Bipolar check-in #56

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Originally Posted by Nammu Oh, ugh. Didn’t sleep last night. Tossed and turned so much I had to get up and remake the bed. After that I settled down and was able to just lay and zen. Today I meet the new doctor. I’m nervous now because here the general GP does everything. And I never know how GPS feel about mental illnesses. My arms are very scared up thanks to ADs that threw me into mixed states. My thrush looks better with the home remedies but it’s still there I hope he doesn’t desmiss it. Oh gees I hate taking a shower after a night of being awake the water feels like pins and needles.

I hear you on GP's. It's shocking how many are ignorant regarding mental illness. I hope yours isn't. Let us know how your appointment goes today, Nammu

My appointment went fine, he was more flustered by my hearing impairments than mental illness. I told him I’m very stable on my meds and my lifestyle routine. And he was fine with that. He was very happy with my new exercise program. Encouraged me to keep it up. Referred me to acupuncture. Did say my mouth looked good to keep up the apple cider, salt water gargle and did a swab to test for fungus. He’s ok. I miss my old doc though cause he had a deaf son and that made it easier.

He was awkward with the interpreter. I don’t think he ever had an interpreter for any language before.

Yesterday was easy and flowing. I went to the dentist then stopped at this cafe I parked in front of that I’d been wanting to try. I don’t do things like that! If it’s not on the list….I had the best omelette and coffee. The day continued on and ended with me seeing a movie. I even got free popcorn and coke for my birthday gift.

Today is the total opposite. Stressful and difficult. I’m working on changing my mindset to something that will help me thrive.

I got some audiobooks from Chirp today. A bright spot since I am losing my ability to read books with the legal blindness. I fear for my senior years. I already can’t drive at dusk and beyond. Scary stuff.

Hugs to all!

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Originally Posted by Nammu My appointment went fine, he was more flustered by my hearing impairments than mental illness. I told him I’m very stable on my meds and my lifestyle routine. And he was fine with that. He was very happy with my new exercise program. Encouraged me to keep it up. Referred me to acupuncture. Did say my mouth looked good to keep up the apple cider, salt water gargle and did a swab to test for fungus. He’s ok. I miss my old doc though cause he had a deaf son and that made it easier. He was awkward with the interpreter. I don’t think he ever had an interpreter for any language before.

Overall, he sounds like a decent GP. Odd about the interpreter, though. Well, next time he'll probably be more comfortable with it!

Anxious today because I'm worrying about one of my cats. He had some intolerance to the brand of food I was feeding him and had minor (very) diarrhea. I took him to the vet, she prescribed an antibiotic. The diarrhea is gone, but he seems very sleepy. He's eating, though not as voraciously as he usually does. He's just sleepy. Then he threw up a bit of bile this morning. I freaked out and called the vet. She said it sounds like his tummy is still somewhat upset and if he's still sleepy or throws up anymore to bring him in tomorrow.

Ugh. I don't even agree with her...I know him, London, and I really think he's reacting to the medication. I know antibiotics can cause sleepiness and upset stomach. I'm having miserable anticipatory anxiety because I am so phobic about going to the vet...I've lost a number of beloved pets. I truly don't think London is sick, I think he had some food intolerance and now some med side-effects. Plus, I have therapy and psych appointments tomorrow that I really don't want to miss. And, there's the money issue, especially at this time of the month. Vets are so darn expensive.

I'm sorry for the rant, I hate myself when I get anxious like this. Especially when, deep inside, I don't believe there's a major reason for the anxiety. UGGGGHHHH

Oh Beth, that’s so hard cause pets can’t tell us anything. But I agree with you that’s it’s probably the meds.

My blood work came back already. I’ve no idea what it means. The results are all over the place. Some things are high some low. The one I understood was iron, I’m low. But when I tried to google the results there was alarming illnesses so I stopped that. I know I’m not bleeding cause my last doctor looked for that. And my googled gas led to scary stuff. I hope they call soon.

I hope they get back with you and everything can be addressed. I just had a full blood panel because of the lithium and I was really low in iron, D3 and B12. Really odd.

I hope London starts feeling better soon.

I hope you had a better day today. Hopefully, your appointments will go well tomorrow.

London started throwing up all over the place so I ran him to the vet. They called it an emergency visit and are charging me a fortune, plus I had to leave him there until they can look at him. I'm so worried. I still think he's having a bad reaction to the medication, but I'm so scared. I will ask them to please hold a check from me for 1 week until my husband receives his social security check. I'm just waiting for the vet to call, every minute feels like an hour. I need to eat, but cannot when I'm so anxious.

Hugs all around and thanks for the good thoughts.

I'm sorry Beth. I've been there. The waiting in the hardest part.

So sorry Beth that’s scary.

@BethRags:

So sorry about your sick cat. Vets are heartless. Do they offer a payment plan?

I threw a party today! In celebration of the beautiful Spring weather. Outside, physically distanced, no more than five of us at any one time and liberal use of hand sanitizer.

I've just been so jealous of spying on people from my balcony having BBQs and picnics, i thought: I WANT THAT FOR MYSELF!!! And i made it happen!

