[Mountaindewed]

My therapist told me you can have all kinds of symptoms from low vitamin D. She listed some of them. I got diagnosed in April or May and I just now started taking my vitamin last night. I have the bottle on my night table next to my bed so I’ll remember. I doubt every little thing I’ve been feeling has been a result of that but based on what she told me and then what I read it does make sense that some things I’ve felt are a result of that.

So far I haven’t felt anything from the flu shot. Which is good. I hope it stays that way.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Pdoc called for a checkup this morning, as scheduled. (Next appointment will be in person!) She asked if I was having any issues and of course I told her about my dry mouth since starting the Seroquel 300's and about what the dentist said about my oral health with the seven cavities I had all at once and that it was from the Seroquel drying my mouth out. Pdoc asked me what I want to do. I said can we increase Haldol and not take Seroquel. She said the Haldol is more for hallucinations and Seroquel is more for mood. She said Rexulti is for mood and I'm on a good dose of that right now. She said I might have trouble sleeping if we decreased the Seroquel but I said aren't I on trazodone for that and she said yes. So in the end, we compromised on cutting the Seroquel in half so that I am now taking 150.

I called the pharmacy to ask them if they'd rearrange my blister packs in accordance with my new script i.e. cutting the pills in half and putting the halves in each evening's blister pack. They said yes but not until tomorrow. This was about 11 a.m. this morning. The guy that answers the phone and mans the front counter there is always so negative! It's like everything is a huge burden on him. Sheesh! The pharmacist would've said, "Sure! We can get that done for you if you bring the pill packs in tomorrow!" It's all in the tone of the person I guess.

So yeah I'm taking 300 tonight- unless I can find my pill cutter- and then hopefully 150 tomorrow night, etc. I really hope it helps the dry mouth. I'm having to take a mouth rinse that mimmicks natural saliva twice a day and to brush with a prescription toothpaste that I can't rinse or eat or drink after for half an hour. My face was SOOO swollen on Monday after I got those 7 fillings! Actually, I have a photo. Maybe I'll post it here. I look terrible though! The medical doctor said my migraine was from all the dental work I had done at once. I'm so glad they have that Toradol shot to "instantly" get rid of the migraine pain!

You poor woman

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

I'll look into the "concurrent disorders" support group for my support group as i think it would help in my (paused) benzo taper to hear from other recovering addicts. "Concurrent" means a mental illness + an addiction.

Hope everyone is doing as best as can be expected. I care about you all and am reading all the posts in this thread but not functioning well enough to respond to each of you, so just know you have my best wishes in all your struggles!

I thought that was called dual diagnosis?

@Moose72:

Maybe both terms are correct?

[Moose72]

I just did something really stupid and I regret it a lot! I can't do anything about it. I'm so scared. I'm so scared that I took 4 benedryl staggered by 10 minutes. Neither dose has kicked in yet. Oh I'm a big stupid ****up!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Are you ok Moose? Are you safe? Can we help? I'm awake and you can PM me if you want. I'll be up until 12:45 or so

[Brentus]

I've had an OK day. I'm getting a bit neurotic about my meds though. I got my prescription transferred back to my pharmacy yesterday and as expected, it was not in stock. I called today just to ask about when it will be in. They said they expected some in this afternoon. According to the app, it's still out of stock. I'm down to 3 days of medicine. I'm really worried I will have to go without meds. These have helped so much and I don't want to start screwing around with it by having days without it. I'll just have to believe they are on top of it and will at least do their part to make sure I get them.


Nothing really new here. Had a weird morning, but my days blur because I don't do much. But at least emotionally I don't feel awful. I'm still enjoying this vacation from Depression City.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Are you ok Moose? Are you safe? Can we help? I'm awake and you can PM me if you want. I'll be up until 12:45 or so

I sent you a pm but it's after 1245 now and you're probably in bed.

[Soupe du jour]

@Moose72, good negotiation on the medications! That's also great the pharmacy can redo your medication packs.

