[Fuzzybear]

Do people think that a (self confessed) ''distant'' relative contacting my therapist is crossing a boundary? I do... She did not ask my permission (I found out from the therapist). I was not a ''minor'' and I was not living with her (hadn't done for years) She was asking the therapist how things were ''progressing'' in the therapy I think. In general, she was rejecting and dismissive rather than ''over involved'' or ''over protective''..

[Moose72]

N1 is home. She and C had a talk and N1 said she thought C was being to overbearing. ?? I dunno, but the upshot is that N1 is home with C. I think N1 needs a T to talk about why she goes straight to

Possible trigger:

sui

when she's upset. That's just my thoughts. Maybe an action plan would help? I know that C has to work tomorrow- first day at a new job she just got today. I don't think they admitted N1 at all. Maybe N1 wanted to go home? I really don't know but it's worrying me!

I just broke my bed. My mom says she bets its not broken, but I heard a big noise and it's sagging now. I feel like an idiot. I'll be sleeping on the couch from here on out until it can get figured out.

[Coolbreeze74]

I've had a horrible day. It's a long story. My son was treated horrible in the hospital. He only saw his psychiatrist twice. She only gave him like 2 minutes each time. Other things too. Hes really not better but is showering. I only got about 4 hours if sleep. The night before only 2 hours. Hoping tomorrow will be better. But haven't had a panic attack in 4 days now so that is some good news...

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Do people think that a (self confessed) ''distant'' relative contacting my therapist is crossing a boundary? I do... She did not ask my permission (I found out from the therapist). I was not a ''minor'' and I was not living with her (hadn't done for years) She was asking the therapist how things were ''progressing'' in the therapy I think. In general, she was rejecting and dismissive rather than ''over involved'' or ''over protective''..

Does she love you, Fuzzer?

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I haven't had panic attacks the past two days. And my mood has been really good the past few days. It's just a start but I hope it's the beginning of long term stability, I haven't had that in a long time. But I feel like this might be it, where things finally settle. I'm hopeful, anyway.

I hope so, too, Blue_Bird

[Crazy Hitch]

My anxiety has dropped. Just a little bit. The meds are slowly taking effect. Slowly.

[Coolbreeze74]

This is one of the hardest time of my life. I feel like I need to cry but it wont come out. I think its bc of the meds I'm on. I had a 4 hour long panic attack tonight. Lots of suicide ideations. I'm so exhausted but can't sleep...

[MuddyBoots]

My therapist is a f'king worthless POS. All I got for today was "you're not yourselef" and "reach out if you need help" over and OVER. What were we supposed to be doing? Was my coming to the appointment not a form of reaching out for help? You know what? Not going to put energy into it. It's done. Unhelpful people are unhelpful and therapists are clumped into that so I won't expect help from any therapist I'll ever come across.

Got like 3 hours of sleep last night. It's because I said the Seroquel makes me sleepy so I switched into a different reality where seroquel doesn't make me sleepy. I been doing that lately, gotta learn how to hone that in.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Coolbreeze74

This is one of the hardest time of my life. I feel like I need to cry but it wont come out. I think its bc of the meds I'm on. I had a 4 hour long panic attack tonight. Lots of suicide ideations. I'm so exhausted but can't sleep...

I'm so sorry you're struggling I really hope things improve for you. Do you have any coping skills that might help distract you at least for a little while? I know it's hard to do things when feeling bad though

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by BethRags

In two years I have never once cancelled an appointment with my therapist. I see her twice/week. I cancelled today for a silly reason, but there it is. I simply do not feel like setting up the whole teletherapy thing. Camera, mic, close the curtains so it's not too bright, being sure my hair is presentable, getting dressed just for a video session, pointing my computer in a direction that has a pleasant background, saying good-bye at the end when she suddenly disappears and I see a blank screen...all of it. I just couldn't do it today. It all feels like pushing a boulder up a mountain.

I feel bad, because I know she'll wonder why I cancelled when I never have before. And I hope I don't regret cancelling. I'm just so worn down from this whole covid BS.

