Bipolar check-in #56

Still low, but I'm trying my best to treat myself with exercise and music since my treatment team obviously won't help me out in any way, shape, or form. Changed my avatar to Bean, he's awesome.

Awww bean is so 🥰 cute

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Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 So glad your kitty is doing better! I hope London continues to be well. I’m sorry you are struggling. I need to find meaning and purpose to my life as well. I lost it 4 years ago and haven’t found it since. I don’t have any words of wisdom but wanted to show my support and let you know you’re not alone.

Thank you, Jennifer. So much.

I picked up my dogs ashes on Monday and I just felt so sad that he is gone now. It`s been difficult to adjust without him and I feel so lonely right now. With his ashes I feel like I will always have him and of course he will always be in heart.

I also went to my doctor on Thursday and my appointment went well. My physical illnesses are under control right now and I was happy about that. I even lost a few pounds since I last went. I`m very fortunate to have such a kind and understanding doctor.

I took my Rexulti last night since I had been denied it for a few months. My pdoc managed to get it for me at last. I have to say I had easier time getting to sleep last night.

Well I hope all of you have a wonderful weekend and I`m sending hugs to all that want or need them .

It was cold here today- realfeel of 37! And people were wearing shorts and tank tops!

Reading a new book- well I've read it before but not for many years. Don't remember it.

I once in a depressive state I read the same book three times in a row because I couldn’t remember how it went. It was a murder mystery and I knew I had read it but I couldn’t remember who did it. I remembered the beginning chapter then fugue

The day finally arrived and my daughter is here! I was so happy to see her! She was tired from work and traveling so we had Mexican takeout, played cards, ordered graduation pictures and watched Speed which she thought was a great movie. Today we’ll go to the pool although it’s cloudy (it will be cold) and go to a niche chocolate shop. She will go to her Dad’s after that and I’ll see her again Memorial Day for the cookout. I told her for dinner I’d make her favorite: meatloaf, zucchini/squash/corn casserole and fruit salad with all kinds of fruit.

My brother’s problems are more serious than initially thought so Florida is definitely out. His primary care doctor’s nurse called yesterday and asked me to accompany him to future appointments including one Wednesday. I believe this to be because mom gets hysterical and has poor memory retention. I hope it doesn’t turn into a “too many cooks in the kitchen” type thing. His doctors and nurses first started calling me because they never could get in touch with my brother or mom and because I remain calm.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. Hugs to all!

It's always so nice to read about the joy you feel when you see your daughter. I hope you have a lovely Memorial Day weekend.

Your brother's GP office must be very professional and caring people to reach out as they have. In a country when too often doctors offices seem to look at people as numbers and dollar signs. Every family needs a "rock" to help get through hard times. It's been clear that my sister is now the rock of my family.

Hubby and I have been mighty lazy today. I suppose if you don't count Hubby staying up late into the night doing important work, I've done more than him during the daytime today.

One of my husband's work friends, that sort of became both of our friends, went to his best friend's house to pick up some important documents, and another thing. She actually saw the friend who she said looks like he's been starving of food. She said she was shocked at his appearance, despite never meeting him in the past. As part of his covid, he did have stomach problems, but I think the gastro stuff has improved. I can't help to wonder what he's eating. His wife only makes low cal health food. I swear that if he was at my house I'd be feeding him good ole' hearty Czech cuisine, rather than garlic, broccoli and tofu. At this point, there's no need to watch his fat.

I'm impatient and pissed. The sleeping too much turned into sleeping too little. Can't wait til Tuesday to talk to the nurse (though based on last appointment nothing will come of it). I'm going to drug the **** out of myself with prescribed PRNs until Tuesday.

I’m pretty angry today. It’s a PMS thing basically. I also got a smoothie which was $10. I had no idea it would be $10 and I don’t exactly have a lot of money right now. I also slept weirdly last night. Like I started snoring backwards or something. It went into my throat instead of out and it woke me up. I did it at least once. Then I woke up again with this really bad nausea and I just took off my weighted blankets and used my burrito one and I felt better. But today I’ve been out and places have been empty but I’m just in a mood because of PMS and lack of proper sleep. Plus the smoothie thing irked me.

