[MuddyBoots]

I always feel angry and hopeless, kinda wondering if that's the norm

[*Beth*]

Good question!

After pdoc appointments and therapy appointments I feel about the same way. I appreciate their time and energy, because both pdoc and therapist are caring, skilled women. But I always feel like I didn't express myself in a way that was clear. It feels like I left things out because I don't know how to put certain important parts of my life into words.

So I guess I'd say that I feel somewhat lost. This is especially true since having to do telehealth.

[Coolbreeze74]

Yeah I feel really let down and disappointed when I talk to my pdoc. Some days with my therapist too.... having ****** care is almost worse than having no care at all.

I'm sorry

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Coolbreeze74

Yeah I feel really let down and disappointed when I talk to my pdoc. Some days with my therapist too.... having ****** care is almost worse than having no care at all.

I'm sorry

I've experienced this as well. How having ******** care is almost worse than having no care at all. Grrrrrrrr. So yeah I have often felt very disappointed, let down, and often confused by their inability to comprehend... And, at times, very hurt by their callousness (3 of them or even more..)..

I'm sorry too, to those who have not found a good pdoc (or T). I've been told they are out there. I read a book by Peter Lomas years ago. imo he is a model of a ''good professional''.. (he passed away in 2010 though I think)

[bpcyclist]

Recently, really tired and really scared. And a little bitty bit hopeful. I found a little money and start therapy for first time in four yrs. I need it terribly. So sick. But yay!!! Prayers answered. Maybe they can help me integrate, whatever that is?

[BNLsMOM]

I feel hopeful after my T appointment. I have a very good, compassionate T. Sometimes I feel like I haven’t expressed myself well, but he always is ready to listen.

I have been frustrated after p-nurse appointments... not because of her, but because of my med sensitivity.

[Soupe du jour]

It really has varied depending on the psychiatrist and therapist. I've only had three outpatient psychiatrists of any length. My most recent one I've been seeing for about 12 years. I absolutely adore him, and always have. I've told him in the past that my appointments with him were "the highlights of my month". Generally they were, not to say I didn't have a handful that were less than that.

I've seen several outpatient therapists throughout the last 13 years. Some were far from being good matches for me, so I eventually quit them. I have had one that I initially didn't feel comfortable with, but in the end I benefited most from her. My most recent therapist I've been seeing for about three years. I like her. She's been helpful, but not as much this past year. It's almost like she no longer has enough to offer "the me of now."

Truth is, these video/telephone sessions during the pandemic have been sadly unsatisfying. Even with my psychiatrist. Lately the video aspect has not been working properly, so it's just a phone call. I feel a bit of a disconnect with both, especially my psychiatrist, as a result. In some ways that may even be good. For a long time I dreaded the thought of having to leave my psychiatrist for Europe. The whole distance that the pandemic has created has also been a slow "weaning off", of sorts. Yes, it's for the best. Even so, my psychiatrist said that he would have video sessions with me for a short while, even when I'm in Europe. If it doesn't work out because of the technology, then I guess it will be a bust. It is deeply sad that I may never see him again, face-to-face. I don't really have that same sadness in respect to my therapist.

[Blue_Bird]

I feel really good and hopeful after them, but I have a really good treatment team

[FluffyDinosaur]

Sometimes I get frustrated that I can't properly express what's going on. I feel like words only scratch the surface of it. It can make me feel even more isolated. I don't think it's necessarily anyone's fault. These things are just too complex to explain, especially to someone who's never experienced it (no matter how much theoretical knowledge they may have). I wish I could just convey the information telepathically, that would be so much simpler and more effective.

[Mountaindewed]

Pdoc appointments I feel kind of weird. Therapy appointments I feel either good or confused depending on what kind of mood she’s in that day. Immediately after we sign off I always feel sad that it wasn’t an in person session and also that she’s now onto her next client.

[daladico]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Good question!

After pdoc appointments and therapy appointments I feel about the same way. I appreciate their time and energy, because both pdoc and therapist are caring, skilled women. But I always feel like I didn't express myself in a way that was clear. It feels like I left things out because I don't know how to put certain important parts of my life into words.

So I guess I'd say that I feel somewhat lost. This is especially true since having to do telehealth.

I feel the same way-
Lost at the end of pdoc sessions bc I feel she doesn’t fully understand and that I didn’t explain well enough. But grateful that she makes med changes when needed.

I used to always feel worse after therapy appointments so I stopped sessions when covid hit and feel it was the right decision for me. My therapist didn’t get “it.”

I feel great after my care manager appointments (who kinda acts as therapist). I feel like she has a better understanding of the depth of my symptoms. And I know she will help advocate for me.

[FluffyDinosaur]

Yeah, I have issues with teletherapy too. In general I feel like covid screwed up therapy pretty badly in that I'm no longer able to believe that they really care at all. It's made it very clear that mental health professionals are only there as long as it suits them. All their "empathy" just feels fraudulent to me now and I feel cheap telling my feelings to someone who doesn't genuinely give a damn. I guess it was always that way to begin with but I didn't fully realize it until they dropped me like a rock when covid started.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by daladico

I feel the same way-
Lost at the end of pdoc sessions bc I feel she doesn’t fully understand and that I didn’t explain well enough. But grateful that she makes med changes when needed.

