Bipolar Check-In #49

Did a bunch of hill repeats, then got a flat. Darnie!! Oh well, least I was out doing it. Really trying to exercise hard every day to combat this depression.

Have pdoc in 3 wks. Big pow wow. Gonna do an fmri and genetic testing. Maybe a 6-day EEG. Also, getting optho records from the 60s in Texas and old MRI. Will be cool to see if my gene typing looks more bp or sz. Also, chest xray to measure angle of my scoliosis.

So, we are moving. Probably looking at ketamine plus Clozaril if depression does not turn around.

Hugs!!!

Good vibes and hugs to all, especially those struggling

Last December a couple weeks or 10 days before Christmas I got a very sudden urge to look at Christmas lights because I felt like Christmas would be the last time things would be peaceful in the world for awhile. Then Covid happen.

Man do I feel crappy. I went to lie down at 8. I listened to music. I fell asleep at 10. Then I didn’t wake up until 1. I’ve had zero food. I had a coffee and a Mountain Dew.

Hang in there.

bpcyclist, I'm glad you're getting things looked into thoroughly. An epileptologist once suggested I have a 6-day EEG. My husband discouraged it, so I didn't go through with it. I had had several other EEGs, MRIs, PET, and CT scans in the past. I suppose I wish I had gone through with the 6-day EEGs, but then again I haven't had any of the symptoms that led to those tests in a very long time.

We met with another real estate agent today. Both my husband and I liked her much more than the previous one we met with. She may just be the one we go with.

Hubby is getting extremely anxious. Oddly, I'm about as good as I've been in years. I used to be frightened to heck out of the prospect of moving abroad, and yet now I feel at peace with the idea. Even very excited about it. I find myself being the cheerleader now. The whole situation seems like the right thing to do and the right time. We're hoping that there will be another batch of lay offs in my husband's department in October. We both hope, greatly, that he's one of the ones laid off. We've decided that if he isn't, he will find a way to escape that place. It's making him ill. The time has come. A new chapter in our lives.

Good--that is a good thing.

depression hitting me hard today

4-6 hour panic attacks are the worst things I've experienced other than some of the traumas I've experienced. My akathisia was horrible too, dont get me wrong. But 4-6 hour long panic attacks are beyond terrifying and miserable...

My son has taken 10 mgs of zyprexa the last couple of nights. He seems really confused. I asked him if he still thinks hes drugged and he said he doesn't know. Hes better but just confused. Must be awful to go through. I wish we could just have him on zyprexa but then he eats too much. He wont take it everyday bc of that. Hopefully his pdoc calls tomorrow.

I'm having a really heavy period. I hate when it's this heavy. I'm getting good sleep though so that's good. Had a really good talk with my friend last night. So that was good. Tonight I should have a 4-6 hour panic attack if it's on schedule. I have them every 3 days or so. Not looking forward to that but there's nothing I can do about it...just have to cope the best I can. It's awful.

Hope everyone is having a good day.

I did my sitting meditation then cleaned out two junk drawers that have been hectoring me, too stuffed to close properly. I was really pleased with myself. I took a shower and made some good food choices. I took myself out for a healthy lunch and tried to be mindful. I enjoyed our new subway again. But then i made some bad food choices and that's got me down. I tried the body-scan meditation in my book. I feel uneasy about it.

@Coolbreeze74: Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time. Sending good vibes.

I hope it’s a great new chapter in your lives.

Besides my eyelids twitching and absolutely no motivation, I feel okay. Wish I had a solution for both.

I hope everyone has had a good weekend.

Hugs, falninator.

Awful. Hugs and love.

So sad and beyond hopeless. Hit after 35-mile ride. Tv telling me to do S again. Crying. Cry once a yr, maybe less. Just feel like I will never be stable and getting sicker. Feel like giving up. Will not SH, do not worry. Seems very sensible, though.

Like Breeze has been telling us quite painfully, I am confused as to why God has asked this of me. I am unsure of His purpose. Just do not really get it.

I'm so sorry! God doesn't want you to do that. Its your illness playing tricks on you.

Hey Cyclist,

I want you to know that I hear you, and that I'm listening and I know that place that you are in. I've often asked why I've been put in this place that so many people haven't been challenged with. I think its because we're the ones who are strong enough to handle it.

Do some breathing tonight, play with the kitten, you know that he wants that! Meditate.

I wish I could help you the way that you've helped me, but know that I'm thinking of you tonight.

@bpcyclist: So sorry you are feeling so bad. Maybe snuggle Albert?

Here he is.

Thanks for the support, you three.

Albert is adorable!

Maybe just go to nigh nigh.

Hugs.

Yeah, maybe that is what you need. Sleep well!

Doing ok. Mood continues to be stable if a little bit flat.

I haven’t had a panic attack requiring meds for 8 days which I’m happy about. This interoceptive exposure stuff I’m doing is hopefully doing its’ thing.
For those who don’t know what that is: basically you pick a symptom of a panic attack e.g. racing/thudding heartbeat. Then you bring on the symptom by walking fast on the spot until your heart is racing. By simulating a symptom of a panic attack in a controlled environment you teach your brain that a thudding heart is not dangerous. That’s the gist of it anyway.

Hugs to those who need them.

I'm glad you have found an agent that you like and got a better vibe from

Its a great thing that the thought of a huge change in your life is looking like a great thing and not the opposite