Bipolar check-in #60

That’s great that you had a pleasant conversation with your dad!

I’m going out of town next Friday no matter what is going on and I’m working hard this weekend to get caught up: cleaning house, laundry, making and freezing meals, errands. I want to leave town with a clear mind and focus on having fun. Already I’ve cleaned a room and ordered groceries for delivery. I’ve set up a good pace.

In my busyness, I’ve been remiss in taking my medicine consistently. I’ve been missing days at a time. I must do better before I crash and burn. I must do better with self care in general. Fortunately, I’ve been feeling pretty good to this point.

I hope everyone has a good weekend.

I didn’t wake up until 9am, I guess to make up for the hours of sleep I lost the night before. But now that I have I feel very upset. I feel very anxious (still), and I already feel like crying. I wish RS was staying home today but his uncle was already here ready to go to the car show so I didn’t want him to see me so upset. I feel very on edge. I feel like I need to get tf out of here. The last two days I’ve been too depressed/anxious to leave but today if I stay here I think I’ll go crazy. My son is with me so he’ll have to come, I want to go to the discount clothing store and he’ll hate it, but I’ll bribe him with going to five below afterwards. It’s a couple of stores down from the clothing store.

I actually don’t have any extra money to be buying anything but I’m desperate for more sweaters for work before it gets super cold. That’s why I’m going to check the discount store. I was going to go to the thrift store but it’s so crowded on Saturday I wouldn’t be able to handle it in my current state.

Ugh I want to tear my hair out. I think I’m going to try to read my book for awhile before I go out, I dunno if I can deal with driving right now.

Back in my ankle brace. The leg hurts a lot despite taking Tylenol. I have this book called Montana 1948 that I'm going to try and get through. Reading has been hard for me again lately.

I'm getting really pissed at my dad coming, getting high, and acting stupid so hopefully my gf will let me spend the night at her place. I'm in a rough patch and I can't afford to be around other people abusing drugs. He thinks he hides it well, but he doesn't.

Does anyone have any tips for coping with/healing nerve pain?

No I haven’t tried that. The stores sell these honey sticks though that you stir into tea. I’ve had those before and they help.

I don’t get why they can’t make something thats safe for people on psych meds to take. Some people do get very miserable colds and legit need something.

I actually slept last night. A lot. From 7PM until about 6:15AM. I woke up still feeling sick but I moved around a bit and I cleaned my room and cleaned up all the dishes and cups and I made my bed. I watched some of Project Runway. I started the first season on DVD about a week ago and I am now on the reunion episode and I am about halfway done with that and then I have the finale episode and then the season 4 DVD came into the library so I’ll go watch that next. I just finished the first season of I Am Jazz yesterday so I am all good to start something new in a bit. I actually feel much better then I did a couple hours ago and my Covid test came back negative. So I don’t know if it really was a very bad cold or if I just wasn’t used to being sick for 2 years so I just forgot what it was like to be sick. But no joke this was tougher then my hysterectomy recover but I had heavy pain pills for that so I don’t remember anything about that pain. But I’m hoping on Monday I can get my haircut. I had a peppermint mocha iced latte from Dunkin’ Donuts today. I got the regular kind with skim milk and not the signature kind with all the whipped cream and chocolate drizzle and crumbs and stuff. I’m doing my white hoodies now and those camo pants I really like. An Amazon package came while my mom was at the library. Which never happens. Stuff never comes from Amazon early in the morning and it never comes while she’s gone. It just had a hygiene item in it that basically every doctor and therapist I’ve talked to since July 2020 wants me to use and then my doctor on Monday said that if I don’t use it now because I’ve had the surgery I could cause legit damage. But my mom doesn’t need to know about it. Then I ordered a few other things at the same time because of my free prime trial that I thankfully cancelled just in time before being charged $100

Besides confusing was Dune good? I forgot to go on Tuesday, I’m hoping it’s here next Tuesday cause $5 is a good price. For a movie!

Oh cool, a free tablet, how nice!

What a nice surprise, your dads not been himself for a while. So nice. Yes we all want a parent in our lives.

