[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I was asked if I had any PRN's I could take this morning. I guess I'm hypomanic. The numb ripping apart feeling coming from my chest says I'm not. I have no prn's but I can feel my pulse through my body so I'm super uncomfortable.

On top of that my T transferred me or left. So I get a new T. I believe I was transferred. Prev. T wanted me to see the head supervisor. So If I don't do well with new T I'll ask about it. H is relieved as I seemed less stable and close to IP with this therapist. I don't know how I feel. How do I find a T that I feel safe with and they feel safe with me? I've NEVER threated or treated T's badly.

Wow, seems hard to be transferred like that. The T probably wasn't afraid of you. Maybe she just felt that the other T could help you more.

[buddha1too]

I hate complaining, so I'll simply refer to what I'm about to write as explaining.

Still feeling fairly anxious and irritable, but also "muddled in the head" now. I'm having a very difficult time concentrating. I love to read my online newspapers in the morning, but can't seem to focus for crap. It's the same with trying to watch anything on TV. No motivation to do anything else, either. I don't know if it has anything to do with the fact I started back on my AP, or not. I've tried sleeping to escape, but other than yesterday's reaction to my second Covid vaccine, nothing. I have an appointment on the 29th with my shrink, so I'll just wait for some ideas then.

@scatterbrained04...Your post leaped out at me. Having given up alcohol, weed, and other vices in my days, cigarettes were, by far, the most difficult to leave behind. You're doing this! I remember when you innocently asked about Wellbutrin a while back. Here, a month later, you're kicking nicotine's arse! Good on you! You deserve tons of credit!

It was a disappointing day in both my ZOOM mental health events. In the support group there was a lot of nonsense and in the drop-in there was a conflict. It's very hit-and-miss with these events. Oh well, i had a great time yesterday.

We had a dusting of snow here and it's back to my parka. April is a very unstable month.

I kind of doubt i'll be able to take up my long-distance walking hobby as i hoped with our unreliable weather and it being so hard on my skeleton. I think maybe i'd enjoy the pool better. Of course, it's closed for COVID. The pool would probably be better with my decrepit body. Our pool isn't the safest tho. That's a concern.

Hugs to all!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by buddha1too

I hate complaining, so I'll simply refer to what I'm about to write as explaining.

Still feeling fairly anxious and irritable, but also "muddled in the head" now. I'm having a very difficult time concentrating. I love to read my online newspapers in the morning, but can't seem to focus for crap. It's the same with trying to watch anything on TV. No motivation to do anything else, either. I don't know if it has anything to do with the fact I started back on my AP, or not. I've tried sleeping to escape, but other than yesterday's reaction to my second Covid vaccine, nothing. I have an appointment on the 29th with my shrink, so I'll just wait for some ideas then.

....

I'm sorry you're feeling that way...it certainly could be the AP (in my experience). Also, I had a reaction after my first vax that definitely affected my mental health. I felt anxious/depressed/disoriented. It lasted for about 6 days and was extremely unpleasant. Felt something like a mixed state, but a negative one (no "up"). Just a thought.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

It was a disappointing day in both my ZOOM mental health events. In the support group there was a lot of nonsense and in the drop-in there was a conflict. It's very hit-and-miss with these events. Oh well, i had a great time yesterday.

We had a dusting of snow here and it's back to my parka. April is a very unstable month.

I kind of doubt i'll be able to take up my long-distance walking hobby as i hoped with our unreliable weather and it being so hard on my skeleton. I think maybe i'd enjoy the pool better. Of course, it's closed for COVID. The pool would probably be better with my decrepit body. Our pool isn't the safest tho. That's a concern.

Hugs to all!

A pool sounds like heaven! I so wish I had access to one for exercise purposes. Why is your pool not safe?

[Moose72]

It's now 8:15 and N3 and gf are in Denver at the airport. Their second flight takes off at 7 a.m. tomorrow morning. I hope they don't sleep through it! Then on Saturday N3 has his second covid shot which I guess I'm taking him to. I am worried though since he's been out of state for the last week and on planes and in airports. Local friends have caught covid after their first shot but before their second.

All I've done today is go to the grocery store and watch tv and eat. I took the trash out too since both of them- kitchen and bathroom- were full.