@Sapien, I hope your back and foot issues can be resolved, quickly. I have something amiss with my feet, too, especially my left one. And a bit my right arm, though the arm isn't as big of an issue. I have no clue what's going on.

I finally got on the scale after putting it off a long time. I knew I wouldn't like what I saw. It's the highest I've been in almost 10 years. Back then I managed to lose 40 lbs of that. As of today I've regained 30 of those 40 lbs I had a discussion about it with Hubby. He's gained a lot, as well.

[Mountaindewed]

I found my therapists Facebook account last night. We have very very different beliefs. She has pictures of a lot of guns and blue lives matter posts and “I support the unborn.” And I’m Black Lives Matter, we need tighter gun laws, and women’s right to choose.

Yeah I can see why she’s hesitant to work with me. Her husbands Facebook account is even scarier.

And I am not making this into a political discussion. I’m just talking about my therapist and myself clashing with what we believe in.

I’m not sure what I’m more pissed about. Her or last nights AGT winner. Any of the other 9 contestants I’d take over the winner but there were 2 I especially liked.

My strange pain and bleeding came back last night. I guess now is a good time for it to come back. I still have pain but not any bleeding.

Slept well on 5mg Valium. Feel okay today but i think my social group is going out for lunch and i wasn't invited. The woman who sends out the invites "forgot" me last time too for the BBQ. Once is a mistake, twice is a pattern.

Whatever, i'll attend the social hour and if they invite me to go along after to lunch i will. Just hate having to clamor for attention. Just want respect. I'm a regular member and the organizer and i have had private events...

It just seems purposeful. I rejected her as a friend so she might have hard feelings towards me. I'm perfectly happy to see her in group settings, i just can't tolerate her one-on-one and a lot of that is me and my stuff and my own fragility. I explained that to her when i declined to keep meeting with her but she might still be angry.

Whatever.

[Moose72]

Just in the hospital. Haven't slept a wink since two nights ago. They asked me a lot of hard questions! So they might admit me.... Dunno.

[MuddyBoots]

I called the pharmacy again and they can't tell me anything because their computer is down. She said she'll call back when it works. I don't understand why I have to use the CMHC's pharmacy instead of CVS or Rite aid. I do for the injection, but everything else would be so much easier if I could just go 10 miles up the road to a pharmacy that has their shyt together and let's me know when my meds are ready.

I just called the hospital because we knew this would happen and we'll probably replace invega tablets with risperdal tablets for the next month. I gotta wait for a call back from my IP doc too now to see if she wants to send over the risperdal rx just in case the CMHC's pharmacy doesn't call back or calls back saying invega wasn't approved.

Therapy sucked. She dismissed my eating problems and said "it takes a while to get your appetite back" although I must admit I did kinda underplay the issues. I didn't tell her I was obsessing over food, counting calories and making sure I stay under a certain number, keeping a chart of what I eat, hiding safe foods in various places in my bedroom, weighing myself every day (sometimes multiple times a day), feeling disdain when my mom comes home and eats a ton of junk in front of me and offers me food I shouldn't eat, and frequently body checking. I just said I didn't want to eat anymore and she said it's because of how little I ate when I was paranoid about poison. But I was keeping the chart before I went psychotic. And I think she forgot that I used to frequently binge/purge. My therapist does want to see me Monday though after i talk to my pnurse.

My sleep still sucks. I hope I get the xray results today.

edit; xrays came back normal and I have an appointment with a podiatrist tuesday. I called the hospital I was inpatient at and said I can't get my meds and they're going to have me come down and pick up 2 weeks worth. I hope it's all four I'm having trouble getting, but I have a feeling it's just going to be the invega tablets.

