[Nammu]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Thanks Nammu I hope that your back heals quickly ! Tonight I insist that you have a wild fun filled dream and no waking up drenched.. Does the drenched happen often? Maybe a connection to the pain?

I hadn’t thought of that, but yes that makes sense that it would be related to the pain. No I don’t often wake up drenched .

I did have a cool dream last night. It was very fantastic and life was in these flower blooms and my granddaughter ( right noe 4) was old enough to make me a great grandmother! I had one of the flowers and gave it to my granddaughter. It was a very glowy high color scene infused with happiness.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

So unbelievably anxious. I think the naltrexone is causing it, and making me exhausted, and not really helping with increased hunger. I have kind of backed off from straight out bingeing, mainly by not bringing my favorite snacks into the house. I bought snack size variety pack so if I do want some it’s contained in a small serving.

The anxiety is centered around returning to work and also the new variant. I’m very worried school will go remote again and if so I’m really in trouble. But there’s nothing I can do right now so I should back off from future anxiety. I’m not sure how to go about that honestly. An affirmation popped up on the I Am app that I think will help me if I take it to heart. Basically it’s important to acknowledge the thoughts but not dwell on or judge them. I’m going to practice doing that.

Ooooo that damn constant struggle with Anxiety

I am so hoping that there is no further lockdowns. I think once you get back in the swing of working and having more of a daily routine your anxiety may back down a bit??

Yes that is a fantastic affirmation

And pat yourself on the back. You made healthy decisions to limit what food you bring in your home and what is are good portion size.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Thanks. Been feeling sedated today but I think it was the Haldol. It has worn off now so all good. N2 is taking me out to dinner and my FWB bought me groceries since I couldn't make it out to the grocery store today! Have a couple Haldol here. Wonder if I should bring them with me just in case? Feeling loved.

P.S. The crisis team called me around 6:30 tonight to check in with me. I told them that the voices were gone and no more SI. I hope it stays away. That was annoying yesterday!

So happy that you have family and FWB to step up and help you when you struggle..

Since Haldol is your PRN for when you hit a wall Id certainly make sure you always have a few on hand

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Ursula Shackleton

Ugh, my brain lately. Didn't see the date on that one. It's been over a month where my depression just doesn't seem to be lifting. I didn't want to be too quick talk to the pdoc about it because it hasn't been quite five months since my mom died, and it seems like that's part of it. My mom and I were just so close. But the depression just doesn't seem to be getting much better.

There is just such a connection with grief and text book Depression. Yet they are different. My Advice is talk to your Pdoc about it. Maybe there could be a med increase or a change that could help even if its just a little bit.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I finally managed to get an appointment with a new therapist. It's a month from now, but that's OK. This time it's a male, which I'm totally fine with. I need someone to talk to ALONE. I've been seeing my psychiatrist with my husband in the room, each time. Perhaps even that will soon change. I hope.

I think Hubby and I truly need some time away from each other. At the very least, in separate rooms. We've been fighting lately. He always seems to be in distress. I've been working hard to support him and cheer him up, but it's gotten to be too much. I, myself, could use more support, yet I'm not getting any. He said something extremely infuriating yesterday. What he beeeches about me sounds a lot like what he criticizes his sister for doing to him. Like brother like sister. We have trips ahead of us and I already sort of dread them.

I do really need someone to talk to about these things. I can't talk to my sister-in-law about my husband. My sister, as much as I love her, is not the best confidant,especially since my b-i-l is always eavesdropping.

My heart breaks for you.

Is your husband in the room for your Pdoc appts due to a language issue? Honesty I cant imagine my husband being with me to a Pdoc appt. Im glad your set up with a T I hate that its a month wait. You do need to be able to just dump everything out of your head and know that its a safe place to do so.

I would move to another room. You really need some alone time to do what you want to, sleep, read, etc. Can you go buy some groceries that wont require you to cook daily.. Like stuff for sandwiches or whatever.. Something that your husband can just make himself.. He's not giving you the support and help you need. No way could I continue to feed him actual meals.

