[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

Colored for the first time in decades in an attempt to calm my anxiety. It helped some. Coloring page by Sugar & Sloth.

That's really cute. Thanks for sharing it, Lizzie

[*Beth*]

In the middle of moving and at that stage where I wonder how on earth I'm going to do all this. Reminds me of the "transition" stage of giving birth..."Um, yeah...well, I've decided not to have this baby. I just...won't...do it. I mean, I can't. There's absolutely no way I can do this, so I give up."

But somehow, the kid gets born and it's only up from there

I'm doing sand tray Thursday during my therapy session. The theme is something like "who am I", meaning who am I without my husband, my children, and so on. Only myself. I guess I'm something of a helicopter mother and when my kids left for college I lost my own identity. My son never had issues with my parenting style, but my daughter feels she does.

[wildflowerchild25]

Thank you @BethRags it did help. I put on my “empowering rock” playlist full of songs about fighting back. I was able to secure a bike away from all the other riders. It helped that the gym was pretty empty. A guy came along and used the other bike next to me and I was surreptitiously side eyeing him. He didn’t look in my direction though. I was glad when he left so I could feel safe again but also because he had awful cologne on and it kept wafting over lol.

I was feeling strong when I left but I still couldn’t bring myself to go to the grocery store. I became very anxious again when I got home and wishing for just peace and quiet so I laid in bed waiting for my phone to charge.

I am feeling better now that RS is home from work. I feel more protected.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Thank you @BethRags it did help. I put on my “empowering rock” playlist full of songs about fighting back. I was able to secure a bike away from all the other riders. It helped that the gym was pretty empty. A guy came along and used the other bike next to me and I was surreptitiously side eyeing him. He didn’t look in my direction though. I was glad when he left so I could feel safe again but also because he had awful cologne on and it kept wafting over lol.

I was feeling strong when I left but I still couldn’t bring myself to go to the grocery store. I became very anxious again when I got home and wishing for just peace and quiet so I laid in bed waiting for my phone to charge.

I am feeling better now that RS is home from work. I feel more protected.

Ew on the stinky cologne! I have a neighbor who wears heavy cologne, I can actually smell it sometimes from inside my apartment.

I hope your night is easier

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

Colored for the first time in decades in an attempt to calm my anxiety. It helped some. Coloring page by Sugar & Sloth.

Very cute, thanks for sharing Lizzie

[Mountaindewed]

I’m having a bit of an issue. Actually a huge one. As you know I switched my Geodon to all at night. But I am on vacation in another state. I have my geodon but it’s not at the house I’m at. It’s at the motel. So I’ve gone over 24 hours without any. Plus I haven’t slept since 1:40AM. I feel like I’m having pretty bad withdrawals. I can’t eat and I feel like throwing up really badly and I have a migraine. I also feel like I’m about to have a massive massive panic attack. A 3 year old has been screaming nonstop for 2 hours and it has just driven me to the edge. At least the 3 year old has drawn the attention away from me. I asked my mom to take me back to the motel and she could come back to the house. But I just am incredibly worried about my mental health right now and I am so far away from home and my therapist. I’m in a beach town and I have no idea where any type of hospital is medical or mental health. I’m thinking of emailing my therapist. If I have her card with me. Or else I’ll have to call the practice in the morning. But I just feel so incredibly sick right now. Things are really really bad.

[Mountaindewed]

Also I’m gonna have to just take one 80 tonight instead of 2 because I am worried I will not wake up in the morning after so much Geodon at one time after going 26 hours without any. Plus I for sure need a Valium and my melatonin as well. So it’s best to just deal with the side effects of taking an 80 in the morning and maybe I’ll feel ok and be able to enjoy some stuff.

I feel like my family will understand and think it’s just the 3 year old setting me off. If my mom wants to explain to them it’s transition stuff I’m fine with that too.

I stood up for myself today. At the grocery store I go to multiple times a week, one of the cashiers is a pain in the azz every.single.time to me. Over-zealous "enforcement", (reinforced by doubling down on it) that, because I literally trained for her position at the same business KNOW she does not need to do.

I reported her. I'm sick of being treated that way. She'll never stop otherwise, and I'm sick of putting up with it. I think I will go through her line one more time. If she pulls it again, I'm having a manager pulled over. I'm sure she's doing it to many, many other customers, and honestly, when a customer comes in as often as I do, her "forgetting" (not) me? Not exactly the kind of friendly attitude that keeps people making repeat business, you know?

