[~Christina]

Jennifer .. I hope that things settle down so that your anxiety will just freaking quit!! I hate the ongoing anxiety its like I cant catch a breath. Im cheering for you

Soupe.. That is fantastic news you may have found a place! I would think there could be some wiggle room as far as Rent goes. Also many home owners that have rentals often prefer renting to people a bit older. Young kids can really trash a place quick and security deposits dont cover the damage. I do hope your husbands laid off and given a package

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Moose72

You weren't taught how to speak Spanish? I'd imagine it would be difficult to describe being bipolar in another language!

I lived in Spain for two years, but never talked to anybody about bipolar disorder so there's the challenge. Some symptoms I know how to describe, but others I kinda talk around it and produce an indirect description.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Jennifer .. I hope that things settle down so that your anxiety will just freaking quit!! I hate the ongoing anxiety its like I cant catch a breath. Im cheering for you

Soupe.. That is fantastic news you may have found a place! I would think there could be some wiggle room as far as Rent goes. Also many home owners that have rentals often prefer renting to people a bit older. Young kids can really trash a place quick and security deposits dont cover the damage. I do hope your husbands laid off and given a package

That's what we're thinking. It will just be middle-aged Hubby and me and occasionally his lawyer friend who goes between the US and Brno a week out of every month. And, maybe a couple of parrots, once we get settled.

The house owners have three kids, so the house clearly shows that. Plus, they were a very messy/cluttery lot! They still need to empty the garage, attic, and parts of the patio of their stuff (some is junk). The whole house needs a good scrubbing and the bedroom we would want as the master was the kids', so would need to be "de-kiddified" (scrap the cartoon theme). They now live a few houses down the road. One patch of green would make for a nice little herb and veggie garden and others for flowers. We were told they raised turkeys there. Not our plan 😁, even though we obviously like birds.

The views are beautiful hilly Moravian countryside with village homes in the distance. Down the road is an old Moravian Catholic church. Further down is a horse riding farm. [Beautiful horses!] Bike paths are everywhere, and there are forests to explore (all public access), and a tennis court nearby for free public use. It would normally take 20 mins to Brno, but there is road construction to widen the highway...which will eventually be helpful. Bus within walking-distance. Tram to Brno from bus ride. The village name translates to "Nut Tree", which is cute.

[Living in LaLa Land]

Originally Posted by Moose72

@Living in LaLa Land You can probably find a new group at your new place. Doesn't it feel nice to put away all the new groceries? After all that work of buying them, then carrying them in - In my case I will live on the 3rd floor soon so yeah talk about exercise!- and then wiping them down, it's sure nice to have your groceries put away. Makes me feel good to know I've got food in the house. What did you get a Kohl's? I'm not sure that you should go up to 900 first. What's the harm in going to 1200- the med isn't sedating, is it?

The med's sedating, which I'm grateful for because it's the only way I consistently sleep.

I picked up some clothes for my son's school pictures. He asked for something fitting and nice. I couldn't help myself, lol.

[Living in LaLa Land]

Spent last night in the emergency room receiving two blood transfusions. My hemoglobin was deathly low at 5.5, whereas the norm is between 10 and 14 for women. I needed two bags to get back to an anemic level. Between not going in for physicals (my last one was four years ago), not taking iron, and possibly using Trileptal (which I read requires blood checks that my previous doc never informed me about), I shouldn't be surprised.

Made it through. The kicker is that I'm chasing my primary doctor. No one's picking up the phone or returning my message about the ER trip, which unnerves me because I'd like to get started on iron supplements as soon as possible. Also, I'm having difficulty tracking down my new pdoc because I need to know if I should continue with Trileptal.

I'm just tired (Only got two to three hours, I think, of sleep upon returning from the hospital). Last night was weird. I'm still discombobulated from it.

[Living in LaLa Land]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I'm on 1200mg of Trileptal, I can't remember if I went from 600 or 900 to that dose though. What did your doctor say?

I've taken clonidine but for anxiety and had no issues with it

Haven't talked to him yet. I'll stick with 600 until I feel better after my trip to the ER.

As for the clonidine, I'll take it PRN later. I'm not sure about using a blood pressure med so close after my transfusions.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Living in LaLa Land

Spent last night in the emergency room receiving two blood transfusions. My hemoglobin was deathly low at 5.5, whereas the norm is between 10 and 14 for women. I needed two bags to get back to an anemic level. Between not going in for physicals (my last one was four years ago), not taking iron, and possibly using Trileptal (which I read requires blood checks that my previous doc never informed me about), I shouldn't be surprised.

