Bipolar check-in #59

I was morbidly depressed for a few months, but am now maxed out on AP & AD. They seem to help, but I hate taking meds.

I'm sorry to read that, @buddha1too. I worried as much. I'm glad they are helping some, though. It's nice to see you here again.

That's wonderful that you have these classes. I was always happy to read about your aquatics class, as well. I often took adult school classes, audited a university one, and others. I can't remember all that I took. This is all well after my official university studies. Learning and being creative are joys in life. Right?

I do plan to take either Czech or French courses soon. One might think it should be Czech, but I'm not certain about that. A lot of indecision on Hubby's and my part.

Last winter my husband and I bought a heated mattress blanket. It goes over the mattress pad, but below the fitted sheet. Ours even has a timer feature and my husband can set his side for a higher/lower temperature than mine. We love it! These are far more common where I am than heated blankets that go above. We both used it last night for the first time this season.

I started my antibiotics last night. One of them turns my pee orangeish. Man am I glad she warned me! It looked like I ate Ronald McDonald.

I’m on the antibiotics where you need to eat something with them. I was last on that one when I had cellulitis in November 2019 and they do make you feel very sick if you don’t eat with them. So I had dinner and then took them and I’m still a bit nauseated today.

Edit: I feel better now physically and anxiety wise after waking up more and eating a couple pieces of white bread. My useless therapist did actually have some good suggestions. She told me to eat bread when I get anxious. I think it’s the carbs that help. Plus it also helped the second dose of antibiotics so my nausea is better.

I went out into the city and had an adventure yesterday. I went to an orange-t-shirt-painting event put on by an Indigenous organization in preparation for our new national holiday on Thursday, Truth and Reconciliation Day, a day of mourning and reflection for Indigenous Residential School victims and inter-generational survivors.

It took me three tries to find the location as there was some confusion about where it was held (a parking lot) and it was in the East of the city where i don't know which way is up.

I had given up after the first two tries and was headed home when the bus turned onto the very road the event was on. It was headed the wrong way, so i just hopped off and turned around and was there tout suite!

It was mostly for kids with their moms. But i have an Inner Child and enjoyed it. The organizers were all very friendly and loving. It reminded me of Vancouver and the weekend farmer's market.

I had a great time and made a nice shirt. I took eight (8) buses total and i was a wreck by the time i got home. Public transit is such a mess in this city, THEY should pay US to ride it.

I wasn't the only rider complaining about the confusion. This old French man was laying into the driver who was Muslim and it was a bit of a farce, both of them with poor English and yelling thru the plexi-glass barrier, both in masks, the driver trying to drive at the same time.

It was pretty funny, the French are so rude!

But public transit deserves it, the train is made of Lego and broken half the time and the "parallel" bus service to replace it does not replicate it exactly and i missed my stop because the light-board announcing it was not labelled properly and it was all a ball of wax.

But i made it to the event. That's the only thing i DON'T like about my city. There's nothing within walking distance of my home and i have to take public transit everywhere.

In Vancouver i could walk everywhere.

Sigh!

@whatever2013, that's nice that such a new national holiday was created, in Canada. I think in the US "Election Day" should be made into a national holiday, where people get the day off of work. That, or make election day always fall on a Saturday instead of a stupid Tuesday. That would facilitate people actually getting out to vote, an ability that some states of the US want to be made more difficult, especially for some segments of the US population. If they would want to eliminate one to even have a new one, I'd say they should ditch US "President's Day".

I wonder if anyone else here has been regularly watching Jeopardy with Matt Amodio? My husband and I are big Jeopardy fans and we've loved this new major champion. The last show we watched he made it over $1,000,000. He's such a refreshing breath of fresh air. Unlike so many people, nowadays, this guy exudes "niceness". He has the sweetest smile and I enjoy everything he says. I'm getting so tired of and sad about how much hate there seems to be in the world, especially nowadays in the US. Hate does no one any good.

Has he won more money now then Ken Jennings? I remember being into the show when James was on. My mom has watched it almost every afternoon since before I was born.

I just talked to my mom about him and she said he is very nice and likeable.

