[Mountaindewed]

I found a Xanax in my duffel bag. Don’t know how old it was. Dunno why I took it. I took a Valium an hour later and then a few hours later which was just 15 minutes ago I took my melatonin, to help me sleep, my 160 geodon, and 2 extra strength Tylenol for pain in my right leg from walking so much. I’m sure I’m fine. Actually the Xanax Valium combo helped me get through the night without any panic attacks. I wish I could be on both.

I had this blueish spot about the size of a nickle on the sole of my left foot a couple months ago. I ignored it thinking it was nothing. Then I forgot about it. Then today I noticed it again. It’s just this off color spot that’s blue in color and a bit deep. I showed it to my mom and she said I should probably get it checked out. It freaks me out a bit when she says I should see a doctor because she never says that. I always know when I need to see a doctor. I don’t know what it is but I know when you notice off color or new marks like that on you you should go to a doctor. It doesn’t hurt and who looks at the bottom of their feet anyways? So that’s why I ignored it and then forgot about it. I haven’t been feeling good for about the same time I’ve had the spot. but I don’t think it’s related to that. A lot of stuff happened 2 months ago.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I can't sleep. This is totally normal for me at this time of the year and typically in 1-3 weeks I'll become hypomanic enough I need a pulse of higher dose clozaril for a few days to prevent mania. I hope that this isn't that time as I need to be awake Tuesday. Apparently we're moving (originally it was going to be next year and now we're suddenly looking at properties and having our place appraised; I'm having trouble adjusting which is partly why I'm awake) and Tuesday we're going to look at houses. I need to participate in that .

Oh well, it's lots of time to read I guess. If I don't get sleepy soon I'm moving to the couch. Maybe I can fall asleep there.

I hate this rushed feeling (the beginning of hypo I think but I'm trying to avoid it. I'll probably send my pdoc a message tomorrow.

[Soupe du jour]

@~Christina, polypharmacy is a b***** for sure. I hope that over time you find a mix that's more effective and streamlined a bit. In the meantime, we all want you to be as well as possible. An advantage is that you seem to be trying hard. I've admired that determination.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Moving. *whew* Even though I'm moving to an apartment only 3 doors away, moving is still exhausting. I'm about 2/3's of the way done and will be sleeping in my new gaf tonight. The cats were quite spooked, but they're getting curious now. By the time we do our regular bedtime routine I think the meows will quiet down.

I'm sure your kitties will like the new digs. Hope you had a pleasant sleep.

[wildflowerchild25]

@~Christina

Again I have nothing but platitudes in my mind which aren’t useful to anyone. Just know that we all value you and will be a pillar of whatever support you may need.

[Lizzie1813]

Feeling sad this morning. Yesterday, my pdoc encouraged me to reach out to my son’s dad. It’s been two months since my son cut off contact, and she and I believe the loss is a huge part of my depression. She wanted me to ask my ex to ask my son if I could text him once a week if I said I wouldn’t mention the events of last summer. His dad emailed me back saying he would do it, but that my son 100% chose to do that on his own. I’m not allowing myself to hope too much. Another rejection will be too much pain. My anxiety is moderate today. I went to my cousin’s house to print some resources from DBSA, but I couldn’t get the printer to work. Oh well. I’m just so sad. I’m close to my cousin and her daughter, but I can’t talk about this stuff with them because it upsets them. My cousin gets upset when I cry. I just feel so alone.

[Mountaindewed]

I’m doing good today. I haven’t take anything. Any Valium or Xanax. Being on vacation really chills you out more then meds do. Today my mom and I have been on our own. First we went to the same coffee place as yesterday for breakfast. I got an everything bagel with cream cheese. Then we went to a couple stores we don’t have by our house. Then we walked downtown again and I got a huge ice cream cone. The flavor was called Superman. I asked for a small but the small was still really big. I can’t imagine how big the large is. The small was only $4 too. After that we stopped at a local boutique because I wanted a pair of plastic Birkenstock’s my cousin and aunt had gotten and said were really comfortable. They didn’t have my size in the color I wanted but the lady said they were getting in a shipment today in a few hours. So my mom gave her our number and then we went back to the motel and I went swimming in the pool. It was pretty cold so I didn’t stay long. Then we went back to our room and I took a shower. The lady called right then and said the shoes were in. So after I took a shower we drove back into town and I got the one pair in my size they had gotten in. I’m a really weird size in shoes. I’m glad my mom gave them her number. Now we are just chilling at the motel and at 5:30 we’re meeting my family for dinner at a restaurant. I go home tomorrow morning.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

