Bipolar Check-In #49

I take metformin. Ive never lost weight with it. Everybody that sees im on it thinks I'm diabetic.

I get the presumed diabetic thing too. I even get phone calls from my prescription insurance offering me education or something every 6 months. Every 6 months we have the same conversation but they can't take me off the list so they keep calling

I took a shower, walked my dog and did my body-scan meditation today. It's the second time for the body-scan. It went better as i did it lying down. It's quite long at 45 minutes. My dog is an obstacle as she fusses and runs around and tries to get me to pat her. I can't shut her away as then she just sends up a hue and a cry and it's worse. I can't have my neighbor mind her as she has a new puppy who gets super excited around my dog and it would just be pandemonium. Sigh! Sometimes pets have their disadvantages.

I had this enormous lunch. I'm so unhappy with my eating and weight. But dieting is futile and intolerable at my age (54 in peri-menopause). Overeaters Anonymous is not gonna work. I have faint hope that mindfulness and meditation will help. My book says it will. But mindfulness and meditation is a long-term project. I'll just keep at it i guess.

You have been a busy busy bee

Fantastic news ! You are doing Great

Well I called Pdocs nurse a little after 9am and she got back to me at 2 .. Pdoc wants to keep me on the same Seroquel but as expected added Cogentin in hopes that helps the ESP . And going up another 40 on Latuda and I'm to check back in a few days.

One day I hope I wake up and not feel immediate rage * sigh*

Hugs to anyone in need

Thanks for the hug. Sending you calming vibes. I remember how awful experiencing bipolar and/or PTSD rage can be. I hope the med change helps.

Ugh, cant sleep and I'm exhausted. So tired...

feel terrible.

their's just nothing going on, and even if their was what am I meant to do with a body that just hurts.

yesterday I tried a new recipie (the lemon chicken I posted in another section othe forum), it was okay, but left me still hungry, so I first had some fries, and when that didn't feel me up, I had snacks- a lot of snacks.

another night with no sleep either. litirally none. not even the oppotunity to lie down

Night before last I took 4-5 klonopin to just erase myself from the world, however temporarily. It did nothing. Last night, I took 2 and it knocked me out. I don't get it.

My mother is disabled. She's the one I was caring for a couple of weeks ago. She noticed in my voice that I sounded down and I told her I was depressed. She was very supportive. She asked about my relationship with my brother, I told her we weren't getting along. this I probably shouldn't have told her because it really upsets her.

So she called my brother and told him how upset I am, etc. etc. She thinks I'm upset about him. Very true, but only part of it. The depression started with lack of sleep, exacerbated by my brother's behavior, took on a life of its own now I'm in a balck hole.

Long story with my brother. He's an asshole with very serious anger probalems. I get very scared of him. Now he's texting me that I shouldn't have told my mom that I was depressed because it upset her. I'm looking for support anywhere I can get it. She so dependent on others, she actually sounded good for being able to help someone else. It's hard to explain.

He keeps texting and is an asshole. I'm done.

I got an extra appointment with my therapist, will see her later this morning. She's my life line.

I cant take this anymore

My brother is also an asshole. Have not spoken to him in 9 yrs. Excellent decision

Just found out that there's going to be no inspection on the 4th! I'm just to call to confirm that my tub has been fixed! They sent a letter to the office telling them that they have until the 4th to fix it. So one of these days maintenance should be knocking on my door. I've been cleaning a ton here so what's more cleaning? Keep going!

Had an appointment with my NP. She wants to decrease my Wellbutrin from 300 to 150 due to poor sleep. Not happy about that. I was doing well on 300 and my sleep has been poor forever. Not much I can do about it.

Doing okay.

Hugs to those that are struggling.

I was doing really good today and then a combination of Xanax and therapy really ****ed me over. I told her about the melatonin and the other misuse of medication and she was all like “we have to do something either go to the hospital or give your mom your medication.” And now I have to email her a food log 3 times a week and in the first one I have to write what my plan is with the melatonin. I honestly don’t even remember much of the session now except that I was pissed and out of it most of the time. I told her and she could tell anyways that I was really high from the Xanax and now she probably thinks I’m a drug seeking idiot with an eating disorder.

Wait!!! You are freaking me out. Ithought uou had struggled w some depression lately? No?

If so, then I oppose this move for you and suggest another approach. If I am remembering wrong, sorry. Senile maybe...

You have a good memory. I have been depressed. I oppose this move also but I’ll do the best I can with it.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh But a clean neat home is such amazing feeling

So, what is the plan?

I get a wee bit drowsy from it and sometimes I can dose for about 10 to 15 minutes.

I only have five nights left until I'm done with this drug. So, I'm dealing as best as I can.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Living in LaLa Land I get a wee bit drowsy from it and sometimes I can dose for about 10 to 15 minutes. I only have five nights left until I'm done with this drug. So, I'm dealing as best as I can.

Yeah, that seems to be the way it goes with Seroquel. Years ago it really helped me sleep, but maybe I was depressed at the time. I don't remember. It sure doesn't do much now

Welp, had a giant dystonic reaction today. Arms and legs, jerking and shaking. It's the Abilify, I am sure. Had it before but it went away. So, now no Abilify. Least I have the Trilafon. Not psychotic right now.

The fun never stops. Seriously thinking I should just suck it up and start Clozaril. See what he says. Pdoc in 2 weeks.

Mood better today. Maybe a 6 or so.

Hugs

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist Welp, had a giant dystonic reaction today. Arms and legs, jerking and shaking. It's the Abilify, I am sure. Had it before but it went away. So, now no Abilify. Least I have the Trilafon. Not psychotic right now. The fun never stops. Seriously thinking I should just suck it up and start Clozaril. See what he says. Pdoc in 2 weeks. Mood better today. Maybe a 6 or so. Hugs

Oh, no. I'm so sorry to hear this. In my experience, Latuda and Abilify tend to cause dystonia and other extreme reactions for so many people. One thing I'll say for Cloziril is that I sure have heard a lot of success stories from it.

I cooked today for the first time in over a year. It's because of studying mindfulness. I'm not so stubborn about washing dishes. I made a big pot of veg bean stew with raisins, peanuts and red wine vinegar. I'm one big ache now tho. All the strenuous shopping. It's nice to have homemade food tho. I was eager to lie down and do my body-scan meditation. I closed the door so my dog couldn't run around and firmly told her No when she started to fuss and she settled right down.

This morning i didn't go back to bed for the first time since Spring. I also took a shower for the third day in a row. So nice to have fluffy hair.

Exhausted now tho and can't tolerate TV, radio, or anything.

Hugs to all who struggle!

OMG.. I have had a hellish back ache for about 5 days... Im sure its the Seroquel as timing adds up. My husband I need to pick it things I drop , Im doing things . I keep dropping things left and right. I hope cogentin will help with all that mess go the hell away. My eyes are very blurry, Yet another symptom of SPS

I just need to catch a break 2020 has sucked from day one !!

Sorry for the rant

Me, too!!