Take care of YOU

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I hadn’t thought of that, but yes that makes sense that it would be related to the pain. No I don’t often wake up drenched .

I did have a cool dream last night. It was very fantastic and life was in these flower blooms and my granddaughter ( right noe 4) was old enough to make me a great grandmother! I had one of the flowers and gave it to my granddaughter. It was a very glowy high color scene infused with happiness.

Ohhhhhhhh I love your Dreams Ahhh what a gift to be a great grandmother would be

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I so understand how your feeling about not having your baby with you at home. I hope that her numbers are good and she can get back asap. She's blessed to have you...

I'd love to see you get a shot of Hypo but no further. I think we all need it sometimes.. Do you have anything coming up that you can look forward too??

Thank you, Christina.

I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow; I'm looking forward to that

[~Christina]

Saw Richard yesterday.. his 4pm client had to cancel so we just kept going for another hour.

He was very involved with why he feels my meds need to be left as is and that taking away Xanax would likely push me over the edge. Xanax helps with Anxiety/ Sleep/ Pain.. and now unable to take psych meds besides my Doxepin and Lamictal. This man has saved my life more times than I can count.

Of course at my T's office the company has reinstated the mask in the office at all times.

Honestly I am over the whole Covid situation. Once " Delta" is behind us then another variant will come into play.. There is probably a list somewhere like how they make for names each Hurricane season.

Can Fall get here??? I am so over this damn Summer heat.

I would trade my left toes for a damn cupcake right now

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Thank you, Christina.

I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow; I'm looking forward to that

YAY ! New style??? Or just shaping up the current? Last time I got mine cut I had her take 6 inches off its almost to my waist again.... and I told her I'd pay extra for a longgggg shampoo and massage... She did it of course and refused to charge me.. So I gave her a bigger tip LOL .. It felt so amazing to just relax..

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

So happy that you have family and FWB to step up and help you when you struggle..

Since Haldol is your PRN for when you hit a wall Id certainly make sure you always have a few on hand

Yes, I guess my daughter just presumed why she needed to hold my meds? I just asked her and said the doctor wanted someone to hold them. I had told FWB that I was struggling to get to the grocery store yesterday, so he came over after I got home from dinner with N2 and brought me the food he'd gotten me. It was just a few things- a kind heart. I have been taking two 2 mg Haldols with me in my pocket instead of bringing the whole bottle in my purse. Safer that way.

Possible trigger:

But the thoughts haven't completely stopped. I told the crisis team this afternoon that they had, but that was because I'd just woken up- at 12-something! They aren't all-consuming like they had been last week, but still they are thoughts. And the voices have pretty much stopped. Not completely, but pretty much. They aren't demanding at least.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

YAY ! New style??? Or just shaping up the current? Last time I got mine cut I had her take 6 inches off its almost to my waist again.... and I told her I'd pay extra for a longgggg shampoo and massage... She did it of course and refused to charge me.. So I gave her a bigger tip LOL .. It felt so amazing to just relax..

That sounds awesome. I haven't had a haircut in quite a while- since February or March. But that's because it's $70 a cut! Well, with tip it is. Sometimes, I think that I should just cut my hair to a pixie cut- I keep it pulled back anyway, right? But my hair is curly and I think it would just turn out like N3's hair- lots of ringlets around my head! Poor guy got my curly hair.

[Mountaindewed]

I just came back from an almost 2 mile 40 minute walk in the heat. I feel really good now. I know exercise is a great way to help your anxiety, I just wish I didn’t hate it so much. I also ate a burrito from chipotles because I wanted legit food today.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Yes, I guess my daughter just presumed why she needed to hold my meds? I just asked her and said the doctor wanted someone to hold them. I had told FWB that I was struggling to get to the grocery store yesterday, so he came over after I got home from dinner with N2 and brought me the food he'd gotten me. It was just a few things- a kind heart. I have been taking two 2 mg Haldols with me in my pocket instead of bringing the whole bottle in my purse. Safer that way.

