Bipolar check-in #59

I ordered pizza lets see if I eat it. In general I'm feeling a lot better. We've postponed all trips until everyone is back to stable. Meaning no college tours, Miguel's going to apply to schools blindly, if at all. Currently he's struggling to keep his head above water So looking at schools are not at the top of our list. "Anna" isn't around all day, just when I eat. SH thoughts are less. I'm looking at coloring again BUT I'm still really confused and I can't get my point across. So I've been really frustrated.

was that before the stomach ache or after?
bizi

I'm so pissed off. My parents are selling us a vehicle but some strings. Ie. Miguel can't learn to drive in it. H is saying no. our car's on it's last leg. They drove it down here for us and now my H is being an *** about having two cars. I want to pull the it's my money card but there's no going back on that. I don't know what to do.

6 months clean today!

time to update my computer background!.

I thought I'd like a red sign on my computer screen (I did, or I do, or something) but it's a bit boring

I'd love to find one of a cat sat on a mat.... that would make my day lol

I also need the toilet again

heheehe what am I like hehehehe

fantastic!!!

I’ve been having some UTI symptoms for a few days. And they were really stressing me out because I think they put a catheter in you for surgery. Which is another issue I’m trying not to worry about. But anyways for the past couple days I’ve been using over the counter stuff and chugging cranberry juice like crazy and it hasn’t been helping. So this morning I went to immediate care. I gave them a sample and got a 5 day prescription for an antibiotic and I was in and out in about half an hour. I feel much better mentally now that I’ve taken care of this. I’m not sure if it’s a UTI (they are going to call) or if it’s just hysterectomy related pain or even just anxiety. But I’m glad I’ll know and get this taken care of before my surgery. I honestly think my internal ultrasound caused this. I actually had a nightmare last night where I needed another internal one done and I was freaking out. Also my classmates from elementary school were watching. When I gave the sample today I ducked into the mens bathroom and it was empty and stayed empty the whole time. There was just one stall and one urinal. On my way back to the room the nurse called me sir.

I’m actually doing well with my therapist now that I’ve been to the doctor and had coffee. So I’m able to clear my mind now. I did send her one last email early this morning chewing her out a bit at how unprofessional she’s being. But now I am actually ok with things. I think this possible UTI was really concerning me.

After about 2 months, 3 weeks of which were hypomania and then I had lingering insomnia afterwards, I am FINALLY sleeping!

Pdoc put me on Temazepam, which I'm taking with the Klonopin I was already taking. We first tried Temazepam while stopping klonopin (after trying several other things to get me to sleep) so as to not be taking two benzo's at the same time, but then anxiety started keeping me up after Temazepam alone worked for about 2-3 days.

ANYWAY, I'm now taking Temazepam and klonopin and I'm falling asleep in some 20 mins, which is nothing short of a miracle for me.

And because I had been on the maximum dose of Abilify and had had that breakthrough hypomania, I'm now on 60mg of Latuda. My pdoc says that they've done clinical trials that say that it works for mania as well, but they're waiting on approval from the FDA.

So I'm tapering down the Abilify and will be fully off of it as of Thursday.

I feel so so much better now that I'm sleeping!

Finally some good news!

My therapist replied to my last email. Said she consulted with her team and code of ethics and says our relationship cannot be rebuilt because of my accusations of her doing more harm then good and of her being unprofessional. She gave me a few other places to look into. Then at the end of the email she made that whole speech about “if you are in danger call 911…” basically she just said that to save her ***.

I don’t know if it’s just because I live in a different state now so things are different, but I’ve called therapists unprofessional before and I’ve also said way worse things too and they didn’t immediately fire me.

Congrats, that's a great feat and something to be proud of!

I slept in too long today. I should've gotten up. Missed my groups. Tomorrow is N3's birthday. Day after tomorrow I leave! This is hard having him move without me. But he's doing it himself so I'm proud of him.

My husband and I are home from our little vacation. It was a much belated 50th birthday gift to me. It's nice to be back.