I discovered wearing a brace or my "hardcore" hiking boots keeps me from tripping as much so I'm not as pissed now about having to wait until the end of January to see the neurologist. I almost ate it on the stairs yesterday though (no boots or brace). Friend still not answering the phone.

No, he has a long ways to go to bypass Ken Jennings or James Holzhauer. Right now he is #3 in terms of number of games won in "regular" play. He's also #3 in the amount of money won in "regular" play. Of course after Ken and James.

Yeah the ones I got the are all natural - just dried, without adding anything. It's expensive, but well worth it because they're so good.

I can have 2 slices of pizza now too I had tried it a couple of weeks after surgery and things didn't quite work out then. I had a couple of slices a couple of days ago and I'm good

Oh I’m happy to see you. Yeah the pushpull of meds, don’t want em but they do work, sort of. But anyway, I’m very happy to see you

I was quite sad with this abstract art class. The instructor just basically said, here’s the stuff, go for it? I think I mentioned before that abstract is hard for me. I basically followed Rothko with a few more strokes of color. If this had been my first class I certainly wouldn’t have taken any other classes. As it is I have a jewelry class two weeks from now.

I took a break from my aqua classes because I stretched too much or some how pulled a muscle in my back. It’s much better now. And I’m planning to resume.

I love the little blurb s you do about your new country and your travels. You are so blessed.

Among other things I can’t have I can’t have tea. I drink a lot of tension tamer tea and it helps my anxiety a lot. I tried pumpkin spice hot chocolate instead and it didn’t really work out. I have about 40 pages of one of my books left and I just can’t concentrate on it. I’m reading 3 books at one time and one of the other ones I’m more then halfway through. I’m just a bit anxious right now. Plus I ate pizza for lunch and my mouth feels weirdly tingly right now. But I think whatever UTI think I have is starting to go away.

I just feel a bit anxious and a bit depressed and I wish I had something legit to get rid of my anxiety. The only thing that has really helped it lately it is my 160 mil of Geodon but I can’t take that for another few hours. I did take my 20 mil Geodon at noon and I just doubled up on a Valium. So far I just feel weird still.

I tried limiting my caffeine today. I had a couple Cokes just so I wouldn’t go through withdrawals. I got a Pepsi for lunch and I took about 3 sips of it before it became too much for my anxiety. I don’t have any caffeine free soda except for some European Fantas I was hoping to save. so I guess I’m stuck with the hot chocolate. Which says 99.9% caffeine free on the box

My paperwork says I shouldn’t drink soda after my surgery. So much for stocking up and saving limited edition bottles of soda. I thought I’d drink them after the surgery so I’d have something to look forward to.

I need to do laundry and I’m neglecting it because I don’t have the energy. Also since its fall I have even more laundry because of my hoodies.

In 13 minutes I can take half my night meds. The ones that don’t make me tired. Maybe they will help and I can get back into my reading.

My aunt wanted mine and my brother’s addresses so now I’m wondering what she’s going to send us. I thought it might be a card for some reason but there’s no reason to send us both one! I’m wondering if it’s going to be a sane message about wanting to spend more time with us or a completely insane one blaming us for the divide in the family. I guess I’ll find out in a couple of days lol.

In other news, my son might have covid I thought it was a bad cold as he tends to get those when the seasons change in spring and fall, but yesterday he told me he can’t taste or smell anything either. That’s classic covid. He’s not feeling any worse than he ever does with a bad cold so that’s a plus. Just a very stuffy nose and sore throat. Slight infrequent cough. But even if I took him to school tomorrow they’d kick him out due to how bad he sounds. Plus I can’t in good conscious send him to school without knowing for sure he’s negative. I have an appointment tomorrow to get him tested with a rapid test.

I got bored today so I made some apple cider cupcakes that are supposed to taste like apple cider donuts. They’re still cooling so the jury is still out!

It was nice out, so I went for a walk. I enjoyed it. Lazy Sunday and I'm kind just wading through it hoping for Monday to get here. My psychiatrist appointment is in the evening (which I don't like) but I don't have a choice.

I do plan on asking about two things: Something to help me sleep (in the past a low dose of seroquel has done the trick) and I have been trying other remedies like sleepytime tea, and it ain't doing the trick. Also, nightmares -- they aren't particularly PTSD related but are bringing up a lot of anxiety and issues. In the past I've had prazosin. Perhaps that can help.

