[*Beth*]

Awoke feeling depressed and anxious. Same as always. I really think it would help to be able to, say, go to a NAMI meeting in person. Covid abruptly cut off my connections to a number of people. I feel sooo lonely and nervous.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

That’s awesome, I’m glad you had a good time!

I have never learned to knit but I want to learn how to crochet, I’ve tried learning before on my own but it’s kind of hard to learn without someone showing me how to do it in person.

Candles are great. My apartment complex doesn’t allow open flames so instead I use a Scentsy wax warmer. There’s all different kinds of scented wax you can put in it and melt it. It smells amazing. Right now I have lemon sorbet wax melting. Aromatherapy helps me a lot. I’ll post a pic of my wax warmer since it’s pretty, in a second.
Here it is

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Ooh, that's so pretty! I bet it smells lovely.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Sapien

I've had a very productive morning. I thank caffeine for that. I'm not usually a coffee drinker but we had some flavored creamer I wanted to try so I did and one of my friends from IP wanted me to buy myself a pumpkin coffee for her so I did that too (first pumpkin coffee ever and it was really good). But yeah, went to walmart and the bank, started some laundry, think I'll go to the park whene I'm done with laundry.

I'm told my meds won't be ready until tomorrow and I'm afraid it's going to be like last time where I completely run out and they still haven't done the prior auth. I talk to my NP on Friday. I don't have an appointment with my therapist but I did call her and I think I'm going to ask for either weekly sessions or hour long sessions for a bit.

Oh, and while I was in the hospital my dad drove my car all the way down to Boston. He ran a toll (so I got a $1.60 bill) and left a container for weed in the center console (it was empty, so presumably he was driving my car high). Also, now one of my tires need air (I hate doing this alone so I put it off and I know I shouldn't but I do).

I'm so nervous about running out of meds again. The docs/pharmacy are trying to get the meds covered by insurance but I'm still waiting on a prior auth from ~three weeks ago on vraylar. Not too worried about the invega sustenna because getting on patient assistance for risperdal consta was pretty easy but the regular invega (which I probably will only take for another month until they put me on the max dose of the shot) is where I'm concerned.

But I am so happy to be home with my kitties. This time I'm legitimately ready to be home. I'm still struggling with eating but I think being home is better than being in IP for that. I have stashes of safe foods in my bedroom and I don't feel like a beetch for wasting so much food because I don't make it in the first place (I tried asking the hospital staff to just not send me any food, that didn't go over well). My cats are gaining their winter weight, our ~2 yr old is like 12 lbs now. And our garden is prime. Cherry tomatoes, raspberries, chili peppers and more abound!

If you drive into a tire shop (any one) they'll gladly check your tire pressure for you.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by BethRags

If you drive into a tire shop (any one) they'll gladly check your tire pressure for you.

Will they fill it up for free (or <$1)? I know it's low.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I'm hoping that the soon to be autumn season will bring some mood relief to many here. I don't know about others, but the cooler temps and lovely autumn scents used to be a mood lifter for me. I loved the changing colors of the leaves, but I doubt they will be that spectacular in my new country home. It's hard to compete with the ones in the northeastern and mid-Atlantic states.

Hubby and I have been relaxed since our busy week ended. Kind of an "Ahhhhh!" I am now looking forward to our upcoming trip to the mountains, when before my Lamictal increase I was not. I'm so glad because this trip is a belated big birthday present. Before my mood lifted a bit, I was feeling guilty that I would dread the trip.

It's kind of funny when Czechs communicate with Slovaks. Czech and Slovak are different languages, yet about 93% mutually intelligible. Closer in commonality than Spanish is to Italian. Neither Czechs nor Slovaks try to speak the other language. They just speak their own languages to each other. I'll admit that it confuses me. I'm having a tough enough time learning Czech, let alone hearing a different, but similar language.

