Bipolar check-in #61

Thanks, Nammu.

No major storm is expected where I am in Czech Republic. Perhaps you're thinking of New Jersey? I'm originally from there, but moved abroad almost one year ago. My side of the family still mostly does. My dad and sister (and her husband) are retired so will likely stay home. My nephew and brother do still work, so may have to drive in it. I think member wildflowerchild could be affected, though.

Today has not been good. I slept a long time on an empty stomach. I pulled myself out of bed at 7 but I was beyond cold and I knew I couldnt get in the shower right away. So I huddled on the recliner with a blanket for 45 minutes shaking until I felt like I could shower. I had the water turned so hot I'm sure most people would find it unbearable. Then when I was done I grabbed my towel and closed the shower curtain and dried off in the shower in the steam of the water.

Then I had brought my clothes in the bathroom and when I came out my mom was in her night gown and started *****ing at me about how we had to leave in 25 minutes and why didnt I wake her up. I thought my appointment was at 10 and why is it my responsibilty to wake her up anyways.

So then we made it to the doctors just fine and the nurse was really nice. But the doctor had an attitude like "why are you here? I took everything out your issue is not something that needs to be dealt with by me." Um, his RN gave me 2 suggestions on what the issue could be and told me to come in. But he said I could have a UTI or something intestional. He had me do a urine test and he's going to do a urine culture and he gave me 2 prescriptions for antibiotics.

Meanwhile I'm still incredibly exhausted and very cold and not very hungry and I have another headache. I also have money problems from the dentist and some medical bills and these Dr. copays and now these prescpritions. Plus I'll need more prescrptions this month from my pdoc. So I may have to dip pretty deeply into my savings this month.

Not to mention as I was fumbling with the urine sample the toilet was starting to overflow. So I was trying to put the sample in the bag, then in the metal door, then wash my hands, all while the water is starting to rise over the toilet. So I had to tell my mom to tell the lady at the desk about it. On top of all that when they called my name they misprounced my dead name very loudly in front of the crowded waiting room.

What a ****ing mess though. I have a primary appointment in a couple weeks maybe he can help me more then a specialist.

Oh maybe I read you wrong? I meant the personal storm that was threatening your peace of mind. But yeah that east coast weather storm is looking pretty dire for those folks. Ice! Lots of ice.

@Soupe du jour
Never apologize for being yourself! We care about you and I’m sure we’re all happy that you’re ok(ish). I do hope you can avoid the dangerous line of thinking as much as possible.

**** me. I am so incredibly depressed. I have to give my son an at home test when I pick him up, he got exposed and is showing symptoms. He ALWAYS has a cough and stuffy nose all winter, pretty much all year if he doesn’t take his allergy med daily, but it is worse in the winter. But I noticed this morning he’s stuffier and coughing a lot which he doesn’t usually do, and if he’s been exposed I’d feel like a right a-hole assuming it’s nothing. He was allowed to stay today bc he is vaccinated.

I left work early anyway. I’m going to be so screwed in my end of year review. But I just can’t do it every day right now. I’ll get a note from my pdoc if I have to.

No stomach pain or nausea at all today. I got an upset stomach yesterday after eating a grilled cheese and creamy tomato soup, though, so signs are pointing toward dairy intolerance for the other digestive issues that have been there since august. The soy milk on cereal is fine, silk green coconut milk yogurt is good, and dark chocolate is fine because proper dark chocolate contains milk fat which only has minuscule lactose. Haven’t found a decent ice cream but I can eat sorbet. It’s the cheese that makes me sad. I hope if I detox for a few weeks I’ll be able to have cheese once in awhile. Mainly pizza and other Italian food. I don’t cook with other types of cheese because my boys only like mozzarella as well.

I’ve been suffering from SH and SI thoughts today which sucks. I will take no action though. I just keep telling myself 20 years is long enough.

