Bipolar Check-In #49

As usual, as usual in real life and online I'm being totally misunderstood. Why is it that I start out with the best and most sensitive of intentions and end up being accused of being too intense? I get so tired of it, I feel like just breaking down and crying. All of my life, the same damned story.

So my therapist is back from vacation today. Before she went on vacation she said she felt like I had been holding back on the emails and to send as many as I wanted etc. I mentioned that on here. So I sent one and that was it. I sent a couple legit emails this morning explaining what had been going on while she was gone. The physical problems I was having and really not feeling good. And she replied by sending me an automatic reminder about my appointment tomorrow. I just feel kinda ignored and that the whole “your holding back on the emails send as many as you want.” Was just a bunch of BS. Now I’m in a mental funk for the first time in awhile and I’m starting to really realize that she is the reason I get so moody and angry and depressed. I was doing so well with my moods and anxiety and now I am at a complete loss again and I know it’s because of her because her returning is the only thing that is different.

Although I could be rage hungry since I have barely eaten since Saturday night. But I think it’s mostly her. I sometimes feel like she just makes **** up and pretends to care but doesn’t really give a crap. Also half my grocery order was cancelled today at Walmart.

I'm sorry that that happens to you. FWIW I always value your opinion and I don't experience it as too intense.

What happened, Beth?

So she sent an email 10 minutes ago basically saying she got them but didn’t have time to reply to them.

Ok Tamar.

You shld tell her that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed So my therapist is back from vacation today. Before she went on vacation she said she felt like I had been holding back on the emails and to send as many as I wanted etc. I mentioned that on here. So I sent one and that was it. I sent a couple legit emails this morning explaining what had been going on while she was gone. The physical problems I was having and really not feeling good. And she replied by sending me an automatic reminder about my appointment tomorrow. I just feel kinda ignored and that the whole “your holding back on the emails send as many as you want.” Was just a bunch of BS. Now I’m in a mental funk for the first time in awhile and I’m starting to really realize that she is the reason I get so moody and angry and depressed. I was doing so well with my moods and anxiety and now I am at a complete loss again and I know it’s because of her because her returning is the only thing that is different.

Ugh. I've definitely been there with my therapist. bpc is, I think, correct. Be courageous and talk with her about how you feel. I think that you being as stressed this past week as you've been, and then how you're feeling today, is a lot of important information to discuss in therapy. Good luck

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Originally Posted by bpcyclist What happened, Beth?

A misunderstanding on a thread. It's been resolved, and I'm so glad it has. This is just an ongoing theme in my life...in my mind, I'm showing that I care about a relationship so much that I get fired up and give my attention to a focused dialogue. But somehow my words come across to the other person as too serious, too intense, and as some kind of attack.

In my mind, I'm showing support for our common problem, but somehow it is communicated /received in the wrong way.

I've talked about this in therapy; my therapist believes it's an aspect of my tendency toward mania. I do think that's it, at least in part. But one of my sisters has the same problem and she doesn't have BD. To me even, my sister gives me the impression of being so involved she's smothering. But I know her intention is from her heart, so I take it where it's coming from.

*sigh* Just so tired of the same repetitive theme.

Thanks bpc

Maybe you guys are just on a different page. Perhaps the emails are helpful for knowing what's been going on with you between appointments, more than a reply to each of them kind of situation. I think it's best to not assume the worst of people. I agree with bpcyclist -- just talk with her about it.

I had an appointment with my therapist, she's been on vacation. The appt. was okay (although she'd forgotten something important I had told her before she left, which she does sometimes...I think it's because she's old).

I don't know why I'm feeling so off today. I'd like to crawl in bed and sleep for hours.

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Originally Posted by bpcyclist ...........

bpc, how are you today?

Hi all. I cleaned out my fridge and freezer today. I wiped down the baseboards. I got the mail. Watched a video on editing photos - Im NOT good at it! I can crop basically and that's it. *sigh* I put up some pix of N1 last night. Gotta get this place spic n span for my inspection on the 4th! I also ordered a CD that my original copy is damaged and skips in a few places. But dang- shipping was double the cost of the CD! I'm doing ok on my diet. Sometimes go over my calories and fat for the day. I also need to get up early enough to start walking again. I've lost 5 pounds in the last 2 weeks. I can't wait to get out of this "ten" into a lower one.

Had group today online. It was okay. The topic was triggers and coping with them. I learned some things, though my major trigger (night) is hard to cope with sometimes. I like "attending" group. It makes me feel centered at least for an hour with people willing to listen outside of my smaller support group.

Slept about 3-4 hours. Still eating more than I should. I cannot wait to leave Seroquel behind on Sunday.

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Originally Posted by Living in LaLa Land Had group today online. It was okay. The topic was triggers and coping with them. I learned some things, though my major trigger (night) is hard to cope with sometimes. I like "attending" group. It makes me feel centered at least for an hour with people willing to listen outside of my smaller support group. Slept about 3-4 hours. Still eating more than I should. I cannot wait to leave Seroquel behind on Sunday.

The 25mg of Seroquel isn't helping you sleep?

It was working really well for me - for a week. Now it's not doing much of anything.

Hugs, Beth.

Super sad for hours, then went back to bed. Slept 3 hours and now am a 5 out of 10 rather than a 3. Thank you for asking.

Well I didn't hear from my sons pdoc. I'll have to call again tomorrow. I'm tired, only got about 3 hours of sleep last night. But the panic attack only lasted about two and a half hours! So that's an improvement.

I'm just tired....

I got some good news today. My last fasting labs my blood sugar was between 115-120 (I forget). I had labs done at the beginning of the month and there's been this drama because somehow the results never reached my family doctor. Well, today my pdoc was able to pull the results up and I am not longer pre-diabetic!! My blood sugar was normal and my HgA1C (which wasn't done last time due to some error) was 5.2 so really good.

Yay!

That's great! I hope that can be me eventually as my weight decreases.

Moose, have you tried Metformin? It helped me lose the weight I had gained from clozapine (not the other 80some lbs though) and helps me keep it off. I've gained a few pounds lately but haven't been eating very well and my exercise has decreased with the extreme heat this summer. But overall the metformin really helps me. I need to start eating better and see if I can get those lbs off. Ideally I'd lose 10 lbs and then I'd be where I was a year ago when I started some health issues that messed me up.

It's probably lowering my blood sugar too but I'm on a small dose so not by too much. I feel safe that if we took the metformin away I'd still be ok.

Yay, progress!

Oh, man. What a gift. Miracles do happen.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow I got some good news today. My last fasting labs my blood sugar was between 115-120 (I forget). I had labs done at the beginning of the month and there's been this drama because somehow the results never reached my family doctor. Well, today my pdoc was able to pull the results up and I am not longer pre-diabetic!! My blood sugar was normal and my HgA1C (which wasn't done last time due to some error) was 5.2 so really good. Yay!

Great news!!

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Originally Posted by bpcyclist Super sad for hours, then went back to bed. Slept 3 hours and now am a 5 out of 10 rather than a 3. Thank you for asking.

Every bit counts 5 is much better than 3. At this rate 7 is just around the corner.