What you describe might be Geodon withdrawal, indeed. Geodon was the most difficult medication of all for me to be weaned off of and some of my withdrawal symptoms included the ones you mentioned. Actually, any Geodon modifications were always an adjustment for me. I found it more so than any other antipsychotic that I ever took, and I've been on a total of 10 different ones over the years (not including moodstabilizers or other categories). With Geodon, and even others, consistency over time was key to tolerance and ultimately stability. I took Geodon for about 8 years. I did best on it taking it 80 mg in the morning and 80 mg in the evening (160 mg per day), along with other bipolar meds. It was side effect friendly up until 6 years in, when I developed akathisia.

May I ask exactly how much Geodon your psychiatrist has prescribed? And how he wants you to take it? [In other words, for example, 80 mg in the morning and 80 mg in the evening.] I assume that is not an "as needed" prn medication, like perhaps your benzo is. Correct me if I'm wrong.

I’m supposed to be on 80 in the morning, and 100 at night. For the past 1.5 weeks or so I’ve been taking 2 80’s at night and not the 20 anymore and nothing in the morning. It works well except when I don’t actually have access to my meds like these last 2 nights. I know I could bring them with me but I’d get really tired. It usually isn’t an issue when I’m at home and I’m bed by 6. Yesterday we didn’t get back from the beach until 5 and dinner was at 7 and then I didn’t take my Geodon until we got back to the motel which was close to 10. Last night I was ok though.

So I don’t take them as directed or as prescribed. But my overall side effects are better then they were before so I think it was worth the switch. Just meds combined with a vacation is just kind of tough to work with.

[Soupe du jour]

[QUOTE=Mountaindewed;7098003 Just meds combined with a vacation is just kind of tough to work with.[/QUOTE]

I hear you on that, especially when traveling with others, though I have learned to be comfortable simply saying "Goodnight" to travel companions and letting them go on to party hearty after me. But I know that's easier said than done with some vs. others.

During my 8 or so years on Geodon, I did go through a period when I took all of my 160 mg at night. Maybe for 9 months or a year. It did help rid me of daytime fatigue, but ultimately it became a bit less effective (though still a little) at keeping hypomania and mania away. At one point, I finally confessed to how I was taking it to my pdoc. He didn't scold me, but highly suggested I split the doses morning and night. I'll say that doing so made a bit of difference. And when I did, I found that the past morning fatigue was no longer present, despite the 80 mg in the morning.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I hear you on that, especially when traveling with others, though I have learned to be comfortable simply saying "Goodnight" to travel companions and letting them go on to party hearty after me. But I know that's easier said than done with some vs. others.

During my 8 or so years on Geodon, I did go through a period when I took all of my 160 mg at night. Maybe for 9 months or a year. It did help rid me of daytime fatigue, but ultimately it became a bit less effective (though still a little) at keeping hypomania and mania away. At one point, I finally confessed to how I was taking it to my pdoc. He didn't scold me, but highly suggested I split the doses morning and night. I'll say that doing so made a bit of difference. And when I did, I found that the past morning fatigue was no longer present, despite the 80 mg in the morning.

I think stopping the 20 Geodon and also stopping my 25 mil lamictal has made a huge improvement in my moods and anxiety. I was on the 25 mil lamictal a couple years ago and it made me very anxious and I had a lot of thoughts of S. I decided to try 25 again when I saw my Pdoc at the end of June. I wonder if those same side effects were happening again and since I’m not taking it anymore that’s why I feel better? I’m just on my 200 mil again. I seem to be more stable on 160 of Geodon instead of 180. I think that extra 20 was causing problems. Also the 200 not 225 mil of lamictal seems to be helping too.