Ugh I ****ing hate this. Why did the new med have to **** up my stomach??? What now? I want to get rid of all of them. I definitely won’t so don’t worry, but it is tempting.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour Thanks, Friends, for the inquiries and well-wishes. I've needed a little shift, in thinking and actions. I'm not in any really concerning state of mind, but one that threatens to become one. Frustration, impatience, stir craziness, etc. In any case, I'm sorry for my post a couple days ago. It was written at a bad moment. I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to catch up on past posts, but am hoping these recent days have brought some pleasant moments and/or a bit of relief from stressors. My husband and I got our 3rd covid boosters yesterday. I felt just fine after the first two, but woke up this morning a bit tired with mild malaise. I do feel better now. My sister-in-law and her new beau visited us today. The lunch I prepared was mostly cooked on the gas grill. That was nice, despite it being January.

Nonsense - please don't regret your post from a couple of days ago.

It's a relief to know you are okay.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed Today has not been good. I slept a long time on an empty stomach. I pulled myself out of bed at 7 but I was beyond cold and I knew I couldnt get in the shower right away. So I huddled on the recliner with a blanket for 45 minutes shaking until I felt like I could shower. I had the water turned so hot I'm sure most people would find it unbearable. Then when I was done I grabbed my towel and closed the shower curtain and dried off in the shower in the steam of the water. Then I had brought my clothes in the bathroom and when I came out my mom was in her night gown and started *****ing at me about how we had to leave in 25 minutes and why didnt I wake her up. I thought my appointment was at 10 and why is it my responsibilty to wake her up anyways. So then we made it to the doctors just fine and the nurse was really nice. But the doctor had an attitude like "why are you here? I took everything out your issue is not something that needs to be dealt with by me." Um, his RN gave me 2 suggestions on what the issue could be and told me to come in. But he said I could have a UTI or something intestional. He had me do a urine test and he's going to do a urine culture and he gave me 2 prescriptions for antibiotics. Meanwhile I'm still incredibly exhausted and very cold and not very hungry and I have another headache. I also have money problems from the dentist and some medical bills and these Dr. copays and now these prescpritions. Plus I'll need more prescrptions this month from my pdoc. So I may have to dip pretty deeply into my savings this month. Not to mention as I was fumbling with the urine sample the toilet was starting to overflow. So I was trying to put the sample in the bag, then in the metal door, then wash my hands, all while the water is starting to rise over the toilet. So I had to tell my mom to tell the lady at the desk about it. On top of all that when they called my name they misprounced my dead name very loudly in front of the crowded waiting room. What a ****ing mess though. I have a primary appointment in a couple weeks maybe he can help me more then a specialist.

I'm sorry you had a rough go of it


Urine samples...I dread them. They are so difficult.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 **** me. I am so incredibly depressed. I have to give my son an at home test when I pick him up, he got exposed and is showing symptoms. He ALWAYS has a cough and stuffy nose all winter, pretty much all year if he doesn’t take his allergy med daily, but it is worse in the winter. But I noticed this morning he’s stuffier and coughing a lot which he doesn’t usually do, and if he’s been exposed I’d feel like a right a-hole assuming it’s nothing. He was allowed to stay today bc he is vaccinated. I left work early anyway. I’m going to be so screwed in my end of year review. But I just can’t do it every day right now. I’ll get a note from my pdoc if I have to. No stomach pain or nausea at all today. I got an upset stomach yesterday after eating a grilled cheese and creamy tomato soup, though, so signs are pointing toward dairy intolerance for the other digestive issues that have been there since august. The soy milk on cereal is fine, silk green coconut milk yogurt is good, and dark chocolate is fine because proper dark chocolate contains milk fat which only has minuscule lactose. Haven’t found a decent ice cream but I can eat sorbet. It’s the cheese that makes me sad. I hope if I detox for a few weeks I’ll be able to have cheese once in awhile. Mainly pizza and other Italian food. I don’t cook with other types of cheese because my boys only like mozzarella as well. I’ve been suffering from SH and SI thoughts today which sucks. I will take no action though. I just keep telling myself 20 years is long enough. Possible trigger: i took double benzo last night and surprisingly longed to continue until I fell asleep. Thankfully I stopped myself. It was difficult waking this morning with the extra benzo and the regular seroquel on board. I got up but was out of it, stumbling and slurring my words. Thankfully I got up an hour before I had to leave so I had time to fully wake up. Ugh I ****ing hate this. Why did the new med have to **** up my stomach??? What now? I want to get rid of all of them. I definitely won’t so don’t worry, but it is tempting.

I feel so bad for you, wfc. You really have an overly-full plate. Cheeto's situation...when one of my cats is sick I can barely function; it feels like the world is caving in on me.

