Bipolar check-in #48

Moose72 · Jul 27, 2020, 10:01 PM

Trigger warning

Possible trigger:

This morning I was so anxious about possibly losing my housing. I had myself convinced that I had and that I'd get paperwork in the mail to this effect. I thought "I don't know where to go if I lose my housing!!" I was absolutely convinced of this. Mind you, nobody had said this but I thought it would happen anyway. I thought "I'll just take a bunch of pills. Tylenol or benedryl?" Then I thought "I'll just get N2 to take care of my mom's plants while theyre gone- while I'M gone!". And that was the plan. That was it. But then I got an email saying that was not the case! My prayers had been answered! Things were ok- are okay. But boy did I feel soothed by the idea that I had an out- even if I "failed" and ended up in the psych ward, that was better than this worry that *I* put myself through!

BeyondtheRainbow · Jul 27, 2020, 10:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by falcon09

pdoc wants to keep the clozaril at 400 this week, then check plasma next week

I've never had a plasma level done. That's interesting.
I hope that 400 mg is good for you. You said your pdoc doesn't want to go above 400 right? The plan is to add abilfy then, correct? Do you know why the doctor wants to limit the dose there? I'm just curious.
'
I may be back to 400 soon as my meds (not clozapine) are messed up and if they are messed up I may need more clozapine to act as a stabilizer. I guess I'll find out eventually.

bpcyclist · Jul 27, 2020, 10:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72

Trigger warning

Possible trigger:

This morning I was so anxious about possibly losing my housing. I had myself convinced that I had and that I'd get paperwork in the mail to this effect. I thought "I don't know where to go if I lose my housing!!" I was absolutely convinced of this. Mind you, nobody had said this but I thought it would happen anyway. I thought "I'll just take a bunch of pills. Tylenol or benedryl?" Then I thought "I'll just get N2 to take care of my mom's plants while theyre gone- while I'M gone!". And that was the plan. That was it. But then I got an email saying that was not the case! My prayers had been answered! Things were ok- are okay. But boy did I feel soothed by the idea that I had an out- even if I "failed" and ended up in the psych ward, that was better than this worry that *I* put myself through!

So glad u r okay but kinda worried u thought that was a solid plan. R u safe?

falcon09 · Jul 27, 2020, 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I've never had a plasma level done. That's interesting.
I hope that 400 mg is good for you. You said your pdoc doesn't want to go above 400 right? The plan is to add abilfy then, correct? Do you know why the doctor wants to limit the dose there? I'm just curious.
'
I may be back to 400 soon as my meds (not clozapine) are messed up and if they are messed up I may need more clozapine to act as a stabilizer. I guess I'll find out eventually.

He says he rarely goes above 450, but he goes more by plasma level than dosage and 300-450 usually hits that plasma amount.

The plan is to add abilify if my plasma levels are ok but I still have symptoms.

Moose72 · 10:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

So glad u r okay but kinda worried u thought that was a solid plan. R u safe?

Right now, I feel better because for now the crisis has been averted. But I dont know if I can sleep- usual problem lately. I still worry that I will be kicked out even though Ive done everything Im supposed to and never been late on my rent in the 3 years that I've lived here.

Possible trigger:

I have done this before- taken 30 benedryl at once. Ended up in the hospital, then in the psych ward.

On the bright side I've got nearly $800 in foostamps! Yikes!

BeyondtheRainbow · Jul 27, 2020, 11:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by falcon09

He says he rarely goes above 450, but he goes more by plasma level than dosage and 300-450 usually hits that plasma amount.

The plan is to add abilify if my plasma levels are ok but I still have symptoms.

That's interesting. I wonder if my pdoc does plasma levels with higher doses. I'll have to ask her although it wouldn't really be needed since we know that I'm good at 350 and 400 mgs fixes me up if I get off course.

I know she does having someone on clozapine and abilify. That would never be an option for me; I tried abilify and wound up with 4 weeks of double vision. No thanks.]