[Mountaindewed]

I got back to the motel. I took just one Geodon, and one Valium, and my melatonin. I’ll take the other Geodon tomorrow morning and hopefully have an ok day. I found a deer tick in my drinking water cup. I luckily looked before I drank out of it. It was hard to get out like they usually are. but I eventually got it out and flushed it down the toilet. A deer tick could have easily made it in here. I just hope there aren’t any more in my bed or anything. Already being at the hotel has made me feel better. So maybe things were a bit more situational then I realized. I thought it was just med related.

My aunt I saw briefly at a baby shower the day after my surgery. But I didn’t get out of the car. My other uncle I haven’t seen in almost 2 years. My cousin and his wife I haven’t seen since Christmas 2019. My other aunt and husband are here too. They were the only people besides my mom and my brother in my quarantine bubble in 2020. so I am totally comfortable around them. My other aunt and uncle were super accepting. They were using my correct name and pronouns. My cousins wife (the mother of the 3 year old) seemed a bit wary and unsure. But she did ask me how I liked my new state and she used my correct name. She seemed kinda uncomfortable around me though. But if we can just agree to disagree and still be friends that would make me happy. My cousin doesn’t talk to much of anyone. We used to talk a lot before he had kids. It makes me a bit sad honestly. But my mom says it’s not me. He is just not very happy with his job and has very high maintenance 5 and 3 year olds.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I’m having a bit of an issue. Actually a huge one. As you know I switched my Geodon to all at night. But I am on vacation in another state. I have my geodon but it’s not at the house I’m at. It’s at the motel. So I’ve gone over 24 hours without any. Plus I haven’t slept since 1:40AM. I feel like I’m having pretty bad withdrawals. I can’t eat and I feel like throwing up really badly and I have a migraine. I also feel like I’m about to have a massive massive panic attack. A 3 year old has been screaming nonstop for 2 hours and it has just driven me to the edge. At least the 3 year old has drawn the attention away from me. I asked my mom to take me back to the motel and she could come back to the house. But I just am incredibly worried about my mental health right now and I am so far away from home and my therapist. I’m in a beach town and I have no idea where any type of hospital is medical or mental health. I’m thinking of emailing my therapist. If I have her card with me. Or else I’ll have to call the practice in the morning. But I just feel so incredibly sick right now. Things are really really bad.

What you describe might be Geodon withdrawal, indeed. Geodon was the most difficult medication of all for me to be weaned off of and some of my withdrawal symptoms included the ones you mentioned. Actually, any Geodon modifications were always an adjustment for me. I found it more so than any other antipsychotic that I ever took, and I've been on a total of 10 different ones over the years (not including moodstabilizers or other categories). With Geodon, and even others, consistency over time was key to tolerance and ultimately stability. I took Geodon for about 8 years. I did best on it taking it 80 mg in the morning and 80 mg in the evening (160 mg per day), along with other bipolar meds. It was side effect friendly up until 6 years in, when I developed akathisia.

May I ask exactly how much Geodon your psychiatrist has prescribed? And how he wants you to take it? [In other words, for example, 80 mg in the morning and 80 mg in the evening.] I assume that is not an "as needed" prn medication, like perhaps your benzo is. Correct me if I'm wrong.

[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

What you describe might be Geodon withdrawal, indeed. Geodon was the most difficult medication of all for me to be weaned off of and some of my withdrawal symptoms included the ones you mentioned. Actually, any Geodon modifications were always an adjustment for me. I found it more so than any other antipsychotic that I ever took, and I've been on a total of 10 different ones over the years (not including moodstabilizers or other categories). With Geodon, and even others, consistency over time was key to tolerance and ultimately stability. I took Geodon for about 8 years. I did best on it taking it 80 mg in the morning and 80 mg in the evening (160 mg per day), along with other bipolar meds. It was side effect friendly up until 6 years in, when I developed akathisia.

May I ask exactly how much Geodon your psychiatrist has prescribed? And how he wants you to take it? [In other words, for example, 80 mg in the morning and 80 mg in the evening.] I assume that is not an "as needed" prn medication, like perhaps your benzo is. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Oh my God I posted recently regarding my geodon withdrawal. It was absolutely awful. Shaking, no sleep, it was just terrible. I shouldn’t of been on an antipsychotic for so many years but my old doctor was kind of old school and didn’t really address it. 17 years I was on this medication when really I only needed it for stabilization in a hospital.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

been experiencing really weird stomach pain- unlike the usual I get.

sometimes, when I lean forward, or I cough, I get a sharp pain that causes me so much shock, I find it hard to catch my breath for about a minute. it only happened since yesterday, and though it's not got to the stage yet of interfeering wit my daily rooteen and habbits, ouchy does it hurt when it happens!