I've owned so many forever-cats over the past 3 decades (I have 5 now). I'm searching my mind for what could be going on with Cheeto. I did have one cat, Skyler, that had symptoms like Cheeto's; turned out he had cardiac problems (found through an x-ray).

I'm still wondering if a regular vet - but a different one - may be helpful, and enable you to avoid the specialist.

Let's see...yesterday I had a much-anticipated appointment with my regular hair stylist. I was so looking forward to it, because aside from the grocery store and medical appointments I'm stuck at home all the time. Well, I went to the salon only to be told that my stylist had left for Las Vegas that morning and needed to cancel my appointment. She claimed to have left me a phone message that morning. Well, I didn't find her message on either my landline or my cell phone. Obviously she called the wrong number.

I like my stylist so much; we get along really well. I've been seeing her for 5 years. But- this is the third (or fourth?) time in 5 months that she's cancelled at the last minute or screwed up her schedule and double-booked. Each time she says she contacted me, each time I show up at the salon, not having received any message from her. I verify phone numbers; she always says yes, she called my number.

I came home really annoyed and made the difficult decision to make an appointment for tomorrow with a stylist at another salon. I'll see how it goes.

In a little while I have an appointment with my therapist. I am not looking forward to it. She's going to ask me where I want to go with therapy at this point. I have no answer. In all honesty, I don't want to see her anymore. I adore her as a person, but she's not great as a therapist. And I really dislike her new, very brightly-lit office. So I'm wound up about the appointment. Would so like to cancel it, but I feel like that would be a mean thing to do to her, rather than facing her.

Love all around

What a catch 22 situation with your therapist. Don’t envy that position at at. Sorry about the too bright office. That would make me feel like I’m under a microscope.

I haven't gotten the results yet. He said I should get the UTI one this afternoon but the culture one I wont get until Monday.

But I got my antibiotics. And they are the ones that make you look like you are peeing out orange Hi C. Or looks like you ate Ronald Mcdonald. I havent taken them yet I have to figure out a schedule since one is 3 times a day and one is 2 times a day and I am a mess at taking my meds at the correct times so I'll have to ask my mom to give me specfic times.

Yeah I had to dip pretty good into my savings. I forgot I also have therapy 3 more times this month in addtion to all the meds and medical bils and copays I have.

I went in my Scrabble club meeting last night. Played two, won both. It was a little diversion. Today i got some groceries i've been worried about delivered. It went smoothly. I was concerned because during last lockdown they weren't available for delivery. Still feeling lousy but trying to remind myself of my many comforts and that there are a lot of people worse off than me.

@Soupe du jour:

