[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Living in LaLa Land

Got some bloodwork done to see if the insomnia is either the bipolar talking or something physical. I'm not sure. I haven't had a physical in two years, so anything's possible. I think I'm in mixed states. I mean, I don't feel as though I'm manic at all.

So why is my sleeping pattern off?

Anyway, I feel accomplished. The bloodwork and the mammogram I got on Tuesday makes me feel as though I'm taking my physical health seriously. I'm supposed to have an appointment with my new therapist on Monday. Haven't heard a thing, though. So, I'm concerned as I need to create a working cocktail for my meds.

Fingers crossed.

Many people with bipolar disorder have a defect in a gene called CLOCK. Can you guess what it does?

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Coolbreeze74

I'm sorry I haven't posted in awhile. I've been reading tho and hugs all around!

I've just been overwhelmed. My son isnt doing well and I just don't know how to help him. His psychiatrist is worthless. The agency that we go to they just do the least amount of work that they can. He can't change pdoc's bc he already did. My pdoc is the same. Least amount of work that he can.

The good news is that I think it's going to work out with my new therapist. They have a huge turnover where I go to therapy. We don't have many options where we can go bc of our insurance. Its Medicaid. But I told him about the many trauma I've been through and he does think that living with all that pain could be contributing to my panic attacks. He gave me 4 ways to do therapy. Emdr sounds too difficult right now with the stress I'm under with the panic attacks and my son. So I think I'm going to tell him let's work on mindfulness. Maybe later we can do emdr. But he was very understanding and I don't think he will be leaving the agency. Hes been there awhile now. So I'm hopeful I may have found a good therapist that wont be leaving the agency!

We bought a new e cigarette and it did the same thing the other ones did. They weren't counterfeit after all. The shop owner where we bought the new one just upselled us. So we're out $40. I'm also so tired of worrying about money every month. Its draining. My son really needs to apply for ssi. But hes really psychotic right now so until he gets better idk what to do.

Hope everyone is having a good day. hugs to those struggling.

I am so happy you seem to like the therapist. Yay!!! Always was curious about EMDR. I was born blind in my left eye but strong bp meds markedly improve my vision, as does exercise.

How can we work toward coopting your son's lazy pdoc to be more helpful? What if you went to his appts with suggestions? We could all brainstorm together and try to come up with some solid, doable ideas. Maybe he would respond to that? If we knew more about your son. We might be able to help him more. Schizophrenia? The sz board people here are totally awesome, loving folks. Just an idea.

Hugs!!!

[bpcyclist]

[QUOTE=wildflowerchild25;6935926]I think I better stop talking in specifics about work because I’m probably breaching confidentially and even though I don’t think they could ever find me it’s best that I stop. So in general today was up and down. I logged about 8000 steps! That should tell you enough

My grandfather hasn’t eaten in two weeks but he is drinking a little bit again so that’s good. He even drank a small glass of milk so at least he got a little bit of nutrition. He doesn’t really respond much to my grandma when she chats with him but she thinks he’s taking it in. She told me he asked for a shave today and when she asked the nurse she laughed and said they ask him every day and he always growls NO He’s such a crotchety grouch to them! I think they deserve extra pay for putting up with him! He’s always been that way though. Just gotten worse in his old age. I stopped taking anything he says seriously about ten years ago lol.

One of my favorite author’s new book came out today! I’m too tired to read it today but it’s definitely on the plan for this weekend. Nothing planned for Saturday. I am going to make apple crunch with all the apples we got from apple picking. I will probably also make a small lasagna. It’s going to be a cool fall day so I can finally use the oven again. Sunday we are supposed to go to lunch for my MIL’s birthday but NJ indoor dining is capped at 25% capacity and we have a party of eight. Due to social distancing rules I’m not sure if we will be allowed to all sit together. I’m going to call tomorrow and see. I don’t want to travel 40 minutes to be turned away,[/Q
Made eggplant lasagne once and it was yummy, but never the real thing.

Who is the author, wfc? Always hunting tips!!

Still hanging in there with my mild depression. No sign of my usual Fall hypomania. I miss the euphoria but not the bad judgment.

Thankfully the noise from the construction wasn't as bad yesterday or today. I laid around most of the day but got out to the mall for a coffee and took a midnight shower -- going to bed clean, like @fern46. The weather is nice and cool and sunny, good for wearing cozy clothes that hide my body. I enjoyed my dog today. She didn't fuss to go out so hopefully she has adjusted to her new routine. She's so cute! I love her!

Hugs to all who struggle!