[Lizzie1813]

I’m tired this morning. I didn’t sleep well at all last night. I think I was worried that my pdoc won’t make any changes today when I tell her that I’m depressed. I talk to her at 3:00. I don’t feel like doing anything. Yesterday, I didn’t take a shower until 8:00 even though I hadn’t showered since Sunday and was feeling gross. I’m at the point where showering is a chore. It’s been two months since my son estranged himself from me, and I’m still not able to cope with the pain. I think it’s the root of my current depression.

[Soupe du jour]

There's not much going on where I am. Last night I didn't sleep well, having racing heart and numbness/tingling in both of my hands for periods. I think the heart racing was partly caused by my missing one or two propranolol doses. I've been taking that med for tachycardia for several years, almost never missing it. Several days back, I asked Hubby to contact our new GP to ask for a prescription. Already this GP has screwed up requests for both my husband and me. We think he's scatterbrained. We may consider looking for a different one. I've resorted to taking my husband's metoprolol, another beta blocker. The dose of that is smaller than the equivalent of my propranolol, so I don't worry. Plus, metoprolol was actually the med a cardiologist prescribed for me, way back when. It was only changed to propranolol in the psych hospital. Their pharmacy didn't have metoprolol.My psychiatrist in the US was always willing to prescribe propranolol but understandably my Czech psychiatrist wants the GP to handle it. I think eventually I will be put on metoprolol again. The GP told my husband that propranolol is not available here, except in liquid form for children. I'm not interested in that! Anyway, I'll ask Hubby to call that GP again soon or when my blood test results are ready. I do need an official prescription for some replacement. Letting one's heart race is not acceptable. In my half-sleep, I hugged my husband wondering if I would die from a heart attack.

[Nammu]

Ooo so tired. Was hard to sleep then when I did I had a nightmare about my daughter’s family. Won’t go into it was terrible. Have to keep telling myself it fine, just a dream.

Have thunderstorms going on this morning, it’s so dark everyone has lights on. Thunder, lightning, roaring wind and ferocious rain.

[Mountaindewed]

I’m feeling great today. I did end up taking both Geodon last night. But I haven’t had any Valium today and I don’t feel the need to take one. I feel great at the lake town. This is the most relaxed and not anxious I’ve been in 2 months. I just had to get used to being here. I also slept good. My mom and I have mostly been off by ourselves because we wanted to give our family time to themselves. My aunt and her husband got married a month ago. So my mom and I got coffee, the hotel doesn’t serve breakfast anymore. Then we said hello to my family before we walked downtown. I got a black and red flannel shirt with the state I’m in right now on the right corner. I also got a hoodie I wanted that has the towns name on it. I saw a guy at the lake yesterday wearing it and It was really cool and I wanted to get one. I also got a lot of candy from a candy shop. I got some chocolate necco wafers and a bag of taffy including buttered popcorn flavor. I got some astronaut ice cream too. Then my mom and I stopped for lunch and got mini Cesar shrimp salads. The mini size was still huge and the shrimp were huge too. I’m still not very hungry but I am eating today unlike yesterday. We’re going to the beach later this afternoon. I’m sitting In the house my aunt is renting just sitting outside in the sun.

But yeah once I got used to my family and stuff and slept well I felt great.

I walked into the coffee shop this morning and the cashier was giving me a curious look. I couldn’t tell if she was trans or if he was just starting to transition or maybe just non binary. But I was ok with the look she gave me. Usually I feel intimidated when people look at me but her or his or they look was completely fine and he was really nice.

[Lizzie1813]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I’m feeling great today. I did end up taking both Geodon last night. But I haven’t had any Valium today and I don’t feel the need to take one. I feel great at the lake town. This is the most relaxed and not anxious I’ve been in 2 months. I just had to get used to being here. I also slept good. My mom and I have mostly been off by ourselves because we wanted to give our family time to themselves. My aunt and her husband got married a month ago. So my mom and I got coffee, the hotel doesn’t serve it anymore. Then we said hello to my family before we walked downtown. I got a black and red flannel shirt with the state I’m in right now on the right corner. I also got a hoodie I wanted that has the towns name on it. I saw a guy at the lake yesterday wearing it yesterday and It was really cool and I wanted to get one. I also got a lot of candy from a candy shop. I got some chocolate necco wafers and a bag of taffy including buttered popcorn flavor. I got some astronaut ice cream too. Then my mom and I stopped for lunch and got mini Cesar shrimp salads. I’m still not very hungry but I am eating today unlike yesterday. We’re going to the beach later this afternoon.