The building dog parents meet in the dog-park mid-afternoon so i called my one close neighbor to rendezvous there and she said two others were coming.

I threw together an amuse-bouche with two chilled bottles of my alcohol-free Chardonnay, raspberries, Arrowroot cookies and grapes.

I put out my intriguing white tablecloth with the raised ragged squares pattern on the bistro table out there.

I just made ice cubes yesterday and just in the knick of time. I put the wine in a pot and filled it with them.

I put out my BOSE external Blue-Tooth speaker and played romantic piano music.

Two others stopped by also. I put the whole thing together in 45 minutes so it was pretty stressful but i was pleased with the result.

Unfortunately, my dog fussed and fussed and wouldn't settle down until about the last half hour. I would have had a much better time if she wasn't so fussy around other dogs.

Anyways, i'm thrilled to have craved that sort of experience for myself and actually made it happen! I'm 54 and it's only the fourth party i've thrown in my life!

Aces!

Hugs to all!

London is home after some tests and everything looks normal. If he is still sick, though he needs blood work. He seems much more himself after an anti-nausea shot and some rehydration. I'm praying to the Universe for him to be well now. No more of that antibiotic for him, that's for sure. Oh, and they said they'll hold my check for a week. What a relief that is.

Thank you all for your kindness and support. It means a lot.

I'm procrastinating on finishing my paperwork. I'm scared they'll say I can't get my second vaccine Friday. I'm worried that it's something really bad.

I haven't been online much lately to respond to others, or to post much myself. My partner had last week & this week off, so I haven't been spending much time in front of my desktop computer. I have a hard time writing on my tablet, so haven't been able to offer much support...I've been following your challenges & victories, though.

@BethRags...I'd be freaking out if my dog was as sick as your cat is, & I realize what vet bills run. I hope London (cool name, BTW) is able to work things out of his system!

@Nammu...I'm glad your appointment wasn't as bad as you anticipated it being. I'm sorry you're concerned about the uneven lab results. I'm sure your provider will be able to give you a clear picture of what's going on. And, not to minimize ANYTHING, but our worst fears seldom come to pass. Please keep us posted!

@Miguel'smom...I thought things had been awfully quiet on your front lately. I hope things go well for you today at your appointments. Good luck!

@whatever2013...How cool of you to throw a party after this long pandemic! It doesn't sound like your dog made it easy on you, though.

@Jennifer 1967...You had a good day, followed by a bad one. Keep rolling with the punches, kiddo! You've handled a lot the past few weeks. You can power through this.

@Soupe du jour...Ouch! I'm sorry if your guest was offended by anything that happened. How uncomfortable for you! I certainly hope your husband isn't buried too deep in the doghouse. I know I hate being there when I piss off my partner! I haven't been there in a while, though, thankfully.

My partner & I have been doing some yardwork (planting & such) at a reasonable pace. She just turned in her notice at work, so will join me in retirement effective July 3 (the day before Independence Day!). I turn 60 the week before, so I will treat myself by going to a Detroit Tigers game with a friend on June 13th.

My appointment with my therapist on Monday went pretty well. We talked about the situation with my pdoc, but didn't really reach any conclusions. The dude will give me virtually any med I think will help, but falls short in the advice column. I guess many people would kill to have such a pdoc (?) & I don't really see him on a regular basis, so I'll just ride things out for now.

We also talked about my "AA Brain" versus my "Weight Watchers Brain." I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a recovering alcoholic who has been sober for many years, thanks to AA. I think it was @whatever2013 who once wrote that with addiction you keep the tiger in its cage at all times, but with weight loss, you have to take the tiger for a walk three times a day! I stay sober by "depriving" myself of alcohol (though I don't feel in any way deprived after all these years). I've been successful in my Weight Watchers reboot by depriving myself in a similar manner. I played baseball until I was in my late-40s, & am extremely competitive. Tracking points & losing weight are like competing in a game for me. Once I get on track, I compete like hell! I've got to stop the "deprivation game," though, as Weight Watchers is about making a lifestyle change, & not solely a competitive event! I defend my decision to go with Weight Watchers because support group meetings are familiar to me, & I've always found them valuable (both for fighting my alcoholism & my weight issues). I've got to learn to walk my tigers in a healthy manner, though.

Have a happy day, all.

@buddha1too:

Glad to hear from you. Was worried that i'd offended you by being too pushy. Glad you're exploring ways to "walk your tiger in a healthy way."

If Weight-Watchers works for you, all the power to you! We all get to chose our method.

@BethRags - I’m sorry about your cat! I had to take my Cheeto to the emergency vet last January and he had to have emergency surgery to the tune of $7000!!! I had to take out a pet loan!!! I’ve paid it down but he will forever be the most expensive cat I’ve ever had.

I also have to take my Ash to the vet ASAP. She’s limping and being extremely vocal, following us around. We can’t figure out why. It must be pain. I’m reticent because it’s so expensive and I’m not getting paid through disability yet but it is what it is. I don’t want her to be in pain!

