[bizi]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I took some cough syrup last night. Not a lot. Just to sleep though. My chest was kinda acting funny. Like my breathing maybe. I don’t know. But I kept taking these deep breaths and my stomach would move heavily. But I fell asleep and I slept through the night so I did not take my Geodon and go back to sleep. I took my Geodon when I got up at 7 and I am so tired right now. I’m lying down in bed and I’ll get up for a few minutes at a time. Then go back to lie down. I had a Mountain Dew, a cold brew coffee, and a Coke. And I’m still tired. I really think I’ll have to drop back to 60mil on the Geodon once I start working.

I tried taking a nap 15 minutes ago and I was so close to drifting off but I just couldn’t. I drank another 16oz Mountain Dew. Now I’m a bit woozy and the room is spinning a bit. I assume from so much caffeine. But my anxiety and moods are fine today.

you must be sensitive to geodone I too 80mg twice daily for yeranever had tiredness from my noon dose It stopped working for me. thus trying new meds. lamictal is my stand by. I take a smalldose of haldol 5mg, 1mg of klonipin to sleep and it is working fine.
I used to take just .5mg now take 1mg. and it is helping me sleep. I hope it does not putty out. good luck with your goals.
bizi

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by bizi

you must be sensitive to geodone I too 80mg twice daily for yeranever had tiredness from my noon dose It stopped working for me. thus trying new meds. lamictal is my stand by. I take a smalldose of haldol 5mg, 1mg of klonipin to sleep and it is working fine.
I used to take just .5mg now take 1mg. and it is helping me sleep. I hope it does not putty out. good luck with your goals.
bizi

It’s really just the tiredness I have trouble with. I don’t have any other side effects except I do get hungry but only sometimes and only if I don’t go back to sleep after taking it. It’s strange but it works well for my moods.

[gina_re]

Today wasn't a bad day. I was somewhat productive. Now I have a chapter to read before I go to bed tonight. I'm nervous about tomorrow tho, I won't be able to have any caffeine! How will I survive?!

[Moose72]

Getting the chip in my windshield fixed at the dealership where my daughter works tomorrow for free at 9 a.m.

Then at 10 my pdoc is doing a med check via phone.

I got a notice today from the apartment complex that there has been "a rash" of car thefts and break in and vandalism. Makes me worry. They've been stealing the cars and leaving them in other parking lots wherever. They dont know who's doing it yet.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Getting the chip in my windshield fixed at the dealership where my daughter works tomorrow for free at 9 a.m.

Then at 10 my pdoc is doing a med check via phone.

I got a notice today from the apartment complex that there has been "a rash" of car thefts and break in and vandalism. Makes me worry. They've been stealing the cars and leaving them in other parking lots wherever. They dont know who's doing it yet.

It is such a violation for them to do that.
please keep your car doors locked.
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by bizi

It is such a violation for them to do that.
please keep your car doors locked.
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I always lock my car doors but I'm making doubly sure to do it now.

[Soupe du jour]

I've been getting so tired so early lately. Last night I went to bed at 8:15 pm. I'll look forward to DST in Europe, which is a week later than in the US. I guess 9:15 pm wouldn't have been THAT bad.

We got new side-by-side mattresses for our guest bedroom. I had been looking forward to them since the bed we were sleeping on was hurting my right shoulder and arm. Unlike the mattresses we ordered for what will be our bedroom, we didn't try out these ahead of time. Hubby ordered "medium" firmness, but I swear they are as hard as a cement slab, and we even added an extra cushion top, an underneath electric blanket, and a fitted mattress pad on top. It's even worse than the bed we were on before. I so look forward to our upcoming bed's mattress, but that one isn't due to arrive for another six to seven weeks. My back, shoulder, and arm hurt so much that I am now lying on the futon downstairs. At least this is comparitively comfortable! On the futon, the pain is barely noticeable.

I had a totally fun day enjoying the sunshine and going in ZOOM meetings.

@Soupe du jour: So sorry you're in pain and no comfy place to rest.

