Too much Xanax and pdoc

I ended up in the hospital once by combining too much of a psych med with alcohol. I was quite unwell, mentally, and did it in public even. I could feel myself near the edge of becoming unconscious, so called my husband. I sort of remember a person in public asking if I was OK. He came to find me passed out on a bench outside. He had to almost carry me to the car. When we got home, I passed out again, so he called an ambulance. I vaguely recall a little of the ride. In the ER, they forced me to consume a charcoal drink. I initially refused, but they threatened to get it down through my nose, so I complied. Hubby was yelling at me to. Needless to say, I ended up in the psych hospital from there, after a night in one of the general hospital's psych holding rooms. That room was small with grey cinder block walls and no window or art. Just something no more than a metal frame bed and thin mattress. Just me in there. I recall having severe black diarrhea (from the charcoal), needing to go to a toilet multiple times, out of whose door had a security guard sitting. In the middle of the night, there was screaming of a woman in another "cell" with pleads for an opioid.

The above wasn't fun.

That makes me feel pretty lucky that my Pdoc and the paramedics had a milder reaction. In my case the OD happened at home, but my wife didn't really recognize what was going on so she just kind of dragged/carried me to bed. She said I could hardly walk but I don't remember anything from that, I don't even remember losing consciousness. All I remember is taking all those pills and listening to some music and then nothing.

After that I was knocked out for about 24 hours. Then she realized what was up and called an ambulance, but by the time they arrived it was mostly over already, so they just asked me a couple of questions and left. They didn't hospitalize me or anything, and they didn't even take my meds away. I think if they had forced me to go to the hospital that would have been even more traumatic.

It makes me so ashamed now to think of it. I don't understand why I did that, I was just completely out of my mind with hopelessness and despair I guess. It's scary because when I'm in my right mind I wouldn't think myself capable of something like that. That's the only time in my life that happened, and I hope it never happens again. Even when I'm severely depressed I always have the restraint not to do anything stupid, except that one time. But in the worst case I guess that's all it takes...