Bipolar check-in #64

Just feeling “ off” today. Nothing specific other than my Fibromyalgia is ramped up since that storm front blew through Wednesday. I’m sure tomorrow will be better

Anyone have plans for the weekend ?!

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A gorgeous day weather-wise. Some of the kitties are having diarrhea from their new protein-rich food (which a diabetic cat requires). I'm trying "all the tricks" to settle their tums...pumpkin, pure Greek yogurt, otc stuff (useless), and I've ordered probiotics for them. They love the food, so I really hope this works out.

I don't expect to hear about an appointment with the new med provider until Monday, because the place is closed on Fridays. I'm just so tired from all of this. Something about having a psychiatrist I can't rely on causes me to feel very alone in this mental health battle.

Well, I'm off to sweep and mop. I do not feel motivated to do either, but I'll sure be glad when I've done it.

Hugs to all~**~**~***

Feeling lots of anxiety about what ifs today. T helped

Going to a Jazz concert Sunday. It’s only $10 for seniors so I’m treating my sister.

Oh I hope the kitties get used to it. Yeah housework is a bummer. No one really appreciates it but boy can you tell if you don’t do it.

My apartment is being inspected in 2 weeks. Today, I dusted and wiped down the kitchen and ran the dishwasher. There's a list that they send of things they're going to look for. It's not hard stuff but there are a lot. Tomorrow I will sweep and mop and vacuum. All these things will need doing again before the inspection date but it will be easier then.

Thank you!

Too true, it’s easier to do if you keep up with it. Good luck with the inspection those are always a drag.

Thanks. The preparation is a drag. I've never failed one of these and I don't intend to start now. The inspection itself takes under 5 minutes.

Well I finished the first half of the study. Hoping I get approved for the second half. my leg is shaking, I can't think, blaring music, My mom made me tear up by saying my birthday is a special day. She doesn't know how hard my birthday is to me the past few years. We were talking about what to get for my birthday in July. I think I might be mixed. I see my therapist Tuesday so we'll see.

I hope I don't wake up with anxious thoughts! It happened last night and this morning. I hate when the first thing I think of when I open my eyes is anxiety-provoking thoughts! I hate this part of myself- the paranoia, the fear, the second guessing, the what-if's (I didn't, haven't, don't, can't etc) the dread! And to me at the time everything seems 120% true and possible and I hate these anxiety inducing thoughts! Last night, I decided to change my username on another platform so that people couldn't look up that handle and find out where I live . Then I thought I'd gotten an email from this platform which is fairly common that said my payment info was going to expire and to update it. Well I knew the card I had used expired today so I updated it on this platform's site. Then I freaked out. Then I changed my password and the site asked if I wanted it to pick a strong password for me so I said yes. I wrote it down and was able to log in with it. But then I started to wonder if the email I got from the site saying my payment info needed updating was a phishing attempt! Because I clicked the link from the email. But I think it took me to the site's main page. Then last night I thought I'd look at that email again but I couldn't find it!! Was there no email or what was going on? Anyway. Then I logged in on my laptop and in the payment info it does NOT list my credit card number thank God! But I worry that changing my password was part of a phishing attempt and someone is going to log in and delete my account with treasured favorite things- many of them there. I even changed my handle on the site because it had been my first and last name and I do mention a city on that site that isn't where I live but close by.

See why I wake up with all this swirling in my head?? I've looked over the site and it seems like my account is safe but how can I be totally completely sure?

Is this all my brain's fault and it's all imaginary?

W hey does this sort of thing keep happening to me?? Is it my screwed up brain doing this? God I think I'll go take some prn haldol.

Have a great time !!

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I never knew I would be this alone in my entire life I celebrated 7 years of no suicidal ideation 4 months no alcohol and 3 months no cigarettes. I have really been craving a smoke though. I really miss my wife if I ever get diagnosed with something terminal I will just let it take me.

I am really angry at my wife for dying we had big plans and things were progressing pretty good then she had to go and die on me.

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I know what you mean. I just deleted my amazon and reddit accounts the other day because I'm paranoid and I logged out of all my other accounts that have my info. My aunts facebook account got deleted for no reason and they won't tell her why. She then made another account which got deleted and then made one on a completely different computer on her husbands email and they deleted that one as well. Its just super strange and shes just like at a loss on what to do because facebook won't help her out at all and she really uses it to communicate with people.

Not much is going on today. My anxiety is a bit high. I took my first valium at 2 or so this morning and I just took the second one now. My mom and I got Einstein Bros for breakfast. I'm suprised I like nova lox. Normally I am super grossed out by stuff like that. Besides that today is just a normal Saturday. I had to stop watching Project Runway on Hulu because you had to pay for an updated plan in order to watch it. So I was watching it on some streaming service that was heavily editing parts out. After finishing season 6 the other day and getting very frustrated with the editing on season 7, I looked around yesterday and found it on Hulu. This time I can watch it. They must have put it back up this year sometime. Season 7 is still a bit edited for some reason but not the way the first few episodes were or the way season 6 was on that other streaming thing I was using. So I plan on watching that all day and possibly doing laundry. I never heard back from my doctor so I guess I'll just message him again on Monday. I'm guessing he's just waiting for that second set of bloodwork before he decides on what dose I need to be on. or something like that.

Hi--It's the seldom seen sloth. For anyone who remembers me and cares, when I click the Hugs emblem I'm saying I'm sorry you're having a hard time, and when I click the Thanks one it means I'm happy you're having a better time (or you said something really nice to people.)

