Bipolar check-in #61

I picked up my glasses today. It's amazing what I've been missing out on. I feel like I look good in them but only with my hair up? Also my dad has covid tested positive this morning, but his boss said it was ok for him to go back to work tomorrow because he hasn't had symptoms since Saturday (when he said he didn't have covid). I'm sure he's going to be fine. I tested negative which is odd because on Christmas day we shared dishes and food and stuff. Guess it's just me having a younger and better immune system. My mom didn't get tested yet, she's going to later today. We have at home kits. I think she'll be negative because when I have nightmares we literally sleep in the same bed (weird, I know, but it's what keeps me from killing myself) and if I don't have it I doubt she does. At this point it doesn't even seem like a real, deadly pandemic. More like a phase everyone just goes through and some don't make it out. Like being emo/scene/goth/whatever the **** they're calling it these days.

I feel like I just did a line of coke, but not in a good way. Like a too much coffee way though I didn't even have tea or chocolate or anything with any amount of caffeine in it. ******mit I am going manic/mixed and if I am hospitalized for it, it will not be the hospital I went to last year. I called the crisis line for the agitation earlier. I was ready to scream so I went for a walk and tried calling a "friend" (y'all regz know who I mean) but when that "friend" didn't pick up I called the crisis line and they talked to me until I got home so I didn't jump in front of any trucks (and boy was I tempted to).

I will try to keep swimming but I'm worried I'm losing my impulse control based on how I was driving (I did 70 in a 40 near a police station like a total badass but now I'm like what the **** was I thinking?) and just generally the things I've been doing lately. I feel like one being that is the universe but more in a DID way where sometimes God comes out and plays and sometimes Satan or his demons come out and play (more the latter).

For awhile like when I was 24-27 I used to sleep in the same bed with my mom when I got nightmares. My therapists were always really understanding because if I'm doing that then that must mean I am getting ****ing terrified at night.

Today I feel better. Well until now. My covid test was negative. I set up a sooner appointment with my primary. I'm trying to figure out my therapy situation for this week but she hasn't gotten back to me yet. Last night was a bit rough

I slept until 8 this morning and then I felt well enough to run errands. Nothing exciting. My gallbladder type nausea is starting to come back. I don't know what kind of issue would cause more intense pain at night then during the day. I got my primary appointment moved up to next week though.

Have you consulted with your doctor to use other drugs than that? Like Zopiclone (7,5 mg)? I use Zopiclone Pilum who do their job: knocking you out if you naturally can fall asleep.

But, listen always what your doctor says. This medicine works on me perfect and have minor side effects. Except for that part that it erase your dreams and nightmares. It’s all just - empty. You wake up and you only remember what you did before you fell asleep.

Also, one more thing: never ever use this medicine with alcohol.

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I've never heard of that med. My new melatonin usually works pretty well I just wasnt feeling good last night so thats why I was having trouble sleeping.

With Zopiclone Pilum, you won’t have any trouble of sleeping at all. But, the thing is not to use this medicine for a long while - like every night for four or five weeks. Just strategically chosen night, the one you know you will struggle with and this melatonin won’t work at the time.

Why not using Zopiclone for let say four or five weeks in row and every night? It can be addicting and you will not stop using it. That is why you need to check exactly when you will really going to need it. It will help you. All doctors knows this. I’ve been using Zopiclone since 2005, so I know this drug inside out. Even their licensed versions such as Pilum.

But whatever you chose to go with, I really hope it helps you. Be strong and have faith in yourself.

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Today’s snow day turned out to be a blessing because when I came out to see that my son signed into class and he looked awful. Pale and exhausted. He said he had a headache and a stomachache so I decided to test him with a home test but it came up negative. I let him sign off and explained to his teacher that he was ill so he wouldn’t be attending the rest of the day.

