Bipolar check-in #56

I’m so very sorry that your cat isn’t doing well! My cat Cheeto had to have emergency surgery last January and I was terrified something was going to happen to him, but he did recover perfectly. Now if he stays on his prescription food he is golden. I really hope they can find some prescription food London will tolerate.

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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 So he took them and put them somewhere after I filled my med box for the week. That was SUPER hard for me to admit to. But again, he didn’t get mad so...

@wildflowerchild25 and all:

I think that was really wise and responsible of you. Glad you have someone to help you who is understanding. You've got yourself a good man!

Have a beautiful day!

Jane.

I did end up harming myself yesterday but not dangerously so bc I couldn’t find what I needed. I still didn’t feel better so I took a hot shower and sat in there for awhile. I felt I little bit more in control, but I took my night meds at like 7:30 because I just needed to sleep so I wouldn’t feel the desperation and pain anymore. Fell asleep around 8pm, woke up with a start thinking it was morning at 10pm, bat thankfully RS told me it was still Sunday night. I slept hard straight through until my alarm went off. So about 12 hours of sleep. I guess I needed a reset.

Woke up to find the knife block in the kitchen gone though which I am a little peeved about bc RS did not tell me he was taking it and I get a little panicky when I don’t have access to things. Like almost when someone quits smoking and suddenly doesn’t have access to cigarettes “just in case”. I’m annoyed enough to have an “ill show him” attitude and go out and purchase more blades but I’m not really that petty.

I really do feel better though so maybe it won’t matter.

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Originally Posted by BethRags I'm having a really rough time right now. London, my kitty, has been throwing up every time he eats. Since his labs and other tests were all normal, and since he's only 3 years old, what he's experiencing is probably food intolerance.

@BethRags and all:

I had a friend with THREE sickly cats and she was on a tight budget. So she just educated herself on what common human foods they could eat. I saw her prepare them their breakfast once when i slept over but i just remember shredded carrot went into their meals. She said the vet wanted to do surgery on one of them but thru her own excellent (and free!) care the cat was 80% better.

Sorry you are feeling stressed. My dog had a stomach blockage when she was a puppy and i had such anxiety i ended up in th ER myself with pain twinges in my heart.

Luckily not a heart attack and my dog passed the blockage with the help of some Vaseline and made a full recovery. I hope London does too. Try and stay calm. Pets can sense our anxiety.

Completed my first day off diet cola in twenty years yesterday! I was a diet cola fiend, five, six cans a day. It ruined my bowels and teeth and now i suspect organ damage and am having an abdominal ultra-sound for a dull pain in my side.

I gave my stash to a young man friend who helped me out recently and refused cash so at least i was able to compensate him in trade.

My bowels have recovered since i started dieting, i'm in my fifth week! Have had a successful colo-rectal cancer screening. So no lasting damage there, thankfully.

My dentist has made me a night-guard to stop the deterioration of my tooth enamel and i brush with Sensodyne and my pain twinges have stopped. She says the exposed dentin might harden. So my teeth are okay too, with a little care. I don't think six crowns will be necessary, thank God!

So things are going great! I got out for a walk with my best friend and our dogs yesterday and we had a super time, the sun was sooooooo warm!

I bought some vegan foods as i'd like to explore that. I'm almost completely vegetarian and have been all my life, just my natural preference, but animal agriculture bothers me too. It's no life for them. There's a great active group on Facebook for vegans, so i have support there.

Really excited!

Have a beautiful day!

Jane.



P.S.: Some shots of my home in bloom attached.

Such beautiful flowers! Such great news! That’s wonderful! I hope you have a beautiful day as well! Sounds like you are on your way.

I’m going to the chiropractor for the first time in years today. I have high hopes. It’s taken me two hours to unload groceries. Granted it was packed to the gills. There is some heavy stuff from Costco and I’m hurting. I’m not complaining. Just stating neutral facts.

I’m part of a small society and we’re going through a 14 complaint fast. It’s been illuminating, inspiring and uplifting. I found out that I judge and complain more than I’d like. Cutting down on that and being solution oriented has helped lift my mood. Personally, I think more people should try it. It’s a game changer.

I’m getting back into my social groups in person. The Drum circle is coming up as is bible study and two other social groups. There’s also $5.50 Tuesday night movies. It’s a welcome change. So happy to finally be at this point. I feel free while staying aware of COVID.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Hugs to all!