Made it through. The kicker is that I'm chasing my primary doctor. No one's picking up the phone or returning my message about the ER trip, which unnerves me because I'd like to get started on iron supplements as soon as possible. Also, I'm having difficulty tracking down my new pdoc because I need to know if I should continue with Trileptal.

I'm just tired (Only got two to three hours, I think, of sleep upon returning from the hospital). Last night was weird. I'm still discombobulated from it.

Oh, my word. I'm so glad you're here to tell us about the whole experience. I'm sorry you had to go through that though.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I go back and forth thinking they are just playing with my mind and don't intend to rent to me at all, to "You're being crazy. IT's all going to be fine". Last night, I took 100 PRN Seroquel and 5 PRN Haldol. This calmed me down so that I could sleep. I'm doing all this work to move and what if I have to move it all to a storage unit?

Ugh, that anxiety is a misery. Were you able to ask her for the link again?

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I will try. My mom was a German existentialist. Nietzsche slash Heidegger worshipper. Dad worshipped mom. Dad believes he is some type of noncommittal Texas Christian, but the word God was spoken maybe twice in the nineteen years I lived there. Super educated, hyper well-read, erudite, materially prosperous people. Moral, ethical, excellent humans.

But, despite all the ivy league schools and earthly pleasure and triumph, all this ten trillion books we all constantly read, there was one particular book that was never, ever brought up. Never. They never talked to me about God or spirituality at any time. Never. I somehow located a bible and started reading it. Probably my grandad's. Age 8, maybe. No idea why, but always wanted to be close to God. But my parents were secular humanists. Functionally, I was raised to be an atheist.

You must travel up north and make good friends with Kierkegaard, my man!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Living in LaLa Land

Spent last night in the emergency room receiving two blood transfusions. My hemoglobin was deathly low at 5.5, whereas the norm is between 10 and 14 for women. I needed two bags to get back to an anemic level. Between not going in for physicals (my last one was four years ago), not taking iron, and possibly using Trileptal (which I read requires blood checks that my previous doc never informed me about), I shouldn't be surprised.

Made it through. The kicker is that I'm chasing my primary doctor. No one's picking up the phone or returning my message about the ER trip, which unnerves me because I'd like to get started on iron supplements as soon as possible. Also, I'm having difficulty tracking down my new pdoc because I need to know if I should continue with Trileptal.

I'm just tired (Only got two to three hours, I think, of sleep upon returning from the hospital). Last night was weird. I'm still discombobulated from it.

My God, LaLa. What an ordeal! Has either doctor called you back yet? If not, be the squeaky wheel - you're out of the hospital? Why on earth didn't they keep you?

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Ugh, that anxiety is a misery. Were you able to ask her for the link again?

No, I didn't call today. I think it's best if I give it time between calls unless they call ME. Maybe that's the paranoia acting up, dunno.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Living in LaLa Land

Spent last night in the emergency room receiving two blood transfusions. My hemoglobin was deathly low at 5.5, whereas the norm is between 10 and 14 for women. I needed two bags to get back to an anemic level. Between not going in for physicals (my last one was four years ago), not taking iron, and possibly using Trileptal (which I read requires blood checks that my previous doc never informed me about), I shouldn't be surprised.

Made it through. The kicker is that I'm chasing my primary doctor. No one's picking up the phone or returning my message about the ER trip, which unnerves me because I'd like to get started on iron supplements as soon as possible. Also, I'm having difficulty tracking down my new pdoc because I need to know if I should continue with Trileptal.

I'm just tired (Only got two to three hours, I think, of sleep upon returning from the hospital). Last night was weird. I'm still discombobulated from it.

That sounds like a really rough night. So glad you made it through. Hoping you get some much needed rest this evening.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Hi Fern. Originally, we were supposed to fly on Friday from Prague to Paris then on to Montreal and then home to Newark Liberty airport in NJ. However, our Prague-Paris leg was canceled on us (like many before that had to be rescheduled). We are still flying there, but this Thursday (one day early). Then we have to stay in a Paris airport hotel to wait for the onward flights on Friday. Boo hiss!