But I don’t know. It could just be my vacation masking my true emotions. But I do seem to be more stable on the lower doses of those 2 meds. I took a Valium half an hour ago and for once it’s actually working instead of going right through me.

I was on 160 mil of Geodon at night for at least 2 years when I was a teenager. It was prescribed that way by my doctor. I was also on at least 80 in the morning if not also 160 in the morning. I was on a ton when I was a teenager and I went way down as a young adult.

Yeah vacations with others can be tough. Usually when I vacation here I’m with my family nonstop. But my mom and I have been by ourselves a lot of the time. I don’t know how my mom feels not being around the family much this time but I love being able to go wherever I want to and do whatever instead of with a group of 10 other people and what they want to do.

[*Beth*]

Moving. I feel like I'll be moving for the rest of my days on earth. I truly do not own much stuff, I don't know where it's all coming from. I have a tall, large wood bookcase my husband will move tonight. Once I get all my books back into the bookcase I think things will seem less chaotic. As it is, there are books stacked all over the new apartment.

@christina~ Oh man! So much to deal with. Much love navigating it all. Doctors are overreacting to some things lately. Kind of wish they could personally deal with it so they could understand (even though that is rather a mean wish (!))

Welllll, I am sitting in the urgent care waiting to get stitches in my finger. Stupid accident. If only I'd been paying more attention.... sigh. What a dingbat.


Edited to add ... 3 stitches it was. *That* part didn't hurt, but ho-ly****, the numbing shots!!!!!!!! She said it would be 3 shots, but at two I was ok. TG!!!! The first one was by far the worst. I actually reflexively screamed and pulled away(!) Apologized for being such a baby, lol.

[wildflowerchild25]

@Innerzone

I don’t know what kind of accident you had but I myself am no stranger to kitchen accidents! I sliced my finger in a mandolin, I cut the tip of my thumb off with kitchen scissors (!), I cut my hand while cutting a bagel…all in all I am no longer allowed to use sharp kitchen items. I’m currently watching YouTube videos on proper knife skills so that I will be less likely to cut myself yet again during dinner prep!!!

[Mountaindewed]

I didn’t go out to dinner. The menu looked pretty crappy. It was more of a trendy type menu then the American cuisine places I usually go to. This place had a lot of weird tacos, weird, pizzas, and stuff like buffalo mac and cheese. Plus I didn’t feel like dealing with anxiety and the kids. And yeah I don’t like eating in front of family and calories were playing a factor too. I just got a plain burger and small fries from McDonald’s. At least I knew the calories of that. I made the right decision. I know my boundaries. It was a huge deal for me to come on this vacation in the first place and I’m glad I did. At least a good chunk of my very large family has now seen me. Including the 2 people I was the most worried about. So I’m proud of myself. I would have gone with everyone if they had gone to the beach today. But no one did. But I am glad this trip will be over tomorrow.

[Mountaindewed]

Does anyone know what this weird bluish blackish spot on the sole of my foot might be? It’s making me a bit nervous. I said earlier it’s been there for 2 months. I just touched it now and it’s not a blister there’s no fluid that I can see or touch. It doesn’t hurt to touch or walk on. I was actually walking barefoot today in grass and on the parking lot a bit. But I’m a bit nervous about it honestly. I’ve had marks and stuff on me but not for 2 months and they were always blisters.

[wildflowerchild25]

I figured out that if I split the nighttime seroquel and take one half at 7:30 and the other at 8:30 then I get to sleep at a reasonable time and I can also wake up a lot easier. Sleeping well has really boosted my mood! I’ve got all sorts of plans for healthy recipes and building basic kitchen skills (too much food network I suppose).

I wanted to go to the gym but I decided instead to go to the grocery store to see what they had in the way of less processed products of the things I eat most. Like cereal. Cereal is my go to food when I’m very hungry, especially as a midnight snack. Cinnamon Toast Crunch is my absolute favorite which is obviously probably one of the worst cereals you can get. I bought a box of Ezekiel cereal against my better judgment. It is mostly unprocessed but also quite expensive and won’t be a reasonable daily substitute. But I’ll give some others a whirl too.