[Coolbreeze74]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I am so happy you seem to like the therapist. Yay!!! Always was curious about EMDR. I was born blind in my left eye but strong bp meds markedly improve my vision, as does exercise.

How can we work toward coopting your son's lazy pdoc to be more helpful? What if you went to his appts with suggestions? We could all brainstorm together and try to come up with some solid, doable ideas. Maybe he would respond to that? If we knew more about your son. We might be able to help him more. Schizophrenia? The sz board people here are totally awesome, loving folks. Just an idea.

Hugs!!!

His psychiatrist just says the invega shot. That's all he has to offer. Hes diagnosed with really severe schizoaffective. Hes on 12 mgs of invega and 16 mgs of perphenazine and 20 mgs of citalopram. My son doesn't want to go on the injection bc of fear of akathisia and TD. I'm out of ideas...

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

Still hanging in there with my mild depression. No sign of my usual Fall hypomania. I miss the euphoria but not the bad judgment.

Thankfully the noise from the construction wasn't as bad yesterday or today. I laid around most of the day but got out to the mall for a coffee and took a midnight shower -- going to bed clean, like @fern46. The weather is nice and cool and sunny, good for wearing cozy clothes that hide my body. I enjoyed my dog today. She didn't fuss to go out so hopefully she has adjusted to her new routine. She's so cute! I love her!

Hugs to all who struggle!

The hypo still might come, but be careful. I recently realized that I lose insight when hypo, not when manic. Very disconcerting!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Coolbreeze74

His psychiatrist just says the invega shot. That's all he has to offer. Hes diagnosed with really severe schizoaffective. Hes on 12 mgs of invega and 16 mgs of perphenazine and 20 mgs of citalopram. My son doesn't want to go on the injection bc of fear of akathisia and TD. I'm out of ideas...

There are a zillion options, Breeze. These kinds of passive docs often need to be pushed a tad. Prodded. Led, like a reluctant horse. What are his symptoms like? What is he dealing with most of the time?

[Coolbreeze74]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

There are a zillion options, Breeze. These kinds of passive docs often need to be pushed a tad. Prodded. Led, like a reluctant horse. What are his symptoms like? What is he dealing with most of the time?

He believes hes drugged. It's always been a delusion of his. He hasn't showered in almost 2 months. He says hes too out of it to shower. He has OCD too and is constantly washing his hands. We cant watch certain shows bc he says they make him paranoid. He ican barely function and is losing weight bc hes not eating. Tonight though he had 3 brats. So that's good. Hes just constantly paranoid about everything. I don't know how to help him anymore...

Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Coolbreeze74

He believes hes drugged. It's always been a delusion of his. He hasn't showered in almost 2 months. He says hes too out of it to shower. He has OCD too and is constantly washing his hands. We cant watch certain shows bc he says they make him paranoid. He ican barely function and is losing weight bc hes not eating. Tonight though he had 3 brats. So that's good. Hes just constantly paranoid about everything. I don't know how to help him anymore...

Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

So, the Invega isn't even holding him since he is stil paranoid. He clearly needs a med change, any schizoaffective pt (I believe that is prolly my dx rt now) could see that from across the road. Something adequately addressing paranoia might also mitigate the delusion about being drugged. In short, he is psychotic and suffering as a result.

There are other APs out there that work for people.
We are all unique. Seroquel has been terrific for Soupe but makes me feel stoned. Abilify worked well for me for a decade. Now, Trilafon is my antipsychotic. Fantastic.

So, my first thought is different antipsychotic pronto. No wonder he is such a challenge. He is psychotic. He must be miserable. Heartbreaking.

You guys gotta take some action, Breeze.

Hugs and love!! Prayers.

[Coolbreeze74]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

So, the Invega isn't even holding him since he is stil paranoid. He clearly needs a med change, any schizoaffective pt (I believe that is prolly my dx rt now) could see that from across the road. Something adequately addressing paranoia might also mitigate the delusion about being drugged. In short, he is psychotic and suffering as a result.

There are other APs out there that work for people.
We are all unique. Seroquel has been terrific for Soupe but makes me feel stoned. Abilify worked well for me for a decade. Now, Trilafon is my antipsychotic. Fantastic.

So, my first thought is different antipsychotic pronto. No wonder he is such a challenge. He is psychotic. He must be miserable. Heartbreaking.

You guys gotta take some action, Breeze.

Hugs and love!! Prayers.

I completely agree, but its hard when his pdoc only recommends the invega shot that he doesn't want to go on. Seroquel will make him gain weight. That's really not an option. We need a good psychiatrist that will see him as not just another client. Idk what we can try. Hes been on risperdal and it gave him akathisia really bad. Zyprexa makes him gain weight. He did ok on perphenazine for awhile but its not working anymore. So we added invega and he still is psychotic. I'm at a loss...its really sad to see him go through this.