We're already fairly prepared for the trip. I've pre-planned all of our remaining meals at home, to use up foods that would spoil, otherwise. We bought lots of water and snacks for the trip. My packing list is prepared. Hubby can basically use mine, save maybe the dresses. I have chosen three dresses to bring. It will be fun to doll up a bit. All three fit me fine. If they didn't, I'd be sad.

Ooooooooo Fall I love fall and wish we had it 8 months a year.

That would be confusing the language differences. But I will be the first to admit I absolutely suck at understanding anyone with a accent and speaking English, 2 languages? Eeek

Very happy that you are looking forward to this trip I can't remember the last time I needed to even dress up a little bit... Enjoy Enjoy Enjoy

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Nammu

What a lovely night. I went to bed a bit after midnight and woke up a bit after 8. Ahhh. It was wonderful. I read for a very short time, turned out the lights and went to sleep like a Nero-typical person, slept well until 8! Had a multiple weird but mundane dreams mostly about malls. No flip flopping, no tossing and turning. Wow 🤩

FANTASTIC You so deserve it

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Awoke feeling depressed and anxious. Same as always. I really think it would help to be able to, say, go to a NAMI meeting in person. Covid abruptly cut off my connections to a number of people. I feel sooo lonely and nervous.

Hey Beth Covid has really turned everyones life upside down in the worst way. Have you checked with NAMI to see if they have opened up any meetings? I mean there is ways to social distance. You can bet AA and NA only stopped for a short while. People need support of all kinds. Telehealth while it isn't nothing but for me and I think for you it doesn't really do much of anything positive, More negative if anything. Has your clinic started any kind of group type settings? I'm sure someone would have said something by now but maybe maybe ???

I don't know if you would be interested but a friend of mine has a grief group at her church that she's been going to for almost 2 years. But they also started another group that is for people struggling with depression due to freaking Covid. She said there is some religion involved but honestly very little ( she actually would prefer more) I don't know your feelings about any kind of religion but I am wondering if there is a group near you that would welcome you and would give you a place to not " feel alone"

Is your Library open ? Maybe they had a board of community things going on? I found out recently that there is a group of people who walk in my town, its a walking trail so they are able to space out. Maybe your area? I dunno I am just flinging out ideas.. This is dumb I am sure but I see lots of movies in California and most have people jogging all over and of course the outdoor yoga.. I doubt that is true and I know your limited with your foot but ????

I really feel for you Beth I hope something is available for you to just connect even if its not on a deep type level but just another human being that is probably feeling like you are.

I'm really glad you are here. You offer such wonderful kind advice.. You I'm sure have been a bright light in many peoples lives, You have for me many times

[~Christina]

My pain has backed off to about an 8, which is awful but I am no longer in pure Crisis. I physically can almost take a deep breath. Hallucinations ? Argh they just wont let up.

I wont explain everything that the nurse has 200% dropped the ball on. Anyway I see Richard Wednesday and I will discuss it all with him... he isn't going to be very happy with what has happened. I could file a formal complaint on her but I want to talk to him first.

I'm just so tired of "me" right now.

[~Christina]

Gus is literally the dorkiest fur baby I’ve ever had the privilege of sharing a home with.

His one paw points East the other West

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Soupe du jour]

@BethRags, Christina has great ideas to consider. She inspired me to think of possible others. What came to my mind was Meetup.com. I only know approximately where you live, but when I put in Los Angeles, CA, I did a couple subject searches and found some relating to anxiety (and other anxiety-related) at Find Events & Groups | Meetup Similar are available for depression. [Note: Sometimes further away cities are listed among ones like Los Angeles.] It appears that DBSA meetings are still only online, like NAMI. I hope they can get back to in-person soon. I imagine the idea of opening for just the vaccinated would be controversial. It is a shame if that would be so, but certainly anger from anti-vaxxers is the last thing anyone would want to deal with. Especially those with mental health issues!