I went and got him chicken noodle soup, ginger ale, and orange juice. Turns out it was his stomach more than anything and he fought nausea all day. Of course I was on edge, holding a bucket ready to shove it at him at a moment’s notice! He finally ate a couple of saltines and ended up falling asleep for two hours. When he woke up he was right as rain! Bouncing around, chattering, ate his soup no problem.

He actually gets like this once every 1-2 months. It’s so weird, he feels sick and nauseous all day but then takes a long nap and then he’s fine. Oh well, at least it’s not Covid and he can go to his care program tomorrow, and I can finally return to work. Not sure if I’ll get paid for winter break now, I missed the day before, but that was an approved temporary disability claim because of my positive test.

I hope I’m not too groggy tomorrow morning.

I am so crankypated. I heard that in a mirolax commercial but its a real emotion. I felt like the scene in My Big Fat Greek Wedding when they just tossed back the shots of whatever it was and yelled "oopa!" Except thats how I was with my bottle of milk of magneisium. See this is what happens I get desperate for relief from my symptoms and I'll do anything. I've had water to help it along and still no luck just a very upset stomach right now.

But it seems mirolax and milk of magnesium do the opposite.

AFAIK You can't get zopiclone in the US (probably not profitable ). When I was in the hospital with severe constipation they gave me miralax every day and a double dose of senna and after two days of that I was able to go. Also drink a crap ton of water, coffee if you can handle it, and do exercises like squats, crunches, and legs-only ab-bike.

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed For awhile like when I was 24-27 I used to sleep in the same bed with my mom when I got nightmares. My therapists were always really understanding because if I'm doing that then that must mean I am getting ****ing terrified at night. Today I feel better. Well until now. My covid test was negative. I set up a sooner appointment with my primary. I'm trying to figure out my therapy situation for this week but she hasn't gotten back to me yet. Last night was a bit rough Possible trigger: my stomach hurt and I couldnt sleep. So I took 30mil of melatonin and a 60mil geodon. I am no longer on that dose but I still have extras but I cant mess with the doses I'm prescribed anymore because I can't run out early like last time I slept until 8 this morning and then I felt well enough to run errands. Nothing exciting. My gallbladder type nausea is starting to come back. I don't know what kind of issue would cause more intense pain at night then during the day. I got my primary appointment moved up to next week though.

Occasionally I take melatonin, usually 10mg. It does help me sleep, but usually it causes me to feel queasy, kind-of nauseated. Do you think that ever happens to you?

Colace works great for constipation, especially when the problem is a med side effect. I learned that from Daisy in "Girl, Interrupted."

I'm glad the gabapentin is working for you!

I hope things work out with your insurance.

I feel a little better today now that the holidays are finally O-V-E-R. My local news program is available again. It was offline during the holidays and i felt quite disconnected. So that's nice. One of two issues i have with banking is resolved and my dog has made a full recovery from a stomach upset she had during the holidays. My province has enacted new restrictions but they don't really effect me. COVID is still out of control but i'm becoming resigned to it. I've done my part, i got boosted on December 20, nearly two weeks ago, so i've done what i can and my naturally reclusive lifestyle contributes to COVID prevention too. I'm bored, but boredom can't kill you, tho you might wish it could!

I had forgotten about coffee. After my surgery I couldnt strain and my pain pills made me constipated. So I drank alot of coffee so tonight I chugged 2 mugs of decaf. I could have gotten by with one. I've had it pretty bad 4 times to the point I'm lightheaded right now.

Although I don't feel very moody anymore. Just kinda worried about dehydration now.

I had a bottle of colace which is what I was looking for yesterday. I looked all over my top junk drawer but I couldnt find it.

I started this melatonin about 3 weeks ago. My moms friend was the one who gave me the first bottle because it interfered with her meds. Maybe it does with mine too.

I've never seen that movie but I've always wanted to. I read the book though. All I remember from it is something about a girl and a chicken. Or maybe that was another book.