Nothing helped my nerve pain except surgery. I went years trying to avoid surgery. I was on all kinds of pain meds, did PT, acupuncture, diet, the one thing that helped the most was laying in bed curled up and not moving. Sorry I can’t be more helpful, nerve pain is the pits. Wish January would get here faster for you.

Wishing the weekend away. Days gotta get easier emotional, right? Just get through these days and next week will be done. I'll try to keep my whining to a minimum.

Yes it was a good movie I hope you enjoy it if you go see it, $5 is a really good price!

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The last time I went to the bathroom an hour ago there was this grayish type blood. But I just went now and there were just traces of light blood. I’m not really sure what my doctor will say or what will be done. I mean this isn’t going away on its own obviously and it’s been going on now everyday for what a week. I’m not sure when I see him next what he will do. I haven’t really been in a lot of pain these last few days. I’ve just had the bleeding mostly. I’m not really anxious about it surprisingly but I just saw someone else on Facebook who’s having complications from a surgery and is having issues with stitches and I mean, yeah it’s worrying. Have I been the most careful. No. I haven’t been. Have I done a huge amount of damage. I don’t know.

Hey !! I'm sorry your dealing with such feelings, They are exhausting. I hope that you found some nice sweaters and it probably helped you to get out. I love the Five and below store !

Be kind to yourself

Sorry that your ankle is a problem. Nerve pain? Oh I have Fibro so I understand that deep in my soul. I have no idea for relief other than a hot shower or maybe soaking in hotwater numerous times a day might help??

Going to your Girlfriends is a good idea. Your being proactive

Well my Fibro eased a bit over night. Thank God (I don't wish fibro on anyone) I can at least take a deep breath again !!

I was using CBD oil yesterday, Gah the taste was horrendous. But Hey I couldn't take a deep breath due to the pain so.... In this situation is when I do wish I had a Xanax to help take the edge off but I am glad I am off them as I was going to be forced to quit anyway.

I woke up with " hand tremors " pretty bad. I'm going to assume its the Buspar since that is only thing new. I'm literally dropping things, My phone, Was cleaning the bathroom and dropped the damn cloth I have no idea how many times but I finally threw it across the bathroom. I'm going to keep taking it until tomorrow and if it continues I am stopping it. Of course its not helping anxiety as I suspected. But I wanted to give it an honest try. But my dropping stuff like this isn't anything I will deal with.

I ordered the Ashwaganda supplement last night. Richard told me about it. It's been a game changer for a couple clients dealing with Anxiety and also increasing energy ! I'm willing to try just about anything to be honest. I got the brand Ojobi it's 5200mg #180 its a 6 month supply for 21.99 So worth a try. Really good reviews. Can you imagine if something so affordable actually made a big difference ???? If so I will buy a case

Hope everyone is finding something positive this weekend

@~Christina Here's to the Ashwaganda working!

@soup du jour I feel similarly about my dad. I never know if he'll be "dialed in". When he is, I love it! He told my sister that he hasn't had a drink since his father died several years back. Sometimes he mumbles and/or our connection is bad and that really frustrates me.

@wildflowerchild25 I hate that "I gotta get outta here" feeling.

@Mountaindewed What do you mean by hygiene item? You can PM me if you would rather.

Today has been good. I went to my mom's place. K, her husband, helped me change the oil in my car. We also topped up the liquids and replaced the air filter. It took about an hour. So now all that's left to do is an alignment and new tires. The new tires I'm scheduled for for Tuesday. Not sure when I can afford an alignment.

@Mountaindewed What do you mean by hygiene item? You can PM me if you would rather.[/QUOTE]

I don’t PM anyone. Or let anyone PM me. It has nothing to do with you. I trust you but I’ve just had some really creepy people PM me in the past about creepy stuff so I’ve just turned my PM function off altogether.

I’m talking about lube. My transference T mentioned it in August 2020 because I was having some gynecological issues. Then when my bleeding started in the spring my doctor mentioned I should be using it all the time. Then on Monday my endocrinologist said it is now a must because (sorry this is super TMI) but because of the hysto my vaginal lining is super thin and can tear very easily. It’s called vaginal atrophy. I had some really good stuff that I accidentally left opened all night which then spilled all over my bed. And I couldn’t find it on Amazon for a long time. Then I finally stumbled upon it again the other day and ordered it. I’m kinda worried I have the atrophy because I have not been careful and I’ve been doing things I shouldn’t be and I have been bleeding a lot and now I don’t know what to expect at my doctors. Like will I need corrective surgery? Did I mess up the stitches or my lining? I’m not you know overly worried since the pain and bleeding comes and goes but it’s just a thought in the back of my head.