I understand completely. Do not quit. Maybe today will be better.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

I've been having difficulties with impulsivity on the job lately, and it's leading to not the best decisions. I really hate the impulsive side of me. It's really self-damaging and makes me feel really bad about myself. I always worry about the long-term effects and if something is going to haunt me. It's really hard working when dealing with these Bipolar symptoms, and some days I want to give up. I was very close to resigning the other day, but I'm trying to push through until I can't anymore. I did take a few days off next week, so that will give me the opportunity to have a mental health day to myself. I had to take a klonopin (PRN) today, because I feel really nervous about my decisions and if the worst is going to happen. A few hours to go until the work day is over with.

Breathe. Go for a walk. Do not give up. We are here for you.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I'm finally taking a break. I've been working my you know what off! Hubby and I shouted at each other once this morning. It was in front of the painter. I apologized to the painter that he had to witness that. I did not apologize to Hubby, nor did he apologize to me. It's OK. It's over with. We "get it" that this is a very stressful period in our lives.

Hubby clearly seems mildly depressed and very anxious. It's a rough period and understandable. I'm, luckily, not depressed or anxious, so I've been quite productive. However, there are just some things I can't do by myself. He must try to help me! Half the time he's in the bathroom, on his computer, or napping (or doing some low priority project) when I'm packing, sorting, cleaning, running up and down the stairs, running errands, etc. I know I've mentioned here that most of the stuff is my husband's. But it MUST be moved for the painter to do his job. Then in about a week and a half, the floor people. I know my husband hates to part with things, so I try to be respectful of that, but he has TOO MUCH! And he's just soooooo slow at doing everything. I even think that as he sees me making great progress with my stuff, he freezes more and gets more overwhelmed knowing he's far behind with his. I'd love to make executive decisions about his stuff, but...can't.

Good news is that tomorrow morning is a trash pickup. Then tomorrow night we put stuff out for the bulk pickup that happens the morning after. I posted an ad in Freecycle and on Craigslist telling people that the stuff will be at the end of my driveway at 6 pm tomorrow. Perhaps half of the stuff won't even be there for the bulk pickup. We'll see. Either way, it will help clear out half of the garage, leaving room for the stuff we plan to move with us to Europe and stuff that needs to be out of rooms for the flooring.

The window repair is not going to happen until later than expected. They keep making multiple excuses why the glass is not in yet. I told the representative there that if we'd known about the long delay, "we might have made a different decision". But that statement does no good. They're holding us hostage since we already paid about 50% upfront.

You are making it, Soupe. Onward!!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I'm finally taking a break. I've been working my you know what off! Hubby and I shouted at each other once this morning. It was in front of the painter. I apologized to the painter that he had to witness that. I did not apologize to Hubby, nor did he apologize to me. It's OK. It's over with. We "get it" that this is a very stressful period in our lives.

Hubby clearly seems mildly depressed and very anxious. It's a rough period and understandable. I'm, luckily, not depressed or anxious, so I've been quite productive. However, there are just some things I can't do by myself. He must try to help me! Half the time he's in the bathroom, on his computer, or napping (or doing some low priority project) when I'm packing, sorting, cleaning, running up and down the stairs, running errands, etc. I know I've mentioned here that most of the stuff is my husband's. But it MUST be moved for the painter to do his job. Then in about a week and a half, the floor people. I know my husband hates to part with things, so I try to be respectful of that, but he has TOO MUCH! And he's just soooooo slow at doing everything. I even think that as he sees me making great progress with my stuff, he freezes more and gets more overwhelmed knowing he's far behind with his. I'd love to make executive decisions about his stuff, but...can't.

Good news is that tomorrow morning is a trash pickup. Then tomorrow night we put stuff out for the bulk pickup that happens the morning after. I posted an ad in Freecycle and on Craigslist telling people that the stuff will be at the end of my driveway at 6 pm tomorrow. Perhaps half of the stuff won't even be there for the bulk pickup. We'll see. Either way, it will help clear out half of the garage, leaving room for the stuff we plan to move with us to Europe and stuff that needs to be out of rooms for the flooring.

