[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Thanks everyone so much for the support it really does help.

Today has really scared me . I didn’t clean anything !!!!! As many of you know I clean everyday. My thoughts are going dark.

My baby Gus is really in my face

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

He still looks like such a little baby.

Don't be too hard on yourself for not cleaning that day. Everyone needs a break every once in a while. I'm sure you will soon be back in the habit soon.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by otroo

Been doing pretty good wife and I picked up a new to us truck and I am doing everything in my power not to max out the cards on accessories but I am being a good boy.

Sent from my SM-N970U using Tapatalk

Kudos for your self control! I hope you enjoy your new truck. I'm sure there are plenty of existing features to explore.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I’ve been MIA this week and I’m behind in reading posts. My brother had 7 appointments this week and mom had a MRI. I’ve been trying to keep my head above water.

My therapy is going exceedingly well. My therapist said I may not even be bipolar. I just have unresolved trauma. We’ll see.

We had a long 3.5 hour family meeting and my sister said something that really stuck in my craw. She said all 3 of us were chaos. That was unnecessary, unkind and untrue. So why was I triggered by it? It’s really bothering me.

I got to float in the sun after many days of rain. It was nice. I may see a movie this weekend with my daughter. I hope so.

I hope everyone has a good weekend.

Glad to read that you may have a little break after the ultra busy week.

Please do talk to your psychiatrist about your therapist's speculations in regards to your diagnosis. How long have you been seeing that therapist?

body aches today

showered, and that really hurt, plus once again my food disagreed with me

I swear everything disagrees with me these days.

part of getting older?. ****ed digestive system dunno

[Soupe du jour]

I felt a bit unwell with anxiety last night so took an Ativan for the first time, in ages. It did help. I'm still waiting for my blood test results. I just want to know already, no matter if good or bad. Such knowledge brings control, which reduces anxiety (or at least eventually reduces it).

Lately I've noticed that I make more and more typing errors. I used to cough it up to being a very speedy typer. However, perhaps there is more to it. I should proofread my typing more often. Occasionally there are misspellings, but more often the particular word(s) are words, but the wrong ones. Of course I know what is correct. "Difficult" becomes "difference", "sight" is typed as "site", "lake" shows as "lack". Words are sometimes even missing. I repeat myself a lot, or repeat words to an annoying degree. I've had a propensity towards verbosity and logorrhea my entire life, though I can effectively edit, when needed. Lately I've talked louder than usual. Is it some mild mood elevation? Or are my ears a bit clogged, as my husband thinks? I hope the former, as I don't want another doctor to visit.

[Lizzie1813]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

This will be long so dont feel bad if you skip this mess.

Current list of medications for physical health.

Xeljanz 5mg BID for Psoriasis and PsA
Fosamax weekly, osteoporosis
Cyclobenzaprine 10mg BID muscle relaxer
Baclofen 10mg QID muscle relaxer.
Atorvastatin 40mg QD
Metoprol 25mg BID for Tachycardia
Glipizide 5mg BID
Lyrica 150mg BID
Symbicort 160/4.5 BID
Pro Air rescue inhaler as needed.
ASA 81mg QD

List of health problems. Asthma, Bipolar I, High Cholesterol, PsA, Fibromyalgia, Diabetic type II, Chronic insomnia, Spinal Stenosis ( as for my Xanax its not just for anxiety it does help with my chronic pain conditions)

Psych meds
Doxepin 100mg QHS for sleep mostly useless
Lamictal 300 mg ER QHS
Xanax 1mg TID
Ambien 10mg PRN seldom works.

Below are psych meds that I have tried and they did nothing or side effects intolerable.. Also marked with BS if its a med that will increase since I am diabetic and cant take.