[Brentus]

My pharmacy is being absolutely insane. I know for a fact that their supply trucks do not run on weekends. Two days ago they supposedly ordered my medicine, and they have yet to come in. The woman on the phone was insanely rude, cutting me off and saying "WE DIDN'T GET IT IN. OUR TRUCK COMES IN AT 3. CALL THEN. IF IT'S NOT IN THEN, TRANSFER IT.".. I guess she doesn't understand I need my medicine , which is not a controlled substance. I don't guess she understands this whole debacle is primarily on them. I don't guess they understand it's my livelihood. I'm so angry. I can just hope and pray to GOD they will have it in by three. I called another pharmacy to ask if I transfer after 3pm, what are my chances of getting my medicine in. They told me they have it in their warehouse and could get it to me by tomorrow, for sure. At least I have a backup plan.

[Moose72]

So I am at psych ER. Started at regular ER since about 12:30 a.m. last "night". You don't want to know what kind of stupid things I could do! A fire truck and ambulance showed up at my apartment in the dark. I was really unsteady on my feet. But that's a memory now. I'm out of the regular ER in then transferred to the psych office itself.

[Soupe du jour]

@Mountaindewed, I would be concerned and uncomfortable after seeing such a Facebook page, too.

@Moose72, I'm sorry to read that you are so unwell to the point of hospitalization, or near hospitalization. Sending well wishes.

@WindsThatBlow and @Sapien, I hear you on the frustrations of pharmacies. When I lived in the US, no other places drove me nuts more than there. Medications are often so darned expensive in the US that I think they should be providing 1st class service to all Americans, and yet they often don't. And I really think there are many in pharmacies that stigmatize the mentally ill. I experienced such stigma on more than a few occasions.

I've been so busy today, up until now. Tons of laundry, made a homemade beef goulash, cleaned up the kitchen and bedroom, and filled two weeks PLUS of both my medication boxes and my husband's. Our medications are becoming so extremely complex, nowadays. So many need to be split with the pill cutter. The general practitioner we have is scatterbrained, so even when Hubby talks to him, the GP always forgets to submit at least one of the medications for refills than he should. We're thinking about finding a new general practitioner. Plus, he's hardly ever at his office. He's an older man. Perhaps he should just retire already. As for filling the boxes for two weeks, I started doing that because it seemed like each week flew by too rapidly, but so does the two weeks. I even put aside an extra morning and evening dose for both Hubby and myself so that we have extra days of meds for our trip. I don't want to use too many up before we go.

[Moose72]

What's wrong with me?!?!? I don't know how or why I decide that taking that much benedryl and that much Seroquel. I am incredibly anxious. I will try to update you if they hospitalize me. Sorry I am still so slow and I feel that my world is falling apart! Omg this sucks....

[Moose72]

Still sitting in the ER

[Brentus]

I’ve not been this irate in a long long time. I am absolutely LIVID about this situation and I am so angry there is limited things I can do about it. I’ll give you the brief, abridged version. Good news – I GOT MY MEDICINE AT LEAST.

I called back to my pharmacy, trying to circumvent this situation from happening again. I am down to two days medicine after today, and it’s still showing out of stock. I am worried about going without medicine. I called with the intention to ask about the best way going forward to try to eliminate this problem. I called, and got someone on the line. I expressed, calmly., that I was very aggravated and I am trying to do my best to stay calm, but if I do get upset—please note it’s not at you, but it’s the situation and we can try to work through this. It’s ok to check me on my voice level. I started in about how my medicine is not in stock right now, and I know I won’t know anything until after three, as I was told.. but I’m trying my best to make sure I do things right on my end to fix this. Mind you – none of them realize the actual situation, they have deferred me so much, they don’t understand what the scenario is, that has been happening since 8/27.
She cuts me off “Let me stop you right there. We can’t control when medicine comes in. I’m sorry for this excuse, but COVID has changed everybody’s lives. We can’t predict it. You should be responsible for your medicine.”
I let her know, I didn’t really appreciate her pushing the issue back on me. She gets loud, and starts screaming like a juvenile “OH MY GOD, ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? ARE YOU SERIOUS? OH MY GOD” – over me trying to talk calmly to her. I try to ask her, how far out should I schedule my appointments for meds to try to minimize risk of not having meds in stock. “I CANT TELL YOU WHEN TO SEE THE DOCTOR”.. “Ma’am..” – it went on, I HAD TO DESCALATE THE CONVERSATION. TWICE. I know I may not have been pleasant but I wasn’t not matching her level of hysteria. I asked to speak to the pharmacist, she refused to let me. I asked her to then calm down, and lets start over. And she made some snarky, backhanded comment. She then yells “WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT? WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?” I calmly, express my concern about not having meds in stock, and how I could best approach it, being proactive to prevent this issue, being responsible for my meds. She didn’t say anything. I said “Are you still there.” “Yes.” – “Did you hear my question?” – “NOPE. BUT YOUR MEDS WILL BE READY IN 30 MINUTES.”

