'll do some exercise in the house.

Moose, Mama Dr Jones? I've been watching her since she was new. I don't know how I found her but I enjoy her.

I'm still exercising but I'm still depressed and not saying much. My family is getting frustrated dealing with me because I say so little.

My pdoc prescribed exercise and boosted my Wellbutrin but neither is doing anything.

This depression is having physical effects on me now too. I move really slowly, I'm hunched over most of the time when standing, I lean way over to one side when I'm sitting.

I'm so tired of all of this.

My pdoc says she's out if ideas and I'm waiting for an appointment at a special clinic where I got my bipolar diagnosis, but with covid who knows when that might happen.