[Soupe du jour]

@~Christina, I love seeing pictures of Gus. His youthful fun look brings a smile to my face. I miss having a loving pet. My husband and I want to wait until we eventually move to what will be our own home to adopt one. We really have no proper place to put a big parrot cage in our current home. I'm also a big fan of cats, but Hubby doesn't like them. I like all animals, including dogs, but Hubby wouldn't want a dog and neither of us has any real experience with them.

I'm glad your pain is easing a bit. I hope it eases more as autumn arrives. Perhaps a mood shift could ease the rest. I'm sorry you're not happy with your new NP. It's always hard finding any medication prescriber or therapist. At least you have Richard right now. I know some people have and love their NPs, but I have always felt reluctant to have anything less than a psychiatrist. Perhaps I'm unfair, though.

My Czech hubby is a native level English speaker. The only English he's not 100% on are slang and idiomatic phrases, which he also know a lot of. Like you, he sometimes has a little trouble with certain English accents outside of NJ Tri-State area. Not just British, Australian, and the like, but even some southern US. I sometimes have to translate a little. Actually, he says he occasionally doesn't catch what some Moravian Czechs say, since they occasionally use different words (and have a different accent) than Bohemian Czechs. Hubby is from Prague, originally. If I ever do learn Czech, and still live in Moravia, that will be funny me sounding like a Moravian. Hubby left Czechoslovakia over 35 years ago, to live in the US. Nowadays he's not so familiar with the newest Czech terms and language tendencies. He's had to ask his nephews a few things.

[Soupe du jour]

I'm beat! I just dealt with (yea, "dealt with") one of the most annoying cake recipes in my life. It was one that created about as many dirty dishes as a roasted vegetable lasagna recipe I've made. That's a lot! What's worse, is that I cut myself with a new grater/zester, broke my handheld mixer, spilled warm milk all over the counter, floor, and some cabinets, and splattered batter and eggy sugar on the counter and wall (and my knives on a knife holder). So after putting the blasted thing in the oven (which may have too much milk in it), I had to basically do a thorough cleaning of EVERYTHING! I was going to make an ambitious dinner tonight, but have decided to leave that for tomorrow. I think I'd cry if I had to do that one.

I was relieved that a new pair of hiking pants arrived, looks really good, and fits. They weren't that expensive, either. I like them more than the pair I bought recently, at a sporting goods store. With them I got that new grater/zester. When I looked at it, it looked scary. And yes, it is dangerous. I'm unsure if I will even use it in the future, unless I'm wearing thick gloves. It makes a box grater look like a soft pillow.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Sapien

Will they fill it up for free (or <$1)? I know it's low.

@Sapien - I didn't see that anyone had answered this so here you go.

Tyre shops often offer free air-ups in order to develop relationships with potential customers. They want to get you accustomed to going to them. So I don't know for certain that it will be free but I would expect it to be.

[Moose72]

I had a migraine since Sunday. Took the maximum of sumatriptan which is for migraines in 24 hours on Sunday/Monday. Upper jaw was in pain too from the dentist. Got 7 fillings yesterday at one time. Dr says the migraine is from the dental work. They gave me a shot in my arm which still hurts but my head is better! Going home. The Dr told me to take benedryl when I get home - and that it will make me tired. I still don't have my toothpaste prescription. Insurance is refusing to pay for it of course!

[Moose72]

@~Christina Gus is so darn cute! His feet look like a ballet dancer's.