… how convenient. The whole time she is laughing and mocking me, anything I say is wrapped in a ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?! or OH MY GOD

I went down to my pharmacy, and calmly., told the pharmacist that I was told my medicine would be ready in 30 minutes, and I would be in the store, and would like to talk to her. She puts my info in the system and clearly is confused about the situation. I explained I called and talked to someone, who was very unprofessional and acted awful to me. She retorted “Well I heard the conversation and you..” I stopped her “Were you listening in on the call?”—“No”, well then I’d rather know if my medicine is going to be ready in 30 minutes or not. Some other woman tried to chime in, and I loudly, but tried to not be belligerent, told her I was not addressing her, I was talking to the pharmacist. She looked around and told me it would be ready in 30 min. I went to the front and asked the names of the pharmacist and techs. She gave them to me. It’s important to note I could hear whoever I talked to on the phone talking to someone else laughing and joking about how wonderful their day is because of their call. I heard the pharmacist say “I know, DRAMAAA”. [this is in character for the few times I’ve seen this pharmacist.]. I can’t say it was about me, but anyway. I pick up my medicine. I explain, calmly my question to the pharmacist—who answers it appropriately. She then started with “I’m here to advocate for you and anyone on my staff, but there is a level of respect”. I said “There sure it – and you’re the professionals who did not uphold any level of professionalism or respect.”. I asked her “Do you know if the pharmacy lines are recorded?” – she retorted I DON’T KNOW THAT. I asked her if she would give me the name of the person I talked to , she looked puzzled, “Why?” – I said “I am going to filed a formal complaint and I would like to know who I spoke to.” – she said “No.” I reiterated – “So you’re refusing to tell me who I spoke to on the phone.” –“Yes, I’m the manager.” – “I’ll be sure to note the pharmacist/manager refused to tell me who I spoke with. Thank you.” – She kept on fighting, I walked away, with a line behind me. She was still saying stuff as I walked out the door, I could hear her. I’ve known her to talk about other clients to other clients. I was furious. I called the Customer Service people and filed a formal complaint. They reassured me that the whole situation was handled, from start to finish, improperly and while she can’t know for sure what evidence they have—she does know they at least have cameras in the store, which MAY have audio. If the Pharmacist could hear my call – hopefully the audio picked it up and it can prove my story. But the lady on the phone reassured me – that’s not what this is gonna be. There are impartial. The people investigating will do so within two days and I was assured they’d get back to me. She said “We don’t harbor behind behaviors like that. I can tell you that they should have helped you with finding somewhere with the meds, help finding a transfer, help transferring it back, and it’s against our policy to deny someone the name of someone working. If nothing else, there’s that. I believe you and I’m so sorry your situation diverged into something like that.”. I know feelings can change, but I do not want to have to address them again. I don’t want to have to see or know my medicine may be improperly handled because I complained. I know it’s a irrational thought, but I am afraid of retaliation on their part.