Beautiful flowers! Did you create that potted beauty? I am soon to buy some for pots and flower boxes, and wish I could create something as pretty.

Keep up the great work taking care of yourself!

Hubby and I managed to get my long-term residency today. We were surprised that instead of a card, it is more like a passport in appearance. I wish I could use that one for everything. The photo is much better than the hideous one in my US passport.

Tomorrow we establish Hubby's residence in our new city. He goes to a different place since he's a citizen. He's been registered in Prague, but it's crucial he be registered where he lives now.

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Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 I found out that I judge and complain more than I’d like. Cutting down on that and being solution oriented has helped lift my mood. I’m getting back into my social groups in person. The Drum circle is coming up as is bible study and two other social groups. There’s also $5.50 Tuesday night movies. It’s a welcome change. So happy to finally be at this point. I feel free while staying aware of COVID.

@Jennifer 1967 and all:

You're doing great work on yourself. Being more solution-oriented sounds great! Glad you're getting back to some fun activities, also. We're still in lockdown here for another eight days and i'm dying for a haircut!

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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour Beautiful flowers! Did you create that potted beauty? I am soon to buy some for pots and flower boxes, and wish I could create something as pretty. Keep up the great work taking care of yourself!

@Soupe du jour and all:

I created the potted flowers thru my condo fees!

Thanks for the support in improving my health.

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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour Hubby and I managed to get my long-term residency today.

@Soupe du jour and all:

Congratulations on getting your long-term residency! That must be a relief. Next: free health care!

I did go out today for once. I went to a few retail stores and a few furniture stores. Funnily enough the only place I felt completely safe and not anxious was at the store (not the same one, different location) that I used to work at. I had my mom ask for an application and she got handed some card about doing it online. I’m getting ahead of myself though since I can’t start working until August. But it felt nice being in that store again. I was going to go out to eat but this heat is making me feel goofy. I’m at home now and I’m about to go out again but I’ll see. It’s for sure the heat and not the vaccine. All that stuff has passed. Whatever irritation I’m feeling now is PMS. The water is fine now.

I guess it’s just because I stayed inside all last summer but I was having a more then usual difficult time with the heat today. I went to McDonald’s to buy a Diet Coke just so I could get a cup of water. I’ve never done that before I’ve always turned to soda when I get thirsty. I gave the Diet Coke to my brother.

I got annoyed when I was in a store and the lady didn’t say hello to me and my mom but she said hello and asked what they were looking for and the sales and etc to the people behind us. I complained to my mom about it when we left and she said the cashier was most likely profiling the people behind us. Everyone else was friendly at the other stores.

Ok so I’ll admit my self esteem has been really low today and little things have set me off. It’s probably more PMS since one of the signs of PMDD is feeling that others are being critical of you. I just hope this week goes fast. When I was on birth control I could just skip the PMS week of the pack to get to my period faster. Now I just have to deal with the PMDD.

Thanks, whatever2013!

I will say that compared to any health insurance (private or Medicare) in the US, the public insurance in Czech Republic would seem free, comparitively. However, it's not 100% free. But the contribution is very minimal. Plus, even 100% pay for doctor visits and meds is amazingly less than in the US.

Hi guys and gals,
I haven't been feeling too great lately, but I'm doing my best despite that. I'm clean and sober for the longest I've ever been since I started using 7 years ago which has helped significantly along with taking my meds as prescribed. Things feel bad, yeah, but not as bad as they were last year. I'm having some relationship issues though. Over the past year I've been involved with two guys and a gal romantically (never at the same time ofc), but now none of them are talking to me so I'm angry and struggling (edit for clarification: I don't expect these people to talk to me now, I just wish I didn't push such great people away). A previous therapist told me I have a strong "fear of abandonment" and normally I push people away before they can leave or something like that. I haven't thought too much about that until this past week and now I'm having thoughts of suicide and self harm because of this. I've tried discussing this pattern with my T, but she only cares about my ADLs, not drinking (I don't even have a drinking problem, I have an opiate problem), and my cats (one has cancer, but I don't need to discuss that in therapy).

My appetite's been poor. It's nearly 3pm and I haven't eaten anything unless you include a couple cups of herbal tea. Last couple week's I've been living off of carnation instant breakfasts. I'm also strugglinig with hypersomnia. Last night I went to bed at 8pm and I woke up today at 9am and it's been like that most nights. Of course my treatment team doesn't really care; I called a week ago saying I need extra therapy or a med change or something and they never got back to me.