Tomorrow I have another dentist appointment I think it’s a cavity fill and scaling. Ugh. I hate needles in my mouth! I am NOT looking forward to it. I scheduled it for 9am so I can get it done and out of the way.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

@christina~ Oh man! So much to deal with. Much love navigating it all. Doctors are overreacting to some things lately. Kind of wish they could personally deal with it so they could understand (even though that is rather a mean wish (!))

Welllll, I am sitting in the urgent care waiting to get stitches in my finger. Stupid accident. If only I'd been paying more attention.... sigh. What a dingbat.

Edited to add ... 3 stitches it was. *That* part didn't hurt, but ho-ly****, the numbing shots!!!!!!!! She said it would be 3 shots, but at two I was ok. TG!!!! The first one was by far the worst. I actually reflexively screamed and pulled away(!) Apologized for being such a baby, lol.

Oh, ouch! I hope your finger heals quickly. Smart to get stitches. Some years ago I sliced open my finger because a mug broke in my hand. It needed stitches, I didn't get them, and the side of my finger never has felt right, kind-of like it's always numb.

[*Beth*]

Working all morning, all afternoon (moving). I finally got so sleepy I laid down for a bit and slightly dozed. When I awoke it was to someone knocking on my door looking for the person who used to live there. He was nice, apologized for disturbing me. But I guess awakening with a start wasn't good, because I've started to feel really anxious and worried. I wish it was time to take my meds and go to sleep.

*Hugs all around*

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Who is Graves?

He was my Pdoc that retired 3 months ago. He was in his mid 60's He needed surgery in Jan and it didnt help things and he Physically just could not manage any longer. Apparently in severe pain 24/7.. He was fine with my taking Xanax as he knew my struggles for 10+ years.

Oh your move sounds exhausting. But you will be very happy in a new updated apartment !!! Great news

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

@christina~ Oh man! So much to deal with. Much love navigating it all. Doctors are overreacting to some things lately. Kind of wish they could personally deal with it so they could understand (even though that is rather a mean wish (!))

Welllll, I am sitting in the urgent care waiting to get stitches in my finger. Stupid accident. If only I'd been paying more attention.... sigh. What a dingbat.


Edited to add ... 3 stitches it was. *That* part didn't hurt, but ho-ly****, the numbing shots!!!!!!!! She said it would be 3 shots, but at two I was ok. TG!!!! The first one was by far the worst. I actually reflexively screamed and pulled away(!) Apologized for being such a baby, lol.

Oooooo Ouch !!! Yeah the numbing injections hurt worse than anything.. Hope it heals quickly !!!

[~Christina]

Thanks everyone so much for the support it really does help.

Today has really scared me . I didn’t clean anything !!!!! As many of you know I clean everyday. My thoughts are going dark.

My baby Gus is really in my face

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[Nammu]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Thanks everyone so much for the support it really does help.

Today has really scared me . I didn’t clean anything !!!!! As many of you know I clean everyday. My thoughts are going dark.

My baby Gus is really in my face

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Aww He reminds me of Skykes cause he’s so bristly. That was the dog on Midsummer murders. He was a trouble maker but his owners loved him and catered to him.

So many s to you

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Thanks everyone so much for the support it really does help.

Today has really scared me . I didn’t clean anything !!!!! As many of you know I clean everyday. My thoughts are going dark.

My baby Gus is really in my face

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thinking of you. Sending gentle hugs and supportive vibes. I’m sorry this is happening.

[Sunflower123]

I’ve been MIA this week and I’m behind in reading posts. My brother had 7 appointments this week and mom had a MRI. I’ve been trying to keep my head above water.

My therapy is going exceedingly well. My therapist said I may not even be bipolar. I just have unresolved trauma. We’ll see.

We had a long 3.5 hour family meeting and my sister said something that really stuck in my craw. She said all 3 of us were chaos. That was unnecessary, unkind and untrue. So why was I triggered by it? It’s really bothering me.

I got to float in the sun after many days of rain. It was nice. I may see a movie this weekend with my daughter. I hope so.

I hope everyone has a good weekend.

[otroo]

Been doing pretty good wife and I picked up a new to us truck and I am doing everything in my power not to max out the cards on accessories but I am being a good boy.

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