@BethRags: Grats on your vax! Glad it went so well!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I finally did what I've been dreading doing and avoiding....I wrote a letter to my family member who died. I am sure I have more to add but I have to stop so I can sleep. As it is now it just made me cry a lot which I think is the point. That and dealing with the feelings. I hate dealing with feelings. But I needed to do this.

Grief is hard. I'm taking a grief class and I think that's one of the things I really have learned. It's so simple but so true.

So get this,
Remember a while back I worked an Amazon Fulfillment Center? Of course my circumstances changed (not to mention my horrible time there) and I left? I got an email today asking about documentation for my “leave of absence”. They technically still have be employed! The email provided is a general one and the number has no direct line. I called and asked specifically for my manager on the case who I never spoke to once from when I took my leave of absence…. In august of 2020…. And they told me they can’t transfer me but can make a note. I about went ballistic. I kept my cool to tell the person on the line I appreciate her doing her job to the best of her ability and it’s nothing against her but this is the exact reason why my mental health suffers – you have an immediate issue and no one who can do a damn thing on the line. I asked her to write in my file I have quit, thus my leave is now null and if I haven’t been terminated, do it.

I decided to go one step further. Luckily for me, all my issues I had are documented in a lengthy and very detailed memo to HR online. They never followed up with me but “closed” the issue, after I requested some update. In my limited speech letter – I explained I had outlined major issues in the past with co-workers, managers, the institutions inner workings, and the lack of support in-house for anything, in a previous case and gave it’s ID, and basically laid it out there. My mental health suffered under their policies and lack of understanding. I was unprofessional and assumed once my leave ended and I didn’t show up to work, it would be over – but that didn’t happen. Mainly, because whoever was over my leave never contacted me in the first place – which I made great strides to contact during that time. I just said, to hell with it, for my health I was moving on.

I apologized for not being professional, but I do no regret my decision. I did what I had to, for me. I made it clear my point wasn’t to re-hash the issue, but to show that it still deeply affects me today. I still harbor very negative and horrible feelings about my time there, the way I was treated, and the way I never could get anything done. I asked them to not reach out to me ever again, unless 100% necessary, and in the end, I no longer work there, it’s no longer a pressing issue for anyone – but hopefully my concerns could be taken for their value and maybe their could better their practices.

I did get a message saying I should formally resign through the website, but the local HR would contact me with an update on everything via email since I preferred that if contact had to be made, but they would respect my want to leave it in the past the best they could. Two hours later, there is an post on my case and it’s marked as “closed” but my account is now “disabled” so I can’t read it. I guess it’s over with and they got what they needed.

If I do or if I don’t get a message from them about any of it – it truly doesn’t matter. I said the truth. The only person with a problem is the man who doesn’t work for them. I am scorned and hurt and it affects me much more than I’d like to admit. I’m ill and I won’t deny that, but it’s not a scenario that has to exist as it does. As I said in my letter – disregard the following if you don’t see reason to deal with it – I’m just a nobody who is not even employed there anymore – but there are lasting consequences to being in scenarios like that. I know I’m not the only one who went through that hell. I implored them to talk with their managers and higher ups to better their processes, update their information, make sure everyone can be on the same page and stop blaming the new-comer for things they had no way of knowing. I still wish I had a chance to tell the man who tried to accuse me of not being “vigilant” about a schedule change (when my schedule was supposed to be static) without any written warning or advisement. That was a bunch of bull, and that wasn’t even the beginning.

Anyway, it’s over now. I have been terminated (officially, I mean… it’s been 6 months lol) and I don’t have to look back. I did get the chance to attach my “manager”—the one who personally attacked me with his ignorant and arrogant talk who I formally complained on. I wanted him to see exactly what I had to say about him in my HR complain prior, and my resignation and why I chose to leave. I had to give a reason for why I was giving him access to see it – and I was kind. I told him, I gave him access to both because the former was about him, and the latter mentioned the former. I know he meant well, but it affected me greatly, and I wish him well.