It's supposed to freeze over night again tonight but I don't know about snow.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

It's now 8:15 and N3 and gf are in Denver at the airport. Their second flight takes off at 7 a.m. tomorrow morning. I hope they don't sleep through it! Then on Saturday N3 has his second covid shot which I guess I'm taking him to. I am worried though since he's been out of state for the last week and on planes and in airports. Local friends have caught covid after their first shot but before their second.

All I've done today is go to the grocery store and watch tv and eat. I took the trash out too since both of them- kitchen and bathroom- were full.

It's supposed to freeze over night again tonight but I don't know about snow.

Amazing that you're still having snow. I'm sitting here with a fan blowing on me to cool me down. Is the summer humid where you are, or dry?

You reminded me - I have to take my recycling to the dumpster.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Amazing that you're still having snow. I'm sitting here with a fan blowing on me to cool me down. Is the summer humid where you are, or dry?

You reminded me - I have to take my recycling to the dumpster.

Yeah its not shocking that it snowed yesterday and today but this year the flowers and trees bloomed about 3 weeks earlier than usual (April showers bring May flowers) so they froze. They'll survive I hope!

[Moose72]

Migraine tonight. Took anti-migraine pill. Time to fall asleep to the sound of the dishwasher!

[wildflowerchild25]

Dr thinks I have benign vertigo and should start physical therapy since it’s been recurring for a year or so. Also think my headaches are migraines and I should go to a neurologist. Everything will have to wait until July when I am on summer break. But I’m going to call the neurologist tomorrow since appointments usually book out 2-3 months for an initial visit. He gave me pills to take if I feel one coming on but for whatever reason can only prescribe nine at a time...guess they are scheduled drugs. But only as needed so it’ll work out I’m sure.

I feel better emotionally today. High anxiety upon waking but I think I was just anxious about the dr. I hate dr visits. My heart rate is always over 100 and they always want to do an EKG and I have to explain it’s just anxiety. They’ve been doing EKGs for years and never found anything!

Maybe I just needed a day off of work to de stress. I also think I just need to write about everything in my head, you know? Like I used to. I’m too afraid/embarrassed/confused to share it all with my therapist. It just feels like if I can work on sorting things out I can figure out what I want to address first.

[Sunflower123]

I just finished an outstanding and inspiring Zoom meeting. I attended an excellent bible study today as well.

I did PT today. I’m doing PT 3 times a week but I’m too sore and wiped out to cover my other responsibilities. I could barely get the groceries in and the trash out to the road today. I’ll have to cut back to two times a week. I’m disappointed and they’ll be disappointed in me but there it is. I’m doing the best I can.

I’m going to the doctor for some unusual chest pain tomorrow. I sincerely hope it ends there but I suspect there will be heart tests. She asked to see me immediately and I decided to wait until Thursday. A questionable decision on my part for sure.

It’s getting close to graduation and Florida! I’m looking forward to both. We’re firming up plans. Thinking of a warm beach with this freezing weather. What’s up with that? It’s over halfway through April.

Hugs to all!

@BethRags: There have been two drownings in our pool recently. There are signs up to swim with a buddy. I tried to make arrangements to go with my neighbor but i like being spontaneous. I might just try to stick to the shallow end and do water-running. That should lessen the risk. After each drowning the city did a thorough investigation and certified the pool safe but i'm still pretty nervous about it. It seems like a bad luck pool.

[Nammu]

O my neck! It’s giving me a headache. I really need to see my doctor. I need to get a referral for PT. I don’t do chiropractic stuff on my neck, it freaks me out. I could look into acupuncture, hey I just looked it up, not only is there a place here in town but my clinic also has it! The none clinic place is really affordable $49 cash. If you use insurance then they charge more.

I wrote deodorant on my list. Now maybe I’ll remember to buy some. There’s just a smidgen left and it’s hard to use, really need new. I’ve been meaning to get a new block but I keep forgetting. Now that I’ve written it down maybe I’ll remember. I usually write down what I need but forget the list at home but the act of writing it down usually does the trick.

Sending calming soothing healing rays to all of you who are having a crappy time.

[Soupe du jour]

Boy, seems like a lot of us need either a physical therapist or neurologist. I'm in that position, too.