I hope this works quickly for you, however it works. I'm so glad you may be seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.

bpcyclist · Jul 27, 2020, 11:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72

Right now, I feel better because for now the crisis has been averted. But I dont know if I can sleep- usual problem lately. I still worry that I will be kicked out even though Ive done everything Im supposed to and never been late on my rent in the 3 years that I've lived here.

Possible trigger:

I have done this before- taken 30 benedryl at once. Ended up in the hospital, then in the psych ward.

On the bright side I've got nearly $800 in foostamps! Yikes!

Don't spend it on Benadryl.

bpcyclist · 01:12 AM

I am so jacked rt now. Tried to sleep but I feel like I took 12 Provigil but I took zero. Oh well. Sleep when u can. It's just like being on the trauma service in that regard. Been there. Onward.

Albert has no such sleep issue. He is the opposite of jacked.

BeyondtheRainbow · Jul 28, 2020, 12:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I am so jacked rt now. Tried to sleep but I feel like I took 12 Provigil but I took zero. Oh well. Sleep when u can. It's just like being on the trauma service in that regard been there. Onward.

Albert has no such sleep is due. He is the opposite of jacked.

I'm with you cyclist. I was almost asleep once and something woke me. And once I wake up at night I get stuck on memories of my cat's death. My therapist told me today that I need to just read or something until I can sleep without nightmares and it's only sort of working. I took PRN gabapentin but I'm still wound up. Ugh. Hate nights like this. The sole good thing tonight is that we had a big storm and it cooled things off enough my windows are open for the first time in 2 weeks or more. Loving the fresh air.

bpcyclist · Jul 28, 2020, 01:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I'm with you cyclist. I was almost asleep once and something woke me. And once I wake up at night I get stuck on memories of my cat's death. My therapist told me today that I need to just read or something until I can sleep without nightmares and it's only sort of working. I took PRN gabapentin but I'm still wound up. Ugh. Hate nights like this. The sole good thing tonight is that we had a big storm and it cooled things off enough my windows are open for the first time in 2 weeks or more. Loving the fresh air.

Thanks for sharing, Rainbow. So sorry for your loss.

Yeah, it was 100 here again today. Yuk.

Hugs. Hope u sleep...

Crazy Hitch · Jul 28, 2020, 02:02 AM

If I could stop drinking so much caffeine that would be great!

bpcyclist · Jul 28, 2020, 02:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

If I could stop drinking so much caffeine that would be great!

U know, I am a recovering opiate dude years clean, but I did reduce to one cup from like 6. I drink green tea, too now. Feel better for sure.

BeyondtheRainbow · Jul 28, 2020, 02:52 AM

I quit all caffeinated beverages cold turkey 13 years ago because I realized that I was using the caffeine to make myself hypo and that was having bad consequences. It sucked for a few days and then I haven't really looked back except for wanting cherry coke sometimes.

My method isn't fore everyone but it did work for me.

bpcyclist · Jul 28, 2020, 03:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I quit all caffeinated beverages cold turkey 13 years ago because I realized that I was using the caffeine to make myself hypo and that was having bad consequences. It sucked for a few days and then I haven't really looked back except for wanting cherry coke sometimes.

My method isn't fore everyone but it did work for me.

Used to luv sudafed for same reason, til it became prescription i get it.

Soupe du jour · Jul 28, 2020, 05:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I think there is definitely an opportunity for you to have your voice heard here. Why not? Plenty of people do impulsive things they regret, and, a good chunk of the time, those impulsive actions lead to emotional damage. But emotions can 99% of the time be repaired.

Of course a verbal apology likely won't repair the emotional damage right away, but part of an apology involves showing others that you are making an effort to change your ways for the better.

I know you're trying to start off "fresh," but you clearly feel guilty and, based on my experiences, I do think everyone (including yourself) would be in a better place if you talked to those you hurt. That will probably lift a lot of the emotional weight off your chest and will also help everyone else start to heal, even if the healing process does take some time. I obviously cannot say if they will forgive you or not, because that is up to them, but *an* apology is better than *no* apology.

Hodně štěstí.

Děkuji, moudrá paní.

I hope I get the chance, bluebicycle.