Other than that, I don't expect much to change. I will keep you updated. I'm a little leery about going to sleep tonight. I'm still a bit shaken from my nightmare.

I'm getting better. I ate a full meal today. No voices, I'm still incredibly confused and frustrated about that. I started my markers class again. My focus isn't there but that's okay it'll come back to me. I hate having episodes because it makes me feel so dumb. My husband has those issues too when he's depressed. I just don't get it. It's like are brain power goes with our mood. We both feel more stupid on medication but when an episode comes we can hardly function.

Quote:

Originally Posted by buddha1too I was morbidly depressed for a few months, but am now maxed out on AP & AD. They seem to help, but I hate taking meds.

So do I. I remember the days, way back, when I was only on Klonopin and how much more energy I had - plus no weight issue. But...then I recall the depression, the hell of that, and the relief I felt when I started taking an AD.

Anyway, I am glad the meds are helping you

btw, the Giants are in first place!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72 N3 got into a fender bender yesterday with my car. The guy behind him heard a honk, turned to look and took his foot of the brake. Apparently, its just a small dent. I haven't seen it yet of course. The guy said he would pay to fix it- and he owns a well-to-do business in town so he should be able to- but we'll see if it's worth all that. The police came but no report was filed. N3 is fine. So all is well.

Oh, no! Thank the universe N3 is fine

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I started my antibiotics last night. One of them turns my pee orangeish. Man am I glad she warned me! It looked like I ate Ronald McDonald. ...

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 My aunt wanted mine and my brother’s addresses so now I’m wondering what she’s going to send us. I thought it might be a card for some reason but there’s no reason to send us both one! I’m wondering if it’s going to be a sane message about wanting to spend more time with us or a completely insane one blaming us for the divide in the family. I guess I’ll find out in a couple of days lol. In other news, my son might have covid I thought it was a bad cold as he tends to get those when the seasons change in spring and fall, but yesterday he told me he can’t taste or smell anything either. That’s classic covid. He’s not feeling any worse than he ever does with a bad cold so that’s a plus. Just a very stuffy nose and sore throat. Slight infrequent cough. But even if I took him to school tomorrow they’d kick him out due to how bad he sounds. Plus I can’t in good conscious send him to school without knowing for sure he’s negative. I have an appointment tomorrow to get him tested with a rapid test. I got bored today so I made some apple cider cupcakes that are supposed to taste like apple cider donuts. They’re still cooling so the jury is still out!

Ugh, I hope he doesn't have covid. Hopefully he'll recover quickly.

Ohhhh....apple cider cupcakes

I ran some errands for mom and brother and I was the only one wearing a mask. My state is right up there in the top 3 for surges. At one time it was number one. People in this town act as if it doesn’t exist. SMH. I’m getting my booster Thursday. Mom is getting hers as well. Brother isn’t six months out so he’ll have to wait.

If I thought things were tough before…I had no idea how much tougher it could be. With mom’s broken wrist needing surgery and brother’s broken femur and both of them incontinent and mentally limited…I’m really, really busy. Difference - this time I’m taking care of myself as part of the equation. In the morning, I’ll get my iced coffee, some beautiful fall flowers and pumpkins to decorate. A brief getaway from the madness. I’m looking to rent a secluded cabin soon in the Smokies for a few days. Mentally….I’m fine. Physically….very, very tired with a hurt arm from helping my brother up from a fall. As my therapist reminds me…this is temporary.

My NP increased my Lithium due to my depression of last week. A total of 600 mg. I can’t tell whether it is helping or not.

I hope everyone has a nice week ahead!

Jennifer I’m so glad your taking care of you. That sounds exhausting.

I recite some Bible verses to calm myself. Even partial phrases help.

Do you pop your knuckles?

That's great you got the booster, Jennifer. It's sad that so many don't want (or understand) the value of its protection.

I truly admire all of the efforts you are putting towards your wellbeing. I do hope the time in the mountains is restorative. Flowers also do worlds of good for me.

Please be patient with the Lithium increase. Honestly, the mere fact that you continue to practice coping tools and seek stress relief is a great sign. Gosh, please give yourself a nice pat on the back for that! Hugs