[Brentus]

A bit testy today. I’m harboring some anger towards my pharmacy today for their past attitude and their lack of help at all with my issue getting my medicine. I was short with them on the phone today, and I think the lady realized that, but didn’t know why. I called to have my prescription transferred back over to my pharmacy. I won’t reiterate the whole thing – but basically, they didn’t have it in stock and I used a pharmacy in another town. Getting transferred back has been a real pain in the butt and trying to ensure I don’t, or with minimum days, go without medicine. Assuming they do what, they’re supposed to. I think I have circumvented the problem. Once they transfer it over, they won’t have it in stock (I’m sure), but it’s not a weekend, and it’s not urgent regardless. Therefore, at least it’s in the hands of someone who can take care of it, and they can get it ordered and in before I run out of meds. I am just hoping there aren’t any hiccups with this, because I WILL have a hard time staying calm. My pharmacy has already shown its butt in this scenario—because they don’t care. Their policies are a bit odd on stuff too. I really do try not to attack people on a personal level, but both pharmacists I’ve seen at my pharmacy have attitudes and personalities that make it very hard to believe they even went to pharmacy school. One literally sat and gossiped about other customers TO OTHER CUSTOMERS, wearing her side pony tail like it’s 1985 and she’s gonna go to the mall later with friends… and one, while trying to consult me on my medicine (which I didn’t ask for), read the label to me. Added nothing. LOL. I really hate being read to. I did go to public school, but I learned to read. Well enough and with enough fluency that I even went to college. Please don't waste my time reading to me. That was one of the first things I taught my students when they give presentations. KNOW your material. Do NOT read your powerpoint to them. They can read for themselves.


If I could, I would have stayed at the other pharmacy because they at least seemed compassionate and helped me figure out the solution to my issue, but I don’t wanna travel that far to get my meds.

Anyway, I’m not in a bad place mentally. These meds help, which is why I’m so up in arms about making sure there’s no issue going forward. I’m a worrier. I’m working on it. Lol

Thanks for reading.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Moose72

@~Christina Gus is so darn cute! His feet look like a ballet dancer's.

…….

[Mountaindewed]

My therapist sent a kinda confusing email to me this morning. She said something about meetings going on when we are supposed to be meeting and we needed to reschedule our appointments. It was all just confusing and I just said “I’m fine with anything” then I sent another one saying that I may have some restrictions because of my surgery. I had to get a Covid test and I didn’t know if I would have to quarantine. I sent that to her a few hours ago and I haven’t heard back. But I did notice that all our appointments are cancelled. What the ****? Did she just ghost me? I told her yesterday that my new therapist couldn’t see me for the foreseeable future and then she sends this email this morning that she suddenly can’t see me for the 5 appointments we already have set up. It just seems kinda strange. The mental health support down here is so bad.

But besides that I’m just very tired again. I had a few sodas and I just now got a big coffee from Starbucks. So I’m just waiting on news again from anyone. I tried getting more udon noodles but they were out of them. I was too tired to go pick up my book from the library. Basically I’ve just been exhausted for 2 days straight even though I’m not taking any new or extra meds and I’m sleeping through the night.

It’s 90 degrees outside. It’s not possible for this to be the start of SAD yet. My SAD doesn’t start until it’s October or hits 60 degrees.

Our giant new fridge is being delivered Tomorrow between 2 and 6PM. My mom spent almost $3 thousand on it. I’m not sure why she wanted such a fancy expensive one. Usually she’s pretty frugal.

[Moose72]

Got the toothpaste today. It was $34. Will last 3 months a refill. I hope I don't have any reactions to it- apparently, you can have allergic reactions to it! I hope I'm not in that category. I'm glad that I refilled it at Walgreens because they are more likely to have it.

Talked with Caleb today. He's feeling a lot better since he discovered that he likes using a heating pad on his sore back.

[Moose72]

[quote]I'm glad your pain is easing a bit. I hope it eases more as autumn arrives. Perhaps a mood shift could ease the rest. I'm sorry you're not happy with your new NP. It's always hard finding any medication prescriber or therapist. At least you have Richard right now. I know some people have and love their NPs, but I have always felt reluctant to have anything less than a psychiatrist. Perhaps I'm unfair, though.[\quote]

I see a nurse practitioner. If she has any questions, she has a psychiatrist right across the hall who oversees her clients.