Possible trigger:

But the thoughts haven't completely stopped. I told the crisis team this afternoon that they had, but that was because I'd just woken up- at 12-something! They aren't all-consuming like they had been last week, but still they are thoughts. And the voices have pretty much stopped. Not completely, but pretty much. They aren't demanding at least.

I'm glad things are improving altho I wish it was faster..

Bipolar is a Witch.. I swear sometimes in the past I go to bed and Im doing okay, pretty stable and I wake up and Im a freaking train wreck. So I wish that it went away as fast as it hits us... Yeah wishful thinking

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Moose72

That sounds awesome. I haven't had a haircut in quite a while- since February or March. But that's because it's $70 a cut! Well, with tip it is. Sometimes, I think that I should just cut my hair to a pixie cut- I keep it pulled back anyway, right? But my hair is curly and I think it would just turn out like N3's hair- lots of ringlets around my head! Poor guy got my curly hair.

Hey people pay tons of money for ringlets !!!!!

I have to keep mine up because I cant stand it hanging in my face and its to long, thick, heavy and hot. I have these huge clips, think like a alligator mouth. Anyway I twirl up my hair very loose on the top of my head and use 3 to keep it up , no tension... That can cause hair loss..

But I do love to wear mine down if I go out anywhere.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I'm glad things are improving altho I wish it was faster..

Bipolar is a Witch.. I swear sometimes in the past I go to bed and Im doing okay, pretty stable and I wake up and Im a freaking train wreck. So I wish that it went away as fast as it hits us... Yeah wishful thinking

Right! Big to that!

I'm listening to my as-of-late favorite album, Airs de Cour put out by Harmonia Mundi with Rene Jacobs, countertenor. I find that music takes up a lot of my attention so that the intrusive thoughts have a harder time making their way through the cracks. I feel like writing a poem like I did last Jan/Feb. I wrote several back then. It takes up a lot of thoughts, too.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Hey people pay tons of money for ringlets !!!!!

I have to keep mine up because I cant stand it hanging in my face and its to long, thick, heavy and hot. I have these huge clips, think like a alligator mouth. Anyway I twirl up my hair very loose on the top of my head and use 3 to keep it up , no tension... That can cause hair loss..

But I do love to wear mine down if I go out anywhere.

You do have a lot of hair! Wow!

Speaking of N3, he told me yesterday that he got approved for an apartment in my complex! I don't know when he plans on moving- maybe soon, or maybe waiting until next month? Not sure, but it's exciting! He's getting closer to his driving test- less than a week. I'm nervous as I don't know that he can do traffic circles or parallel parking! I should ask his Papa (grandpa) if he can take him out for practice with those.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Right! Big to that!

I'm listening to my as-of-late favorite album, Airs de Cour put out by Harmonia Mundi with Rene Jacobs, countertenor. I find that music takes up a lot of my attention so that the intrusive thoughts have a harder time making their way through the cracks. I feel like writing a poem like I did last Jan/Feb. I wrote several back then. It takes up a lot of thoughts, too.

That is so awesome ! i know that Music is a true passion for you. Yes get writing some poems..

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

That is so awesome ! i know that Music is a true passion for you. Yes get writing some poems..

Writing a poem. When it feels finished, I will send it to you!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Writing a poem. When it feels finished, I will send it to you!

Sent!

[Sunflower123]

I spent most of the day at the pool in the sun. Had a fantastic therapy session and am leaving in a sec to help my brother get settled at rehab for his broken bones. I’ll run a few errands for mom, grab a vegetable plate from Cheddars to go and that will be it for me except for some relaxing tv or a good book tonight.

I have two therapists right now. There are worse problems to have. Both are good in their own ways. Only one will help me heal my trauma. I’ll have to figure out my wording in letting the other one go gently.

Today life is good. I’m grateful for the reprieve.