I won’t pretend I wasn’t upset—I made that clear from the get-go. Not one of them knew the situation in full, and still insisted it was my faut when all I was trying to do is make sure it didn’t happen again. THEY ARE THE PROFESSIONALS IN THIS SITUATION WHO SHOULD HAVE KEPT THE TONE AND PROFESSIONALISM OF THE INTERACTION. I KNOW MY ATTITUDE DIDN’T HELP BUT HER ATTITUDE IS WHAT FUELED AND KEPT IT GOING. I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE FOR HER PART IN THIS OR PRETEND THIS IS ON ME. I’M SORRY I RUBBED HER THE WRONG WAY, I WASN’T SCREAMING OMG ARE YOU SERIOUS AND ACTIVELY IGNORING ME AS I SPOKE TO HER.

The pharmacist knows she’s in the wrong, and I really do hope something is done here. The manager will be in at 5PM in the local store. I may try to call her and express my upset. Perhaps she has access to some records. Maybe I better just let those above her take care of it. If I didn’t think I had much of a choice I’d leave their pharmacy all together.
I’m so angry I can’t even see straight. No one deserves to go through that. My body is numb with anger.

But bright side—my medicine was ready in 30 minutes or less of lighting a fire under them. Wonder how they magically found some.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

@Jennifer 1967, I'm glad you've still had the pool to float in for stress relief. Do you have any ideas for things you can do when the temps get cooler?

As others have written, there will come a time when you have to draw a line in the sand and say "No!" to your mom and brother. I know you love them very very much, but you have to love yourself, too. And your mom and brother also have to love you a lot. I'm sure they do, but they have to show it a bit more at some soon point. I am assuming that your mom is just a bit beside herself with anxiety over your brother. She will eventually need a reality check on what is the right path forward. It's hard for an adult child to have to act in such a way towards a parent, but there comes a time when the parent needs the adult child's direction. I know my siblings and I had to do that for our father. A sad sad reality as life goes on.

I totally agree. Thank you for reminding me. I’ve been escaping to a secluded spot by a pretty creek and reading and reflecting a bit.

[Sunflower123]

I have a meeting with my med provider Monday and my therapist on Tuesday. I have strong SI along with the fatigue, burnout and depression. It helps that my daughter will call today (it was already planned). I’ve got to do what you’ve all been telling me and put the oxygen mask on first. I’m the strongest, most rational person here giving care and I guess that is why I’m treated as an after thought. Some days that gets to me. When I get back on my feet I’m going to make some hard decisions.

[Moose72]

Still sitting in the ER... Haven't seen anybody yet

[Nammu]

I went out and brought fall flowers for the deck. I got three smaller kinds instead of one big pot of mum’s. Pushed together they make a nice display. Golden, dark yellow and purple.

Had a up and down sort of night. Every time I fell back to sleep though I continued the same dream.

Doing alright but I gotta fight apathy. I’m finding poor excuses to skip aqua fitness classes. Just got my front closers bra today so one less excuse to use. ( being damp it’s hard to get dressed so I change at home and wear a towel like wrap to and from. But it’s starting to get cool out. ) my stomach has gotten much better since I started classes. All that jumping around must be good for it! But I’ve not lost one pound! Hhmf

[Victoria'smom]

I start home tomorrow. My self care is going down fast. My mom has already said something to me about it. I don't want to eat because of the things my voices are saying to me. When I get home I'm going to start my shakes again. I think I can drink that without much arguments. I've gained weight here. I'll be okay though. I have to get my injection when I get home.. I'm hoping I get use to meds fast again.

[Mountaindewed]

I’ve been nauseated and headachy all day. I don’t think it’s the flu shot. It just feels like my regular stuff. I’m also anxious too. But again it’s just the usual. Plus I had a mug of apple cider. Which isn’t good for my anxiety. I haven’t heard from my doctors but I found a new podcast that I think will really help me get through until they call. I’m hoping to have some answers tomorrow. I need to drink a lot of water since I’m dehydrated. I ate today but it was just my normal stuff. I had some frozen wonton soup and I hate frozen and hot foods but I’m trying to somewhat eat healthy today. I hope I feel better tomorrow. My dumb cramps are starting up again. I hope the Tylenol I just took for my headache kicks in.