Risperdal increase prolactin, increase BS mild Akathisia
Zyprexa increase BS, constant hunger and anxiety
Seroquil EX or straight, again BS
Abilify massive Akathisia cogentin zero help
Invega increase BS and zoning out, even while driving, drooling
Depakote no help, likely reason I kept falling
Fanapt, Brain zaps, Akathisia and increase BS
Triliptal SJS at day 7
Lithium. Never again, toxic once.
Topamax. Akathisia
Remoron useless
Saphris Asthma attack
Trintellix increase BS
Rexulti increase BS
Haldol Akathisia, needed Cogentin and Inderal to take, Blurry vision
Thorazine Akathesia needed Cogentin and Inderal to take, Burry vision.

Restoril useless
Trazodone took 450mg QHS for sleep no help
Ambien more than 2 days and I get no sleep
Visteral urinary retention

Buspar for 2 months no help at all
Gabapentin. Can not take as I am on Lyrica
Inderal unable to take because of Metoprol

Im sure I have missed some.
As many of you know there is huge stress with Steves health

The NP will be taking me off Xanax, So my anxiety will be horrific, My pain will become dangerous ( self harm) and I will go back to not sleeping for days.. I can go from a couple days to my longest at 8 days. ( yes no rational thoughts) most nights I am lucky to get 3-4 hours, often broken.

My GP can no longer write scripts for any benzos or pain meds. I was sent to a Pain clinic and they will do nothing for Fibro pain( many Doctors dont believe its real)

Marijuana is not legal in my state at all. CBD oil does nothing

Sooooo yeah

I'm really out of options.

I’m so sorry, Christina, for your pain and all you’re going through. I’m glad you are reaching out to us here. We are here for you.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Does anyone know what this weird bluish blackish spot on the sole of my foot might be? It’s making me a bit nervous. I said earlier it’s been there for 2 months. I just touched it now and it’s not a blister there’s no fluid that I can see or touch. It doesn’t hurt to touch or walk on. I was actually walking barefoot today in grass and on the parking lot a bit. But I’m a bit nervous about it honestly. I’ve had marks and stuff on me but not for 2 months and they were always blisters.

I very much doubt it's anything to worry about, Md. Sounds like a broken little blood vessel.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I’ve been MIA this week and I’m behind in reading posts. My brother had 7 appointments this week and mom had a MRI. I’ve been trying to keep my head above water.

My therapy is going exceedingly well. My therapist said I may not even be bipolar. I just have unresolved trauma. We’ll see.

We had a long 3.5 hour family meeting and my sister said something that really stuck in my craw. She said all 3 of us were chaos. That was unnecessary, unkind and untrue. So why was I triggered by it? It’s really bothering me.

I got to float in the sun after many days of rain. It was nice. I may see a movie this weekend with my daughter. I hope so.

I hope everyone has a good weekend.

Well, that was a mean and unnecessary remark that your sister made.

Interesting about your diagnosis. I have wondered the same about myself - if my "bipolar" is more about trauma and not having learned proper coping skills as a child, in addition to various types of abuse. But then I remind myself that I'm on a lot of medication; when I'm not my mental state looks quite BD.

Enjoy the sun and your whole week-end. You fully deserve some down time, Jennifer

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by otroo

Been doing pretty good wife and I picked up a new to us truck and I am doing everything in my power not to max out the cards on accessories but I am being a good boy.

Sent from my SM-N970U using Tapatalk

A new truck - how fun!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

...

I'm sending you hugs, love, and plenty of cookies

[Mountaindewed]

I woke up wide awake at 2:40. In a motel room with my mom who was sound asleep. Luckily I have noise canceling wireless headphones and an app on my phone with international versions of my favorite TV show. I watched about 3 hour long episodes before she woke up. Then we pretty much left immediately after my mom got up. We didn’t take showers. Just packed up and left the keys on the table and got out. We stopped at a couple stores and the gas station and the coffee shop. Then we got on the road. I sat in the backseat and I turned on my TV show again and I watched about 3.5 episodes of the same show. I was so involved in my show I didn’t pay attention to the bad driving weather and I lost track of the whole 3.5 hours back.

Then we got home around 11 and I decided to go to immediate care to get my foot checked out. I knew it was Friday and today is also 10 days before my period and Saturdays (the 9th day before I get it) are always the worst of the 10 days. So I didn’t want an issue like I had last month where I ended up in the ER because I thought I was having a heart attack which turned out to be just bad post op pain and anxiety.