As for me, I'm actually doing quite well. I have a thread about what may be the reason. If it continues to seem to be working, I'll post about in on here too so all my fellow fighters have a chance to see it and maybe try it.

That really sucks about Facebook! WTH??

Quote:

Originally Posted by tentoedsloth Hi--It's the seldom seen sloth. For anyone who remembers me and cares, when I click the Hugs emblem I'm saying I'm sorry you're having a hard time, and when I click the Thanks one it means I'm happy you're having a better time (or you said something really nice to people.) As for me, I'm actually doing quite well. I have a thread about what may be the reason. If it continues to seem to be working, I'll post about in on here too so all my fellow fighters have a chance to see it and maybe try it.

Hi there, you! I hope that what you're doing continues to work well. I'd really like to hear about it.

I ordered a bamboo blanket for my bed because it's going to heat up (ugh, Wednesday is predicted to be 90 degrees). The bamboo sheets and blankets are inexpensive and so soft and cooling. The color of mine is "dusty coral" (hope it's not bright orange ). I'm waiting for it to be delivered today so I can wash it and use it tonight.

I'm anxious about my appointment on Tuesday with my rotten pdoc. I feel like every time I see her I'm facing a showdown. It's ridiculous.

New pdoc: "So, what are you in treatment for?
Me: "Um, I have severe anxiety because of my current psychiatrist..."

And it's outrageous that the clinic doesn't hire a new psychiatrist who is here, rather than one who lives in Washington and can only do telehealth. If it works out with a new provider, boy, am I ever going to write a letter of complaint to the clinic.

At the risk of sounding silly, I'm upset about the fiasco that happened at the Academy Awards. I've looked forward to and watched the show every year since I was a little girl. I've liked seeing the dresses, mostly, and seeing some of my favorite actors. I've never had a good feeling about Will Smith, and I felt bad for Chris Rock when Will Smith hit him. The law in this state is that if you hit someone it's battery and you get arrested. But Chris Rock talked the cops out of arresting Will Smith, unfortunately. For those of us who grew up in a home where there was a lot of violence the whole ordeal is unnerving. It keeps sticking in my mind.

It's so good to "see" you all. I hope JANE checks in.

Stay golden! Love vibes to all ~**~**~***

So I took my prn. It's for anxiety but H thinks it'll help. Miguel's stuff for his painting came. I think we'll need more paint but 12 colors of the 24 will be used. So they'll be 2-3 bottles of each color for people to choose from to pour on the painting. So I've already pretty much spent this months money. We didn't go to the farmers market today because we don't have the money for gas and to park. I still have to spend at least $125 on decorations, plates and things like that and more on food. I have no idea other then the painting, Signing a frame, food, cupcakes and the advice cards what to do. I never had a graduation party.

It's safe to say I'm hypomanic.

I am awake enough to say thank you all for the support with my biopsy Thursday. I've been quite tired since although not as bad as the first one of this type.

This one was mentally harder. For one thing it is just not very comfortable. I don't know why they don't make the table more like a massage table as Beth suggested. My guess is they don't want you to be able to watch the procedure. They also angle your head up a bit and that may be necessary for some reason. They say they give you a pillow but it's about 1/4" thick so the word "pillow" is sort of an overstatement. Getting onto the table and insto position is interesting...you climb up and then scootch around until only the correct breast is in the hole and your arms and head are in specific positions. It's not a graceful experience.


I'm not super happy about how it was done. There was a radiologist and a resident or med student. The resident/med student did the procedure with step-by-step directions from the doctor. That's fine. I have no problems with people learning on me. What I did not like is I was never introduced to him and since you have to walk around the table to be seen I never saw him. The doctor walked around the table but only after the procedure. I would have preferred to see her before people started cutting my breast. Small thing but annoying. I hope I get a survey so I can comment on this.

Now I'm just waiting. I should hear sometime after Tuesday.


Again, thank you all who have supported me. Hopefully this comes to an end April 25. Well, that's surgery day and then it will be a few more days for pathology. So by April 30 realistically.

I just got home from a Mad Hatter’s Luncheon. Good speaker, good food, good camaraderie, good hugs, good cause. A good time was had by all. The hats were cool.

When we got home, our neighbor brought over homemade egg rolls and chicken fried rice for my brother’s birthday tomorrow. Good stuff. Greatly appreciated.

I haven’t talked to my sister since her blow up. I don’t plan on pursuing it. It’s not worth my time and she’s not going to change. I choose to move on. My friend just shrugged his shoulders and took it in stride. I’m just going to deal with my sister when I absolutely have to.

I hope everyone has a peaceful evening. Hugs to all!

Yeah and then 2 of my uncles recently deleted their Facebooks because none of my 11 cousins post anymore. So with most of my family not on it anymore I have like 4 people who regularly comment on my stuff so I've pretty much given it up myself. Plus all the current event memes were bothering me.

This happened to a family member. He eventually was able to make a new account and has no problems but he was off facebook for several months. I don't know how long as faceobook and how much was just that he quit trying for a while. I think originally they were suspicious because he had a ton of subscribers and did a lot of posting. I never saw him do anything wrong. I hope your aunt gets back on soon.

My aunt does post a lot of poltical stuff and did get at least one thing taken down and got a warning for spreading false info. Thats the only thing I can think of that she's done.