[Mountaindewed]

I hate my therapist and I wish there were other options besides her but right now there aren’t. She gave me a bunch of time slots but she doesn’t have anything for the next 3 weeks. I really wanted to see her on the 27th. Then the first appointment she has is on October 6th. Which is 6 days after my surgery. And I don’t think I’m going to feel like having a session that day. I don’t even know if I’ll be out of bed and my doctor said I won’t be off pain meds for a week. Does she really want to see what I’m like on opiates? She has enough of an issue with the valium. I told her yesterday I wasn’t sure I’d be making the appointment on the 11th. So then she schedules me on the 6th. As well as the 11th. Does she not listen? I feel like I’m intentionally being ****ed over so I’ll just stop seeing her.

I actually dreamt this scenario this morning. I had a dream where I wanted to see her but I couldn’t because she didn’t have any openings. Then when I woke up I thought “well I’m seeing her on the 27th. Which will be good.”

I have a sty/pimple on my eye. It itches and burns. I’ve had them plenty of times. I’m just doing the warm compress as usual. I had a real bad one when I was 7.

She hasn’t responded to the kinda *****y email I sent to her. So I guess I’m just stuck with those dates. She said she has me on a cancellation list in case someone cancels in the next 3 weeks. I just don’t know how well I’ll be doing on the 6th and 11th. And I told her yesterday and I felt like she got it. Now I’m not sure she understood.

I know I act entitled a lot but sometimes I just feel like people don’t listen to me. And I’m talking about my therapist and my mom.

[MuddyBoots]

I'm typing out all the poems I wrote while IP. I have my work cut out for me, but I'm more than halfway done. I wrote over 40 poems (most of them fairly short-a page or so). I plan on starting a blog for some of them. I've been tripping over my foot over the past month or so. Like I just can't lift the front of my foot up so I trip over my toes if I don't walk like I'm climbing a staircase. My hip stops hurting and this starts up. I haven't eaten yet today (it's 4:30PM), but I did do a short walk in the park (one section was super frustrating with the roots and my foot). Stacked some wood too. Looked into attachment styles a little more (what they taught in PHP confused me). I got an appointment with my therapist for thursday too (finally).

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Sapien

Will they fill it up for free (or <$1)? I know it's low.

Yes, definitely.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Hey Beth Covid has really turned everyones life upside down in the worst way. Have you checked with NAMI to see if they have opened up any meetings? I mean there is ways to social distance. You can bet AA and NA only stopped for a short while. People need support of all kinds. Telehealth while it isn't nothing but for me and I think for you it doesn't really do much of anything positive, More negative if anything. Has your clinic started any kind of group type settings? I'm sure someone would have said something by now but maybe maybe ???

I don't know if you would be interested but a friend of mine has a grief group at her church that she's been going to for almost 2 years. But they also started another group that is for people struggling with depression due to freaking Covid. She said there is some religion involved but honestly very little ( she actually would prefer more) I don't know your feelings about any kind of religion but I am wondering if there is a group near you that would welcome you and would give you a place to not " feel alone"

Is your Library open ? Maybe they had a board of community things going on? I found out recently that there is a group of people who walk in my town, its a walking trail so they are able to space out. Maybe your area? I dunno I am just flinging out ideas.. This is dumb I am sure but I see lots of movies in California and most have people jogging all over and of course the outdoor yoga.. I doubt that is true and I know your limited with your foot but ????

I really feel for you Beth I hope something is available for you to just connect even if its not on a deep type level but just another human being that is probably feeling like you are.

I'm really glad you are here. You offer such wonderful kind advice.. You I'm sure have been a bright light in many peoples lives, You have for me many times

Thank you, dear one

NAMI is having Zoom groups. I'm going to attend one on Friday, or at least try.


Haha, people tend to jog more in the "right" neighborhoods. Mines more working class; not too many joggers.

Actually, I was at the library today.


The hassle is that everything is virtual. *sigh*

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

.... Got 7 fillings yesterday at one time. Dr says the migraine is from the dental work. ....

Yikes!