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I’m pretty angry today. It’s a PMS thing basically. I also got a smoothie which was $10. I had no idea it would be $10 and I don’t exactly have a lot of money right now. I also slept weirdly last night. Like I started snoring backwards or something. It went into my throat instead of out and it woke me up. I did it at least once. Then I woke up again with this really bad nausea and I just took off my weighted blankets and used my burrito one and I felt better. But today I’ve been out and places have been empty but I’m just in a mood because of PMS and lack of proper sleep. Plus the smoothie thing irked me.

I've paid $5 for a smoothie and thought that was outrageous. What was in the $10 smoothie? I'm so curious!

Sir is acting like a possessed adolescent! it’s nice today, a bit chilly but a brilliant sunny day, so have the windows and doors open and Sir is zigzagging around and attacking his toys. 😹 silly thing, he is 16-17 years old.

Amazon sent my granddaughter’s gifts in a huge, huge box. It took my shirts so long to get here I ordered them earlier to be sure they’d be here in time and it only took 3 days. I got her activity kits, like scissors cutting. And painting kits. She loves doing that. But on kit when I looked closer was for older kids so I’ll hold off on that one.

I slept last night and feel great today.

It was a chocolate (protein maybe?) smoothie with raspberry and blueberry add ins. They said it came with two ad ins.

Yeah I got a smoothie the other day from this place and it was $5. Maybe it was the kind I got. Both my mom and I were confused when she told us the total. Then an hour later we needed to spend $29 at a burger fast food place for 2 burgers, 2 fries, and one Coke because we were both really hangry.

Eating out is so expensive these days. I’ve been going around my pantry and freezer this afternoon trying to figure out some sort of meal plans for the next few days.

YAY so glad you daughter made it

Her favorite dinner sounds soooooooo yummy !!! I haven't made a meatloaf in forever..

I'm sorry about your Brother and his health. Yes you are in a lousy situation, I'm sure your Mom will be unhappy about it, But she simply can't go and remember things. Hopefully the Doctor can find something that can help and then you can follow through and make sure whatever might help.

My heart goes out to you. Taking care of both your Mom and Brother is a full time mentally and physicially difficult job.

I am so ridiculously mixed its not even funny. I have xero patience. My pain is beyond high. A cold front moved through so Fibro and PsA are making my life a living hell..

I'm not in any danger but I feel there literally is a thought bubble over my head that says " what the hell is the point of living"

Mixed is hell, be gentle with yourself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Sir is acting like a possessed adolescent! it’s nice today, a bit chilly but a brilliant sunny day, so have the windows and doors open and Sir is zigzagging around and attacking his toys. 😹 silly thing, he is 16-17 years old. Amazon sent my granddaughter’s gifts in a huge, huge box. It took my shirts so long to get here I ordered them earlier to be sure they’d be here in time and it only took 3 days. I got her activity kits, like scissors cutting. And painting kits. She loves doing that. But on kit when I looked closer was for older kids so I’ll hold off on that one. I slept last night and feel great today.

Yay! I love your post!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed It was a chocolate (protein maybe?) smoothie with raspberry and blueberry add ins. They said it came with two ad ins. Yeah I got a smoothie the other day from this place and it was $5. Maybe it was the kind I got. Both my mom and I were confused when she told us the total. Then an hour later we needed to spend $29 at a burger fast food place for 2 burgers, 2 fries, and one Coke because we were both really hangry. Eating out is so expensive these days. I’ve been going around my pantry and freezer this afternoon trying to figure out some sort of meal plans for the next few days.

I know, the prices are ridiculous. The prices that are charged for smoothies make me angry! I make my own smoothies and it costs probably about $1 per smoothie (or less).

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Originally Posted by ~Christina I am so ridiculously mixed its not even funny. I have xero patience. My pain is beyond high. A cold front moved through so Fibro and PsA are making my life a living hell.. I'm not in any danger but I feel there literally is a thought bubble over my head that says " what the hell is the point of living"

I'm so sorry, Christina. I feel for you.