Emotionally I seem to be doing better. I was less emotional yesterday. Still irritable but better able to control it. Starting geodon today. I’m also going to talk to my gynecologist about different birth control. I’m certain I have PMDD. For three days before I get my period I am suicidally depressed. Plus the hunger, the food cravings, everything. I was able to deal with it but it’s now like at least half the month if not more.

I got an email from my pharmacy that a new medication is waiting. It’s for iron anemia. So that’s probably what all those whacked out numbers meant. So much for my liver experiments. I hope this isn’t a permanent addition to my meds. My old doctor wanted to find out the cause of the low iron and address that. This new doc just ordered medication.

Buddha nice to see you back. Welcome to the big 60 decade! Now that your both retired you can travel. My sister and bil are always going to federal state parks. The love RVing. I’m trying to get them to check out New Mexico. I lived there for a time and loved it.

I felt pretty sick yesterday afternoon and very early this morning around 1AM. But now I feel fine. My arm isn’t hurting much but I do have a Red Bull’s (auto correct wouldn’t let me change it, I don’t mean the energy drink) eye on my arm. I lifted a lot of stuff at Sams Club and then into the trunk and brought it into my house. So I’m glad the side effects weren’t bad. I still think the first shot was worse. I think only my brother in law had a really bad reaction.

My anxiety is tough today but it always is. I’ve been managing it fine although I think I rushed my mom at the store and I’m worried about my brother who is getting his first shot today. I just worry about how people will treat him in public and I don’t want him to get side effects from the vaccine that he will struggle with or won’t understand.

My anxiety was actually so bad last night but in a strange way and I was googling mental health hospitals in my area and then I emailed my therapist and asked if I was possibly having a psych reaction to the vaccine and she replied back and said that yeah that can happen.

Today besides the anxiety my mental health seems to be under control. At least better then it was last night.

Well I gotta a bunch of messages, letters and questions from my clinic. My doctor wrote that my iron is low and he sent in a prescription. A message to call for physical therapy. And a bunch of questions on fatigue and pain. Apparently you can’t do acupuncture until after you try PT. So I have an appointment in June for PT.

BethRags, I hope your kitty feels better soon.

Jennifer, the cafe day sounds lovely! I'm glad you took some of your birthday money and treated yourself.

Nammu, it's good you realized that maybe Googling does more harm, when it comes to test results. I've had some odd results that my doctors never even seemed to care about. Hopefully the low iron is nothing major, and can be rectified with just a supplement.

whatever2013, that sounds like a delightful day you created. I wish I had been there

buddha1too, congrats to your wife on her retirement. I hope you will enjoy the additional time together. As for my husband, he was forgiven of his transgression probably an hour after it. I see no need or value to hold any grudge/anger against him. I highly recommend this way. Keeps the peace and is merciful to oneself and partner/spouse. I also hope she will be a great support to you during your weight loss efforts. You can do it! And if you cheat a bit, just get back on the wagon and go forward again.

wildflowerchild, I'm glad your seeing positive progress with your mood. You know, you might be on to something regarding the birth control. I am certain that at one point in my past the birth control did me harm. I noticed quite an improvement after stopping them, but I know there are some that are "friendlier" than others. I only stopped them because my meds made all ineffective, anyway. I moved on to a copper IUD, but unfortunately that gave me iron deficiency anemia due to heavy periods. Just can't win!

Well, I have FINALLY been approved for permanent residency in Czech Republic. Yay!!!!!!! This means that we can now start working on getting public health insurance. I will need to go to the city municipal office next Monday to actually get the permanent residency card made. We have an appointment set.

I saw my Czech psychiatrist earlier today. It was a good visit. The only thing is that after describing my recent dysthymic state (and stressors) he said I should continue the morning 50 mg of Seroquel XR along with all of my other meds (incl. 600 mg evening Seroquel XR). The thing is that I stopped the 50 mg over a week ago. I suppose I should have told him that, but I confess I was a bit leery to do so. I will add it back just to become honest again, but if it's too much, I'll text him. He was kind giving me free samples of generic 50 mg Seroquel XR. I needed him to prescribe additional supplies to get my 600 mg nightly. He was also kind to prescribe generic Wellbutrin XR for my husband, but only did so as a one-time thing. He said that Hubby will need to get his own psychiatrist, for understandable reasons. He had to prescribe it under my name, even though I don't take Wellbutrin. He said that he would likely never be prescribing such a medication for me, because of my bipolar disorder. I said he was right that it would a disaster. I know that from lots of experience.

After my psychiatrist appointment we went to a lovely park that was walking-distance away. There are photos and descriptions of the park at Lužanky Park | Go To Brno. How lovely that I can go there after my appointments! Really, the whole area near this psychiatrist's office is beautiful and peaceful. Now I need to "check in" with my American psychiatrist. The latter won't be changing any my meds. He just told me I should check-in, even though I am not "seeing him" anymore.

Congratulations on your residency!!!! Yay!!! The park looks lovely. How nice to have that to go to. Are you all settled in now? Do you miss America at all? Just curious. I think your move is exciting. I’d love to move to another country.