The window repair is not going to happen until later than expected. They keep making multiple excuses why the glass is not in yet. I told the representative there that if we'd known about the long delay, "we might have made a different decision". But that statement does no good. They're holding us hostage since we already paid about 50% upfront.

Originally Posted by Sapien

My therapist is a f'king worthless POS. All I got for today was "you're not yourselef" and "reach out if you need help" over and OVER. What were we supposed to be doing? Was my coming to the appointment not a form of reaching out for help? You know what? Not going to put energy into it. It's done. Unhelpful people are unhelpful and therapists are clumped into that so I won't expect help from any therapist I'll ever come across.

Got like 3 hours of sleep last night. It's because I said the Seroquel makes me sleepy so I switched into a different reality where seroquel doesn't make me sleepy. I been doing that lately, gotta learn how to hone that in.

You are doing great. Keep your eye on the ball. Go to a meeting!!

[*Beth*]

A beautiful, cool morning for a walk, so I took one. The stairs are still mildly painful for my achilles, but wow - I can walk without pain now! Absolutely incredible. The main problem I'm having at this time is getting easily overheated. It's a miserable feeling and I don't know if the cause is Lamictal or Trilafon (AP).

[Mountaindewed]

It was really weird last night. At 2 my pain was so bad I could only stand for about 30 seconds. I tried getting water but I could only fill my cup about 2/3 of the way. I also really had to use the bathroom but I couldn’t get out of bed so I had to hold it. But then I woke up at 7 and I felt like a different person. I sat up slowly thinking it was a fluke but no my pain literally went from a 9.5 to a 2 in a few hours. I was able to shower and get dressed without any help and I was able to make it to a few grocery stores this morning and I haven’t even taken any pain meds yet not even Tylenol. I am lying down now I feel just kinda worn out and a bit achy but no where near where I was before. but it was just bizarre this morning being in an incredible amount of pain and then basically no pain 3 hours later.

[Moose72]

Today is N1s birthday. I tried calling but no answer. I'll try again later.

My aunt came by to inspect my bed, this morning. The frame of the box spring is broken. It cracked right through the middle of a knot in the wood! Plus part of the metal is bent.

[*Beth*]

Moose72 What a weird thing to have happen to your bed Geez,I'm sorry...what a pain in the butt.

[Coolbreeze74]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I'm so sorry you're struggling I really hope things improve for you. Do you have any coping skills that might help distract you at least for a little while? I know it's hard to do things when feeling bad though

I'm practicing radical acceptance. I really need sleep I got about 4 hours last night. I'm going to try and sleep now tho...but I think if I get some sleep I'll feel better...

[Fuzzybear]

''quiet crisis'' - I have to learn to ''accept'' this is likely something I will continue to experience. Since most meds have not been kind to me (nor most professionals) I have recently been avoiding both as much as I can (for more than a year)

Respect to others who also are experiencing less than optimal support irl

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Coolbreeze74

I'm practicing radical acceptance. I really need sleep I got about 4 hours last night. I'm going to try and sleep now tho...but I think if I get some sleep I'll feel better...

I got about 5 hours last night. So I really ''should'' be doing better than I am. I agree that sleep helps us feel better. I hope you sleep much better tonight

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by BethRags

A beautiful, cool morning for a walk, so I took one. The stairs are still mildly painful for my achilles, but wow - I can walk without pain now! Absolutely incredible. The main problem I'm having at this time is getting easily overheated. It's a miserable feeling and I don't know if the cause is Lamictal or Trilafon (AP).

Yay!! Achilles healing!!

Not sure about temp thing. Look into it.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

It was really weird last night. At 2 my pain was so bad I could only stand for about 30 seconds. I tried getting water but I could only fill my cup about 2/3 of the way. I also really had to use the bathroom but I couldn’t get out of bed so I had to hold it. But then I woke up at 7 and I felt like a different person. I sat up slowly thinking it was a fluke but no my pain literally went from a 9.5 to a 2 in a few hours. I was able to shower and get dressed without any help and I was able to make it to a few grocery stores this morning and I haven’t even taken any pain meds yet not even Tylenol. I am lying down now I feel just kinda worn out and a bit achy but no where near where I was before. but it was just bizarre this morning being in an incredible amount of pain and then basically no pain 3 hours later.