I've been worried about you, whatever2013. I'm glad to read you feel a bit better after some rough weeks. It's good your pup is feeling better, too.

Thanks for doing your part to try to stop covid. It's strange that such a simple effort is fought by so many for ridiculous and misguided reasons. I've been trying to get my third booster, too, but am struggling given some bureaucratic issues in my new country. The first two were easy, but for the third they changed the system for registering. I told my husband to go ahead with his now (he had no problems) and we'll work on mine later. Better only him with a third than neither of us.

Yesterday I took a bit of a step forward. I sent an inquiry to a Czech language for foreigners school. I'm planning to finally start formal studies asap. I haven't yet heard back. Perhaps the main contact person is still on vacation or the school itself is "on break" still. I asked Hubby to call them in a few days, if I don't get an email response. I've been totally bored since the holidays passed. I must do something new and constructive and stop the procrastination/excuses. I plan to initially study online, then switch to face-to-face when covid numbers go down further.

We're looking for a new general practitioner since our current one has been a hassle and absent-minded. We'll go for one not advertised as speaking English. Chances are if they're young, they will anyway. Plus, it's not mandatory that they do. Hubby can translate for me on the rare occasions I actually go to their office. The one we're interested in administers the covid vaccines at his office. The old one doesn't. Given the difficulty I'm having getting my third covid booster, it may be easier to get it from a GP than through the centralized channel.

I got up at 3:30am to an anxiety attack. It's still going on after an hour and if things go as they usually do, it'll last for a few hours.

I was feeling better on Trintellix, but that lasted just a week. I see my pdoc in a couple of weeks.

But Zopiclone is - if I got this right - only banned as a commercial substance in USA. It is however controlled substance (with all right reasons) and can only be bought via prescription when a psychiatric doctor gives it to you. As it is in Sweden too. Or did I perhaps misunderstood something?

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I think what's more commonly prescribed here is Lunesta/ eszopiclone. I keep reading conflicting info on zopiclone saying it's not approved, etc. Idk I've never been on either and I've never heard of anyone taking zopiclone in these parts.

edit: apparently it's schedule IV and yeah they just prescribe lunesta instead

I’ve gained some clarity and perspective and it feels wonderful! I’m going to thoroughly enjoy the way I feel and move forward if appropriate.

I wrote a pleasant email to my therapist yesterday morning terminating therapy and later that evening I got a long response in reply that absolutely shredded me. It really upset me terribly for a few hours until I realized that her response wasn’t professional and it was her projection and problem and not mine. It still does sting a bit.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day.

Jennifer I’m glad you recognized that the therapist was just lashing out. How unprofessional. And you didn’t let it ruin your day.

I contacted my pdoc, I don't think I can wait a couple of weeks to increase the Trintellix. She's just back from holiday today but hopefully she'll get back to me soon.

I had stomach issues all last night and a little bit this afternoon after drinking a lemonade. I'm just uncomfortable physically right now but my stomach pain is gone. My anxiety is also kinda sucky because I didnt stay ahead of my anxiety and I took my valium after I was super anxious. I got my shot early this morning at 8 to help with my moods. I'm annoyed at my mom because I am going to have to do another remote session tomorrow. She has an eye appointment but she knew about it since October. She told me about it on Sunday. So I tried contacting my therapist asking if we could switch to another time or day. She didnt respond to my email and this morning I found an out of office email in my spam box. So I called the office and the only other opening was another remote. Its just I really needed this appointment and I don't get how hard it is to tell me 2 weeks before instead of 2 days. Shes just getting older and its bothering me.

I feel better now after taking some of my meds and my valium and eating my first legit meal since yesterday afternoon. I know my mom really needs this eye appointment. She ran a red light yesterday. I just worry about going back to remote soon and knowing that I had an in person session set up that I now can't do just kinda kills me.

At airport— pray things go well and no cancellations!

I hope your plane leaves on time winds that blow.