So I found an immediate care and I got in right away. The doctor said the thing on my foot was really interesting. She says since it’s been there for 2 months and it doesn’t hurt she thinks it’s just a blood blister. But she says the size is concerning so she took pictures and sent a referral over to their dermatologist office. So I have an appointment there next Friday.

But I swear there’s always something going on when I PMS. Now I have to try not to worry for a week until my appointment. I have socks on now so I don’t have to look at it.

But so far I’m not having any bad S or SH thoughts the way I usually do when I PMS. Again things aren’t bad until the 9th day before I get my period. Which is always on Saturdays. So far I’m just incredibly exhausted from being up for so long and just tired from my vacation in general. I can’t think much about anything. I don’t even want to watch more TV.

But my Valium are working and my overall moods and anxiety are better then they were a couple weeks ago. So maybe going back down on both my Geodon and my lamictal is making a legit difference. I went up on my Geodon in January I think and I was miserable ever since.

[Lizzie1813]

I’ve come to the realization that I will always be sad. Not having my son in my life anymore is more than I can bear. My pdoc says the loss is what’s causing my depression. How can I move forward knowing he doesn’t want me to be a part of his life? I just don’t see a way through this.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I’ve been MIA this week and I’m behind in reading posts. My brother had 7 appointments this week and mom had a MRI. I’ve been trying to keep my head above water.

My therapy is going exceedingly well. My therapist said I may not even be bipolar. I just have unresolved trauma. We’ll see.

We had a long 3.5 hour family meeting and my sister said something that really stuck in my craw. She said all 3 of us were chaos. That was unnecessary, unkind and untrue. So why was I triggered by it? It’s really bothering me.

I got to float in the sun after many days of rain. It was nice. I may see a movie this weekend with my daughter. I hope so.

I hope everyone has a good weekend.

What a nasty damn thing to say Why doesnt she jump in and help take care of her Mother and Brother to help you??? Oh people that say such things are garbage..

SO happy you got to float and a movie with M sounds wonderful

[Mountaindewed]

My post got zero hugs or thanks and the next one plus every ****ing one before that got tons. What gives?

Lizzie I think is a new member and I had mentioned in one of my posts that no new members plus myself were getting any support. Now the new people are getting support but I’m still not. And these aren’t even ****ing med OD posts I’m posting.

Well whoopdi ****ing doo at least my job is done.

[~Christina]

Oh (((( Lizzie ))))

I am so sorry that things are just so plain awful right now. I do hope with time your Son will realize whatever caused the break really isnt something that will last a lifetime..

Please be extra kind to yourself right now

[~Christina]

You know I can't even type out what total Cluster F today has been..

Honestly I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Gentle hugs to anyone in need

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

I’ve come to the realization that I will always be sad. Not having my son in my life anymore is more than I can bear. My pdoc says the loss is what’s causing my depression. How can I move forward knowing he doesn’t want me to be a part of his life? I just don’t see a way through this.

How old is your son, Lizzie? (I'm sure you've mentioned his age, but my memory is terrible.)

[Lizzie1813]

Originally Posted by BethRags

How old is your son, Lizzie? (I'm sure you've mentioned his age, but my memory is terrible.)

He’s 18. He lived with me until June of last year.

[Lizzie1813]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Oh (((( Lizzie ))))

I am so sorry that things are just so plain awful right now. I do hope with time your Son will realize whatever caused the break really isnt something that will last a lifetime..

Please be extra kind to yourself right now

Possible trigger:

Possible trigger:

My son estranged himself from me in April because of my psychosis and suicide attempt last June.

Thank you for your kindness and understanding. I hope he will forgive me one day. I talk to my therapist every week, but no matter how much we talk about the situation, my sadness never lessens. I don’t know what else to do. The only thing keeping me going is the love of my daughter. I don’t want to hurt her again. Thank you again.