But it's spring now. The bears are out, I see deer nearly every day now, the turtle crossed the road (an annual celebration of spring in my neck of the woods). 70F out right now. I already have sunburn, poison ivy, and have picked off many ticks. Oh, and I got my first covid shot last week. No side effects.

I'm feeling better right now. I'll probably tank in an hour as that's how it goes, but I'll go for my run and take things minute-by-minute.

I switched London and the others back to the food they were eating prior to the current food. London has been eating, drinking, and thus far has not thrown up today. I spoke with the vet's office about a prescription diet for them, so we'll be trying that. Very expensive, but I'd rather have healthy cats than cable TV.

I'm exhausted from the week-end's stress. I needed more sleep. There's an addiction recovery house behind my bedroom window and I was awakened by 2 dudes there having an argument early this morning. Fuk this and fuk you and on and on, one guy screaming loudly. Ugh.

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Originally Posted by Sapien Hi guys and gals, I haven't been feeling too great lately, but I'm doing my best despite that. I'm clean and sober for the longest I've ever been since I started using 7 years ago which has helped significantly along with taking my meds as prescribed. Things feel bad, yeah, but not as bad as they were last year. I'm having some relationship issues though. Over the past year I've been involved with two guys and a gal romantically (never at the same time ofc), but now none of them are talking to me so I'm angry and struggling. A previous therapist told me I have a strong "fear of abandonment" and normally I push people away before they can leave or something like that. I haven't thought too much about that until this past week and now I'm having thoughts of suicide and self harm because of this. I've tried discussing this pattern with my T, but she only cares about my ADLs, not drinking (I don't even have a drinking problem, I have an opiate problem), and my cats (one has cancer, but I don't need to discuss that in therapy). My appetite's been poor. It's nearly 3pm and I haven't eaten anything unless you include a couple cups of herbal tea. Last couple week's I've been living off of carnation instant breakfasts. I'm also strugglinig with hypersomnia. Last night I went to bed at 8pm and I woke up today at 9am and it's been like that most nights. Of course my treatment team doesn't really care; I called a week ago saying I need extra therapy or a med change or something and they never got back to me. But it's spring now. The bears are out, I see deer nearly every day now, the turtle crossed the road (an annual celebration of spring in my neck of the woods). 70F out right now. I already have sunburn, poison ivy, and have picked off many ticks. Oh, and I got my first covid shot last week. No side effects. I'm feeling better right now. I'll probably tank in an hour as that's how it goes, but I'll go for my run and take things minute-by-minute.

Hey Sapien, it's great to hear from you! You have a lot going on. A HUGE congrats on staying clean & sober - and for taking your prescribed meds.
70 degrees sounds heavenly. We're headed for 90 today, bah.

It’s in the 80’s here. Yesterday mum and I struggled with all the AC ducts and got them opened. That entails dragging a wooden ladder from room to room and wrestling with the block and putting a filter in the hallway. But it’s done. The grate fell open though and I don’t feel like getting the ladder to wrestle it back up on the ceiling. The two falters are hard to manage.

Was my last day with my 30 cents off per gallon so I ran to town and got gas. Any savings on gas is a good thing. Geez $2.94 here.

I’m not sleeping well and am so irritated. Mum has the radio on blasting. So I took off my hearing aids, ugh.

Apparently 28 year olds shouldn’t really be shopping at stores like Hollister and wearing hoodies with the logos on them. I read that wearing any logo is tacky and like your an advertisement billboard. I googled 30 year old men styles and they are like button up dress shirts and khakis. Maybe people think I’m under 21 not just because I look young but because I’m wearing glow in the dark hoodies with huge logos on the front and 11’5 length shorts. I have a few SpongeBob shirts too. I’ve had therapists before give me problems about the way I dress. Kohl’s had some button casual dress shirts on clearance. I may go back tomorrow. I think North Face is ok. There’s some guy on SNL who sometimes wears the exact NF hoodie I have and he’s my age.

My old therapist never said anything specifically besides that I dressed young but I could tell she didn’t like my spongeBob shirts and thought they were immature. We talked sometimes about dressing older. When I mentioned one time about out sizing a lot of men’s shirts and feeling goofy shopping in the boys department she mentioned shopping online in the boys department.

Mountaindewed ...wear what makes you happy! Forget what others think.