It’s over. I guess I can let go now. On some level, it’s closure.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I finally did what I've been dreading doing and avoiding....I wrote a letter to my family member who died. I am sure I have more to add but I have to stop so I can sleep. As it is now it just made me cry a lot which I think is the point. That and dealing with the feelings. I hate dealing with feelings. But I needed to do this.

Grief is hard. I'm taking a grief class and I think that's one of the things I really have learned. It's so simple but so true.

I'm sorry about your loss. I know how tough the grieving process can be. I did something like what you mention. Writing can be therapeutic.

[Soupe du jour]

MarcusAurelieus, I'm glad that chapter in your life is over. Do move on. I'm glad you have some closure even if it wasn't an ideal one. Hugs

Another update that just kinda hit me tonight. Today is my grandmother's birthday. She died in 2018. We never had an ideal relationship or anything, but I did love her for being in my life. I will always miss her. I love you gramma.

[Soupe du jour]

I'm really feeling quite down this morning, for many reasons (pain, isolation, boredom, frustration over the mess Hubby has left in so many rooms, thinking of my mom, being muted in a place where I used to pour out thoughts freely - not here, though). St. Patrick's Day was always celebrated by my mom as a holiday. She made all of the traditional goodies that many Americans do on the day and the family got together. Today, no mention. It's nothing that Czechs celebrate. I thought about at least making soda bread, but realized that we have plenty of bread/rolls already and Hubby doesn't enjoy it. Plus, my shoulder and arm should be left alone, if possible. I am sure that the grocery stores in NJ all have extra cabbage and corned beefs. Hubby doesn't like that, either. Though Czech Republic has plenty of cabbage, I don't think they have any corned beef roasts. One would likely have to spice them themselves.

@Soupe du jour: I'm sorry you're missing the St. Patrick's Day festivities but it's so important that you rest you shoulder and arm it's probably for the best. Plus, there are also probably a raft of Czech holidays to celebrate. You'll get to have fun, just the timing is not good today. Take it easy!

[Nammu]

I forgot to buy the corned beef and cabbage. So I’m going to to that today after my vaccine. I’ll make it on Saturday. My family is not Irish I love the meal though.

Oh soup I can appreciate your position in regards to sleep. I bought a new mattress about 2 years ago but it’s not a great one. I got very little sleep last night. A few minutes here and a few there and woke up way too early. I just spent over $3000 on hearing aids so a new mattress is out of the question. Oh well, I get my shot today maybe it will make me tired and I can get some sleep then.

[Mountaindewed]

Today is my 6th year anniversary of being out of the hospital, and my one year anniversary of getting my first injection. I feel ok today. I’m not too tired. My stimulus check came in and for once I don’t have mountains of medical and credit card bills. So I’m going to be able to pay off the bills I do have, put some money in my savings for my vacation in October, and have a few hundred left over just to get groceries and other necessities for awhile.

[xRavenx]

At work. Anxious right now. My breathing is heavier than normal, and I feel tense. I work until 7:30, so it is a long day, and I'm just hoping to get through it. I did hear there are new changes at work being made that might work out in my favor, so that is encouraging. But it can either go really poorly or really good. I just want to get through the day. I saw my pdoc today, and she mentioned a possible med change at next visit that I'm worried about. But it's better than living with this amount of anxiety. In terms of the Bipolar symptoms, I have my days where my energy is high, followed by some lows. Nothing extreme, but I get intrusive thoughts that are hard to deal with, and I notice a difference around the change of the seasons as well. I don't see my pdoc until May, so I'm just trying to keep doing what I've been doing all along and hold out until then. I've been working from home 3x weekly and go into the office once per week, but they are increasing the amount of time spent in the office shortly. So I'm a bit nervous about the change and wish I was able to work at home forever. Two more years of this, and then I'm quitting, because I'm in this loan forgiveness program where I have my loans forgiven if I work another 2 years. Then, I'll probably take a break from work and come up with a better, healthier plan for myself.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Getting the chip in my windshield fixed at the dealership where my daughter works tomorrow for free at 9 a.m.