Wildflowerchild, though I can't know the cause of your tachycardia, I have had it in the past, as well. I think the cardiologist blamed my mitral valve prolapse, but I believe anxiety played the biggest role. I have taken propranolol for it for over 10 years and that seems to help well, for one or the other.

Hubby and I have attempted to switch our address for my SSDI, but we've struggled to get logged in on their website. Stupidly they sent an activation code to our old address by snail mail. The postal service has sucked ever since Trump put his lackey into the lead post master General position. I called SS yesterday and got an ignorant rep. She couldn't/wouldn't help me saying that I couldn't receive my disability payments living overseas and that "I have worked here for 18 years, so I know." Fact is, that's true for SSI but not SSDI or retirement SS. She likely didn't know the former. Anyway, she made me so agitated that I said I was handing the phone to my husband, but she hung up on us before he could say a thing. Everything is a hassle! The angry me wonders if the lackey Trump put in charge of SS plays a role in that, too. Unfortunately, unlike other positions, it's not easy for Biden to replace those two winners.

I'm waiting at my therapist's office now at 9 am. I felt so prone to ranting and anger that I took more Seroquel XR this morning (100 mg instead of 50 mg) in addition to my evening 600 mg. I think that was a wise move, because I feel more grounded and relaxed.

[Victoria'smom]

So... I called my pdoc med line to get some Zyprexa they'll get back to me in 2 days. I haven't really been sleeping evern with the sleeping meds. I'm getting a bit suspisous of my husband, my tattoo is mocking me, I have nerviouse energy running through my body and tons of other stuff

[buddha1too]

Sounds like many of you are having a tough time.

Hang in there, @Miguel'smom. I hope you can ground yourself today.

@Jennifer 1967...I'm sorry you have to be seen concerning the cardio issues. That must be a big worry. Hopefully the trip to your doc's office will settle that score. I'm glad to hear about the PT helping, though. It also seems that the rest of your life is going pretty well these days. I'm glad. THere's a big trip to Florida to look forward to, as well!

I'm sorry, @Nammu, but I don't believe for a second that your neck hurts. You're too incredibly nice to others around here, you take care of your mother, & have a pretty positive attitude about life for someone with BD. Karma works...& you're really working it! You've been "too good" for fate to go messing with your neck! Oh...And deoderant is a good thing. Use it liberally...

@wildflowerchild25...Again. I'm so sorry to hear about your health issues. I taught for a few years, & always appreciated the freedom to schedule things during the summer breaks. Just make sure you're wise to postpone things that long.

So you're multi-tasking, @Soupe du jour. Sitting in the pdoc's office AND working the forum here AT THE SAME TIME! I'm impressed. I'm one of those "walk & chew gum" guys! I think you were wise AND talented , since you weren't sure if you'd "pop off," or not. This is a pretty safe space.

I'm with you on DeJoy & Saul. Did anyone happen to see USPS Director DeJoy's testimony before the House of Reps? A more arrogant SOS (Sack Of, ummm...) seldom draws breath! MF-er. I got a call from my prescription insurance company wanting me to change my mode of delivery to postal (an order every three months. Well, HELL NO! DeJoy is going to destroy the Postal Service. Charging more, but delivering less...AND I won't even go into things over at the SSA. I'm sure their bureaucracy is hellish. I don't even want to think about how long you must have been oncall-waiting.

My mind is somewhat clearer to day. I don't know what effect this AP will have on me. I can't afford to lose space in my head. I slept a full 6 hours, & was rested. I guess things are starting out OK.

I check in here a few times a day, & follow everyone's ups & downs. Like life in a yo-yo factory. Don't worry...I'm in your tribe, too...

[Nammu]

Ha ha Buddha, I just had to reply. I am not too nice. I’ve written plenty of not so nice posts but mostly I don’t send them. Some have slipped though tho. I tend to ghost when I’m in a bad or irritable mood. Funny enough I do believe in karma and try my best.

Last night I tossed and turned until 4 am, then suddenly I slept. A dream I’ve had before. But it’s mixed up and all I remember is being a detective and following clues from books. Small paperbacks scattered around the murder site. I had to find the book that told the true version and eliminate the red herrings. The false books literally turned into fish as I read them! .