I used to always feel worse after therapy appointments so I stopped sessions when covid hit and feel it was the right decision for me. My therapist didn’t get “it.”

I feel great after my care manager appointments (who kinda acts as therapist). I feel like she has a better understanding of the depth of my symptoms. And I know she will help advocate for me.

I start therapy again today. I am kinda nervous. Super glad you like your case manager. That is wonderful!!!

[daladico]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I start therapy again today. I am kinda nervous. Super glad you like your case manager. That is wonderful!!!

Thanks bpcyclist. Really hope your appointment goes well today & that it’s a good fit!!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by daladico

Thanks bpcyclist. Really hope your appointment goes well today & that it’s a good fit!!

I am gonna try my hardest. We have to integrate? This 6 year-old child I dissociate ino I guess? They said they were super hopeful?

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I am gonna try my hardest. We have to integrate? This 6 year-old child I dissociate ino I guess? They said they were super hopeful?

That's excellent, sounds like a productive start.

[stahrgeyzer]

Feeling depressed, don't want to get out of bed. My psychologist thinks I have DID so I have to see a DID specialist. I'd rather be sad & know than to not know.

[bpcyclist]

First therapy session went well. She says my childhood development likely was arrested at around age 6 due to various medical and maternal trauma, I guess. She is optimistic about integration. I parked my emotions in this child, evidently.

Very frightened and sad. The more I learn, the more aberrant and sick it appears I have been. I am afraid noone will ever be my friend. Noone will ever love me, because I am too scary and ill.

I have had a secret dream of bp stability at some point and maybe a woman again. Who on earth could ever take such a personal risk to be with someone this psychiatrically unwell. Do not see it. Just too risky. So very sad and scared.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

First therapy session went well. She says my childhood development likely was arrested at around age 6 due to various medical and maternal trauma, I guess. She is optimistic about integration. I parked my emotions in this child, evidently.

Very frightened and sad. The more I learn, the more aberrant and sick it appears I have been. I am afraid noone will ever be my friend. Noone will ever love me, because I am too scary and ill.

I have had a secret dream of bp stability at some point and maybe a woman again. Who on earth could ever take such a personal risk to be with someone this psychiatrically unwell. Do not see it. Just too risky. So very sad and scared.

Meh. You truly never know. My husband and I have been married for 30-something years; he has severe OCD, PTSD from Vietnam, is a hoarder - and I have my own stuff. Yet, we understand each other so well and are the best of friends.

I believe the most important aspect of any relationship is that both people are working their stuff, that both are committed to that.

[Jmayfair]

I agree with most of the members. I often leave my therapist feeling worse. I know I have given him a difficult time on occasion but that was just my illness so I should get a pass on behavior. I always thought therapists were supposed to be super nice

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

First therapy session went well. She says my childhood development likely was arrested at around age 6 due to various medical and maternal trauma, I guess. She is optimistic about integration. I parked my emotions in this child, evidently.

Very frightened and sad. The more I learn, the more aberrant and sick it appears I have been. I am afraid noone will ever be my friend. Noone will ever love me, because I am too scary and ill.

I have had a secret dream of bp stability at some point and maybe a woman again. Who on earth could ever take such a personal risk to be with someone this psychiatrically unwell. Do not see it. Just too risky. So very sad and scared.

I was told my childhood development was arrested I was not given an age when this (apparently) happened. I do not disbelieve this, as I did experience repeated trauma, and I believe much of it was before the age of 2 For an ''over sensitive'' baby and toddler, forceps delivery, disinterested ''mother'', multiple abandonments... would not feel warm, fuzzy and snugg

If it;s any consolation, despite me being so ''sick';.. Papa bear and I are very happy together. He is extremely happy with me. I'm sure you can and will find the ''right'' person too

PS I was such a ''difficult baby'' that i was put on benzos at the age of 9 months, since I ''kept'' waking her in the night when she was weaning me.

I was also taken out of nappies at age ONE since my tummy was TOO FAT

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I was told my childhood development was arrested I was not given an age when this (apparently) happened. I do not disbelieve this, as I did experience repeated trauma, and I believe much of it was before the age of 2 For an ''over sensitive'' baby and toddler, forceps delivery, disinterested ''mother'', multiple abandonments... would not feel warm, fuzzy and snugg

If it;s any consolation, despite me being so ''sick';.. Papa bear and I are very happy together. He is extremely happy with me. I'm sure you can and will find the ''right'' person too

PS I was such a ''difficult baby'' that i was put on benzos at the age of 9 months, since I ''kept'' waking her in the night when she was weaning me.

I was also taken out of nappies at age ONE since my tummy was TOO FAT

Thank you, Fuzzer.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Thank you, Fuzzer.

thank you too @bpcyclist for being true

[Fuzzybear]

is anyone else extremely aware of the feelings of the other person in the room?

A t i had was not empathic. I was very aware of this. no wonder the therapy was not ''a success''...

[Fuzzybear]

Afterwards???

Tired