Then at 10 my pdoc is doing a med check via phone.

I got a notice today from the apartment complex that there has been "a rash" of car thefts and break in and vandalism. Makes me worry. They've been stealing the cars and leaving them in other parking lots wherever. They dont know who's doing it yet.

That's excellent, about the free fix!

I noticed yesterday that maintenance has installed brilliantly bright lights in our complex parking lot, and I wonder if there have been car break-ins. Does your complex have bright lights or cameras?

[Mountaindewed]

I kinda had a meltdown this afternoon. First I had a lot of caffeine. For no reason. Then this cleaning lady came and she didn’t really do a good job. I felt like she was a fraud and it kind of freaked me out. Plus she was using this cleaner that smelled like mustard. She didn’t come in a company car. My mom heard about her from my aunt. But she left all kinds of spots and dust everywhere. I don’t know. It just freaked me out that we had a fraud in our house. Then I tried going to 5 Below. And that freaked me out because of the crowds and people laughing at stuff probably not related to me. I drove by my Old T’s office and everytime I drive by which is fairly frequently I get a gut wrenching feeling in my stomach. And I finally told my mom that I was upset by the cleaning lady, I was unsure about my new therapist and the move, and passing by my old T’s office got me upset. I actually felt quite better the minute I spilled my guts about what was wrong. I’m having trouble with my memory I think from long term Xanax use. And I’m worried I will completely forget about my old T. I can only go back 5 thousand posts on this site and I have almost 20 thousand. I have a lot of stuff posted about old T. I am mad I never saved any of our emails. But I’m just worried new T will be like the cleaning lady. They are the same age and I worry new T will be forgetful and not do a good job working with me.

I know it’s all goofy stuff I’m worried about, but it just really freaked me out today. I took 3 mil of Xanax.

My books will be ready at the library tomorrow and I’m hoping that will take the edge off of things for awhile. Reading has been my escape since I was 7.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

That's excellent, about the free fix!

I noticed yesterday that maintenance has installed brilliantly bright lights in our complex parking lot, and I wonder if there have been car break-ins. Does your complex have bright lights or cameras?

There are lights on the buildings that are quite bright outside but I don't think there are cameras.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

There are lights on the buildings that are quite bright outside but I don't think there are cameras.

I don't know if cameras really deter people, or not. Seems that if thieves are afraid of being seen they wouldn't attack cars in an apartment complex, where anyone could be watching them through a window.

[Sunflower123]

We have a line of severe storms headed our way and we’ve been warned that supercells will be here between 3-5 A.M. along with the possibility of a tornado. After last Easter’s tornado touched down less than a mile away, I’m a little gun shy. I’m sleeping in my clothes and shoes tonight and making sure lamps are available and everything is charged. I sure hope it turns out to be nothing.

My daughter is graduating from college in May and is working a lucrative internship right now. She’ll be making her home in the town where she goes to college. As she makes this transition, I find myself with a sense of pride definitely but also of loss. It’s really bothering me. What is wrong with me?

I’m doing fairly well all things considered except for the grief thing. I know....I’m weird.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

....

My daughter is graduating from college in May and is working a lucrative internship right now. She’ll be making her home in the town where she goes to college. As she makes this transition, I find myself with a sense of pride definitely but also of loss. It’s really bothering me. What is wrong with me?

I’m doing fairly well all things considered except for the grief thing. I know....I’m weird.

Oh, my gosh! There's nothing weird about your grief. It's totally normal, just as your sense of pride is.

[gina_re]

I have survived the day without caffeine!! How I did it, I don't know. I guess bc I got to come to work a little late today, those extra 30 minutes of sleep really helped. Today was good. I had two classes for our new system at work at the old place I worked at. So it was nice to see some old faces. I stayed late in the cafeteria and worked on my homework assignment, and now that that is done I guess I can get some reading done while I let the traffic slow down. I have my sleep study tonight, finally! I hope they get the results of this one. I'm tired of waiting to figure out what is wrong.