When we get home to the US, we are supposed to quarantine for 14 days, even though we don't have covid-19. That's the rule. Regardless, we will be super busy with home improvements and some packing. Hubby will also have to get back to work, still working from home. We hope he'll be laid off with a severance package. We already know that more employees at his company will be let go. It was announced a while back.

That sounds like quite the trip home. Sorry about the flight cancellation. That's frustrating. I hope the rest of the journey goes off without a hitch.

I hope the quarantine isn't too bad. Hopefully there will be plenty of time to relax. You're in my thoughts and I'm hoping your husband gets the package!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

My pdoc got me signed up for a 6 week CBT sleep class. I'm not sure how I feel about it (today being day 1). I had trouble filling in some of the evaluation; for example I don't take "sleep medications" but I take lots of sedating meds. It's got things I worry about, like right now staying out of my bed during the day is nearly impossible because my couch is in terrible shape and hurts my back. Either that or I have a bilateral kidney infection which would be odd (not that I'm not going to the dr fairly soon as my back has hurt for weeks). I also dread tracking my sleep and am embarrassed by my weird sleep patterns that someone is going to be looking at. And I don't love CBT. I know lots of people do; it's just never been my favorite thing. But it's only 6 weeks. and maybe it will help.

I'm just anxious about it. Oh well. It's free so if I hate it I quit I guess. My pdoc wouldn't be thrilled but if I have a good reason she'll be ok.

And maybe it will somehow fix my 44 years of messed up sleep. Who knows?

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

My pdoc got me signed up for a 6 week CBT sleep class. I'm not sure how I feel about it (today being day 1). I had trouble filling in some of the evaluation; for example I don't take "sleep medications" but I take lots of sedating meds. It's got things I worry about, like right now staying out of my bed during the day is nearly impossible because my couch is in terrible shape and hurts my back. Either that or I have a bilateral kidney infection which would be odd (not that I'm not going to the dr fairly soon as my back has hurt for weeks). I also dread tracking my sleep and am embarrassed by my weird sleep patterns that someone is going to be looking at. And I don't love CBT. I know lots of people do; it's just never been my favorite thing. But it's only 6 weeks. and maybe it will help.

I'm just anxious about it. Oh well. It's free so if I hate it I quit I guess. My pdoc wouldn't be thrilled but if I have a good reason she'll be ok.

And maybe it will somehow fix my 44 years of messed up sleep. Who knows?

I think you should give it a chance. Yes you can quit but why not go in thinking you aren't going to quit?

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I think you should give it a chance. Yes you can quit but why not go in thinking you aren't going to quit?

Oh, I"m pretty committed to not quitting. I won't quit without my pdoc's approval and once my therapist is involved he'll keep me on track; he won't let me quit very easily nor will my pdoc. I was just musing. I'm afraid of it but I've got 6 weeks to get over that.

[Moose72]

I'm sleepy and it's only 7:40 p.m. i'm also hungry but I only have 150 calories left for today. That means no milk with anything- milk is high in calories and fat- even 2%. I'm down to the high end of "overweight" rather than "obese". I can deal with that. I should be walking or riding but I'm so busy packing. Tomorrow will be a wash in terms of exercise because my mom is coming to help me pack stuff- actually put stuff in boxes. I wiped down the piano and the organ. The organ bench even has the original book that came with it- in good shape! We have takers for that, the piano and the washing machine! I wish I didn't have to give up N3's piano and my washing machine. But I will have nowhere to put them come the first.

What should I eat to get rid of this hunger? A protein shake in milk is over 400 calories! But that would be the easiest. Maybe I'll just drink water.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I see what you’re saying, but why does it matter? I was raised to be Christian but I’m a staunch atheist. It doesn’t bother me that my mom is of a different faith.

It’s obviously very important to you but I’m not sure it’s something they did on purpose to hurt you.

97.4 percent of the planet's population is not atheist. It is an exceedingly rare world view. I defend and respect your galaxy construct to the death.

That said, as a father of two, it is a mandate, a duty, in my opinion of any parent to at the minimum utter the options of universe views to any sentient child ar least once, even if you are an ardent Nietzsche worshipper.
To not do so and legislate that the only sensible approach to life is humanly education, financial security, and earthly security is a gross dereliction of parenting duty. I have talked to both my kids about spirituality since they could speak. Have told them their world view is theirs to choose for their souls. Presented options, including no God at all. Up to them. Free well.