Soupe du jour · Jul 28, 2020, 05:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I am so jacked rt now. Tried to sleep but I feel like I took 12 Provigil but I took zero. Oh well. Sleep when u can. It's just like being on the trauma service in that regard. Been there. Onward.

Albert has no such sleep issue. He is the opposite of jacked.

Your lap must be the perfect Sleep Number bed set on the absolute best number.

Jul 28, 2020, 07:07 AM

I am in agony.

the amount of body pain I am in.. also feels like I am going to fall.

uggg

and I am feeling frustrated too, because I'm meant to return a library book and can't find it, so means I'm probably going to be fined

Soupe du jour · 08:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I am in agony.

the amount of body pain I am in.. also feels like I am going to fall.

uggg

and I am feeling frustrated too, because I'm meant to return a library book and can't find it, so means I'm probably going to be fined

I hope you start to feel much better as the day goes on. Does your library allow for extensions? Mine does, in some cases. Maybe the book will finally show itself soon. I am constantly looking for stuff, but always eventually find them.

bpcyclist · Jul 28, 2020, 07:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Your lap must be the perfect Sleep Number bed set on the absolute best number.

16 hrs. a day he is rt. there... Adorable lil man

bpcyclist · Jul 28, 2020, 07:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I am in agony.

the amount of body pain I am in.. also feels like I am going to fall.

uggg

and I am feeling frustrated too, because I'm meant to return a library book and can't find it, so means I'm probably going to be fined

I am sorry , I missed where u described this. Feel better!!! Hugs!!!!

~Christina · Jul 28, 2020, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72

Right now, I feel better because for now the crisis has been averted. But I dont know if I can sleep- usual problem lately. I still worry that I will be kicked out even though Ive done everything Im supposed to and never been late on my rent in the 3 years that I've lived here.

Possible trigger:

I have done this before- taken 30 benedryl at once. Ended up in the hospital, then in the psych ward.

On the bright side I've got nearly $800 in foostamps! Yikes!

Maybe take your Benedryl andTylenol except for a few and leave at your Moms house Then if you did somehow think it was the thing to do in the moment you would have to get dressed and drive to your Moms to get them, that would probably give you plenty of time to realize that your not thinking right ..

Always put hurdles between you and things that you can harm yourself with , the more the better

Stay safe

Moose72 · Jul 28, 2020, 03:00 PM

I got my important paperwork faxed today. Yay!

Got gas in the car. Important too.

Watching Mama Doctor Jones. I like her.

I need to go to my mom's and water plants and grass.

Feeling better since the day before yesterday.

Mountaindewed · Jul 28, 2020, 03:05 PM

I’m really crabby today. Almost angry. I don’t know why. I just feel really off. I’ve felt like this for 2 days. I guess maybe I’m just still worried about picking up covid from the doctors and ER last week. I still feel fine physically. Also I’ve been incredibly hungry these past 2 days. I’ve had to stop what I’ve been doing to get $10 worth of fast food because I’ve been so ravenous and hangry as a result. Then I’ve just been moody all day. I wish I knew why. I think it may just be the covid thing and the stress from last week. I had a therapy session today and while it for sure didn’t make me feel any worse, it didn’t do much to make feel better like therapy normally does. Basically I just feel crappy today. I have a Pdoc appointment in about an hour.

BeyondtheRainbow · Jul 28, 2020, 03:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72

\

Watching Mama Doctor Jones. I like her.

Don't you wish she was your doctor? I don't even need a gyn anymore (hysterectomy years ago) but I still think she's be awesome.

~Christina · Jul 28, 2020, 03:19 PM

Ya'll I am not wanting the normal flu season to hit on top of Covid but temps of 100 and heat indexes to 106-107??? That shyt has got to stop..

I have never handled heat well, Grew up in Florida and I would pass out from heat so easily. I get super rage-y and Hate to sweat and lets face it I am fat so ........................

Time for Fall .. I want coffee, Hoodies, scarves, Boots and sitting on my porch watching all the trees change color wrapped in a throw reading a book !

Yes I want that ... right now !

Menu

Bipolar check-in #48

My Support Forums