[SleeplessinthePNW]

Hi y’all this us my first time on any peer support group site. It’s really early where I am and I can’t get back to sleep. I can get to sleep fine but staying asleep is hard once my mind spins up. Thought?
I’ve also been struggling with the fear of losing control and having another manic episode. Though I’m sure it wont look the same as it did before. I had two major episodes in three years when I was 30. I fought the diagnosis because I already knew a lot about it at the time. The second episode rife with religious delusions lead to me losing my religion. The first episode led to bankruptcy.
The stakes are higher now I'm married and we are fairly well set up. The thought of losing control to that extent again terrifies me. Can anyone relate?
Thanks

[Blue_Bird]

Just got back from the dentist. I took klonopin beforehand so I didn't panic. Had my favorite dentist so that's good that he's still working there. He started doing work on one tooth in preparation for a root canal. And he did another regular filling since he had time before his next appointment. Just gotta wait back to hear from insurance about the root canal approval, once I hopefully get that they can do it. He also prescribed Amoxicillin for possible infection, so I'll be taking that 3 times a day for however long I'm supposed to.Then I have an appointment later this month for another regular filling. I have so much work that needs to be done. One thing I really regret about bulimia is how much it ****ed up my teeth. Oh well, can't change the past. Can only learn from it and move forward.

The dental rooms all had these air disinfectant purifying machines in them. That was pretty cool. Plus of course when you enter the clinic they take your temp and screen you. Then you wash your mouth out with a hydrogen peroxide mix and wash your hands before sitting down in the chair. Dentist and hygienist had masks and face shields on.

Anyway, that was my morning. Not much else going on today. Might clean a bit. I finally got all my framed pictures hung. I have an autographed poster of Lindsey Stirling, my Baptism/confirmation certificate, and pictures of Jesus and Mary. Plus I got some Fall decor for my apartment. Looks nice now, more like a home

[Living in LaLa Land]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Many people with bipolar disorder have a defect in a gene called CLOCK. Can you guess what it does?

Screw up our sleep.

[Daonnachd]

I just submitted an application for work at a large grocer's. I didn't say anything on the application about BP or ECT, but I will be open about it in the interview (if I get one) because they'll have to accommodate my schedule.

It was sad when I got to the education section of the application. I was twice enrolled in grad school but I canna recall when. One of the schools I have lost from memory, too. I just didn't list that period of my history. This really makes me feel down. I've lost so much to ECT. I used to be a teacher certified for History, English, and Spanish. Now I'm applying to be a grocer, baker, or florist. ... and I'm not even confident that I can do those jobs.

I'm back from my backpacking trip! I did a lot of thinking and now I'm living with my sister in a different state. I'm no longer with my boyfriend. He has all my stuff still though, including my meds! Yeah, I've been off them for a month now, but oddly I feel better? Less irritated? It's the wilderness

I'm waiting to get evaluated at a mental health clinic. I don't know how I'll adapt to living in this city. I didn't sleep at all last night because of traffic. Just walking around I see needles everywhere and it's triggering, and there's a lot of pressure to stay clean. It's been over three years. At least I'll have in-person NA meetings here and other resources I might need that I didn't have in Nowheresville. I'll have to ask during my evaluation.

It's good to be back, friends

[Moose72]

@Blue_Bird, glad your dental work is getting straightened out- ha ha, well you know what I mean! I missed my Spring appointment with my dentist and they haven't rescheduled. I could have cavities who knows. I'll have to wait until I'm moved to call them because I'm just too busy packing and moving to do it any sooner.

So the left hand is now talking to the right hand- I hope! The new complex has this paperwork they're supposed to fill out before my section 8 case manager can run my numbers and get an amount of rent I need to pay. She also needs this done so they can complete the inspection of the new place. Well, the new complex wanted my case manager's phone number! I hope she is in the office today. Nobody's contacted me since I gave her the phone number. This seems irregular, though, since shouldn't the complex be adept at these things and not need me to intervene? I'm getting an uneasy feeling that this stuf won't get done on time- and we are getting down to the wire in terms of time in order to get things turned around in time for me to move in.

P.S. I just emailed the section 8 case manager about the new place contacting her via phone since I don't know if she's in the office or not. I hope I'm doing the right thing.