Doing awesome, MD. Keep truckin'.

[wildflowerchild25]

My student came back today. He set out to be a total nightmare right from the beginning. I don’t think he said anything other than “**** you” to me today. I told him you stay in your square and don’t disrupt class and I will stay in my square and leave you alone (completely ignore you). I would hold up my end but he was itching for attention/something to be pissed off about so he would push and push and push until I HAD to say something. Then he would curse at me.

I really don’t care. He’s virtual for the rest of the week so he has no way to physically intimidate us, and I’m quite sure he won’t speak to us in a threatening manner if his parent is there. They say he’s doing just fine at home. I imagine he’d like to keep the illusion alive.

Starting today I have put my son on an electronics detox program. He can’t have his iPad during the week anymore and he can only have it for a limited amount of time on the weekend and ONLY after he has completed his chores. This will be for about a month and if he shows improvement in his behavior I will relax the rules a little bit. Right now he just doesn’t clean up after himself at all and he ignores us when we are speaking to him because he is too focused on his device. He will be ten in a month and I am tired of it!

Other than that I’m doing ok. I don’t think my student will make me quite so anxious anymore given he’s only there for two days out of the week. I’ve also had a shift in mindset. I could feel myself getting aggravated today but I just went back to what it was like when I was in my old school. Those kids tested the hell out of me but eventually they came to respect me and leave me alone, even protect me from the other kids. I don’t know if that will ever happen here but I’m not going to waste my mental energy being aggravated by a student who has no regard for me anyway.

[Moose72]

Took N1 out to Olga's for dinner for her birthday. I went over to her place. She had been asleep but perked up after a little bit of my being there. C was working at her new job. I had to go get keys from C so that N1 could lock their apartment. I don't know why they both don't have their own keys. I got two sets and I'm only one person. (We live in the same complex.) Their apartment was messy. That can't be helping N1's mental state. I should've offered to help clean their place. Maybe I can do that tomorrow?

What a weird thing to have happen to your bed Geez,I'm sorry...what a pain in the butt.

Yes it is a pain in the butt! This is a first. I've never broken a bed before yesterday!

[Soupe du jour]

Today was ultra ultra busy! The amount of physical labor I did is hard to describe. Tomorrow morning is bulk pickup day for our road, so Hubby and I took advantage of that greatly, given our moving preparations. I even advertised it on Free Cycle and Craigslist. Predictably, many many people showed up, and before the 6 pm I noted in the ad. Half of the stuff was gone even before 6 pm. I'll be curious to peek out early in the morning to see what's even left before the bulk pickup truck arrives.

Our garage and basement have MORE ROOM because of this endeavor. Thank goodness! It feels sooooooooo gooooooooood! Hubby and I both took showers and are finally exhaling. Of course tomorrow will be busy again. No day hasn't been for a long time. The major challenge tomorrow is to work on my husband's office. Oy! He must make some hard decisions. It's the very last room that the painter will paint.

I think that I, alone, have five large garbage bags filled with clean folded clothes to donate to Vietnam Vets in November. Some of them are quite nice pieces, including beautiful ladies suits, skirts, and dresses. Does anyone even wear these anymore?!?! The consignment shop only took 17 pieces, mostly sweaters. Some of the stuff is just too young for my current age. And a lot of it doesn't fit. Going through old clothes clearly shows that there is vanity sizing going on. What used to be a medium, is likely now a small. A US size 10 from years ago, is the new US size 8 (or even 6). Some of the clothes were even old size 6 and 8. I actually fit in those sizes once! And that was before Risperdal and Invega increased my bra size. Actually, the biggest issue with my old blouses is chest size. My waist size has changed, too. Belts I used to wear at my very same weight as today, no longer fit. I've never been a mother, so I can't blame that. Of the stuff I kept in my closet, there are close to 20 dresses. When am I going to wear all of those dresses? For whom? The horses at the nearby horse ranch near where I'll live?