Bipolar Check-In #49

So happy your doing well

That way of dealing with Panic attacks sounds awesome , I will try and remember to try that on my next one which is daily, many times !! ACK !

My therapist is having me do a thing where I don't push panic away. Don't wish that it will end. I should be having a panic attack tonight. So I'm going to try it. How long are your panic attacks? Mine last for 4-6 hours...i. I have them about every 3 days.

Wash Rinse Repeat *sigh*

Mine used to last for hours. They now usually (but not always) last for minutes. I used to get them daily. I now get them every 8-10 days.

You have multiple panic attacks a day! I'm so sorry!

Smoke. Ash. The air stinks so badly.

One of the most ecologically significant and astoundingly magnificent national parks, Big Basin, has entirely burned down. Those were the gigantic redwood trees, thousands of years old, some as big as 70' around and 350' tall.

Almost all of my beautiful, beautiful state is on fire. There's going to be no nature left but black, burned sticks and ashes everywhere. There's a concern that there will be more dry lightning overnight and strong winds, which starts more wildfires.

Been having a panic attack for an hour now! This just sucks so bad!

Hope it helps, Pooky

I am so sorry, Beth.

Hugs, Breeze.

Albert wld not stop bawling in his kitten jail. Has all his stuff in there, but he is just a baby. He gets lonesome. Ugh. So tired.

Thanks! It still going on...

I hope you get some sleep. Kittens are a lot of work. My cats are older now, but I remember all the work they are...

in all ghonestly



I have been awake all night with bad pain and flashbacks, and my only thing I'm doing today is eating some ****ing fruit, all day

I mean it's beyond pointless

Felt down all day yesterday and my mind was all over the place. Made it to the grocery store but other than that stayed in bed all day. All I managed to eat yesterday was one of those $1 burritos from the frozen section at the grocery store.

Today still feel down and am irritable and shaky. Made it to work but not sure how functional I'll be.

Wish I could give you a hug, my friend. At least your Albert frequently does. You are his universe.

I'm glad you are getting some control over your anxiety/panic attacks, Pookyl. Thanks for sharing about the interoceptive exposure. I had heard about it in the past. I will try it the next time I go into a high anxiety phase.

scatterbrained04, ragingvortex, and Christina, I hope today is brighter and with less or no pain. Hugs

Thank you so much for your empathy.

Still very depressed but couldnt sleep last night. Took 4-5 klonopin and nothing. Wasn't hyper maybe because of that. Finally took a night-time cold med and at somepoint got to sleep.

been reaching out to friends.

Reached out to my therapist, will be seeing her tomorrow.

May need to reach out to my pdoc as well.

My main two errands today are to take old medications to the pharmacy to dispose of them, and to go to the dry cleaners to have them wash some winter coats. I know the dry cleaners will be very happy to see me. They are hit hard by this pandemic since many people still work from home wearing ratty clothes, or even pajamas. Luckily my local pharmacy put in a giant metal medication bin. Sort of like the ones you see for clothes donations in parking lots, but of course a bit smaller. I can't believe how many medication bottles full of medications I need to dispose of. At least 10, but I haven't counted. Plus, also about 10 boxes of sumatriptan injections (for migraines) that are way expired. I'm not sure if they will take these. I recall the box saying no needles. They do officially contain needles. I'll have to ask.

I've been a busy bee lately. Will need to remain a busy bee for a long while.

Can’t get a doctor appointment until Thursday. They said I have to do a phone appointment first for GI symptoms, probably because of their association with COVID. Then I may have to go in for a face to face appointment, then most likely some tests. So it looks like I’m going to be missing a few days of work the first and possibly second week. It sucks because I hate taking time off as I dont get much PTO and I certainly don’t want to take time off on the first week back at work!! But it is what it is. I ate very low fat yesterday and I was fine. I went to the store to grab some low fat items that I really like, such as low fat cream cheese and low fat margarine to replace butter. I also got plain Cheerios and low sugar, fat free ice cream so I can at least have some damn ice cream. Hopefully I will figure this out soon.

I had a weird dream last night. My late husband was upset so I told him I was going to leave now, hugging him and telling him it was ok. It was because I was marrying RS. It’s almost like it was a final goodbye. It was interesting. After all I’ve been through with him, and all the revelations over the past few weeks, it was like I was laying it all to rest. Perhaps I am. I’m beginning to get to sleep without having to listen to comedy to turn my mind off. Part of that is seroquel, I’m sure. I read a suggestion online to take it about an hour to and hour and a half before you intend to go to sleep and you will wake up easier. I’ve been doing that but I haven’t practiced getting up earlier. I did wake up at 8:45 on Saturday which is unusual for me, as most of the time I sleep until 9:30. So that’s a good sign.

Thank you, Soupe.

I am quite concerned about the 5 Klonopin.

Hugs and love.

Thanks, Breeze. You are so sweet.

Please call a crisis center and or go to the ER. Am very worried about your safety.