[Nammu]

They are showing haunted houses on the news that are open this year and asking that customers wear a mask. Makes me sad. I love Halloween but this year I’m staying in and not turning on our lights. No handing out candy to the ghosts and goblins. Just can’t risk it.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Nammu

They are showing haunted houses on the news that are open this year and asking that customers wear a mask. Makes me sad. I love Halloween but this year I’m staying in and not turning on our lights. No handing out candy to the ghosts and goblins. Just can’t risk it.

I won't be handing out candy either and my kids are too old to go, so that settles that. I highly doubt that people will go up to the 3rd floor of an apartment building just for candy. But I could be wrong. I don't even know if I will have a porch light- I don't think so. Maybe I'll have to put a note on my door that says "No candy here" or something?

[Nammu]

I’m seriously thinking of looking at getting a cabin on woman lake. A childhood hang out. I’m really missing the fall smells of the north woods. The wet leaves on the ground. A canoe ride. I can’t really afford it but it would be so great to have a couple days in the north. Just being one with the autumn and being surrounded by birch trees.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Moose72

@Blue_Bird, glad your dental work is getting straightened out- ha ha, well you know what I mean! I missed my Spring appointment with my dentist and they haven't rescheduled. I could have cavities who knows. I'll have to wait until I'm moved to call them because I'm just too busy packing and moving to do it any sooner.

So the left hand is now talking to the right hand- I hope! The new complex has this paperwork they're supposed to fill out before my section 8 case manager can run my numbers and get an amount of rent I need to pay. She also needs this done so they can complete the inspection of the new place. Well, the new complex wanted my case manager's phone number! I hope she is in the office today. Nobody's contacted me since I gave her the phone number. This seems irregular, though, since shouldn't the complex be adept at these things and not need me to intervene? I'm getting an uneasy feeling that this stuf won't get done on time- and we are getting down to the wire in terms of time in order to get things turned around in time for me to move in.

P.S. I just emailed the section 8 case manager about the new place contacting her via phone since I don't know if she's in the office or not. I hope I'm doing the right thing.

I hope everything works out with the move. It will be great once you get to the new place and settled in.

I moved into a new apartment back in February and it's been great, it's supportive housing so there's a person here I meet with every month to discuss my goals and whatnot and they help me with any concerns I've had and they stay in touch with my case manager

[Blue_Bird]

Went ahead and got my flu shot today.

The weather is finally cooling off. I'm definitely ready for hoodie season. Nothing better than enjoying a cup of pumpkin spice coffee or some other warm drink outside in the crisp autumn air with a hoodie on.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Went ahead and got my flu shot today.

The weather is finally cooling off. I'm definitely ready for hoodie season. Nothing better than enjoying a cup of pumpkin spice coffee or some other warm drink outside in the crisp autumn air with a hoodie on.

This is true. I'm in shorts and a t-shirt today mainly because I don't want to "dirty" my long pants as washing and drying now must take place at my mom's, but it's 60 out here! Gorgeous jeans and a sweatshirt with a pumpkin spice latte weather! Unfortunately, I'm having to spend it inside packing and sorting. Kinda wish I had a friend to go sit outside at Starbucks with. That would be really nice.

Good that you got your flu shot! I think I will wait until my annual exam to get mine, which is what we usually do. That's early in November, I think.

[Mountaindewed]

I feel decent today but I’ve been actually watching non sitcom TV shows so I’ve been majorly distracted most of the day. My moods and anxiety are ok though. I bought a bunch of candy for my nephews. I am going to make Halloween treat bags for them and mail them. My aunt used to do that for candy related holidays and it was always exciting to get them in the mail. But yeah I’m slightly nervous about the next few weeks but as long as I stay distracted I’m good.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by pineperson

I'm back from my backpacking trip! I did a lot of thinking and now I'm living with my sister in a different state. I'm no longer with my boyfriend. He has all my stuff still though, including my meds! Yeah, I've been off them for a month now, but oddly I feel better? Less irritated? It's the wilderness

I'm waiting to get evaluated at a mental health clinic. I don't know how I'll adapt to living in this city. I didn't sleep at all last night because of traffic. Just walking around I see needles everywhere and it's triggering, and there's a lot of pressure to stay clean. It's been over three years. At least I'll have in-person NA meetings here and other resources I might need that I didn't have in Nowheresville. I'll have to ask during my evaluation.

It's good to be back, friends

So happy to hear from you, Pine. Hugs!!!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I’m seriously thinking of looking at getting a cabin on woman lake. A childhood hang out. I’m really missing the fall smells of the north woods. The wet leaves on the ground. A canoe ride. I can’t really afford it but it would be so great to have a couple days in the north. Just being one with the autumn and being surrounded by birch trees.

Awwww...