So glad to hear from you and that life is carrying on despite not being great. I feel most people are struggling at this time in history. We just have to get thru it as best we can.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed ...Or looks like you ate Ronald Mcdonald. ...

~~~~~~~~~~

Quote:

Originally Posted by whatever2013 ... I feel most people are struggling at this time in history. We just have to get thru it as best we can.

Quite true.

I went to my therapy appointment today with the thought that I just might tell her I want to reduce our sessions to twice a month...with the idea of subtly ending therapy. But psychotherapy is an odd and unpredictable animal. I started talking with her and found myself pouring out thoughts and feelings that I hadn't even realized I was experiencing over my lifetime. She clicked right in - and today's session turned out to be the most productive session I've had with her in 3 years. I felt unburdened, and that I have a new, healthier direction and focus - and I was impressed with her therapeutic skills.

I'm rather in awe.

Love, comfort, and piles of passion fruit macarons all around

That’s awesome Beth! May the therapy continue in that way for a long time.

Take care of you

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Oh hun so sorry that shyt is hitting the fan from all directions. Do whatever you need to do to stay upright. Hope your son doesn’t have Covid. Just breathe ~

I’m here if you need me

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Oh Beth you have lots of stuff going on all at once. I am glad that your getting some relief from that hellish anxiety.

As for Therapy ?? Maybe ask her to pull up a old session notes and just see what was going on back then. I do that sometimes. It’s a nice break. It’s okay to take a break by doing that or just taking a few weeks off. Be kind to yourself no matter what you have going on

***** I just got caught up and loved to see that you had a really good session **** Fantastic

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What a day !!!!

I couldn’t sleep at all last night so I went into research mode on my search for a Fitbit.. a gazillion hours later with eyes that felt like they were bleeding I found what I think is going to do everything I want /need it too. It’s a “ charge 5” So that’s ordered and should be here by Wednesday.

We have a storm coming Saturday with rain and then to snow all day Sunday. Looks like we might get enough to leave us stuck at home for who knows how long. I do hope I’ll be able to see Richard on Wednesday tho.

The breast specialist office called to reschedule my appt, likely due to this storm. So now I see my Rheumatologist on the 24th. Dentist for crown work and filling the 26th and then specialist the 27th ( hurry up and worry some more I guess) For most people none of that would be a issue but for me that’s a lot. My pain level is pretty sucky already and these cold fronts just make me miserable. Meh!

But on a happy note today. We had to run to the bank and we took a bit of a drive to just relax. Found another farm that is raising Alpacas.. we pulled over to watch them.. lots of babies. So sweet ! I just love them.

Super lazy so I grabbed a pizza on the way home. Here I sit with Gus keeping me warm and Steve just turned on the old movie “ Airplane” LOL it’s such a stupid movie but to me it’s hilarious! Hey whatever gives up some laughs is all good … right ??? Hehe.

Oh PSA…. If you see a brownie mix that’s “ Keto” just leave it at the store. It tastes like chemicals and what a bike tire might taste like. HIDEOUS!! Ugh !

Hugs friends

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu That’s awesome Beth! May the therapy continue in that way for a long time.

Thank you! I have my fingers crossed. The office is still too bright, though. It IS like being under a microscope. Have to work on that one. Maybe she can bring in a lamp or something. Just turn off those florescent lights.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina What a day !!!! I couldn’t sleep at all last night so I went into research mode on my search for a Fitbit.. a gazillion hours later with eyes that felt like they were bleeding I found what I think is going to do everything I want /need it too. It’s a “ charge 5” So that’s ordered and should be here by Wednesday. We have a storm coming Saturday with rain and then to snow all day Sunday. Looks like we might get enough to leave us stuck at home for who knows how long. I do hope I’ll be able to see Richard on Wednesday tho. The breast specialist office called to reschedule my appt, likely due to this storm. So now I see my Rheumatologist on the 24th. Dentist for crown work and filling the 26th and then specialist the 27th ( hurry up and worry some more I guess) For most people none of that would be a issue but for me that’s a lot. My pain level is pretty sucky already and these cold fronts just make me miserable. Meh! But on a happy note today. We had to run to the bank and we took a bit of a drive to just relax. Found another farm that is raising Alpacas.. we pulled over to watch them.. lots of babies. So sweet ! I just love them. Super lazy so I grabbed a pizza on the way home. Here I sit with Gus keeping me warm and Steve just turned on the old movie “ Airplane” LOL it’s such a stupid movie but to me it’s hilarious! Hey whatever gives up some laughs is all good … right ??? Hehe. Oh PSA…. If you see a brownie mix that’s “ Keto” just leave it at the store. It tastes like chemicals and what a bike tire might taste like. HIDEOUS!! Ugh ! Hugs friends Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

UGH on the reschedule. I'm sorry about that. It IS a lot of appointments piled together. I would be exhausted. Hang in there.

I love alpacas, too! There's an alpaca farm not too far from where I live. And babies!!! Ack!!!

I hope the storm turns out to be a mellow one, and that you can see Richard. In the meantime, take good care of your wonderful self. (And yes, 'Airplane' is so darn funny!)

I love Airplane, it is incredibly stupid but that makes it good because there’s no expectations.

@Soupe du jour So glad to see you around here

I'm feeling a lot better. Mentally not so much. I have not done my hair in months. Having visitors are wearing on me. I'm still so pissed I spent 1k trying to pull myself out of a depression and I'm going to have to spend $200 on getting my hair to a presentable level or it's all going to have to be shaved off. It's so matted I don't even where to start and honestly I don't feel like working on it. I just want to be in bed, with my music, sleeping as much as possible staring at the celling.

I have no taste or smell.

Hey speaking of the lighting !!! Richard has 2 lamps in his office. I seriously can’t handle all that blaring ugly lights they give me hellish headaches.

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