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

@BethRags: There have been two drownings in our pool recently. There are signs up to swim with a buddy. I tried to make arrangements to go with my neighbor but i like being spontaneous. I might just try to stick to the shallow end and do water-running. That should lessen the risk. After each drowning the city did a thorough investigation and certified the pool safe but i'm still pretty nervous about it. It seems like a bad luck pool.

Ooh, that IS weird and sad. Still, think of all the people who have used the pool and didn't drown. Yes, if you're alone, use only the shallow end.

[Nammu]

Ooooooooo I’m pissed. I’ve been trying to buy a bathrobe. There are no longer any clothing stores in my town. Except Wally World. So the first one I ordered was the wrong size. Mum bought it from me. This one I’ve been waiting on for weeks. Not only do they not send a purple royal bathrobe they send some towel like thing that I would never in a million years wear, to boot it’s turquoise! I don’t do blues of any shade. Oooo now I have to ship it back at my expense!

[Moose72]

My case manager was just here for half an hour talking to me about how I'm doing. She scheduled my next appointment for May 14th at 11 a.m. and I said that was fine but after she left I saw that I have a tele health appointment for 11:20 with my primary through zoom! So case manager had already left so I called and left a message. We'll see when she calls me back. Also, tried to get my next pdoc appointment in person but she's not going to be at my regular office and I don't want to hunt for a new place so I just gave up. It will have to be on the phone- again!

I took a 2-hour nap this afternoon on the couch. Got up a little early so that's probably why. I have some paperwork to do that the CM gave me. Oh joy.

I feel kinda antsy today. I really did not enjoy seeing my CM today. I felt uncomfortable and like I had absoluteluly zero to report! I just blank out. And then I start stumbling over my words and stopping in odd places and mumbling some more. I really did not feel comfortable with her here at my place even though she was wearing a mask and especially because she was here for half an hour! I don't know what she took away from our appointment but I took away awkwardness and confusion. That happens when I'm on the phone too and then I want to hang up! Now I don't know what I'm going to do for the rest of the day. Three o'clock is not my best time of day. It's near 40 right now but tomorrow it's going to be 70! Wahoo!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Ooooooooo I’m pissed. I’ve been trying to buy a bathrobe. There are no longer any clothing stores in my town. Except Wally World. So the first one I ordered was the wrong size. Mum bought it from me. This one I’ve been waiting on for weeks. Not only do they not send a purple royal bathrobe they send some towel like thing that I would never in a million years wear, to boot it’s turquoise! I don’t do blues of any shade. Oooo now I have to ship it back at my expense!

How annoying! Grrrr.....

[Victoria'smom]

Thorazine and viserial added

[*Beth*]

82 degrees again today, but starting tomorrow the temperature is predicted to start dropping down some. Sunday is to bring RAIN!!! An event to celebrate!

I'm finally picking up my elderly dear of an SUV today - but it still has to pass a smog test. Not easy. And my driving license is severely expired due to covid shutting gov't offices down. I had to obtain my birth certificate to get the "REAL" I.D. license (do others of you have to get that, too?)- now it's a matter of actually going to DMV to renew my license. And of course, everyone wants $$$.

The two trees outside my window, where I have my computer, are in full bloom now. I enjoy their beauty so much.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

82 degrees again today, but starting tomorrow the temperature is predicted to start dropping down some. Sunday is to bring RAIN!!! An event to celebrate!

I'm finally picking up my elderly dear of an SUV today - but it still has to pass a smog test. Not easy. And my driving license is severely expired due to covid shutting gov't offices down. I had to obtain my birth certificate to get the "REAL" I.D. license (do others of you have to get that, too?)- now it's a matter of actually going to DMV to renew my license. And of course, everyone wants $$$.

The two trees outside my window, where I have my computer, are in full bloom now. I enjoy their beauty so much.

I need a real ID license before we fly next year. Maybe it can be when I renew- not sure. That's cutting it kinda close.

[Nammu]

That’s one thing I miss from Texas. My apartment was on second floor and right out the big picture window was a tree. I could watch it bloom. Sir and I enjoyed a virtual merry-go- round of birds, lizards and squirrels pretty close up. Then across the parking lot was a Spanish cemetery. When I first moved in I could see the people come and decorate and eat, but then the hedges grew too tall.