My parents were spectacular in virtually every way
But my dad's marital deference to mom's weird hatred of God badly harmed me. And I am angry. It was negligent parenting and a lack of courage born of selfishness.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by fern46

Kids are raised to be all sort of things. It either takes or it doesn't. You have the ability to choose and you're making your own way. We can take time to take issue with the choices our parents made, but we can't get lost in the anger or the what ifs. Just stick to what now.

I know you've reported that you've been euthymic recently, but I'm seeing a shift in you lately. What are you doing to keep safe and balanced? Sending love and support your way.

Rrut roooooh. Yeah. No sleep last night. All spiritually fired up. Guess I flipped a wee.bit hypo on myself. I never notice until it has happened. Sorry.

Thanks for telling me. More Trilafon tonight.

But I still believe this is any competent parent's duty. I do. To just pretend like God never existed for anyone because you worship Heidegger and the human brain is negligent and unfair to that child. What if the child is born with an undiagnosed and untreated congenital illness and blindness and might derive comfort in contemplating any higher power? Five year olds in mixed states do not feel better after reading Nietzsche.

[Sunflower123]

The situation that was causing so much anxiety has resolved itself after two months in the best possible way. I feel like an anchor has been removed from my chest. Very, very grateful.

I slept 10 hours last night. Very grateful for that also.

I really appreciate the support. Thank you.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Rrut roooooh. Yeah. No sleep last night. All spiritually fired up. Guess I flipped a wee.bit hypo on myself. I never notice until it has happened. Sorry.

Thanks for telling me. More Trilafon tonight.

But I still believe this is any competent parent's duty. I do. To just pretend like God never existed for anyone because you worship Heidegger and the human brain is negligent and unfair to that child. What if the child is born with an undiagnosed and untreated congenital illness and blindness and might derive comfort in contemplating any higher power? Five year olds in mixed states do not feel better after reading Nietzsche.

Its a lot to take in. You feel how you feel. I think its good that you're allowing yourself to explore your truth. Just take it in small bites if you can.

I think sometimes parents are still struggling with these questions themselves and don't do a good job of just owning up to that. I'm not justifying your parent's choices, but you were at least loved enough to know compassion and higher love in several forms. That is in a way spiritual depending on how you look at it. I also think its cool you're doing more for your children.

Don't be sorry, you know I have your back. Take some time away and let this mellow for a bit and then revisit it. You can unpack it in phases. I think it was Beth who reminded me its a game of intensity. We can do what we need to do, we just gotta be smart about how we do it. The love you feel from your God is eternal. There's no rush

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by fern46

Its a lot to take in. You feel how you feel. I think its good that you're allowing yourself to explore your truth. Just take it in small bites if you can.

I think sometimes parents are still struggling with these questions themselves and don't do a good job of just owning up to that. I'm not justifying your parent's choices, but you were at least loved enough to know compassion and higher love in several forms. That is in a way spiritual depending on how you look at it. I also think its cool you're doing more for your children.

Don't be sorry, you know I have your back. Take some time away and let this mellow for a bit and then revisit it. You can unpack it in phases. I think it was Beth who reminded me its a game of intensity. We can do what we need to do, we just gotta be smart about how we do it. The love you feel from your God is eternal. There's no rush

.
Okay. I will try to power down. Thank you.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

The situation that was causing so much anxiety has resolved itself after two months in the best possible way. I feel like an anchor has been removed from my chest. Very, very grateful.

I slept 10 hours last night. Very grateful for that also.

I really appreciate the support. Thank you.

That is so great!

[Living in LaLa Land]

Originally Posted by BethRags

My God, LaLa. What an ordeal! Has either doctor called you back yet? If not, be the squeaky wheel - you're out of the hospital? Why on earth didn't they keep you?

Unless I have an reaction, they release after the transfusions. So, I was discharged with a plan to talk to my primary doctor about iron supplements and getting my levels up to optimal range. However, I still haven't talked to them after leaving a message.

My new pdoc called me back and told me to stop taking Trileptal as I'm not sure where the low levels came from and the medicine can affect blood counts. He wants to talk to me tomorrow about getting on Lithium.

[Living in LaLa Land]

Originally Posted by fern46

That sounds like a really rough night. So glad you made it through. Hoping you get some much needed rest this evening.

Thanks, Fern. I hope so too. My pdoc told me to take some Melatonin tonight to sleep since he's taking me of Trileptal, which helped me sleep.