Last night was really the only decent dinner we had the whole time, and it was quite good. I lucked out in finding a very highly recommended restaurant in Krakow. The one we went to the night before was pretty so-so. Last night's was not really a strictly "Polish restaurant" but more Pan European. Tonight, at home, I grilled a chicken breast and a whole bunch of veggies. Delicious! Many Central Europeans barely eat vegetables, while they are a big favorite for me. Love, love, love them!

N3 got into a fender bender yesterday with my car. The guy behind him heard a honk, turned to look and took his foot of the brake. Apparently, its just a small dent. I haven't seen it yet of course. The guy said he would pay to fix it- and he owns a well-to-do business in town so he should be able to- but we'll see if it's worth all that. The police came but no report was filed. N3 is fine. So all is well.

I'm starting to not freak out any more about why I came in here in the first place. Not ruminating about it. Ok, I was a little bit this morning, but that's because I stayed in bed. I hope I can learn to not ruminate at home!

I was in the hospital in 2015. I was forced by my states law to go even though my mom said I wasn’t a danger to myself and she said she could keep me safe. I just slept most of the time and the staff just let me because I didn’t need to be there in the first place and was basically just there for a hold/observation. I got there on a Tuesday night and left Friday morning.

But I ruminated for a good year on the situation. About why I did it and stuff. ironically it happened because of an unprofessional therapist ditching me suddenly. And she got into a lot of trouble, then shortly after left the practice.

I’ve got a painting class today. It’s abstract. I’m not good at abstract but I’m going to go have fun. The day itself is pretty gloomy. Coolish and damp, but I slept great last night. It was cold so I put my comforter back on the bed. Warming up the sheets took a bit of time but once I fell asleep it was glorious. Slept the whole night! Don’t think I moved much my hair on one side was sticking straight up. 😃. In two weeks I have a jewelry making class and next week is my wine party. I’m having a blind tasting for a few relatives, there’s only going to be 8 of us and not everyone will be drinking. Have dancing sparkling grape juice for them.

I still sometimes ruminate about my July/August/September hospitalizations. It's a lot to process and it takes time, but I'm trying to learn from chewing it over (and over,, and over) while moving forward on my goals. I don't know about you guys but I think I ruminate because I haven't satisfactorily processed such an event and I'm looking for answers, and I'm hoping my therapist and friends/family will be able to help me with the processing bit and accepting that I won't find all the answers.

I just realized how much money I’m going to be saving by not being in therapy for awhile. That actually makes me happy. I’ve been racking up huge bills each month because therapy costs me $40 a session and I don’t currently work.

But then again I do have a $300 dental cleaning and X-rays next month.

At least the surgery’s been approved.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scooter9 I have "discovered" dried fruit! I'm looking for low fat alternatives to the things I like to eat while my system gets used to life without a gallbladder. I love chocolate and cookies and all sorts of things that are high in fat. There's a really nice store close to me that specializes in nuts and died fruit. I hadn't paid much attention to dried fruit before but I decided to try a variety to see if I could have that instead of my sweets that I like. I'm glad I did because I really enjoy them and they are low in fat which is perfect. I've been reading about ketamine infusions and I didn't know that you get high from ketamine during treatment. That's going to change things for me. I thought I could go for the infusion in the morning and work on the afternoon. But I'm not sure sure how that'll work out.

Dried fruit is wonderful! If you can find any without added sugar or sulphur dioxide it's a plus (but harder to find and more expensive).

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72 I'm starting to not freak out any more about why I came in here in the first place. Not ruminating about it. Ok, I was a little bit this morning, but that's because I stayed in bed. I hope I can learn to not ruminate at home!

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sapien- getting my neurology appointment took 4 months, too. Craziness. Then they gave me a follow-up for 2 months. It's almost useless with such a weird schedule. But hang in there.

This tremor is sheer hell. I don't know why it's become so severe. I'm doing various med re-arrangements because I can't allow the tremor to continue (risk of TD).

I was given a 500 question psych test by the clinic where I receive my mental health care. A really kindly psychologist worked with me. I think the test is to determine (or refine) diagnosis.

Ugh. I don't even know anymore, I just don't know. Maybe the best thing I can do is stop thinking...or over-thinking, anyway. I know I do way too much of that.

Beth,

I went for a ride today. It was for physical and mental health. Then I ended up laying down for much of the afternoon.