[Lizzie1813]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I woke up wide awake at 2:40. In a motel room with my mom who was sound asleep. Luckily I have noise canceling wireless headphones and an app on my phone with international versions of my favorite TV show. I watched about 3 hour long episodes before she woke up. Then we pretty much left immediately after my mom got up. We didn’t take showers. Just packed up and left the keys on the table and got out. We stopped at a couple stores and the gas station and the coffee shop. Then we got on the road. I sat in the backseat and I turned on my TV show again and I watched about 3.5 episodes of the same show. I was so involved in my show I didn’t pay attention to the bad driving weather and I lost track of the whole 3.5 hours back.

Then we got home around 11 and I decided to go to immediate care to get my foot checked out. I knew it was Friday and today is also 10 days before my period and Saturdays (the 9th day before I get it) are always the worst of the 10 days. So I didn’t want an issue like I had last month where I ended up in the ER because I thought I was having a heart attack which turned out to be just bad post op pain and anxiety.

So I found an immediate care and I got in right away. The doctor said the thing on my foot was really interesting. She says since it’s been there for 2 months and it doesn’t hurt she thinks it’s just a blood blister. But she says the size is concerning so she took pictures and sent a referral over to their dermatologist office. So I have an appointment there next Friday.

But I swear there’s always something going on when I PMS. Now I have to try not to worry for a week until my appointment. I have socks on now so I don’t have to look at it.

But so far I’m not having any bad S or SH thoughts the way I usually do when I PMS. Again things aren’t bad until the 9th day before I get my period. Which is always on Saturdays. So far I’m just incredibly exhausted from being up for so long and just tired from my vacation in general. I can’t think much about anything. I don’t even want to watch more TV.

But my Valium are working and my overall moods and anxiety are better then they were a couple weeks ago. So maybe going back down on both my Geodon and my lamictal is making a legit difference. I went up on my Geodon in January I think and I was miserable ever since.

I’m glad you and your mom got home okay. Good for you for going to the doctor about your foot. I hope it turns out okay.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Glad to read that you may have a little break after the ultra busy week.

Please do talk to your psychiatrist about your therapist's speculations in regards to your diagnosis. How long have you been seeing that therapist?

Just for a few weeks. I’m not taking her word about my bipolar as gospel but she sure is doing an outstanding job with my trauma. My SI has gone down dramatically as has stress and depression. I don’t remember my psychiatrist asking me about trauma or my background history that may have impacted my behavior and that’s a shame. Just MHO.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Thanks everyone so much for the support it really does help.

Today has really scared me . I didn’t clean anything !!!!! As many of you know I clean everyday. My thoughts are going dark.

My baby Gus is really in my face

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Oh no, I am sorry to hear this. Just wish there was something I could do to make things easier for you. I saw your post on conditions and meds it sounds like you are in a rough spot for sure. If things don't go well with this NP is there someone else you could try? Or are options limited around you? It really irks me when pain is not taken seriously because it's fibro pain or something that doctors don't believe. Your pain is valid.

By the way Gus is adorable!

[Ursula Shackleton]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

He’s 18. He lived with me until June of last year.

He's still very young. He might just not understand or be able to handle it and needs to have space to figure things out. But that's so hard. I'm sorry to hear it. *hugs*

[Ursula Shackleton]

I've been lurking here with the check-in because I admit my brain doesn't follow the kind of backwards conversation all that well, but I thought I'd pop in and give it a shot. Today has been good. Just A LOT of cleaning for my son's 13th birthday party. He's such a good helper too, a sweetheart. My house got so super messy over the winter when I fell into a massive depression, but I'm hanging in there. Last week, I managed to clean out my office enough to get my red IBM Selectric in here. Such a beautiful hum that typewriter has <3 Hope all is well with everyone else here, or at least as good as it gets

[Lizzie1813]

Originally Posted by Ursula Shackleton

He's still very young. He might just not understand or be able to handle it and needs to have space to figure things out. But that's so hard. I'm sorry to hear it. *hugs*

Thank you so much, Ursula.