Maybe TMI but ... I'm afraid of vaginal atrophy after menopause. It scares me that sex won't work.

Went out and found a couple of decent sweaters for a reasonable price. Went home and proceeded to do NOTHING. for hours. I finally washed some of the dishes. Around 4:30 I decided based on my cats scratching that I couldn’t put it off and had to go up and get my son to clean his room so it could be steam cleaned. Believe me, I didn’t want to.

His room was a wreck, as usual. Not as bad as it has been in the past but it took us two hours to get all the damn lego pieces and toy/game pieces off the carpet. In the process I decided (silently) that I will no longer be purchasing him, well, pretty much anything. Almost all his games and toys were broken or missing pieces. I found several things of mine that I had given him (little things, like a new lip balm) just lying around. I took them back. He clearly doesn’t respect his things. He’s also showing hoarder tendencies and no WAY am I going to tolerate that.

So from now on if he wants something that’s unnecessary he will have to purchase it himself. I will buy him cheap craft/art supplies. I have also set a reminder on my phone to check his room every Saturday morning and I will withhold his electronics until the room is sufficiently habitable. I’ve always said I’ll do that but I seriously just plain forget. He lives upstairs so it’s kind of out of sight, out of mind.

I flea combed the cats, the female with short hair had more than the long-haired male. Still though, she only had 8, but they’re not going away, so RS is upstairs steam cleaning my son’s carpet. That ought to reduce the number of those the little jerks.

I was told it was my aunt’s 70th birthday and I was asked by my grandmother to come to their house for cake or something at 2pm tomorrow. I know it will be exceedingly difficult to get myself there, and if it wasn’t a big birthday I would skip it. As it stands I plan to go but only stay for an hour at most. I won’t even go into the family nonsense, there’s no point.

Today was a absolutely gorgeous sunny day. Cleaned out the flower box and put a huge pot of evergreens with bright cranberries and pine cones in the bed for winter. ❄️ The forecast is lovely for the coming week but there’s take of snow next Friday. But today was a no jacket day. I dove to the lake and sat in the sun people watching and reading.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Today was a absolutely gorgeous sunny day. Cleaned out the flower box and put a huge pot of evergreens with bright cranberries and pine cones in the bed for winter. ❄️ The forecast is lovely for the coming week but there’s take of snow next Friday. But today was a no jacket day. I dove to the lake and sat in the sun people watching and reading.

It sounds so lovely.

Wish I could share some of this stability with you and others here. Never dreamed one med could be so stabilizing.

Whew! I'm learning how to monitor my cat's glucose with a meter. It involves sticking the tip of her ear with a very tiny, thin needle, then touching a little strip to the blood. The little strip is inserted into the meter so it can read her numbers.

I had to do the process several times on myself, which allowed me to get the hang of the whole thing. Success on myself, tomorrow is the Big Day, when I do Sidney's reading. She's so wonderfully cooperative and sweet-natured.

Because the results of the psychology test I took came out highest on CPTSD my therapist wants me to do EMDR with the clinic psychologist. Initially, I was No way! But as I'm thinking it over it seems like a good idea. I'm sooo worn out from traumatic memories. It would be wonderful if they went away, or if I had better control of them.

Our weather is like a technicolor movie. Stunning leaves and the temperature is a very pleasant 70. Remember, if you're in the States, to set your clock back!

Hugs all around

***WHERE ARE YOU WHATEVER?***

Oh! I got my booster vax on Thursday. It went very smoothly. But then last night I didn't sleep all night; I spent hours searching for shoes on Amazon. It was a little manic. I do need winter shoes and I eventually found cute pink velvety & faux fur boots. But I couldn't stop searching for 4 hours. At dawn I went to bed and awoke hours later with a very slight sore throat, headache (very mild), and achiness. It's so mild I barely notice it.