But yeah once I got used to my family and stuff and slept well I felt great.

I’m so glad you are enjoying yourself! The taffy sounds yummy!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

I stood up for myself today. At the grocery store I go to multiple times a week, one of the cashiers is a pain in the azz every.single.time to me. Over-zealous "enforcement", (reinforced by doubling down on it) that, because I literally trained for her position at the same business KNOW she does not need to do.

I reported her. I'm sick of being treated that way. She'll never stop otherwise, and I'm sick of putting up with it. I think I will go through her line one more time. If she pulls it again, I'm having a manager pulled over. I'm sure she's doing it to many, many other customers, and honestly, when a customer comes in as often as I do, her "forgetting" (not) me? Not exactly the kind of friendly attitude that keeps people making repeat business, you know?

YES !!!!!! Good for you ! Why is it so damn hard to be kind or pleasant?

[~Christina]

This will be long so dont feel bad if you skip this mess.

Current list of medications for physical health.

Xeljanz 5mg BID for Psoriasis and PsA
Fosamax weekly, osteoporosis
Cyclobenzaprine 10mg BID muscle relaxer
Baclofen 10mg QID muscle relaxer.
Atorvastatin 40mg QD
Metoprol 25mg BID for Tachycardia
Glipizide 5mg BID
Lyrica 150mg BID
Symbicort 160/4.5 BID
Pro Air rescue inhaler as needed.
ASA 81mg QD

List of health problems. Asthma, Bipolar I, High Cholesterol, PsA, Fibromyalgia, Diabetic type II, Chronic insomnia, Spinal Stenosis ( as for my Xanax its not just for anxiety it does help with my chronic pain conditions)

Psych meds
Doxepin 100mg QHS for sleep mostly useless
Lamictal 300 mg ER QHS
Xanax 1mg TID
Ambien 10mg PRN seldom works.

Below are psych meds that I have tried and they did nothing or side effects intolerable.. Also marked with BS if its a med that will increase since I am diabetic and cant take.

Risperdal increase prolactin, increase BS mild Akathisia
Zyprexa increase BS, constant hunger and anxiety
Seroquil EX or straight, again BS
Abilify massive Akathisia cogentin zero help
Invega increase BS and zoning out, even while driving, drooling
Depakote no help, likely reason I kept falling
Fanapt, Brain zaps, Akathisia and increase BS
Triliptal SJS at day 7
Lithium. Never again, toxic once.
Topamax. Akathisia
Remoron useless
Saphris Asthma attack
Trintellix increase BS
Rexulti increase BS
Haldol Akathisia, needed Cogentin and Inderal to take, Blurry vision
Thorazine Akathesia needed Cogentin and Inderal to take, Burry vision.

Restoril useless
Trazodone took 450mg QHS for sleep no help
Ambien more than 2 days and I get no sleep
Visteral urinary retention

Buspar for 2 months no help at all
Gabapentin. Can not take as I am on Lyrica
Inderal unable to take because of Metoprol

Im sure I have missed some.
As many of you know there is huge stress with Steves health

The NP will be taking me off Xanax, So my anxiety will be horrific, My pain will become dangerous ( self harm) and I will go back to not sleeping for days.. I can go from a couple days to my longest at 8 days. ( yes no rational thoughts) most nights I am lucky to get 3-4 hours, often broken.

My GP can no longer write scripts for any benzos or pain meds. I was sent to a Pain clinic and they will do nothing for Fibro pain( many Doctors dont believe its real)

Marijuana is not legal in my state at all. CBD oil does nothing

Sooooo yeah

I'm really out of options.

[Nammu]

That really sucks Christina.

[Fuzzybear]

I'm sorry Christina, that sucks

[*Beth*]

Christina, I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all well for you.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I HATE THIS FOR YOU!!!! OMG you know how upset I am that this is happening. I wish Graves hadnt left.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

I HATE THIS FOR YOU!!!! OMG you know how upset I am that this is happening. I wish Graves hadnt left.

Who is Graves?

[*Beth*]

Moving. *whew* Even though I'm moving to an apartment only 3 doors away, moving is still exhausting. I'm about 2/3's of the way done and will be sleeping in my new gaf tonight. The cats were quite spooked, but they're getting curious now. By the time we do our regular bedtime routine I think the meows will quiet down.