I went to the grocery store and when I was parking I noticed a couple coming out of the store without masks on. When I was walking toward the entrance I saw that the usual very large sign instructing people to wear masks in the store was gone. I'm vaccinated, things have loosened up, so I thought Great! I can finally shop without a mask on.

I went through the entire store and yes, I saw people wearing masks. But I thought that they chose to do so, which is fine.

So I got to the cashier line and an employee ran up to me (I mean, seriously ran like his azz was on fire), holding out a paper mask in his hand. He loudly said to me, "Here! You need to wear a mask!!" Everyone in the vicinity turned and looked. I said, "I thought we didn't have to wear masks anymore" - he replied "On June 15th!" So I told him I had a mask in my purse, took it out, and put it on.

I was mortified. And angry. The guidelines are so unclear at this point. And it seemed to me that the employee could have approached me quietly, instead of yelling out to me.

There are huge gatherings of people on Main Street that have beer bashes every week-end, no one wearing masks - yet this dude in a grocery store acted like I had committed a crime.

Then of course, I started beating up on myself...I'm so stupid, I would miss the obvious...blah, blah, blah.

Now my anxiety level is up, depression is up. Lately, I feel like everything I've worked on in therapy for 2 years is shot to hell. That said, I'm going to try some breathing and meditation and try to calm down.

Ha, I guess this is my "During the pandemic I was in a grocery store, and..." story.

A book I ordered that was supposed to be at my old house on April 15th wasn’t being delivered. I went back and forth with their customer service for a few weeks. They’d say “just wait a week.” Then it was “it’s coming we are sure” then I finally got annoyed and asked for a refund. They said that my book is in Australia and will arrive shortly. I’m thinking how the hell did it end up in Australia? I told them that I do not live there. They said “oh. Ok. Then it’s considered lost mail and we will refund you.” They were nice though.

But then today my book showed up at my new house. It had been previously delivered to my old address but then forwarded to my new one and I got it today. The company asked me to notify them if the book arrived. I got my refund already. The book is $30. And I am a super honest person when it comes to things like this so I contacted the company and said my book finally came. I don’t know if I’ll get charged for it but I know I did the right thing by being honest with the company even if they were pretty messed up to deal with.

whatever, you're very quiet today. How are you doing?

I'm so sorry you had that experience in the grocery store. I had a similar experience when I went grocery shopping the other day. The rules here aren't uniform...nor were they uniformly enforced even when things were still bad. Anyways, I asked a woman who was in the parking lot if they were still requiring masks. She said not if one was fully vaccinated (which I am). I asked the same of the first employee I encountered when I entered the store & she said the same. However, about 80% of the people shopping were wearing masks & I didn't have one with me. I was mortified. Who knows how thoughtless or reckless the other shoppers thought I was being! At least no one came running after me like they did in your grocery store encounter.

That written, there's no need to beat yourself up over something like that, BethRags. I know you're in a difficult space these days, but I note you're still picking others up with your natural goodness here on the boards. Perhaps if you recognize that you won't feel so down on yourself? The past two years of therapy aren't down the drain! This is just a temporary setback exacerbated by several bad breaks (London's health issues, etc.). Be kind to yourself.

Oh! And good news! Your Giants finally beat the fukking Dodgers last night, & I just checked the score of tonight's game. The Giants are ahead 11-6 in the bottom of the 9th! Take that LA!!!

I can’t sleep. The weird thing is I haven’t even fallen asleep yet. I’ve had 180 milligrams of geodon, 50 mil of visteril, and 36 milligrams of melatonin. I just have a headache and I feel like Heath Ledger with all the meds I’ve taken. I ate a protein bar to help dissolve everything. Maybe that was the wrong thing to eat. I also had a cup of herbal Lipton bedtime supplement tea. I’m under 20 pounds of weighted blankets. I guess I’ll try the white noise next. Maybe another cup of tea. My sleep hasn’t been like this all year. Usually I have the opposite problem and I wake up wide awake at this time.