Hope everyone has a peaceful Friday!

[Mountaindewed]

This whole Covid situation is making me a bit S tonight for the first time in awhile. Although I know if I try anything it could majorly screw up the stuff I have going for me. My insurance may say I’m not mentally stable to go through surgery or something like that. I’m just gonna have to hang on for tonight. My new melatonin does seem to be kicking in. I see my therapist on Monday and my Pdoc on the 16th. I don’t need any of my meds switched but he is great at reassuring me about things. I try to be as professional as I can with my current therapist. Which doesn’t necessarily mean being honest. But maybe I should just tell her how I really am scared about Covid and things shutting down again.

Ok so I just took a second melatonin. These are time release ones so I’m not sure exactly what 20mil will do. So far I’m just a bit groggy. I guess I should have thought about my blood work before taking an extra one. Physically I am fine but I have bad cholesterol and kidney issues that don’t cause any problems currently but I don’t want them to start causing problems.

But so far I’m just feeling pretty trippy. I should check the calendar to see when I’m supposed to deal with PMS. Still 18 days away. I must just be feeling crappy tonight for no reason.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

...

Honestly I am over the whole Covid situation. Once " Delta" is behind us then another variant will come into play.. There is probably a list somewhere like how they make for names each Hurricane season.

......

Probably!

[*Beth*]

So I went to my therapy session this afternoon and my therapist said she had some difficult news for me. Turns out my psychiatrist has left. She and my T worked together in the same clinic. I've been seeing Dr. W. for over 3 years, almost every week, and we were quite bonded. No one I spoke with knows why she suddenly left, except that my T had a idea (possible conflict with the higher-ups). My former pdoc must be at least 65, so I don't know where she'll go next - if anywhere.

Fortunately, my meds are keeping me quite stable at this time. I hope the new person won't tamper with anything. By the way, does anyone know what a "D.O." is A doctor of....??????


I'm feeling pretty let down, because my pdoc never even contacted me. We had a strong connection; maybe she'll send a letter.

In other news the smoke rolled in today from one of the wildfires north of here. Every late summer for the past few years it's the same ...horrific fires. Back in May, it was when we were driving through hours of burned-out mountains that I started feeling anxious, which ended up in almost constant panic, basically a breakdown, and a major med raise a few weeks later.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by BethRags

So I went to my therapy session this afternoon and my therapist said she had some difficult news for me. Turns out my psychiatrist has left. She and my T worked together in the same clinic. I've been seeing Dr. W. for over 3 years, almost every week, and we were quite bonded. No one I spoke with knows why she suddenly left, except that my T had a idea (possible conflict with the higher-ups). My former pdoc must be at least 65, so I don't know where she'll go next - if anywhere.

Fortunately, my meds are keeping me quite stable at this time. I hope the new person won't tamper with anything. By the way, does anyone know what a "D.O." is A doctor of....??????


I'm feeling pretty let down, because my pdoc never even contacted me. We had a strong connection; maybe she'll send a letter.

In other news the smoke rolled in today from one of the wildfires north of here. Every late summer for the past few years it's the same ...horrific fires. Back in May, it was when we were driving through hours of burned-out mountains that I started feeling anxious, which ended up in almost constant panic, basically a breakdown, and a major med raise a few weeks later.

I'm sorry your pdoc has left. I dread that day.

DO is doctor of osteopathy. In my experience they tend to be more holistic and willing to work with the patient. (Others may have different experiences of course). I prefer them and see them as often as I can. Both my pdoc and family doctor are DOs and both have been my doctor for over 15 years.

[Nammu]

Beth, it’s gotta be hard to live in California with all those wildfires.

I’m glad I went to aqua fitness tonight. I was really dragging and low, didn’t want to go, but did. It was great fun. Talked to the lady next to me before class started. That’s a first. In the water means no hearing aids so totally dependent on lip reading. Fortunately she was easy to lip read and everyone in the classes is very friendly.